Chapter 26 Mikail
MIKAIL
Propped on my elbow, my eyes gorge on her unmatched beauty. She is so beautiful, my heart stills and revs up at the sight of her.
Her curled lashes flutter deep in sleep, her elegant brows furrowing. I gently straighten the line away as if erasing whatever troubles her. Then, I brush my knuckles along her delicate cheekbones and her heart-shaped, full lips. Even in her sleep, she whispers my name, knowing who she belongs to.
My lids grow heavy, but I don’t want to lose a moment when I could spend eternity simply contemplating her. Fuck. She’s everything. The wonder of my life. The purpose of my life. The love of my life. She is my life.
I could never renounce her now. Everything in me revolts at the thought of staying away when I want to get so close to her there’s not an inch of space between us—physical or emotional.
With a heavy sigh, I fall asleep, knowing that I either have her or I don’t care about living.
Small kisses wake me up. The corners of my mouth curl into a smile as she peppers my face with her soft lips, almost desperate as if assuring herself that I am real. I snake an arm around her back, dragging her to my chest.
She squeals, and I open my eyes to see her shining with a love so bright it puts me on my damn knees.
“Morning,” she says in a tone laced with anguish.
I feel my brows furrow. “Morning, baby girl.”
She avoids my gaze, biting her lip, looking deep in thought.
“What’s the matter?”
A frown contorts her face, and I kiss it away. A nagging feeling pushes me to dig further.
“What is it?” I insist.
“Nothing,” she sighs, the sound breaking my heart.
I grip her chin and make her look back at me. “Tell me.”
“Mika…”
“Dahlia, fucking tell me what’s bothering you,” I say, brooking no argument.
“It was a dream,” she says, voice sounding haunted.
“What did you dream about?”
“Don’t make me tell you,” she whispers and smacks her mouth on mine, kissing me with ardor.
While her kisses make me forget my damn name, it doesn’t work when I feel something is wrong. She’s about to move when I bring her back to my chest.
Scooting up against the headrest, I caress along her back as she palms my chest.
Her eyes well up, and she gulps. “I had it all, and then it got ripped away from me.”
I feel my brows knotting, not understanding what she’s referring to. “What?”
“I was wearing a wedding band, and you were caressing my swollen belly,” she murmurs.
I can see it so clearly that, for a moment, it feels real, not a dream.
We remain silent for long moments, both giving in to that vision. Surely, she thinks about how impossible that is, while I think about how to make it happen.
“Would you choose me?” I ask, refusing to die for the sin of loving her at her brother’s hands.
“Mika, no. We can go back to how things were…” She doesn’t sound sure.
And fuck if I want to return to how things were. That’s impossible now.
“We both know that we can’t,” she expels a long breath ringing with dejection. Her sigh goes straight to my chest where it wreaks carnage. “Once we return, we…we break up.”
Her words detonate in my ears, like she pulled the pin of a fucking grenade and threw it at my feet, blasting my world to smithereens.
My chest vibrates with refusal. “No.”
Her eyes bug out, the panic swallowing her pupils. “Yes. That was the deal.”
My jaw sets in a hard line, determined to cut through the nonsense. “Dahlia, forget the fucking deal. We both knew it was bullshit.”
“Mika.” Her tone sounds pleading, but determination underlies it.
She might be stubborn, but I am even more so.
“It’s for the best.”
“For fucking whom?” I ask, my voice rising with the loss of control.
“For peace.” She snaps. “I won’t be responsible for the chasm between you and my brother.”
Fucking hell. I drag a hand down my face, inhaling deeply not to lose my composure. “I love Enzo. He’s my brother, my best friend, my partner. But it fades in comparison to what I feel for you. I’ve lost years. I’m not willing to lose the rest of my life in the name of loyalty.”
My decision drops between us with the force of a sledgehammer. I won’t back down.
She eyes me with glistening eyes, shaking her head. “Please. No.”
Too fucking late for second guessing, baby girl.
“Strange how you’ve wanted me for so many years and now, when I could make it all real, you back away.
What did you expect to happen, Dahlia?” My voice cracks, just like the sham of control.
“All these years, when you thought your feelings were unrequited, and I put up one wall after another. All you’ve done is decimate them until I lost the will to build another one. ”
She swallows hard, terror flickering in her eyes that shift from left to right.
I continue, undeterred. “You’ll stand by me, or so help me God I will blow brACON to its very foundation.”
I know she’s afraid. But she’s my priority. I am done loving in the shadows when I could have her with me, in my bed, in my life.
“Come on. Let’s head home,” I say and kiss her lips, ending this discussion.
She rolls out of bed, silent as a shadow, as she goes to the bathroom.
On the drive to the airport, the atmosphere tenses with all the things we don’t say.
I want to return to the playfulness and teasing.
I caress my suit pocket, where a velvet box lies hidden. She wants my everything, just like I yearn to give her everything—the filled life she desires. The life I’ve been too terrified to even consider.
I am done thinking about what is best for her, refusing to entertain the thought that it could ever be me. She chose me, and fuck if I won’t create an entirely new world for her, where it bends the knee to her, submits to her will.
Life with me will bring its own tribulations, but as a Mafia princess, she has gotten used to the security, to the constant danger. By my side, the protection will increase. I care little about losing my empire, but losing her is unfathomable.
Once we’re in the jet, I wait for her to take a seat. She looks unsure at first, and when I realize where she’s heading, my jaw hardens, my molars may crack at any moment.
She sits in the seat by the corridor, forcing me to take the one in front of her.
“Scoot up or move your ass next to me. Right now,” I say, not caring that I sound rough.
She raises a brow at me, the brat rising, and my hand itches to punish her.
“I like this seat. Thank you,” she says in a deceptively sweet voice.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she turns her head to the window, staring out.
She wants to be difficult. She chose the wrong fucking man for that.
Leaning over her, I slip my hands under her armpits and pick her up.
She yelps as if my reaction surprises her, which shouldn’t. “Put me down. What are you doing?”
“Stop being difficult,” I grumble.
“Stop. I need a break.”
A break. From me? Her request blows up my fucking world.
From deep within me, doubts crawl out, conquering my brain and devouring my insides like famished bugs.
In the end, the man I am can’t live up to her fantasy. Her rejection feels like she unloads an entire magazine of bullets inside of me, riddling my body with holes. My life essence streams out from the gaping wounds, bleeding out with the only thing that has kept me alive—her love.
The strength in my arms drains out of me, and I place her down. The bout of vertigo hits me straight in the gut, and I stumble back, weak in the knees.
She wanted a taste of the forbidden, and now she got it.
I have faced death many times, but it’s the first time I don’t want to fight back, wishing for a quick end—to forget and mend the broken heart I doubt will ever heal.
If she stabbed me in the chest, it would have hurt less than facing losing her.
I won’t survive her loss. Her absence will break me.
She looks at me with an apology written all over her face.
Her chin quivers. “Mika…”
Pull yourself together! Do it one more time—for her.
I jerk my chin at her, offering a small smile. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”
I get it. The thrill of the forbidden is gone, leaving me to tread through the debris of my life.
I move toward my seat. Not being able to look at her, I stare at my hands—the hands of a monster. Not worth it.
I touched her with them, dirtying her up. I can’t change that even if I bleach my damn soul.
I offer her another reassuring smile like we’re okay, and I am not slowly dying inside.
The silence speaks volumes as we deep dive in our heads.
I let every moment we’ve spent together pass before my eyes. Of course, I am too much. I pushed her past her limits. And now I lost her.
Curling and uncurling my hands at my sides, I watch the time ticking on my watch. Each second only increases my agony.
The flight attendant comes by, asking us what we want.
“I’m fine, thank you,” she says meekly.
I just shake my head, afraid that if I open my mouth, everything I’ve tried to hold in will overflow, revealing the mess I am.
“Mika?” she murmurs.
On autopilot, I lift my eyes. Hers glisten, and tears roll down her cheeks.
“Don’t punish me with silence, please.”
I’d rather die than torment her. “No, baby girl. It’s okay.”
“We’re okay?” she asks, sounding hopeful when I lost all hope.
“Of course.” The lie slips from my mouth with the same ease with which she dismissed me.
We’re not, but that doesn’t change the outcome. I will still make sure she’s taken care of and protected.
I am convinced that my heart has always been hers to do as she pleases. She simply chose to trample all over it.
She squirms in her seat and asks, “Will you come to my concert?”
“I wouldn’t miss it. I promise.”
She nods, not looking appeased. Needing to ease her, I bend over the table. It takes everything in me not to touch her. Her words only reinforced what I have known all along. I am not good for her. And I would rather put a bullet to my head myself than cause her discomfort.
“Nothing will change.”