21. Stella
Chapter 21
Stella
F or a second, I couldn’t remember where I was.
Sleeping in a bed that feels like it’s made of clouds.
A soft comforter and sheets caressing my skin. This kind of material would make me want to sleep naked for the rest of my life.
Fresh, cool air, scented with my flirty perfume and Matteo’s sexual cologne, which makes me feel like I’m high every time I breathe them in together, circulating around a room that’s not scary at all.
Furniture that’s so romantic in an old-world Italian way.
A box fan circling next to the bed, blowing directly on me.
Oh yeah, that’s right.
I’m in heaven.
Except I was missing Matteo. It hadn’t been that long, I didn’t think, since the last time we were together, but a pit had formed in my heart, and a voice at the bottom of it was screaming out for him.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Three light taps on the door had me sitting up, staring at it.
“Stella?” Mia whispered.
“Yea—” I had to clear the sleep from my throat. “I’m here.”
She laughed, but it wasn’t mocking. It was nice. Like she liked me and found me funny in an endearing way. “Do you want to do yoga with me and mamma? We like to set it up by her garden. We think it gives us a nice view of the wildflowers, which Magpie says bloom because of her.” She paused. “So…do you want to?”
I found myself smiling, because I could just see her on the other side of the door, her mouth close to the wood. “Sure,” I said. “Do I need certain clothes for that?”
“Yes! Can I come in and grab them for you?”
“Okay.”
She whirled in, smelling of lavender, and I was immediately at ease. I held the covers over my breasts as she opened the closet door and came out a minute later with a top and pants.
“There you go. Yoga finest.”
“Thank you.”
“What are sisters for?” She pinched my big toe. “See you downstairs! Oh, and if you want breakfast before we start, mamma made a ton. It’s all out on the counters in the kitchen.”
Excellent , my stomach thought.
She paused with her hand on the doorknob. “It’s so good to have you home,” she whispered.
I smiled and she smiled, and the moment felt so honest and so warm. I felt like melted goo. She disappeared, shutting the door behind her. I hopped out of bed, but almost hopped right back in. My bones and muscles were not made of goop, even if my heart was. Every bone and muscle were sore and screamed out at me when I went to move them.
Matteo had worked my body hard the night before. Not just my body. But even deeper. I could feel him in my veins, all the way inside of my heart. If I thought he was in before, I couldn’t have imagined how much deeper he could have gone. Not until I experienced him the way he was the night before.
The thought made me smile and turn into goo again.
Grabbing the stretchy clothes Mia had set out for me—such a beautiful blue, they were almost silver—I stopped before I made it to the bathroom. On one of the tables next to the bed, a set of wire flowers and a watch rested on a piece of paper. The fan lifted it but couldn’t carry it away because of the two weights. The watch had a silver band and a square, oversized white face, and the wire flowers were...
“Forget-Me-Nots,” I whispered, picking up the fake bunch. The stem was made of green metal, and maybe the flowers were too, but I could stretch them into positions like I wanted. I made a noise like a sob and sat down hard on the bed. I reached for the watch, and the screen came to life, but beyond that, I was lost on how to use it.
With shaking hands, I picked up the paper. It still smelled like him. I could understand his handwriting, but it was a thin scrawl.
Stella,
I couldn’t save your flowers or your watch, but I’m returning them, in a way. Press the side button on the watch. What you’re looking for should appear.
Going for a run with my father, then to the gym and pool after.
Ti amo, la mia stella.
Teo
P.S. Beware of the yoga group. It’s a front for morning drinks and the gossip train.
My hands shook so hard I had to keep them between my thighs for a second to still them. Once I felt strong enough, I took a deep breath and pressed the button on the side, like Matteo had said to do in his letter. An alert popped up, and it asked me if I wanted to ping Mom again in computerized writing. I pressed it again and the watch vibrated, then a confirmation appeared in the screen. It asked me if I wanted to do it again.
I pinged her eleven times while tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped them away, securing the watch on my wrist and setting my flowers against the vintage-looking box fan. I couldn’t find it in myself to move yet. I felt weak, like all the years of being trapped by the Nemours was catching up to me. I was becoming soft because Matteo was spoiling me. I loved it, but I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to survive the emotional storm inching toward me every second of every day without the hardness of my shell. I kept buying and burying, and as horrible as it made me seem, forgetting and forgetting. It was like I was trying to cram all my happiness into what felt like seconds, because in the days to come, I knew I’d have to look all that happened to me in the face and deal with it.
I’d have to learn the truth about my mom.
Matteo not taking me to her spoke the words he didn’t have to, but…I’d have to hear the words sooner or later. I’d have to accept that she was gone forev?—
Forcing myself up, I wiped my eyes and rushed to the bathroom. If I was going to get sweaty, it didn’t make any sense to take a long bath, so I decided on a quick shower to get my hair to stay in place and to wash away all the dirt from the night before. A little blood from my thighs swirled around the drain, but it was light. And a reminder.
I’d given myself, fully, to Matteo Fausti the night before.
The decision to do it was mine, and it made me feel powerful. In control. And even though we couldn’t seem to stop all night, thoughts of the way he looked at me, those hooded dark eyes drinking me in, the way he touched me, like he couldn’t breathe without me, the way he kissed me, like he might die without the connection…it was making me shiver and the pulse between my legs throb. I could still feel his fingertips gliding across my skin…
As I was drying off, the ring on my left hand, ring finger, caught the light and sparkled. It was the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen, and I never wanted to take it off. Matteo had said it was a claim, that no man would buy me jewelry but him, and something about the possessive way he’d said it made me shiver again. The man could do things to my body with his voice alone that usually only the weather could.
That was exactly what he was. A force of nature.
After fixing my hair, adding tinted moisturizer to my face, and applying lightly scented cream to my skin, I put the watch back on and got dressed. I headed downstairs barefoot. Two men, Donato and Placido, seemed to be doing a sweep, as Matteo called it, of the hall.
Donato was the son of an older Donato, except his real name was Armando. Matteo told me they called him Donato Jr. or Donato the Younger in America. When I asked why the two names, Matteo told me that in Italy, having a junior wasn’t the norm. Armando’s mamma, Chiara, thought it was a good idea when she went to America to have a Jr, and she called Armando that, even in Italy. I’d decided to just call him Armando—it was easier that way. With so many names to remember, I might get confused with two Donatos. Placido was the son of Lourdes, the hairdresser, and Guido.
Matteo had told me not to be creeped out—he used another term, but I couldn’t remember it—if they followed me around. I guess they were my guards? I didn’t mind it. They were not telling me where to walk, how fast or slow to move, and they were not making those creepy fucking faces, like they knew a secret I didn’t.
Armando and Placido both greeted me in Italian, and I repeated the greeting. They both seemed to watch me as I walked down the stairs, and once I was on the main floor, a bunch of people from yesterday were strolling in and out of the kitchen, grabbing breakfast to go or lounging around.
Something soft and vibrating touched my ankle. When I looked down, Figaro looked up at me. “Oh man!” I whispered to myself. “I forgot about my cat!”
Mia touched my waist as she breezed by, one of her sons tucked into the curve of her hip. “Don’t worry. Mamma fed him and gave him water.”
Scarlett was at the sink, a dishtowel over her shoulder, barefoot in her yoga outfit. She was such a slight woman, with the most beautiful green eyes and auburn hair. Her skin was flawless and pink. She smelled of roses, but it was soft, lingering. And I thought maybe she was a magician or something. She had worn a white dress to the party yesterday, a tight gold belt around her waist and matching-colored heels. And her yoga outfit was cream.
No stains to be found anywhere.
Mia laughed. “Mamma likes things to be…”
“Likes?” Magpie laughed. “Obsessed is the correct word. And if your brothers were in here, they’d confirm this.”
“Okay, obsessed with cleanliness. Did you happen to have a variety of dental health apparatus in your bathroom?”
The entire kitchen stopped whatever they were doing and stared at me. Scarlett rolled her eyes.
“You don’t have to answer that,” Scarlett said, stacking a pan on a drying rack on the counter.
“You do!” Mia pinched her hip, and Scarlett laughed.
I laughed too. “I did.”
The entire kitchen howled with laughter.
“All right! All right!” Scarlett turned around, narrowing her eyes at everyone. “But you all can thank me later when you keep ALL your teeth—each one of you. Dental health is very important!”
“Very important,” the entire kitchen echoed.
“Ack! Be gone with yourselves.” She flung the dishrag at Magpie’s face, but she caught it before it hit.
“You’re just sore that we’re calling you out on it!” Magpie laughed so hard, she was shaking.
“And that’s the closest you’ll ever get to a cleaning supply,” Scarlett said, grabbing the rag back.
“Of course it is.” Magpie took a deep drink of whatever was in her mug. “I’m allergic to all cleaning supplies.”
This got another round of laughter, and with a smile lingering on my face, I picked up Figaro and cuddled him to my chest. He was the sweetest cat, and I was so thankful he was mine.
Looking around the kitchen, I was so glad I woke up to these people too. They might have been rich and powerful, but I would have never known it by the way they acted, or how close they were. Family seemed to mean a lot to them, and since Matteo told me I was considered family, I’d never felt so safe.
“Have you ever done yoga before, Stella?” Juliette took Mia’s son from her, blowing bubbles on his stomach, making him howl with laughter.
“No,” I said. “I’m looking forward to it, though.” Figaro squirmed to get down and then ran off, disappearing into the packed kitchen.
“Here, bebe .” Scarlett handed me a plate. It had what looked like some sort of croissant on it with fresh fruit cut up in bite sizes. “If you ever do real yoga, it’s best not to with an empty stomach, but you don’t want to overload either.”
“Thank you,” I said, my stomach growling at the smell and sight. I had the croissant lifted to my mouth when Magpie stood and took my hand.
“Look, ladies!” she squealed. “She’s wearing our handsome man’s ring!”
My face instantly went hot, followed by my entire body when everyone started clapping. Scarlett and Mia hugged me while the women kept saying “Let me see” and grabbing my hand. I noticed Rosaria wasn’t with the women, but I figured that was normal for her. The night before, she kept to the shadows and only came out to be mean to me.
Scarlett hugged me again. “I’m so happy for you and Matteo,” she whispered, her eyes tearing up.
Magpie hugged her. “It’s hard to believe, isn’t it, Scarlett Gorgeous? Feels like just yesterday that you and Brando were getting married.”
The more mature women all sighed, while the younger ones smiled at each other.
“We should start planning!” Carmen, who was married to Dario, said. “What do you say, Stella?”
“Okay,” I said. “We decided on December 31.”
“A New Year’s Eve wedding,” Mari said, holding Mia’s other son. They were twins, and Matteo said their names were Brando and Vittorio, but I had no clue who was who. They looked exactly alike—cuteness overload. “That’s going to be so much fun!”
“Agreed!” Scarlett smiled at me.
“Will it be possible to do the ceremony at midnight and then have a party after?” I asked, spearing a piece of banana.
The entire kitchen became quiet, and the women’s eyes kept connecting.
Aunt Lola squeezed my wrist. “You are a Fausti,” she said, her head held high. “You get whatever you want.”
“The possibilities are endless for a gown,” Pnina said. “I must start designing now!” She stood and left the kitchen.
“Speak up,” Scarlett said with a firm look, “if you don’t like where her mind is going. This is your day. Wear what you want.”
I nodded and tried to swallow the tightness in my throat. I was honored that Pnina had offered to make my dress. And she’d told me the night before that we could design it together. I also appreciated Scarlett looking out for me, though.
“Sweet!” Evelina said, touching my watch. “You’re wearing it!”
I looked down at where her hand was. She didn’t move it, just smiled brighter at me. Like the rest of these women, she was so gorgeous. And her glasses gave her an edge. I didn’t want to say something stupid around her.
“Do you want to finish your breakfast outside with me?” she asked. “I can show you how it all works!”
“Okay,” I barely got out.
She took me by the hand, like we’d been friends for years, and after we sat down, she went over all the things the watch could do. She pointed at the button to ping mom.
“That’s only for you,” she whispered. “The rest is for safety and for fun. Like the steps app—if you want to know how many steps you take in a day, that’s the one you use. All our numbers have been programmed in, too, so just say our names and ‘call’ after. The microphone will listen and do it. Well, not everyone’s number has been programmed in.”
We both became quiet, and she concentrated on her food as Rosaria passed us. She had the meanest look on her face, like she hated the world. She took her cup with her to the edge of the property and looked out at it, watching.
“If you took her and the woman who had me, Régine, and created another human being, this world would be in sooo much trouble.”
Evelina’s faced pinched. “Please tell me that was a joke, Stella.”
“I was trying…” I shrugged.
Evelina exploded with laughter, scaring me some. Even Rosaria turned a bit. She rolled her eyes and went back to whatever she was staring at.
“I wasn’t sure if it was, and if it wasn’t, I didn’t want to be rude and laugh.”
“No, it was.” Sort of.
“It was a good one. Well.” She hesitated. “If it wasn’t so true. Because the truth of it makes it bad.”
“Agreed,” I said like Scarlett had.
Evelina grinned at me. “What Rosaria told you last night… Oh! Just for the record. Mia had a talk with me. We weren’t gossiping or anything, but she didn’t want you to feel like there had been anything serious between Matteo and me. We’re all just friends. Like siblings. Like you are to us now too. I didn’t want you to not like me.”
“I do,” I said. “Like you.” After I found out the truth. Damn, did that make me mean? Not to like someone because they might have had Matteo’s attention and love?
Yeah, yeah it did. It would kill me if he ever felt the way he did about me about anyone else.
Evelina pushed her glasses up her nose and smiled at me. “Good, because I really like you too. I think you and Matteo are gorgeous together.” She sighed, looking out at Rosaria again. “That one…stay away from. I can appreciate a woman who lives in a man’s world and can rule it next to him. Tech is not very lady friendly either. But Rosaria takes it to another level. I mean, I really don’t hate her. I can understand why she wants her husband to run this family, but I don’t understand separating everyone to do it. A house divided can’t stand, you know?”
I nodded like I did.
“And who wouldn’t want their son to be happy?”
“You mean Chloe and Massimo,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” she whispered too. “I think…her resistance against the marriage is killing Massimo slowly. Rocco too. He only wants what’s best for his son. What will make him happy. Rocco has always longed for that kind of love too.”
“Their marriage was arranged,” I said, remembering that Ava had told me that. “Rocco and Rosaria’s.”
“Yes, and it’s always been…I don’t know. My mamma always just used the word complicated. And not just for Rocco. Rosaria too. They have an understanding, but it seems like neither ever understood what the assignment was.”
“That’s sad.”
“Totally.” She sipped on her coffee. Or was it espresso? “And it just goes to prove. Even though it seems like we have everything we need in this life…power, money, notoriety…it doesn’t always make us happy or whole. Take my mamma, or even Scarlett. Or Mia. My daddy-o, Brando, Saverio…if they lost it all tomorrow, mamma, Scarlett, and Mia would still be there. They would help the men decide what to do and help rebuild. Rosaria.” She sighed, and it sounded sad. “I think she’d sit back and watch and just direct. That’s not a partnership. That’s not something you can build a solid foundation on.”
No, I agreed, it wasn’t.
“So…” Evelina drained the rest of her cup and sat up straighter. “Are you ready for yoga?”
“I don’t know,” I said, feeling her energy move around me. Making me feel perkier too. “Am I?”
“Ready?” Scarlett said, stepping outside, sliding a pair of cool looking shades over her eyes. Maybe Matteo might have gotten his good looks from his father, but I had a feeling Scarlett had passed down some of her force of nature to him too.
Evelina grinned at me. “Ready or not…” She took me by the hand and pulled me up.
We all passed Rosaria on the way, and she didn’t look at any of us. She was staring out at the fields, where Chloe had set up her outside art studio and was painting the scene. It didn’t seem like Chloe felt Rosaria’s stare, but as we passed Rosaria, the air around her seemed colder, like winter refused to leave and followed her around.