17. Zira
ZIRA
Our eyes meet and for a split second, I forget what to do.
It’s been a whirlwind since we stepped off the elevator and Bradley’s shown me extravagant rooms, gorgeous structures, introduced me to so many people, and now there’s another to add to the list while my stomach twists at the thought of this Valentina woman going through my phone.
“Hi,” I say after a long hesitation, and when I reach for Ivy’s hand, my grip misses and I clutch her wrist instead. Heat flushes my cheeks but thankfully, Ivy doesn’t mention it.
Instead, she leans slightly closer and her brows twitch. “Are you okay?”
I half-nod and freeze. No one’s really asked me that, and there’s something so earnest about the way Ivy asks me that unexpected tears prick in the corners of my eyes and I can’t speak.
“Oh, honey. Bradley, I’m borrowing her for a minute, okay?”
“What?” Bradley turns in time to glimpse Ivy turning her hand, gripping my wrist, and sweeping me right out of the study.
She pulls me along with her and keeps walking until we’re in a different hallway, then she leads me into an extravagant bedroom that smells faintly of lavender and cotton.
“Here,” Ivy says, releasing my wrist. “In here. Take a moment and breathe.”
“I’m okay,” I reply even as my heart lurches and the world spins. Dabbing at my eyes, I sniffle quickly. “I don’t know what came over me, I’m so sorry.”
The carpet at my feet is so fluffy that walking over it in my sneakers feels like a crime, but Ivy’s doing the same in her heels and she heads straight for the large bed and sits. Then she pats the spot next to her.
“Don’t you apologize, okay? Don’t you dare. Come here, come and sit.”
The polite side of me wants to refuse so I don’t ruin the carpet, but my legs have a mind of their own and suddenly, I’m sitting next to her while she smiles brightly and opens her box of donuts toward me.
“Want one?”
“No, I’m okay. I’m not sure I’m hungry.”
“It’s pretty overwhelming, isn’t it?” Her bright green eyes sparkle at me and she selects a glazed donut from her box. It remains open beside me, like a permanent invitation to eat if I want to.
“Yeah,” I agree with a weak smile. “Everything is so…” I can’t find the words. “Are you one of them?”
“One of them?” Ivy repeats and then she smiles brightly. “Oh, you mean the Suit? No, I’m not one of them in that regard, but I am engaged to one.” She holds up one hand and wiggles her fingers to show off the gigantic rock on her finger.
“That’s gorgeous!” I gasp, taking her hand to gently get a closer look. “Who?”
“Ruslan.” Her smile widens and her cheeks flush. “But that’s not why I brought you in here. Last year, I was kind of like you.”
I look up at her and her smile softens. “You were?”
“Yup. My life went to shit and I found myself running from very dangerous people. Ruslan saved my life. They all did, in a way. But I remember feeling so out of my depth when I came here and everything was kind of terrifying, so if you need anything, to talk or to cry or to complain, then I’m here for you. It’s overwhelming.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you won’t suffer in silence. That’s a killer.” She takes a delicate bite of her donut.
“I feel… sort of stretched, I guess.” In here, with Ivy putting a glaring spotlight on me, there aren’t many places to hide from the turmoil in my chest. “A few months ago, I was a regular person just working a cool job surrounded by sparkling jewelry, and it made me feel like I’d finally gained a ticket to a better life or something. ”
Ivy nods along as I speak, but now that I’ve started talking, it’s difficult to stop so I attempt to shift the focus.
“The Suit, though… I heard them say that. Bradley mentioned it when he was talking to Frank. What is that? What does it mean?”
Ivy shakes her head after her next bite. “Honey, we’re here to talk about you, not them.”
“I… what do I say? That my life has turned upside down because I tried to help my brother, tried to save him, and now I’m here in this strange place surrounded by strange people with no idea where my brother is and someone’s trying to kill me?”
Her eyes remain kind even as her smile fades. “Yes. That’s exactly what you say. I heard what happened at the cliff with that man—Harris, was it?”
“Does everyone know?” I ask softly.
“They talk,” Ivy replies gently. “But it’s not gossip or judgment. They all just have to stay in the know.”
“Oh, God.” My head falls into my hands. “Everything feels more and more real.”
“It’s terrifying, isn’t it? All these powerful people around you and even more trying to find you. What I can tell you is that if Bradley says he’s going to help you, then he means it. He’s a powerful man. I know he looks scary, but he’s really kind.”
Scary. Given his stature and his bulk, I can definitely understand people feeling he’s scary, but to me he’s only been an asshole. And attractive.
“Tell me about your brother.” Ivy finishes her snack and situates herself on the bed to face me. “I don’t know everything that’s happening, but I know that focusing on the one thing you care about is incredibly grounding. So tell me about him.”
“Peter? He’s…” I shake my head slightly and rub at both my thighs.
“He’s my little brother. He’s just… some people think he’s arrogant and mean but he’s just a little dumb, and he’s always trying to do good, y’know?
Like sure, he gambles, but it was always to try and get money to pay for the bills.
And he’d drink, but that’s because he’d be sad or he’d get rejected from jobs and stuff.
I suppose… I suppose it’s because of me too, because when we were growing up, I had to nag him a lot about school and money and hygiene, but he’s…
he’s the only family I have. And I can’t blame him for being angry because I did a pretty poor job raising him. ”
“You raised him?” Her eyes widen. “That must have been so hard for you.”
“It…” I pause and her words echo in my mind. Hard for me? Most people praise me for raising my brother and comment on how hard it was for him to lose our parents so young. Peter’s the focus, always. Not me. “It was.” My throat runs dry. “It really was.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen.”
“Oh, my God.” Ivy doesn’t mask her utter shock. “I can’t believe you survived that. I…” Her hands come together and her smile softens. “You’ve done a lot for him, it sounds like.”
“He’s my brother.”
“True. Just… what about you?”
“What do you mean?” My brows knit together as I study her face.
“Well… what do you do for fun? Do you have a special someone? Friends who are missing you? Anything like that?”
The only person who enters my mind is Bradley, but I shove that thought away immediately. “No. I’m too busy for any of that.”
“Oh, honey.” The weight of her words makes me feel like she wants to say more but rather than press it, Ivy reaches for my hand.
“Well, you’re safe here, okay? You’re protected so you can rest. And when this is all dealt with, maybe take some time to find yourself outside of your brother, y’know?
I think you deserve it after going through all of this because of him. ”
“I don’t mind it,” I say hurriedly. “He’s my brother. I’m happy to take care of him.”
“I know, sweetie. Family is… tough and rare. But I’ve only known you a few minutes, and feel free to tell me to shut up, but… there’s a lot of what you do for him and excuses about what he doesn’t do for you. Sometimes… sometimes, the ones we love are the ones who hurt us the most.”
The old defense of my brother rises up like a reflex, but before I can say anything, Ivy stands.
“This will be your room. If you need to rest or to eat or anything, there’s always someone near the kitchen, but I suspect Bradley will check on you. I just want you to know you’re not alone, okay? As scary as this is… they’ll all work hard to get your life back to normal.”
“Even though I am a thief and deserve this?”
“Honey, you wouldn’t be here if Bradley thought you deserved any of this, okay?” She lightly pats my shoulder with that same warm smile. “Trust me. You’re in really good hands.”
I want to believe her. After she leaves the room and gives me privacy, I want to believe everything she said. That I’m safe here. That my life has a chance to go back to normal. That everything will work out for Peter and me.
The more I mull it over, though, the more I realize things can’t go back to normal.
Because I’m different.
I’ve stolen. I’ve killed. I’ve nearly been killed.
It’s like pieces of me have fallen out and new ones are growing in place, creating someone I don’t recognize, but that doesn’t exactly feel like a bad thing.
First, Bradley and his quiet comment that sex isn’t transactional despite how it’s been a main currency in my life. Now Ivy and her gentle comments about finding myself outside of being my brother’s sister. Two things that seem so obvious to those people and yet so alien to me.
If Peter weren’t around, who would I be?
Who am I now?
Those questions bounce off each other in my mind as I lie back and contemplate how the best version of what I know could play out. Finding Peter, returning the diamonds, and returning to life.
But what life? Back to the jewelry store? A different store? A different career? What about my apartment? All this time I haven’t been working has definitely drained my income. No income means no rent.
Fuck.
What if I end up homeless?
My distress carries me into the land of sleep where my stress feeds into turbulent dreams that clash against one another. Harris and Peter are arguing, guns are going off, and there is so much fog and pain until a wave of warmth washes over, and then my dreams turn quiet and peaceful.
It lasts until the urge to pee wakes me several hours later.
I’m tucked under blankets with the donut box next to the bed and a soft orange nightlight illuminating the room.
Bracing one elbow on the bed, I prop up with a yawn and try to retrace through my foggy memory about how I got under the covers.
Nothing sparks.
As I replay Ivy leaving, a soft buzzing rises up from next to the donuts. My phone lies there after having been returned, so I immediately snatch it up and squint at the bright screen.
One new message.
Tapping in my code, I flick to my messages and then bolt upright.
It’s Peter and he wants to meet.
Urgently.