36. Zira
ZIRA
“Something bigger?” The greed drips from Harris’s tone as he leads me deeper into the crumbling house.
Why he chose to hole up here is beyond me.
The floors appear rotted through, the banister against the stairs has lost several railings over the years, and the lounge we walk into carries the heavy, damp scent of mildew.
Harris doesn’t seem to care, nor does it seem to have bothered him during his time here, which, judging by the scattering of beer cans and old take-out containers, has been quite a while.
Did he come here right after our confrontation where he killed Adam?
“Something bigger,” I repeat while my heart pounds in my chest and my words wobble. I quickly misstep on the uneven floor to hide that tremble and maintain my distance from Harris. “Diamonds are good and all, but think about it, don’t you think they’re kind of predictable?”
Harris snorts. “They’re easy to sell and easier to hide. Are you insane?”
I turn and face him. “Maybe.”
His brows twitch slightly and a faint glimmer of uncertainty rises in his eyes. “Huh.”
“But you’re insane too, right? Why else would you do something like this?
Y’know, I’ve been trying to work out what felt wrong ever since that night, as if a piece of me has been missing and I briefly found it again.
I thought the sensation was because Peter was dead, but that’s not quite it, because the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t miss him.
I gave up my life for him, I gave up everything, and people say he was a kid, but you know what?
I was a kid too. I’ve spent my life doing everything for someone else, bending over backward so that I can just exist, and I’m tired of it. And then I got to thinking.”
Very slowly, I walk a lazy path toward Harris.
“Those robberies? I was so caught up in how wrong it was that I mistook excitement for nerves. Granted, I had Peter to think about, but more than that, it was exhilarating. Finally taking something for once in my life? Having that kind of control over myself and other people?” I breathe deeply and smile.
“It’s not something I’d ever felt before, and it took me so long to realize that’s what I was missing.
That’s what I’ve been craving. And getting rich off it? ”
Harris looks me up and down and starts backing away, but with nowhere to go, he ends up down on the threadbare couch that creaks loudly under his weight. “Craving it?”
“Exactly!” In a rush, I throw myself into his lap with my knees pressed against his hips and my hands curling into his shirt.
“We got to say fuck you to the rich bastards that earn off our broken backs. I got a taste of a life where I didn’t have to worry about rent or taxes or even healthcare because we’d end up rich enough to pay for what we want.
So why stop there?” I widen my grin, throwing my whole soul behind my act.
If I pretend it’s Bradley beneath me, then it’s far easier to lean into him. “Why not go further?”
Harris gulps, and his rifle rests loosely in one of his flung-open arms. “Further?”
I narrow my eyes. “You’re telling me you never thought beyond this?”
“Not exactly.”
“God,” I groan. “This is why we would work well together, don’t you see?
I have the ideas. There are a bunch of businesses I could easily slot into.
I’m a woman of many trades. We’d have at least two more attempts in New York before someone got suspicious and then we’d have to leave, but think about it.
Those stores aren’t the only fronts, and what sells more than diamonds? ”
Harris lifts one brow and his eyes dart down multiple times, growing distracted by cleavage as I lean into him. “I’ve no idea.”
“Drugs! Duh. That shit is like liquid gold, and if you were able to pick up on something like diamonds, then surely, your contact can do some more digging?”
“Hardly. We learned about the diamonds because some drunk dock worker couldn’t keep his mouth shut but— hold up.” His eyes dart back up and lock onto mine. “The fuck is with this change of tune?”
“It’s not a change so much as I finally feel free enough to express myself,” I reply, leaning closer and sliding one hand up to his neck.
“Think about it. There’s literally nothing holding me back anymore.
No life. No family. No brother. Nothing.
There’s just me and all these exciting ideas that just get me so… damn… hot.”
Melting into Harris is easy, and I slowly purr those last words until there’s only a hair's breadth between us. My nose nudges his, and Harris’s head tilts back slightly. I pivot to the opposite angle and our mouths collide.
Disgust churns in my stomach as Harris opens his mouth and all but pants against my lips, his chest heaving under my hand. Even from memory, he kissed like a wet dog, and now I have Bradley to compare him to.
A real man.
As our lips twist together, my hand wanders down his chest to his abdomen and Harris thrusts his hips upward. He dislodges me just enough to lift me and as I crash back down, I feign reaching out for balance and my fingers close around the cold, heavy assault rifle in his hand.
Perfect.
Biting his lower lip, I leap back as Harris gasps and tear the assault rifle from his hands in the same second. He remains seated for a long moment, stunned by the bite and visibly struggling to keep up with what just happened.
I steady myself on the uneven floorboards and lift the rifle, aiming at his chest. But that’s all I can do. Valentina’s training took me through handguns, not rifles, and now that it’s in my hands, I do everything I can to mimic how he was holding it when he opened the door.
“Get up,” I snap, gathering my saliva in my mouth. Once I have it, I spit it off to the side to try and erase that kiss from my lips.
“The fuck?” Harris’s daze finally wears off, and he bolts upward but quickly rethinks any attack when his eyes drop to the barrel of the gun. “Careful,” he sneers. “That’s far too much gun for a girl like you.”
“Don’t you dare,” I snarl. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” He arches one brow and slowly, wetly licks his lower lip. “Was it worth it?”
My stomach rolls.
“I should have known you weren’t telling the truth. You’re far too much of a stick in the mud to take any enjoyment out of a world like this. Peter always said you were fucking pathetic, a wet blanket, he called you.”
“Shut up!”
“A whiney, good-for-nothing, self-serving bitch who always held her superiority over others.”
“I said shut up!”
“Why?” Harris growls. “You gonna shoot me? No, you won’t.
You’re far too precious to kill someone.
And that’s your problem. You control people by doing good for them, acting like you’re some fucking saint or savior, but guess what?
You’re not. You’re no better than the rest of us. In fact, you’re worse!”
“Stop!”
“You never let Peter forget that you raised him, did you? Never let it go because you didn’t approve of what he did with his life, and you acted as if you were in charge. That’s why I dumped you too. You couldn’t let go of the little things and always acted like you were better.”
“Like I was better?” Every word from him stokes the tension in my chest and the gun wobbles.
“I was a kid when I met you! I didn’t know any better.
I just wanted to be cared for, for once in my life.
I wanted someone to take the responsibility so I could have a rest, but you used that against me and you used me.
All you cared about was stuffing your tiny dick in my mouth every time I was hungry or needed help with the rent.
I was a kid and you took advantage of me and you know nothing about me and Peter! ”
“Don’t I?” He starts to walk toward me. “I know you stopped him from drinking, or tried to. You interfered with his gambling. You even tried to micro-manage his diet. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he killed himself to get away from you.
You wanna know why it was so easy to manipulate you with the heists?
Why you were so blind to your own brother being right by your side? ”
“Why?” I grind out through clenched teeth.
“Because you’re selfish. You only think of yourself.
You wanted to be Peter’s savior so you didn’t think of any other scenario.
You wanted to be needed and you loved being a necessity for those heists because it made you feel important.
And now you’re here, trying to get your little revenge on me, aren’t you?
Trying to make yourself the better version when we’re exactly the same, Zirconia. ”
My heart pounds so hard, it’s a wonder I can still hear him.
Underneath the anger and the pain and the hatred…
I fear he’s right. After all, I went against Bradley’s plan and came in here all by myself because I wanted revenge.
I wanted to see the look in Harris’s eyes as I killed him and instead, I’ve put myself in danger and I can’t do it.
My finger’s on the trigger but for some reason, I can’t do it.
“And you know what else?” Harris snarls as he walks until his chest bumps into the barrel.
“What?” I snap, biting back the emotion clawing up my throat.
“You missed the most obvious thing.”
“Which is?”
“The safety’s still on, cunt.” He grabs the barrel of the gun and jerks it upward just as I pull the trigger on reflex, and as the click echoes in my ears, his other fist flies into my face and collides with my jaw.