5. Julian
JULIAN
T he game isn’t going the way I planned.
The crowd roars, but it’s not the kind of excitement I’m used to. It’s tense, almost desperate. We’re behind by three points in the fourth quarter, and with each snap of the ball, I feel the pressure mounting. My hands are slick with sweat, the weight of my helmet and pads adding to the heaviness in my chest. I should be used to this by now—the pressure of being the quarterback, the responsibility of leading my team to victory. But right now, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m slipping.
The game started strong, but somewhere along the way, I lost my rhythm. The passes that usually hit their mark feel off today—too high, too low, or worse, just plain inaccurate. My teammates are trying to cover for me, but I can see it in their eyes—they’re frustrated. They know I should be playing better. I know it, too.
It’s not just the game. It’s everything—the weight of my family’s expectations, the constant push to be perfect, to never show any sign of weakness. I’m supposed to be a leader, a hero , but right now, all I feel like is a failure.
We’re down by seven now, the clock ticking away like it’s trying to rub salt in my wounds. I glance to the sidelines, trying to refocus, and that’s when I spot him.
Felix.
He’s sitting in the stands, alone in a sea of rowdy fans. Even from here, I can see his face—a perfect mix of concentration and skepticism. His arms are crossed and his posture rigid, like he’s watching not just the game, but me.
I feel a weird tightening in my chest. For a moment, I forget the game entirely.
I’ve been trying to get Felix’s attention for weeks now. He’s always been distant, cool, maybe even a little dismissive. He won’t bite at any of my teasing. He just forces more work on me than my teachers ever have. But there’s something in the way he watches me that makes me want to prove myself. I want him to see that I’m more than just a flashy football player, more than just a spoiled rich kid. I want him to see that I’m someone who can handle pressure—someone who doesn’t crumble.
But right now, that doesn’t feel like who I am.
I shake my head, trying to focus. I can’t afford to lose myself in this. But Felix’s gaze is like a magnet, pulling me in. My thoughts keep drifting back to him.
The whistle blows, and we’re back on offense. The ball is snapped to me, and the weight of the moment presses down on me again. I can’t afford another mistake. I can’t let the team down. I glance over to Felix once more. His eyes meet mine, and for the briefest second, I see something there—maybe approval, maybe something else. But it’s enough.
That’s when something clicks.
I stop thinking.
I stop worrying.
I just play.
I move with a fluidity I haven’t felt for the entire game. The next pass is a perfect spiral, sharp and fast, threading through the defense like it was meant to be. My receiver catches it, and the crowd erupts.
The next play, I run the ball myself, dodging tacklers with ease, my legs moving faster than they have all night. Adrenaline surges through me, the world narrowing to just the field and the end zone.
The defense is on their heels now, unable to keep up with the speed of the game. It’s like a switch has flipped, and I’m back to being the quarterback I know I can be.
Another touchdown. We’re back in the game.
The clock ticks down, and I can see the finish line. We’re tied now, and the other team is scrambling to recover. But they’re too slow, too off-balance. I know we’ve got this. I call the final play, a long pass to the end zone, the one I’ve been practicing for weeks. I take the snap, my fingers gripping the ball tight. The defense crashes toward me, but I see the opening. I throw, the ball flying through the air like a missile. It arcs beautifully, and I watch as it lands perfectly in the hands of my receiver.
Touchdown. We win.
The crowd explodes into cheers and my team rushes the field, lifting me up and chanting my name. But even with all the noise and excitement, I can’t shake the feeling that I need to find one person.
I break free from the celebration, scanning the stands. My heart skips a beat when I finally spot him. He’s standing now, clapping, his eyes following me through the crowd. I feel a rush of pride, but it’s more than just the game. It’s the way he’s looking at me.
I head toward the sidelines, not wanting to waste another second. As I make my way off the field, I see Felix weaving through the crowd toward the exit.
“Felix!” I call out, my voice cutting through the noise.
He turns, his expression a mix of surprise and something else—maybe curiosity.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” I say as I step toward him.
He shrugs, but there’s something in his eyes that I can’t quite read. “I figured you’d want someone to watch you win.”
I smile, feeling my heart race. “So you’re a fan now?”
He looks away, almost shy, and for a moment, I wonder if he regrets coming. But then he meets my gaze again.
“You played well,” he says, his voice surprisingly soft. “Really well.”
Warmth spreads through me at the compliment, something I don’t let myself feel too often. “Thanks,” I say, a little too quickly.
Felix raises an eyebrow, his gaze shifting back to the field. “Everyone is looking at you.”
I look around, noticing the curious stares from my teammates and other patrons. But they’re not looking at me—they’re looking at Felix. A wave of protectiveness falls over me as I shift to block him from their view.
“Comes with the territory.” I laugh.
He nods, and I can’t tell if he’s impressed or just trying to be polite. But I don’t care. I’m here, and he’s here, and for once, I feel like maybe I’ve got a chance.
I shift my helmet under my arm as I try to find the right words. “Hey, uh, I’m having a party at my place tonight. Why don’t you stop by?”
Felix tilts his head like he’s trying to work out if this is a trap.
“You can bring a friend or a girlfriend or whatever. If you want,” I stutter out the sentence, blood rushing to my cheeks.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Normally I’m Mr. Suave, but with Felix...
“I’ll think about it,” Felix says. He nods and turns on his heel.
“I’ll text you the address!” I call out too eagerly.
Felix raises his hand in response and disappears into the sea of people.
???
The locker room smells like sweat and victory. The echoes of clapping and shouting from the stands still resonate in my head, but now it’s just us—teammates, friends, brothers. The weight of the game is behind me, the tension in my muscles giving way to relief. We pulled it off. Another win. Another notch in the belt. But as I sit on the bench, peeling off my pads and wiping the sweat from my forehead, I keep wondering if Felix will actually show tonight.
I can’t help it. Every time I close my eyes, I see him standing in the stands, his cool, focused gaze following every move I made. It’s like I’ve never played with so much intensity before, like every play was about impressing him more than beating the other team.
But why?
Why does his opinion matter so much? He’s just a guy…a guy who hardly talks to me, a guy who barely gives me the time of day. But I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s frustrating as hell. And I’m trying not to show it, trying not to let it slip, but the more I try to push the feeling away, the more it lingers.
I finish changing into my street clothes and am tying my shoes with more force than necessary when I hear footsteps behind me.
“Great game out there, man.”
I turn to find Cole standing there, his big frame blocking the light from the door. He’s one of the team’s star players, and even though we’ve been friends for a while, there’s always a bit of distance between us.
Cole smiles, clapping me on the shoulder with a force that almost knocks me off balance. “You really came through when it counted. You were on fire out there, Julian. You know it.”
I give him a half-hearted grin, nodding. “Yeah, I guess. I wasn’t exactly playing my best at first, but we got the win.”
Cole raises an eyebrow. “Man, you always say that. You were great. And you know what? I was thinking...after all the stress of that game, we should celebrate. Just the two of us. Maybe grab a drink, or even just hang out somewhere quiet. You know, let off some steam.”
I look at him, unsure. Cole’s been a friend on the team, but beyond that, I’ve never really felt a connection. His flirtations—if you can call them that—have always seemed surface-level to me. I’ve never felt the need to get closer, even if he’s the kind of guy who has a way of drawing people in.
But I can’t ignore the undercurrent of something else in his voice. It’s subtle, but it’s there…something more than just the camaraderie of two guys celebrating a win.
“Thanks, but I’ve got that party tonight, remember?” I say, my voice steady but firm. “But, uh...I’ll see you there?”
Cole’s face twitches just slightly, like he wasn’t expecting me to turn him down. But he recovers quickly, his smile still in place, even though it’s not quite as wide as before.
“Right, yeah, no problem,” he says, but I can tell it’s forced. He clears his throat and glances away, his eyes flicking over to the door as if he’s looking for someone else. “Guess we’ll catch up later, yeah?”
Not the catching up he was planning on doing. “Sure, man.”
Cole gives a half-wave and walks off, but the tension still hangs in the air. There’s a subtle change in the way he’s acting, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’m just reading too much into things. But the brief look he gave me before leaving, the way he glanced toward the door—it felt almost like he was looking for someone else.
I let out a breath and head for the exit. I don’t have time to deal with this right now, not with everything going on in my head.
???
I need to get drunk. Immediately.
I throw back a shot, trying to ease my obsessive need to watch the door. The air of my loft is thick with laughter, music, and conversation. Lewis stands at the door, making sure no students with shady backgrounds get in. I don’t need snitches at my party.
The adrenaline of the game still pulses through my veins, but as the noise continues to swirl around me, I find myself growing restless. The buzz of the crowd is soothing, but not enough to drown out the thoughts racing in my mind. Girls throw themselves at me. Guys are trying to befriend me, but I simply do not care. There’s only one set of eyes I want to meet tonight.
Where is he?
“Jules.”
My name startles me, and I turn around to see Elijah. He’s wearing black slacks and a silky button-down. Lipstick is smudged on his neck.
I smile tightly and hug him. “Hey, man. I didn’t know you were stopping by.”
“Of course I did. You think I’d miss a game like that?” He claps his hand on my shoulder. “You almost lost, little brother.”
The cold look in his eyes startles me. He’s not here for pleasure.
“But I didn’t.” I barely muster up the words.
“Was it all for show?” He doesn’t blink, just gives me a calm smile that says, Lie to me. I dare you . “You know how Dad gets when you lose.”
My ribs throb at the memory, and I fight the urge to flinch.
I clear my throat and force on my golden boy act. “I had to give the fans a good show, right? I can’t let them get bored.”
Elijah looks like he doesn’t quite believe me. But we both know there’s no reason to snitch to Dad. “Right.”
“Hey, Julian,” a voice says behind me.
I turn to see Felix standing there with a forced smile on his mouth. He’s wearing jeans and a blue button-down. Even at a party, he can’t relax.
Felix’s eyes bounce between me and Elijah. “Everything okay?”
Elijah smirks. “Yeah, just giving my little brother a hard time about the game. I was just heading out.” Elijah daps me up, slipping a small bag into my hand. “A treat for you and your little friend.”
He laughs and leaves through the front door.
“You good?” Felix looks down at me with a worried look.
Felix is taller than me, and for a second, I feel small under his gaze. But that thought quickly morphs into something else entirely, something darker and more dangerous. I imagine him on his knees in front of me, his calm composure finally cracking. What would it take to see him look up at me like that?
I clear my throat, trying to push the thought away. “Yeah, yeah. My family gets a little intense about football.” I force a laugh, but Felix doesn’t seem to buy it.
I look down to see that Elijah put a small baggy of cocaine in my hand. I slip into my pocket nervously.
“You want a shot?” I ask Felix, already pouring the vodka.
“What, you think I need one?” Felix leans against the kitchen counter, a slight smirk playing at the edges of his mouth.
“Well, your shirt is still buttoned up to your neck, so yeah.” I push over the shot glass, challenging him.
He throws it back, with not even a hiss of breath after.
“Oh shit, the lawyer parties!” I take mine quickly, not wanting to fall behind. “Come on, let’s get some air.”
I lead him outside to the terrace that stretches outside of my loft. The skyline glitters like a thousand tiny stars in the distance. The night air is cool against my skin, and the noise from the party fades to a dull hum behind us. Felix leans against the railing, his hands gripping the metal as he looks out at the view.
“You know,” I say, stepping closer, “you don’t really fit in with this crowd.”
He doesn’t look at me. “That obvious?”
“Maybe a little.” I take a sip of my drink, watching the way the light plays off his sharp jawline. “But that’s not a bad thing. Makes you more...interesting.”
Felix snorts and shakes his head. “You’ve got a weird way of complimenting people.”
“Is it working?” I ask as I lean against the railing beside him. The alcohol is making me bold, making me crave his warmth and touch even more than usual.
Felix turns his head, his eyes locking onto mine. There’s something unreadable in his expression, something that makes my heart race. “Depends on what you’re trying to accomplish.”
“What do you think I’m trying to accomplish?”
“Getting under my skin,” he says pointedly.
I smile as I reach into my pocket. The baggie is small, barely visible in my hand. “You ever done this before?”
Felix’s gaze drops to the cocaine, his lips pressing into a thin line. “No,” he says firmly.
I hold up a hand. “Relax. I wasn’t offering.” I pause, tilting my head. “Unless you want to?”
Felix shakes his head. “Not my thing.”
“Fair enough.” I set the bag on the railing and lean closer to him. “But I’m guessing you’re not gonna stop me.”
He doesn’t answer, his jaw tightening just slightly.
“Thought so,” I say, stepping back and sinking onto one of the balcony couches. I gesture for Felix to join me, patting the spot beside me. “Come on. I need a little help.”
“What? Need me to resuscitate you?” he says bluntly.
But I notice he unbuttons the top of his collar in a quick motion.
“Come here and find out.”
Felix hesitates, but eventually he sits next to me.
I grin as I hold up the baggie. “You’re gonna be my surface.”
Felix raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Your surface?”
“Right here,” I say, poking his thigh. “Think you can handle that?”
For a second, I think he’s going to say no. But then he scoffs, leaning back and spreading his legs slightly. “You’re ridiculous,” he mutters, but there’s a flicker of something in his eyes that makes my pulse quicken.
I open the baggie and pour a small line onto his thigh, the powder stark against his jeans. I scrape my credit card against the fabric, lining it up and kneeling before him.
His legs spread a little farther to help me fit better between them.
“Still think I’m ridiculous?” I ask, my voice dropping lower.
Felix’s gaze flickers to the line, then back to my face. He doesn’t say anything, but his lips part slightly, and I can see the conflict in his eyes. He wants to look away, but he doesn’t.
“Relax,” I murmur, leaning in just enough for my chest to bump his crotch. “It’s just a little fun.”
Felix’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t move. I pull out a twenty and roll it up. I lean down, the powder disappearing in one quick motion. The burn is immediate, sharp, and electric, and when I look up, Felix is still watching me, his expression unreadable.
For a moment, the world feels suspended, the city lights below us blurring into a haze. Then Felix leans back, his shoulders stiff, and the moment shatters.
“You done?” he asks, his voice tight.
“Yeah. Unless you have another body part you’d like to offer,” I say, my lips curving into a smirk. I can see the outline of his dick pressing against his jeans. He fucking wants me, and we both know it.
He shifts uncomfortably, a tinge of red coloring his cheeks. Felix can’t hide what he’s thinking. The way he’s looking at me—like he’s trying so hard not to lose control—sends a thrill through me that no drug could ever match.
His legs tense beneath me, and I catch the subtle shift in his posture as he tries to reclaim the distance I’ve so boldly closed. But I don’t move. Instead, I let the silence stretch between us, charged and heavy, while I lean back casually, as though his reaction doesn’t send a rush of power straight to my core.
“Another body part?” Felix echoes, his voice low and strained, like he’s barely holding back. His eyes dart to my lips for a fraction of a second before snapping back up to meet my gaze, and it’s all the confirmation I need.
“You tell me, counselor.” I drag my hand lazily up his thigh, as though daring him to stop me. “Got anything better in mind?”
His throat bobs as he swallows hard, the tension radiating off him like heat. I can see the cracks forming in his armor, the way his resolve is fraying at the edges.
“You’re impossible,” Felix mutters, his voice rough and barely above a whisper. His gaze flickers to the city skyline, but it doesn’t stay there long. He’s drawn back to me like he can’t help himself.
“And you’re stubborn,” I counter, letting my smirk widen. I shift closer, the fabric of his jeans brushing against my skin as I lean in and brace one hand on the back of his chair. “But you’re still sitting here with me between your legs. Why is that?”
Felix exhales sharply, his breath warm and uneven. His hands grip the arms of the chair like they’re the only thing keeping him tethered. “You’re playing a dangerous game, Julian.”
“Am I?” My voice is quiet, the teasing edge softening into something more serious. I tilt my head, my lips just a breath away from his ear. “Because it feels like I’m not the only one playing.”
His jaw tightens, his knuckles white against the chair. I pull back just enough to meet his raging blue eyes, and their intensity hits me like a punch. There’s anger there, sure, but it’s tangled up with something deeper, something darker.
I want to unravel it.
“Felix,” I murmur, his name a challenge and an invitation all at once. “Say the word, and I’ll stop.”
For a heartbeat, he doesn’t move. The tension between us is so thick it’s suffocating, and then?—
“Fuck it,” he growls, surging forward.
His lips crash against mine, and the force of it knocks the air out of my lungs. It’s not gentle, not careful—it’s raw, desperate, like he’s been holding back for too long and can’t anymore. His hands leave the chair, one tangling in the fabric of my shirt while the other grips the back of my neck, pulling me closer.
Heat floods my body and I press into him, my fingers gripping his thighs as I kiss him back with everything I have. The taste of vodka lingers on his lips, sharp and intoxicating, and I lose myself in it, in him .
For a moment, nothing else exists—not the party raging inside, not the expectations weighing on both of us, not even the cold bite of the night air. It’s just Felix and me, the push and pull of our bodies, the electric spark igniting between us. His hands aren’t gentle with me. He shoves up my jaw so his tall frame can meet my mouth.
He’s so rough, and it makes my cock hard just thinking about him barely holding onto his restraint.
But then, just as quickly as it started, it’s over. Felix pulls back abruptly, his breathing ragged and his eyes wide with a mix of shock and something I can’t quite place. Guilt, maybe.
“I-I can’t,” he stammers, his voice rough. He stands so quickly that the chair scrapes against the balcony floor. “This was a mistake.”
“Felix—” I reach for him, but he’s already stepping back and shaking his head.
“No,” he says firmly, his expression hardening. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
Before I can say anything else, he turns and strides back inside, disappearing into the crowd.
I stay frozen in place, his taste still lingering on my lips, my heart pounding. The city stretches out before me, glittering and endless, but it feels empty.