Chapter 22 #3
She’s fighting, denying the potential of this bond.
Does she expect me to shut up and surrender?
Here is more of my heart. Look at it! See what’s inside me before you stab it!
“I have these thoughts in my head.” I tap my temple, shaking them free.
“You should keep them there,” she rebuttals, looking my way again.
“There is not a cage large enough to hold them, Selene. If your walls were visible, I’d tear them down. I’d force you to be free.”
“Free or with you?”
“Free. And in your freedom, I’d crawl to you, on my hands and fucking knees. I’d find you and beg you to accept this bond. Tell me how to prove myself?”
“You of all people have nothing to prove. If dreams of a future could exist, you would be mine. And I should not tell you this because dreamers die young. I need you to live.” Her eyes are not gentle like a woven blanket; they are chain mail, linked and unbreakable.
“Speaking to me is only fueling this fire. Talk to your brother.”
“I did,” I confide. “He told me to run.” I kick one leg out, and she frowns. “Do you want me to go, Selene? To leave and never look back?”
Her eyes study Tristen as he guards the entrance. His hand is always on his sword, ready to kill for this secret. He keeps his magic filled to the brim in case he needs to use it.
“Fine, talk.” She rolls her eyes. Does she think I don’t notice the tears she shoved back inside?
Oh no, I’m not sweeping half the shit I just told you under a rug.
I’m going to make you trust me. Need me!
“A conversation with you is like gazing into dark waters. I never know what creature will emerge.”
Her lips thin into a pressed line. “That method keeps me alive.”
“I realize that, and I don’t blame you.” My heart turns to lead as it sinks. Her tongue is a sword that saves you, but haunts you with the memory of every kill you forced it to make.
“That's not a question.” She tips her chin up like a warrior raises a shield, ready to deflect my words if they intend to cause harm. “Just ask what you seek.”
“My questions destroy foundations. I have a suspicion you don’t want to build yourself up again, even if it’s with indestructible materials like a mate bond. You’re tired, and you wish to fall and be left alone.”
I don’t think you want my love, even though I crave yours.
No reply. There’s my answer. I convinced her to help me; I can’t persuade her to live for me.
Her lip eventually twitches, “Dig a grave far away from the lands Galen rules and bury your feelings, Titus. Blackthorn has no place for them. I have no home for them.”
Wow, how many years of suffering did she endure to be able to look me in the eye without wavering?
“We have a task at hand,” she stresses.
“I will bury them,” I bite, “alive. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be haunted by their screams as they suffocate.”
“Titus,” her voice is full of regret over her decision, but she doesn’t beg for forgiveness.
Rejection hurts like a motherfucker. “But be warned, over time, soil weathers away, revealing the bones of what once was.”
She looks down her nose at me, green eyes thick as foliage concealing a wounded beast. “If we both survive, perhaps we can reexamine what we find. Until then, it is wise to keep this attraction dead in the water.”
I grind my teeth. “I shall try.”
“You’ve kept my brother’s magic hidden, so I have high hopes.”
“This is a string; it’s held by two hands, Selene.” How can you be so cold-hearted?
She crosses her arms. “My hand is not the one tugging on it, Titus.”
“You lured me into this conversation to wound my pride,” I grunt as I kick my boots out and scoot further away from her.
“Pride often causes one’s downfall. Consider this a lesson.” She leans back, faking ease, as she allows the sun to tan her face.
Fine. I can pretend our sparks don’t burn. “I was wondering if you had someone you trusted, someone we could send to The Great Library of Ishmor.”
Selene’s stony stare slides over the field until it lands on me. How can those eyes be so frigid yet inviting?
“What do you seek there?” She looks sharper than a fiddle in a master musician’s hands. I never know what tune she will play—one of sympathy or sinister appeal.
“You know what I seek.” I lick my lips and straighten my spine. “The Vitalis. Once I find it, I’m free of Everett’s magic. I have no duty here.”
She runs her tongue over her teeth. The wind stirs, sending a cooling sensation down my spine. The sun inches lower, readying to set. Vivid oranges and pinks swirl, painting a relaxing picture that contrasts with the look on her face.
That hurt. Good. Learn to understand you can’t live without me, Selene.
“What of the runes and the future of a crown for your head?” she hisses.
“I can accomplish that somewhere else. No need to burden you and Galen.”
“You strike low.”
I raise my knee and prop my elbow on it, creating a wall between us. “I attack where I see opportunity, as do you.”
Glare at me as long as you like.
“The Vitalis is not in Ishmor,” she admits.
My muscles tense. “How are you so certain?” What are you not telling me?
“Everett spent time in Ishmor. If the Vitalis were there, he would have found it. He wanted us all here.” She pounds a fist to the ground. “The book must be nearby.”
“So what the heck are we doing?” I throw my hands up. “Let’s go search the castle.”
“Sable would have found it if it lurked within the walls. Calm down,” Selene huffs. “I told you we need to work on your magic before we delve into the runes. Baby steps.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re stalling? You’re forcing me to accept the path Everett put me on. You must do the same.”
“I am.”
“But—” Why do you look so vacant when you stare into the future? What are you not telling me?
“But what?” she heaves.
“I fear waiting until I master the time magic is a mistake. I have a sick feeling in my gut. I had it the moment Everett gave me his power.”
“What feeling?” She scoots back so she can look at me more clearly.
“Someone wrote my story. I have no power or authorship to change it. Everett chained our futures in iron. I’m stuck, forced to fulfill this role.” I press my palm against the soil. “I want liberation, but it would destroy everything. I’m trying not to be selfish, but this is my life.”
I want to tell her it’s her life, too. What she fears does not have to come to pass. If Everett played with the future, so can we.
She mimics my pose but hugs her legs to her chest. “It’s not about us, Titus. Our wants and needs are but a drop in the ocean.”
I’d swim those perilous waters in order to find you, Selene.
She continues, having no idea of the thoughts in my mind.
“Everett saw the future, thousands and thousands of lives. I’m willing to sacrifice my life and my happiness for the good of others.
You can, too. I know you can.” Her voice deepens to a plea.
“When I look at you, I see a man who wants to do good, but you’ve been denied.
The only order that has been spoken into your ear has been to kill.
Then Everett demanded you save. Change is hard, but it’s often a force we can not control. ”
I inch my hand closer to her leg, filling the small space between us. Her eyes hug my hand with compassion, but her fingers do not move. “How do you sleep at night?” I question.
“Women have always been forced to accept their fate, Titus.”
My biceps flex. “Let’s get a step ahead! Stop waiting for Everett’s spies to find us. Send someone you trust to Ishmor. Let’s read all we can about runes. There’s got to be something about where the book was housed and what happened to it.”
A smile touches her lips before she snuffs out. “First, I have no one I trust, Titus.”
“You can trust me.”
“I’m not meant to trust you,” she replies. Her eyes flit to my lips. She glances away before she sees that I’ve pulled my hand away, no longer expecting her to reach for it. “Galen wouldn’t let us leave. Secondly, Ishmor’s Great Library would be a waste.
“It’s the biggest library in all the land. If any place held books regarding runes, it would be there.”
“You seek the wrong book, Titus.” An aura curls around her, one of knowledge and authority. “The library will house thousands of books regarding runes. They have been woven into fables and tales for far too long to be of value.”
“What are you not telling me?”
“Before this war escalated, Everett did not lead the army. He spent two years in Ishmor as a dignitary scholar. When he returned, he had a book with him. Before you jump like a child grabbing a toy, it was not the Vitalis.”
“Removing items from Ishmor is illegal,” I point out, voice sour.
“Everett was a prince; they do not pause for laws, Titus.”
“Nor do they hesitate to ask if you will accept their magic,” I spit. “What book?”
Her eyes lose their green as recollections surface. “The Great Curse of Caldara.” Her voice slinks away until it’s nothing more than a hushed whisper.
“What’s that?”
“Precisely,” she replies.“That is where we start, Titus. The runes shall follow suit.”