Chapter 4
SOLANA
The first thing I do once I’ve snuck into Uncle Eddie’s house is take a long, hot shower. Unc is still fast asleep, the door to his bedroom shut and only the sounds of his snores rumbling from the other side.
I toss my torn dress and panties in a trash bag, then hide it under my bed for the moment. The next time I’m home alone, I’ll make sure to throw it out in the bins out front.
But as I step under the hot spray of water, I’m hyperaware how sore I am. My whole body feels tender, from my banged up knees to my breasts that might as well have been squashed with a hammer the way they ache.
It’s no wonder—when I finally dare a glance in the mirror, I’m black and blue all over. It’s even worse than it had been earlier at Kel’s place. The bruises have only deepened, migrating to different areas and darkening in tone.
My gaze tracks each one with a sickening twist in my stomach.
I have no recollection of how I got any of them. Not the giant bruise along my collarbone. Not the bruises on my thighs that look like some disturbing Rorschach test.
Then there’s the odd sensation in my vagina. No place is more sore and achy, forcing me to confront the last thing I’ve not wanted to think about.
I had sex last night.
I had sex and don’t remember any of it. The realization trickles in like it had earlier this morning when I woke up in Kel’s bed… and honestly?
I don’t know what to do with it.
I don’t know how to feel about it or what to think or do next. I’ve never…
My eyes snap shut as I try again to block out thinking any more about it. At least for now, there’s no use fixating on what I don’t know.
Answers.
I need answers from Kel and the others first. Once they sleep off last night, they’ll be able to fill in the blanks. Kel can tell me what we did last night, and it’ll help me feel better.
Convinced this is the way to go, I shove on some pajamas to cover the bruises. The baggiest sweatshirt to hide my arms and chest and an old pair of Moses’s sweatpants so I don’t have to look at my swollen, discolored knees.
I draw the curtains so it’s dark and moody in my room and crawl into bed, willing myself to go to sleep.
…to forget last night even if it’s for a little while.
Hours pass and I wake up confused and groggy in a room even darker than it was this morning. I scrub a hand over my face and then check the time on my phone.
Crap!
It’s six o’ clock in the evening! I’ve basically slept the whole day away. Shoving the covers aside, I scramble out of bed and pad through the shadowy room in sudden need of human contact. Just to remind myself I’m still me and I’m home.
But it’s no surprise that, as I wander into the hall, the rest of the house is dead quiet.
The living room’s empty and so is the kitchen.
There’s a note waiting for me on the counter, scribbled in Unc’s illegible chicken-scratch handwriting:
Club business tonight.
Picked up some dinner from Beef I can’t remember the last time we sat down and enjoyed a meal together.
Even this past Thanksgiving and Christmas, we couldn’t make it happen.
They either had club engagements or stuff from their personal lives. Moses went over to his girlfriend Shawna’s house, and Unc was away on a mission.
I spent both holidays alone, watching old movies on TV and eating frozen meals.
I take the bag of food to the living room so I can curl up and snack on the cold fries in front of the TV. My appetite is minimal anyway, my stomach rippling with nerves.
I’ve avoided it long enough—it’s time to reach out to Kel and the others.
Kel is first. I shoot him a text and nervously wait a response. When a few minutes go by and he doesn’t answer, I let out a deep breath and contemplate calling him.
He’s not exactly a phone person; he’s like most typical college guys and hates when people call him. Would he think I’m being a bother if I did? Wouldn’t it be even more annoying if I texted then called when he didn’t answer?
Guys don’t like it when girls are clingy.
Any courage I had fades away. I opt for Shay instead, pressing her name in my contact list. She answers in the middle of a conversation with somebody else.
“—don’t even mess around like that!” she laughs as she answers. Then she remembers she’s now on the phone and adds, “What’s up?”
I hesitate half a second. “Hey, you busy?”
“Busy being bothered by Matt’s annoying self. You know how it goes. I’m about to toss this pillow at his head if he doesn’t stop.”
“Oh… um… sounds like you guys are having a good time.”
“If that’s what you call it. He’s irking my last nerve,” she says, though she sounds on the verge of another laugh. “Anyway, good to hear you survived this morning. You sounded upset.”
“I… I was. I woke up in Kel’s room.”
“You told me. What’s the matter? Don’t tell me you fumbled last night.”
“Shay, I don’t remember last night. That’s why I’m calling you—what the hell happened? How did I even end up at Kel’s place?”
She sighs, suddenly the humor gone from her tone. “Didn’t I already tell you Yvette and I left to get food? You wanted to stay with Kel and them.”
“I… I did?”
“Lana, you know how you get when you’re drinking. Stubborn as fuck. Nobody can talk you out of what you want to do. My feet were hurting, and Yvette was hungry, so we went and hit up that pizza spot down the block from the club. You said you’d be alright.”
“But I woke up with some bruise—”
“Listen, I’ve got to go. Matt refuses to be ignored. He’s started pulling off my socks. Girl, he’s a mess! Talk to you later,” she says quickly. “And hey… try texting Kel. Ask him what went down last night.”
I barely get another word in before she’s hung up, ending the call. The click of the line going dead hums in my ear as I lower my phone and check for any new messages.
Maybe Kel’s finally—nope.
Still nothing.
Shay made it sound like I insisted on going back to Kel’s house. Does that mean we were really vibing last night? Were things going like I’d always hoped they would?
It’s not exactly a secret that I’ve had a little bit of a crush on Kel since the school year started. But I’ve always been shy around guys and usually lose my nerve as soon as I get the opportunity to speak to one I like.
Kel’s always been cool. He’s always seemed to sense I like him and has sometimes flirted with me (even Shay and Yvette agree he has).
Maybe we were really hitting it off last night, so I decided to take things to the next level…
It’s the only thing that soothes the anxious questions and unknowns inside my head. I let myself believe it as I dig into the bag from Beef & Bunz and eat a couple more fries.
On Monday I’ll ask Kel to his face, and we can clear everything up.
Knowing me, Shay’s right. I am a stubborn drunk. I probably fell a dozen times last night in the heels I had on.
Uncle Eddie’s always telling me I’m clumsy, and Moses just shakes his head whenever I accidentally drop stuff.
With these things in mind, I turn on the TV and let myself zone out to the shows I stream.
Monday morning rolls around, and I’m strategically dressed in a scarf and loose sweater. My attempt at hiding what’s left of my bruises. They’re looking marginally better than they had yesterday, but still vaguely resemble awkward splotches on my brown skin.
Unc’s already passed out in his room by the time I leave the house and head to Wheaton U.
Yvette’s the first person I see once I make it to campus. A broad smile spreads across her face and she nudges me in the side.
“Hey, Blackout,” she teases. “I heard about you and Kel.”
My brows push together and I stop midstep. “Blackout?”
She laughs off the question. “It’s a joke! Don’t you remember? Outside the club we were giving you shit because you couldn’t hold your liquor. It’s no big deal. Remember how Spencer started calling me Shots because of the tequila thing at New Year’s?”
“I didn’t go out with you guys on New Year’s. I wasn’t invited.”
“Oh yeah… girl, it was wild! We used the IDs to get into—”
“Excuse me, I have to go.” I rush past Yvette before she’s even got a chance to finish her sentence.
I stride down the walkway, weaving between other students either loitering or on their way to their next class.
Wheaton University’s big enough that most students don’t know each other. But as I hurry down the hall at a brisk walk, I do recognize a couple familiar faces. People in my year who glance at me and seem to recognize me too.
Some of them smirk as if amused by my presence. As if there’s some joke I’m not aware of.
I’m practically jogging by the time I reach the end of the walkway and almost crash into the exact person I’m looking for.
Kel’s arms shoot out to catch me before we collide, holding me back by the shoulders.
“Damn, Solana… you alright? Almost took me out,” he says.
I step back, jerking the strap from my bookbag higher up my shoulder. “Kel, what the hell? You’re who I was looking for! You’ve been avoiding me.”
“Avoiding you?” He releases a short laugh and shakes his head, his dimpled smile coming to his face. “Nah, yesterday… I was out. Down for the count all day. Didn’t even wake up ’til it was dark. You know how shit got Saturday night.”
“Do you remember what happened?” I ask. I glance around as people walk by us, a couple sneaking interested looks our way. I drop my voice into a whisper. “Kel, I woke up in your bed.”
He laughs again and then slides his arm around my shoulders. We fall into step together as we start going in the opposite direction I came from.
“Stop playing. You know we hit it off. You’re saying you don’t remember? You came back to my place and we had a good time. I wanted to see you today.”
“You… did?”
“Yeah. What’re you doing Thursday night? Want to see a movie?”
“A movie. The two of us?”
Once again, it’s like I’ve said something funny. He chuckles and nods his head. “Yeah, the two of us. How about it? You free?”
“Um, yeah… I am.”
“Cool. Then I’ll text you later. Sound good?”
Kel walks off before I can even process what’s happened. He’s asked me out. That’s after he said we hit it off Saturday night.
Did I really black out so bad I can’t even remember?
More confusion clouds my head as I strain my memory and come up blank. I really don’t know what to think, and I’m more confused than I was waking up in his bed.
But if Kel and I really are vibing, then maybe he wants to be my boyfriend. Maybe we’ll be in a real relationship, and at that point, would it really matter what happened Saturday night?
The bruise along my throat aches as I readjust my bookbag strap and decide to go with the flow.
If things go well, Kel Greene could finally be my boyfriend.