Chapter 46
Kinsley
A Proper Apology
“I’m sleepy, Ivan.” I couldn’t believe how this night ended. I pinched myself. Was I dreaming? Did the wine I drank earlier alter my reality?
As if he knew my thoughts, he said, “I can tell. How many glasses of wine did you have tonight?”
“I forget, but I’m really not drunk. You know, if you want to…to…” I trailed my hands down his stomach. God, he felt so amazing, so solid beneath my fingertips. He was really here in my bedroom. My cheeks ached from grinning.
“Kinsley,” he warned.
“Yes, Sir.” I sighed and rested my hands on his chest, then wiggled my body into his.
With another growl, he stilled my hips. “You’re so bad. You act like you’re deprived.”
“I have been. I swear it’s true.”
“Are you trying to tell me that Alek and Nik have given you no attention?”
“No, I meant I’ve missed your attention. I have missed talking with you and holding you. I’ve missed laughing with you and having you tease me. I’ve missed you so much.”
I once more yawned loudly, ruining my declaration. A bemused smile spread across his face.
“Go to sleep, silly girl.”
“I’ll try, but I want to tell you something first.”
“What’s that?”
“I didn’t hesitate. My enemy was before me, and I didn’t hesitate. And that’s because of you.” I held my breath, wanting him to know how his words had helped me through something horrific.
That even when I was utterly alone, he was with me in spirit—always connected. Could I explain it enough that he’d understand, or would he think me crazy?
“I’m so proud of you. I hoped you wouldn’t.” His arms wrapped around me, and I was in heaven.
“All that hard work paid off.”
“Tell me, which blade did you use?” He rubbed my back.
“The one shaped like a key. Although I lost it.”
“Lost it? Woman, what am I going to do with you?” He pushed my head back, cupping my face. “Your blade is an extension of you, your right hand. You never leave it behind. Maybe we need to start your lessons again.”
“Well, in my defense, I was a little traumatized. I mean, I was picking flowers for my beloved so I could apologize. The next thing I knew, I was far away from my Kings, in a place I didn’t want to be.”
“Flowers, for me. Do I look like a flowers kind of guy?”
“They were yellow ones. They remind me of sunshine. You remind me of sunshine. Plus, I was going to serenade you. Not that it would have worked, considering everything.” I grew quiet.
“Kinsley, my love. I need to tell—”
“No, me first. Alek told me about Vanya.” I sat up, and he looked away, his jaw clenched. I grabbed his face in my hands and moved to straddle him. “First, I want to say I’m so incredibly sorry you lost the other half that made you whole. That day in the war room—”
“No, you will not take responsibility for my actions any longer.” His gruff voice had me sucking in air while he pulled my hands from his face. Maybe I should have waited to have this conversation.
“Vanya was…” He paused, his eyes tearing up, and my heart broke.
“She was more than my other half. She was what made our family whole in ways I never understood.” He pulled my head to his chest and stroked my hair.
“My treatment of you that day was a choice, one I regret like nothing else in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I’m not sure how exactly to do that, but I hope you will give me the time and space to do so. ”
“Oh, Ivan, you don’t have to do anything. We both made mistakes that day. Me in not trusting you, using my hurt and trauma against your love for me. I was so afraid that if you knew the real me, you’d be too horrified to ever touch me.”
He tilted my chin, urging me to meet his gaze. I found myself drowning in his intense blue-green eyes. In that moment, a wave of warmth spread through me. Everything seemed to fade away as I leaned into his embrace.
“My beloved, you are more than I’ve ever deserved. I was supposed to be a slave whore, you know?” I tensed up, watching his face closely.
“You’ll never be a slave whore. I will kill any man who even so much as looks at you wrong.”
The words hit me like a spark in dry brush. Kill any man. My breath caught. He meant every syllable. It dripped with danger and devotion, with the kind of reckless loyalty that ends in ruin and ash. A tremble worked its way through me.
“I’m incredibly sorry I let you down by not sharing my heart with you that day. I think something else that drove me was seeing the hurt in your eyes and knowing I was the one who caused it. I didn’t tell Sebastian—”
“I know, Marcel explained it. I need you to hear me. I’m the one who needs to beg your forgiveness. I’m the one who hurt you, in so many ways. There is no excuse, but I will spend the rest of my days making it up to you.”
I sought refuge in his strong embrace. My heart felt both heavy with love and burdened by the uncertain future I faced. I clung to him, curling my fingers in his soft, thick hair. Nestling against him, I allowed his warmth to relax the chaos of my mind.
“Little love, I’m proud of you for not hesitating. I only wish it were the one who caused you so much pain and not his minion. I’m curious, though. How did you do it?”
“Settle in, Blade, while I tell you the tale of how I snatched a soul and rid the earth of an evil man. A little warning. Some of it may be hard for you to hear.”
His arms wrapped around me tighter, sensing the turmoil.
He listened as I shared what happened. When I got to the part about being taken into the bathroom, his muscles coiled like tightly wound springs.
His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. The intensity within them burned, and his brows furrowed, creating deep creases on his forehead.
“Too tight, Ivan,” I cried out. He was squeezing me so hard I couldn’t breathe.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “But do you understand now why I need you to always carry a blade on you?” He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back, running his hands up and down my arms while I nodded. The fear in his eyes was too much for me to handle.
“Yes, Sir.” I kissed his lips and snuggled back into his warm body as I continued talking. “I decimated his femoral artery. Bathed in the blood of my enemy, I watched him lie there, bleeding out. Then I stuck my blade here,” I whispered as my hand reached around and traced his dick.
“Rightfully so. He deserved it. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“That’s where I left it. Not the smartest move, for sure, but I can’t change it. Can I ask you something now?” I asked, ready to change the subject.
My hands continued to touch his dick. It was growing hard once more.
“Your persistence knows no bounds, young lady,” he teased. Groaning under my touch, he moved my hands away and added, “Ask me.”
“Have you ever had sleepy sex?”
He laughed, and it took him a full minute to get it under control.
“No, I prefer my women to be sober and awake, hence why we will not be fucking tonight. In fact, I think it’s time you move.” He peeled me off him and deposited me next to his body on the bed.
My hands instantly sought his cock; I was completely fascinated by it. It was so long and thick. I hardly believed it had been inside me more than once. My pussy ached to have him fill me, to stretch me.
“But I’m not drunk.” I pouted.
His hands pushed my hair back from my face. He raised his eyebrows as I grasped his cock in my hands.
“Umm, but sleepy sex would be so amazing, Ivan.” I squeezed.
“Fuck, you’re killing me. Sober and awake sex is amazing. Sleepy sex with a drunk girl violates all kinds of consent protocols,” he huffed. He took my wrists in his hands and pulled them over my head.
My breasts pushed forward, and my nipples hardened as I shamelessly rubbed them against his smooth chest. “But I’m not asleep, and I’ve given you blanket consent with my list. I want to feel you inside me, Ivan.”
He leaned in toward my lips and kissed me. “Little love, you’re going to be the death of me. Tell me, am I going to have to tie these hands down for the night?”
“No, Sir. I’ll behave.” He let my hands go, and I snuggled back into him, tucking my head under his chin with my hands on his upper chest. Sighing dramatically, he shook his head, but my eyes grew heavy, and everything faded to black.