Chapter 44 #2
Raw sadness squeezed my chest, and I had to take a step back, placing my hand on Irsha’s arm.
Behind me, the leaders of the Brotherhood observed me with identical frowns.
All but the priest were still here. As for the old cleric, I suspected his reaction had been similar to the healer who’d first discovered my vivamancy.
My shoulders sagged when the weight of my actions settled across them, but Irsha didn’t seem concerned.
Instead, he turned to the Brotherhood. ‘This is the beginning.’ He looked at those gathered and pointed to the ground we stood on.
‘Nightshade has given us an anchor, a place to belong. From this day forth, our dead will never be forgotten. Their ashes will rest here, next to Boyan, so even in a hundred years, there will be a place we can come home. The place where fire guides the weary spirit.’
I frowned, but this made sense. Those in the Brotherhood rarely had families.
They were like leaves drifting on the wind, without roots to settle down.
Irsha gave them a place to belong, and I gave them a home.
I stepped aside, observing how, one by one, the members came to touch Boyan’s tree, whispering their wishes and prayers, allowing themselves for this one moment in time to be something other than cold-blooded killers.
‘Come on, Sana; we need to head back for the wake,’ Irsha said, placing a hand on my shoulder. ‘I need you to sit by my side and show all who sowed discontent that we are united.’
I nodded, letting him lead me to the horses that awaited us at the edge of the field. ‘I can’t stay long, though,’ I said when he helped me into the saddle. ‘The reports from the south are worse than expected.’
Irsha nodded. ‘I saw them, but what can you do about it? It’s not like you can stop the Hierophant’s army from passing through the Wey Gates.’
His reminder of my own impotence didn’t sit well with me, even if Irsha was right.
The Brotherhood Observers and Reynard’s spies agreed that Tangra’s presence was growing stronger in Tivalaran.
Some units had arrived by ship, mainly officers.
Still, since no new galleons were seen docking in the port, the only explanation was that they were testing the Wey Gates… Or they were already working.
‘I can’t help Rey with military matters, but I can ensure those secretly supporting Tivala are held in check. I can also work with Tova to dismantle the magic that creates the gates,’ I said as we rode back to the city.
‘And Lily?’ Irsha asked. I heard the hint of accusation in his tone.
‘Do you think I’ve abandoned her?’ I said, fighting not to push my horse closer and smack some sense into him. ‘As we speak, the envoy is riding to Lumivitae with invitations to the royal ball. On the invite, there is an honourable mention for the herald and his wife.’
He looked at me with a frown, and I scoffed, slowing down as we entered the tall, dark portcullis of the city gates.
‘Think, Blade. If he brings her back thanks to a royal request, what’s stopping you from entering the castle and whisking her to safety?’ I said, and his expression lightened a notch.
‘If he doesn’t bring her back?’ he said, his lips spreading into a malicious grin.
‘Then Rey will keep him here, somehow, and we’ll visit his estate. I swear, Blade. One way or another, Lily will return.’ On hearing my oath, Irsha exhaled. His rigid posture relaxed, but the frown remained. ‘What? You think it won’t work?’
‘Not that. Just… her husband. If that bastard forces himself on her.’ Irsha’s strained voice barely hid the raw emotion. He rubbed his neck, looking into the distance, and my heart went out to him.
‘He’d sooner force himself on you,’ I said to lighten the mood. ‘The reason their marriage didn’t work out in the first place was that her husband already had a lover… a male lover.’
Irsha pulled on the reins so hard the horse reared, sliding on the snow. ‘What? Then why?’ Irsha turned towards me with a thunderous expression. ‘If he didn’t love her, why couldn’t he let her be?’
‘Pride? Politics? I don’t know, but bless his sorry arse, he can fuck an entire legion of fae archers if this keeps her safe from his touch.’
Irsha’s eyebrow rose, taken aback by my crude language, before he grinned. ‘That I would pay to see,’ he said before his expression grew serious again. ‘There is no shame in love, whatever form it takes. He should have followed his heart instead of imposing himself on my woman.’
We rode in silence until we reached the Chapter House.
‘I will return here tomorrow to clean Boyan’s quarters, and we will talk about how to organise things before the ball. Three weeks doesn’t give us much time,’ I said.
He nodded, helping me off the horse, ensuring the black velvet cloak didn’t tangle and send me sprawling on the ground.
When he pushed the door open, I was greeted by complete silence.
My gaze drifted down the long corridor with its flickering torches until Irsha returned to my side.
‘What is it?’ he asked, placing a hand on my shoulder, and I dragged in a breath.
‘I can’t be your shadow, Irsha. I’m sorry. I don’t belong here anymore.’
His sadness was obvious when he turned me around and locked me in a fierce embrace.
‘You’ll always belong here. For as long as I live, Roksana Regnav will have a home within these walls, but I understand.
’ He pulled me deeper inside the manor, leading us to the banqueting hall.
‘You were always meant to be something more than a poisoner of the Brotherhood, or even a Grand Master’s shadow. ’
He paused, opening the door and leading me towards the high table to await the rest of the Brotherhood.
‘Boyan knew it, Sana. That’s why he let you burn your contract, and I won’t stand in your path even if it leads where I can’t reach…
though calling my favourite Trouble “my queen” will take getting used to.
’ He kissed my knuckles, bowing with a curt flourish, and I gently smacked the back of his head.
‘Stop saying things like that. One would think I’m going away, never to return. Now sit down; the servants are getting nervous.’
He chuckled, looking around, and those who worked to prepare the banquet instantly lowered their heads. ‘Let them stare. After tonight, everything will change, and they may not have a second chance to serve the future queen of Dagome.’
I wasn’t laughing. His words touched the kernel of darkness growing in my soul since Tivala’s dungeon. Tomorrow, everything would change. For me, everything had already changed. But change wasn’t always good, and I was becoming increasingly afraid of what the future would bring.