Chapter 16 #2
“Then what?” I try to slide out of his grasp, not wanting him to see me hurt by his words.
But he doesn’t let me go, caging me in with two fists planted on either side of my head. “My business comes with risks, and you’re too young. There’s also Lev, and he needs a lot of my time.”
A bitter little laugh escapes me. “You think I wouldn’t understand that? Me, of all people?”
He sighs as he pushes off of me. “You have a whole life to live, and I’m the last man who can give you everything you deserve. I would only destroy you.”
“I’m already broken.” The smile that pulls at my mouth is dry and worn. “You have no idea what I’ve been through and what I’ve done to survive. I’m not asking you to be with me, okay? But don’t tell me what I need. I know what I need.”
I need money. Safety. The kind of safety I feel when I’m with you.
Emotion clogs my throat because he’s right, and I hate that he is.
I don’t know why I’m fighting it when I should be thinking about Milo, about what kind of life I can actually give him. Whatever line of work Kirill is in, it can’t be safe. Milo is my priority, just like Lev is his.
“Maybe I should go.” The words come out quiet, but I can’t help but feel scraped to the bone, like he took what he wanted and now he’s rewriting the moment into nothing.
Except we didn’t even sleep together, so what did he really take? And why does it still feel like this?
“I don’t mean to hurt you.” His knuckle slopes my cheek, making my lashes flutter, and I curse myself for reacting like this when I’m trying to put distance between us.
“You didn’t hurt me.” My chin lifts. “You were honest. This was just…whatever it was.”
His hands close around my face, and he pulls me in until his forehead rests against mine. “This was everything, malyshka. Too much.”
My heart twists. I hate this. All of it. We don’t work, no matter how much we like each other.
He pulls in a long drag of air and backs away, like he has to force his feet to move. “You should get some sleep.”
He’s right, even though I shouldn’t stay here, but the last thing I want is to sleep in my car tonight.
I know sleep won’t come anyway. Not with everything we just shared.
Still, I have to try, because I can’t show up at the Whitlocks’ ranch tomorrow looking exhausted. Greer definitely won’t hire me then.
“Fine.” A yawn sneaks out.
“I will show you to your room.” His arm circles my back as he guides me out, and that touch alone is enough to make me forget—for half a second—why we’re wrong for each other.
We climb the spiral staircase in silence, my fingertips skimming the railing as we go, my heart still pounding like it can’t catch up to my body. When we reach the top, he stops at a door to the right and opens it, flicking on a soft lamp inside.
“This is the guest room. I’m right next door if you need anything.”
That knowledge is comforting and unsettling at the same time.
“Let me get you a shirt.”
He goes to another room before returning with a plain white T-shirt, holding it out for me.
When I take it, our fingers just barely brush, but the contact sends a quick jolt straight through me.
It’s nothing, a second at most, and still his gaze drops to where our hands meet, his jaw tightening like he felt it too. My pulse skitters wildly in response.
“Bathroom’s through there,” he adds.
“Thank you.” I take the shirt and head inside, bracing my hands on the sink while I stare at my reflection and will myself to relax.
So what? He doesn’t want anything serious. You already knew that.
With a sigh, I back off and change fast, slipping into his shirt. It’s impossible to just forget a man like Kirill, but I’ll have to try.
When I return to the bedroom, he’s still there, leaning against the wall by the door with his back to me, like he doesn’t trust himself to look. Something about him standing there like that, holding himself so tight, makes me want to wrap my arms around him.
“Kirill,” I whisper.
Yet he doesn’t move.
“Thank you.” My words slip out softly. “For what you did tonight.”
For a long second, I think he might leave without another word. Instead, he turns, his shoulders rising.
“Don’t thank me.” His voice drops, rougher now. “You should have never been in that situation. That’s on me.”
What? No, it isn’t. But the words don’t come out. I just meet his gaze before he turns away again and starts for the door.
“Lock the door behind me,” he says, glancing back once before he disappears.
KIRILL
I brace myself against the wall outside her door, one fist pressed into the plaster, the other curled tight at my side. Every tendon in my body is pulled to its limit, like one wrong breath and I’m going to snap.
She’s just a few feet away. In my shirt. And I’m out here like a coward.
I could go to her and make it undeniable that she’s different, that I care too much, that she’s gotten under my skin in a way no one has ever managed. Not even Lev’s mother. Not even close.
But I won’t. I’ve already gone too far tonight. Done things I never should have.
The way I touched her. The way I looked at her. The way my hands didn’t want to let go.
But it happened, and that’s as far as it will go.
I push off the wall and head to my bedroom, stripping as I move, shedding clothes like they’re the problem as I enter the bathroom.
The water is scalding as I turn it on, biting into my skin, steam rising fast around me.
I let it. I welcome it. My palm presses to the tile, but nothing burns away the way I crave her.
My cock is hard, needing her, and it would be easy to take what my body is demanding, to lose myself in her for one fucking night.
She doesn’t deserve that, though. She deserves more than a man like me. A man with blood on his hands and a past that never stops rotting.
But it doesn’t seem to matter. I still want her. Won’t let anyone else have her.
Because even with everything I am, she belongs to me now. And there’s nothing I can do to change that.