Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
SLOANE
After school, I’m back at pickup, waiting by the curb while Lev’s teacher walks him out. The second he spots me, his eyes expand and a tiny smile forms.
“Hey, buddy.” I take his hand, thanking his teacher before we head for the car. “How was your day?”
He doesn’t answer, just squeezes my fingers a little tighter, and I let that be enough.
At the SUV, I guide him into the backseat and start buckling him in, making sure the strap sits right and doesn’t irritate him.
“If anyone ever bothers you at school…” I meet his eyes. “You tell me. Okay?”
I don’t ever want him to feel alone in that place, and I know sometimes it’s easier to tell someone else before telling your parents, so I’m trying to be that safe place for him.
He grips his headphones, then lets out a sigh. I squeeze his hand once, shut the door, and circle to the driver’s seat.
The address for his two therapy sessions is already programmed into the GPS, and when I check the map, I realize it isn’t far from my place—well, the place I used to call home. Maybe I can sneak over there while he’s in therapy and see Milo, even if I have to hide in the car.
All I need is a few minutes. I just want to see my son.
The drive is short, and once we arrive, I give Lev a hug and hand him off to a kind-looking blonde he already seems comfortable with.
He peers back at me as they head in, and as soon as they do, I text Kirill to let him know all is good so he doesn’t worry.
It takes me fifteen minutes to get to my sister’s, and I sit half a block away, waiting for Milo’s bus to come, right on the corner of our street.
I don’t see my sister waiting for Milo. Instead, there’s a man, maybe in his thirties, who I don’t recognize.
Is he there for another child? But who the hell is picking up my son?
When the bus rolls to a slow stop, I don’t see him yet…until it pulls away, and that’s when I see my baby.
I’m already rushing out of the car to him, about to cross the street, but then he grabs the man’s hand and I can’t seem to breathe.
Who the hell is that?
They stroll toward the house together just as my sister pulls up, waving to them.
Is he her boyfriend?
She says something to him before heading into the house, while Milo climbs into the man’s white SUV.
I’ll have to find out who that is on my own. My sister sure as hell won’t tell me.
When they pull onto the road, I follow, taking the same turns a few cars back until they reach a park less than a mile from the house. I stop two rows over, slip on my sunglasses, and trail after them at a safe distance.
A quick glance at the time tells me I can do this and still get back to Lev. He’ll be in therapy for an hour.
I find a bench with a clear view and sink onto it, forcing myself to stay still.
Milo is already kicking a ball toward him, his laughter carrying across the grass, so close it feels like I could reach out and grab it.
My hands clench in my pockets so I don’t run over there, scoop him up, and forget every consequence.
When Milo kicks the ball too hard and it rolls toward the trees, he takes off after it, disappearing behind the line of trunks.
This is my only chance. The man is distracted, phone to his ear, so I move quickly, cutting across the grass and slipping toward the trees.
“Milo,” I whisper.
His head snaps toward me, and his eyes go wide.
“Mommy?” he almost shouts, the word climbing out of him like he can’t hold it in.
“Shh.” I drop into a crouch, pressing a finger to my lips. “Hi, baby. I just wanted to say hi.” The back of my throat aches. “I missed you so, so much.”
He crashes into me, arms wrapping around my neck so tight it hurts. But I’d welcome all the pain in the world if I could have him back.
“Mommy, please.” His voice wobbles against my cheek. “Can I come with you? I don’t want to stay with Aunt Camille anymore.” Tears gather as he weaves back. “I miss you, Mommy.”
My hands shake as I hold him, my grip turning desperate. “I miss you too, baby. I miss you every day, and I wish we could be together.”
“Did you find a house yet? For me to live with you?” The hope in his tone is almost too much.
“Not yet.” I swallow hard. “But I’m close. You’ll be with me soon.”
I pray I didn’t just make a promise I can’t keep.
His eyes glaze over even more, and he grips me again, like he’s afraid I’ll disappear the second he lets go. My gaze flicks past him to the guy in the distance.
“Who’s that man with you, bud?” I smooth a hand down the back of his hair.
“That’s Tim. He’s my babysitter when Aunt Camille can’t watch me.”
What does she even know about him?
“Is he nice?”
Milo shrugs. “Yeah. He plays with me.”
“Okay.” I force myself to nod. “Good.”
“Milo? Where are you?” Tim calls like we summoned him.
Crap.
“You should go back,” I whisper, trying to guide Milo away, but his chin trembles.
“I don’t wanna.”
My own tears rush up just as Tim appears.
He takes one look at the two of us, and his expression hardens. “Who the hell are you? Get away from him before I call the cops.”
Milo’s fingers clamp down around mine. “You can’t call the police on my mommy!”
Tim freezes, then his brow lifts. “Mommy?”
My heart pounds so hard it’s like it might shove its way out of my chest. If he tells my sister, I’ll never see Milo again.
“Yes.” My throat tightens. “I’m his mom.”
He lets out a short, disbelieving laugh. “Your sister said you were dead.”
The world tilts.
That bitch.
I can’t even find anger. The shock takes up all the space. Of course I’d be dead in Camille’s world.
“My mommy is not dead.” Milo’s chin juts out with fierce little conviction.
Tim’s gaze flicks to Milo, then back to me, and something changes on his face. A crack in his certainty, like he notices the resemblance now.
“Yeah, I can see that…” He scratches the top of his head.
“My sister and I don’t get along,” I say, choosing my words carefully in case any of this gets back to her. “It’s a long story, but she took him from me, and I intend to get him back. I’m not…I’m not on drugs or anything. It’s not like that. We had a falling-out and she’s doing this to punish me.”
Tim’s eyes go flat. “Look, I don’t care about your drama. She pays me, so I’m going to have to report this.”
“Please.” I hate that I’m begging a stranger for access to my own child, but for Milo, I would crawl if it meant keeping him close for one more minute.
“I can pay you too. Whatever you want. If you could just…let me see him here. At the park. For a little while. Maybe every other day. I’ll pay you whatever you want. My sister would never know.”
Tim studies me, and I swear he’ll say no.
Then he shrugs. “Fine. But I want five hundred. Every time.”
My mind goes blank. “What?”
“That’s what I want.” His mouth twitches. “Can you do it or not?”
Five hundred dollars might as well be five thousand…but Milo’s grip tenses around my hand, and I already know the answer.
“Okay. Five hundred.”
I hate the thought of using the card Kirill gave me, but this isn’t for me.
“You can send it now. For today.” Tim crosses his arms.
“Yeah. Okay.” I fumble in my bag for the card, fingers clumsy. “I just need to add the payment method to the app.”
He watches the whole time, impatience written all over his face. When I’m finally set up, he gives me his number and I send the money, nausea creeping up my throat as the confirmation goes through.
What will Kirill think? Will he even notice five hundred when he spends millions like it’s nothing?
Tim checks his phone, and his expression eases for the first time. Then it hardens again.
“We don’t have a lot of time before I have to bring him back.”
“Okay.”
Neither do I. If I’m late for Lev, Kirill will fire me, and I can’t lose this job.
Glancing over at the food truck, I ask Milo if he’s hungry.
“Ice cream.” He grins, and of course I can’t say no.
When we wander over, hand in hand, he orders a giant chocolate cone.
“Can you actually eat that?” I grin.
He takes a huge lick, then snorts when it smears across his nose.
I reach out and wipe it with my thumb. “I think the ice cream is eating you.”
“I don’t care.” He laughs, already consumed by it.
“Come on,” I tell him. “Let’s sit over by the bench.”
“Okay, Mommy.” His whole face brightens like I just handed him the world, and I have to blink fast to keep myself together.
We settle on a bench, and Tim drops onto the one across from us, phone in hand, glancing at us from the corner of his eye and trying to look serious.
But the longer Milo talks, the more his expression softens, like it’s hard to stay cold in front of a kid this sweet and funny.
Chocolate smears at the corner of Milo’s mouth, and I shake my head with a giggle.
“Hold still.” I use a napkin to wipe it clean.
God I miss this. The little things. Like helping him tie his shoelaces, cleaning up after him, reading him bedtime stories. I just miss him so much.
“Mooom,” he mumbles, the cone dripping down his fingers and onto his wrist.
It almost hurts to look at him because I know what’s coming. I know I’m going to have to say goodbye, and it’ll kill me.
But for now, this has to be enough. Sitting here with Milo, laughing with him, feeling his shoulder press into me, it gives me something I haven’t had in a long time.
Hope.
One day, baby. One day I’m going to take you back.
And nobody is going to keep you from me again.