Chapter 1
Los Angeles, 2002
Doug
I gazed around the ballroom. Across one end of it was a huge banner, on which was emblazoned Welcome, Class of 2002 . All around me were people who hadn’t changed much in the two years since we’d graduated.
Who organizes a reunion after two years? Why not wait until it was ten?
Listening to some of the conversations was sending me to sleep. I couldn’t take five steps through the attendees without hearing the words executive , high-powered , CEO , cutthroat business , promotion… They’d obviously entered the new millennium determined to be in the fast lane. Those who’d been jerks in college might have matured, sure, but I was willing to bet there were plenty who were still a pain in the ass.
An asshole rarely changed its spots.
Why did I say yes to this shindig?
That was easy. It meant avoiding my present predicament. Except that wasn’t fair. Don’t they say it takes two to tango? And this situation wasn’t going to go away.
“So what do I call you? Counselor?”
Randy’s voice was a welcome intrusion.
I smiled and turned around. “Not what they usually call me in a boardroom. Corporate law, remember? And not that I get much time in there, what with the ink barely dry on my diploma.” Randy had turned up in a suit and I gave him an admiring glance. “Wow, look at you, Mr. Architect.”
He waved a hand. “I came straight from work. Going home to get changed would’ve meant spending less time with you guys.”
I felt a brief stab of guilt. I hadn’t been in touch with any of the guys during the last year. We’d managed to stay in touch after graduation, and apart from exchanging cards at Christmas and on birthdays, we’d met up once to spend a weekend together and catch up.
Randy had organized a weekend this year, but I’d cried off. Too much going on.
Except that was a lie. I knew they’d ask how work was going, and I really didn’t want to talk about it, especially since they’d all voiced their opinions about my future career before I’d even graduated.
I should have listened, shouldn’t I?
I looked Randy up and down, and he preened. “I look good, don’t I?”
I bit my lip. “And how many days a week do you go to the gym? Or did you just move in there, you know, to save time?”
He beamed. “It shows, huh? I’d flex, but I’d probably bust the seams in my jacket and my shirt.” He grinned. “I see you kept the beard.”
I stroked it. “Makes me look a little distinctive in a courtroom.” Dad had had a few words to say about that, of course, but I’d told him the idea CEOs didn’t trust a guy with a beard was baloney.
Nope. Don’t go there . Thoughts of my father were the last things I wanted in my head right then.
Randy chuckled. “I don’t think the beard is what makes you stand out. I mean, come on , you’re a ginger.” His eyes lit up. “But I guess I shouldn’t say stuff like that. Don’t you rank as a minority?”
“Designed any bus stations lately?” I said with a smirk.
His eyes blazed. “Hey, I’ll have you know they wrote a piece about that bus station in the local paper.”
“I can imagine. How many people have signed the petition to have it burned to the ground?” Then Randy’s mouth went down at the corners, and I took pity on him. “I’m yanking your chain. I’ve seen it, and it is so cool. Although now they need to renovate the rest of the neighborhood to bring it up to the same level of architectural excellence shown in your work.”
Randy stilled. “Really? You mean that?”
“Course. You’re damn good at what you do. Those designs you showed us two years ago, the ones for a cabin? You should totally build that.”
He smiled. “Funny you should say that. I’ll tell you more when the others get here.” He glanced around the ballroom. “Speaking of which, where are they?”
“Jeff said he was caught in traffic, but he’ll be here. Haven’t heard from Travis, but as far as I know, he’s still coming.” Then I smiled as I spotted a familiar figure strolling toward us. “And here he is.”
Travis smiled. “Well, that’s two of the four musketeers.” He gave us both a hug. “Good to see you.”
I shook my head. “When are you gonna tame that wild mop of yours?”
He laughed. “I keep it short at the sides. What more do you want?”
He seemed to be in good shape, although nowhere near as muscular as Randy. I grinned. “Felt up any hot guys lately?”
Travis rolled his eyes. “For the twentieth time, being a physiotherapist does not entail feeling up hot guys. Besides, I do that, and I’d be out of a job.”
“But you are still enjoying it, right?” Randy asked.
Travis nodded. “I know it’s only been a couple of years, but I love it. Hey, did I tell you? Bill Weatherby—he’s the diving coach at UCLA—contacted me. He wants me to join the team as the physio.” His face tightened a little. “Maybe I’ll get to work with some future world champions.”
I groaned. “Will you just give it a rest? So you didn’t win a medal. Move on, dude.” Two years later, and Travis was still bitter as fuck about losing out on being on that podium.
“I came fourth!” he blurted. “I was this close to winning bronze.”
“We know!” Randy exclaimed. “And do you know how we know? Because you keep telling us. You’re like a broken record.”
I snorted. “Showing your age there, dude. Shouldn’t that be a scratched CD?”
He gave me the finger.
Randy laid his hand on Travis’s arm. “I love the idea of you working with divers.” He cocked his head. “You still diving?”
Travis smiled. “Every chance I get. The coach at the pool thinks I should get into coaching too.” He shrugged. “It’s worth thinking about.”
“Am I too late?” We all turned. Jeff wore a dark blue suit, white shirt, and a pale blue tie. He gave us an inquiring glance.
“Nice threads,” I commented. “Which designer this time?”
“Stollery’s. Cool, isn’t it?”
“Too late for what?” Randy demanded.
“Travis’s I could’ve been a contender speech, only more articulately delivered than Brando’s line.”
Travis gave him a mock glare. “Yeah, your timing sucks. You just missed it.”
“Aw gee, I’m sorry.” Jeff’s eyes twinkled. “Then how about we grab a drink, find a table, and do some serious catching-up?” He inclined his head toward the door. “Because man, I need a drink after that. It’s bumper-to-bumper out there.”
Ten minutes later we’d found a quiet spot. The DJ was playing hits from the late nineties, and more than once, I found myself bouncing my foot in time to the music. Jeff was talking at top speed about some piece of software he was developing, and how he had plans to form his own company.
He already looks like a CEO. Fake it till you make it, I guess.
Travis had shared his news about becoming a physio at UCLA, and Randy wanted to know if he’d spotted any budding divers to watch out for in the Olympics in two years’ time.
“So what’s your news, Randy?” Anything to put off the moment when they’d all look at me and ask me what my news was.
Randy sat back and flashed us a smug smile. “I’ve bought a plot of land. A steal.”
I laughed. “Uh-oh. A steal? That’s never a good sign. Where is it? West Adams? Compton? North Hollywood?”
Randy’s eyes gleamed. “Lake Tahoe.”
Gasps rippled around the table.
“Seriously?”
“Oh my God, who did you have to kill to get your hands on that?”
I beamed at him. “You’re going to build that cabin there, aren’t you?”
He nodded, his face glowing. “That’s the plan. And once it’s built, you’re all invited to come stay with me.” He held his hand up. “You just can’t move in, okay?” That brought chuckles from me and Jeff.
“Wait a sec.” Travis narrowed his gaze. “There’s got to be a catch. Whereabouts in Lake Tahoe? Will we only be able to see the lake if we stand on the roof?”
Randy took out his phone, scrolled, and then passed it around.
My jaw dropped. “Dude, this is right on the water.”
He nodded. “I’m thinking a deck with a fire pit, looking out at the lake, late night chats, a beer or four… And plenty of bathrooms, not to mention a hot tub.”
I grinned. “And how much will you charge me in rent?”
Then it hit me. My life was about to change. A man with responsibilities wouldn’t have time to think about jaunts to Lake Tahoe.
Man, this sucks.
Whining about it wouldn’t change a damn thing. I’d already made my mind up. I was going to do the right thing.
Travis peered at the pictures. “It looks amazing. How long will it be before you can start building?”
Randy snorted. “A few years yet. I have to make some dough first. I spent every penny I had—which included a chunk of cash I inherited from my granddad—to buy the plot. So don’t make any plans to visit me just yet.” He snorted. “You should’ve heard my parents. They thought I’d invest all my inheritance. Well, the way I see it, this is an investment.”
“I guess this means you’re single,” Jeff teased. “Saving money and boyfriends don’t exactly go hand-in-hand, do they?”
Randy chuckled. “You know it. I’ll be sticking to one- night stands for a while.”
“Oh, is that why I found your name written in a stall at Mother Lode? I guess that’s your prime spot for meeting guys,” Travis quipped.
Randy fired him a glance. “Whereas you just hang around the locker room, don’t you? You do check they’re legal first, right?” He peered at me. “And what about you, Dougie-boy? You’re awful quiet tonight. How’s your love life? Seeing anyone?”
There was no getting out of it now.
“Actually, yes, I am.” Kinda.
Three heads jerked in my direction.
Jeff grinned. “About time. What’s his name?”
I took a deep breath. “Angela.”
The silence fell with a thud.
Randy was the first to speak. “You’ll have to forgive us. It’s just that… well… we kinda assumed you were into guys.”
“Except I’ve never said that, have I?” I gazed around the table. “I mean, it was obvious back in college that you three were into dudes.” I managed a half-smile. “But apparently not into each other.” I arched my eyebrows. “Unless your tastes have changed?”
Travis snorted. “Nope. Still don’t want to go to bed with any of you.”
“That’s okay,” Jeff interjected. “Randy thinks beds are overrated. He prefers to take a dick standing up in a restroom.”
Randy ignored him.
I didn’t mind the banter. Anything to keep from talking about myself.
I should’ve known Randy wouldn’t let it go.
He gazed at me with warm eyes. “You’re right, of course. You’ve never talked about your sexuality. We just assumed. So… tell us about Angela.”
“Not much to tell. You all know I joined my dad’s law firm right after graduation?” They nodded. “Well, Angela is my dad’s secretary. We got talking at the Christmas party, and it kind of went from there.”
Travis was studying me. “It’s not working out, is it?”
I blinked. “That depends what it refers to. Working with my dad’s firm? Yeah, we’re not gonna go there because you already know how I feel about that.”
Travis sighed. “Nice evasion, but you know what I’m talking about.”
“Okay, yeah, I do, but how did you know?”
“Because if everything with this Angela was fine and dandy, you’d be swinging from the chandeliers and shouting it from the rooftops.”
I lowered my gaze and stared into the neck of my beer bottle. “Don’t get me wrong. She’s a really nice person.” I heaved a sigh, then raised my chin. “Randy, how old were you when you lost your virginity?”
“Okay, that was random.” His face flushed. “Let’s just say I wasn’t legal, and leave it at that.”
“Travis? What about you?”
Travis bit back a smile. “I was a late bloomer. Last year.”
“Jeff?”
He grinned. “Nineteen, and I’m not going to tell you his name, because he’s in this room, and he’s probably as straight as he was the night he fucked me.” His eyes glittered. “I think I was his little experiment.”
Randy stared at me. “Oh my God. Angela was your first.”
I bit my lip. “Sorry, Travis, I win the prize for late bloomer.” I had no idea why I’d waited so long. There hadn’t been many girls interested in me, so when Angela wanted us to date, I was totally okay with that. Sex seemed the natural next step, and I had to admit, I’d been curious.
So… we’d done it.
The night wasn’t a disaster. It wasn’t terrible. It was just…meh.
I wasn’t about to share that with the guys. I loved them like brothers, but this touched a raw nerve.
Randy nudged me. “It’s okay, you know. You can talk to us. No one here is gonna judge you.”
I gazed at the earnest faces of my friends, and I knew he was right.
“You all thought I was gay back in college, didn’t you?”
For a moment, they didn’t react. Then they nodded, one by one.
I nodded too. “Well, it seems you knew before I did. Ever since Angela and I… She’s a sweet woman, but she doesn’t do it for me. And when I find myself sneaking glances at gay magazines, and watching guys in commercials for cologne, clothing, hair products , for Christ’s sake…”
Jeff grinned. “Yeah, but some of those guys are drop-dead gorgeous, a walking orgasm.”
“So where are you on the spectrum? Gay, bi, what?” Travis asked.
I squared my shoulders. “I’m gay.”
Jeff beamed. “Hey, you just came out. Way to go, dude.”
The others laughed, and I joined in. It was a relief to finally say it. God knew it had taken me long enough to get there.
“Does Angela know? That you’re gay, I mean. Because I’d imagine that could hurt,” Travis remarked.
I huffed. “I think the sheets hadn’t even cooled before she asked, ‘Is there something you want to tell me?’ No, she wasn’t hurt. She felt the same as I did, that going to bed had been a mistake. She was happy to call it a day, and we’re friends.”
Which had to be the understatement of the decade, and we were only just into the new millennium.
Randy frowned. “Okay, I’m a little confused right now. Why say you’re seeing her if you both agreed it wasn’t going to work?”
I finished my beer in one long swig, then set the bottle down on the table.
“She’s pregnant.”
And there was that heavy silence again.
Jeff gaped. “Wow. You get laid for the first time and hit the bullseye all in the same night.”
“How far along is she?” Travis asked.
“Three months, maybe a bit more.”
“And what does she want to do? Assuming you’ve discussed it.”
I forced myself to breathe. “Oh, we’ve talked about nothing else ever since she took the test.”
Randy passed me his bottle of beer. “I think your need is greater.” He hesitated for a moment. “I know it’s none of my business, but… didn’t you guys use birth control?”
“I offered, she said she had it covered.” I bit my lip. “She thinks she accidentally missed a dose.” I sighed. “Do you guys know what the failure rate is with those pills? Because you can bet I looked it up. Seven per cent. Seven freakin’ per cent.”
“Does she want to get married?” Travis asked.
I took a drink, then wiped my lips. “No, she does not. She was adamant about that. She said it would be a disaster.” I chuckled. “Not sure if I should feel insulted. But, and here’s the kicker, she wants to keep the baby.” I got my phone out and scrolled through my photos. “This is Angela.”
Jeff smiled as he gazed at the pic. “Dude, you have good taste. She’s beautiful. She’s got this whole Queen Latifah look about her.” He glanced at me. “She isn’t going to cut you out of the loop completely, is she? I mean, this is your kid she’s carrying. You have rights.”
“I’m going to support her. She and the baby will be well taken care of.” I shook my head. “This whole situation is so… out there. She’s older than me—she’s thirty—and what I didn’t know was she’d been pregnant before, but she never got past the first trimester.”
Randy’s eyes widened. “ Now I get why she’s keeping it. She really wants this, doesn’t she?”
I nodded. “She says it could be her last chance. She isn’t bothered about being a single mom.” I chuckled. “She also said she’d rather do this alone. She won’t be, of course. I’m going to be there every step of the way. So while I might not be married to her, I’m going to share the responsibility.”
“Good for you,” Travis said in a warm voice.
“Gotta ask something here.” Randy cocked his head. “Do your parents know? And if so, how do they feel about having a mixed-race grandchild?”
“They know, and that’s not the part that worries them.” I grimaced. “They think I should insist on marrying Angela.”
“Dude, you can’t force her down the aisle if she doesn’t wanna go. What do they expect you to do, go all caveman and drag her to the altar by her hair?” Jeff scowled. “It sounds to me like Angela knows exactly what she wants —and what she doesn’t want. You still get to be a part of the kid’s life, you get to watch them grow up, and yeah, you also get to share the headaches, and you know there are gonna be plenty of those.” He raised his bottle. “So here’s to you.” He grinned. “Dougie’s gonna be a da-ddy,” he said in a sing-song voice.
Randy and Travis laughed, and for the first time since I’d learned about my impending paternity, I breathed a little easier.
It’s going to be okay.
Well, that part of my life looked as if it could work out. The rest of it was down the toilet.
“Now can we talk about the elephant in the room?” Randy’s face had lost all traces of amusement. Then I realized the other two wore similar expressions.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I croaked. “I thought that’s what we just did.”
“Dude, this job of yours… it’s killing you.”
My throat seized, and my heart pounded.
Randy had fucking nailed it.
“Doug…” Travis’s voice was soft. “You only studied corporate law because that was what your father wanted, because you come from a long line of lawyers. You only joined his law firm to please him. Remember what Randy told you two years ago?” He grasped my hand. “This is your father’s dream, not yours, and following it will make you unhappy.”
“Even more unhappy than you are right now,” Randy added.
“You need to do something that fills you with joy, that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning because you can’t wait to start your day.” Jeff’s expression was so solemn. “I’m barely into my twenties and already I’ve seen too many people get sucked down into the tenth layer of hell because they fucking hate their jobs. And I don’t want to be standing beside your coffin because stress and worry and fucking despair caused your heart to crack. Okay?”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Fuck, they see me. They truly see me.
Travis was studying me again. “It isn’t too late, you know.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“No one goes into a job straight from college and stays in it until they retire. Not these days. Hell, some people have three, four, even five career changes in their lifetime.”
“He’s right,” Randy interjected. “So I guess the question you need to ask yourself is… what would make me happy?”
“If your dad hadn’t pushed you into corporate law, what would you have chosen to study?” Jeff leaned forward. “What was Doug ’s dream?”
The words were there, but I couldn’t let them out. “You’ll laugh.”
Randy chuckled. “You know better than that. Tell us. Four musketeers, remember? One for all, and all for one.”
I took a mouthful of beer. “I wanted to be… an artist.” I expected startled glances, coughing, slow blinks.
What I got was three wide smiles.
“I can totally see you with your own gallery,” Randy commented. “The walls covered with fantastic paintings, and yours are hanging there too. A warm little place that feels safe, where you have exhibitions to showcase new talent…”
I chuckled. “Wow. You see a lot, don’t you?” Except his words lit a fire in me, because dammit, I could see that too.
Jeff reached into his jacket pocket and removed his phone. “Okay, so let’s be practical. What will it take to make this happen?”
“Excuse me?” I was the one to blink.
“We need to get the ball rolling on this. You’ve got how long until the baby arrives? Six months, maybe less? And while Angela won’t need a whole heap of money at first, that’ll soon change. So we need to make sure you’re in a situation financially to help her when she needs it.”
“Don’t even think about your dad at this point,” Travis told me. “Sure, he’ll be upset, angry even, but he’ll come around.”
“And if you need some financial support while you change lanes, we’re here for you.” Randy grinned. “Especially Mr. Executive over there in the designer suit. You know, the one who’s gonna score it big in Silicon Valley, and there ain’t no one poor over there , believe me.”
“You’d do all this… for me?”
Jeff smiled. “This is what we do, isn’t it? We step in. If it hadn’t been for me, Travis might never had made it to the Olympics, and while he might bitch about not winning a medal—”
“Whaddaya mean, might ?” Randy teased. Travis merely rolled his eyes.
“What I’m trying to say is, Travis would be the first to admit Sydney was an awesome experience.”
Travis nodded. “Jeff’s right. He saved me that night. And now we want to save you .”
“It’s not going to happen overnight,” Jeff observed. “But it will happen. You’ll make it happen.”
In that moment, I believed him. I felt as light as a feather, and while I knew I’d wake up the next day to find myself besieged with doubts, right then I had a dream to follow.
And friends to help me onto the right path.