19. CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 19
Rose
" I 'm literally dyin' here, and you want to fight with me?" Malou smirked.
"I can't believe you're usin' your cancer like this," I said, horrified.
"Flower Girl, if I can't use it now, what's the point? I sure as hell won't be able to after I'm dead," Malou chortled. She was sitting in an armchair with a cup of mint tea by the fireplace, facing a window and looking out into the darkness where the white froth of the waves looked like clouds rolling in the night.
"You talked to Gray," I accused her.
She nodded. "He called me. Begged me to help give him a chance to make it up to you."
I cocked an eyebrow. " Begged ? Pull the other leg, Malou, it's shorter."
She snorted. "Bitch, listen to me, the man was cryin' on the fuckin' phone. What did you want me to do? You know, I've gone soft since I'm so close to death."
"Sheesh, here we go again with the death talk," I muttered.
Malou sipped her tea. "I wanted you to have your family with you for Christmas. Not just Willow; I wanted Jude and Gray here. And I wanted to meet them too. You know…before I die ."
I rolled my eyes, but she was right; I couldn't be angry with her. She was dying, and to be honest, my heart felt just a tad lighter to know that this first year after the breakup of my marriage, we would be together as a family for Christmas. It felt right to have them here at Angel's Rest. I was glad I'd taken the time to buy Jude and Gray presents, which I could now put under the Christmas tree in the large living room. It was spacious and lovely, with a grand piano and an old-fashioned bar where I'd started to serve holiday drinks before dinner on Fridays and Saturdays.
I'd taken a mixology class when Gray started to invite people home so I could learn how to make a proper martini. I was good at it, and I was happy to play bartender for our guests, especially since I charged handsomely for the cocktails. Since there weren't a lot of places to go to get a drink and Malou had a liquor license, I was glad to have opened up a new source for revenue.
Malou was thrilled as well as amused. " Gourmet food and fancy drinks. Flower girl, you're gonna make my B I just know it. "
She set her teacup down on a side table. "How was it to see him again?"
"I'm so glad Jude is—"
"I know how it was for you to see your son, Rose. I'm talkin' about Gray."
I knew who she was talkin’ about . I looked at the clock, and she growled at me. "What?" I asked innocently, "Dinner is served in a—"
"Rose?"
I groaned. "It was nice, alright. Real nice. He smells good."
Malou burst out laughing. " He smells good? "
I sighed and flopped on a chair, facing her. "He always smells so good. His cologne is" —I exaggerated an inhale— " divine ."
"Stop sniffing around like a bitch in heat," Malou chuckled.
I sobered. "I got angry and blurted something that I've never told anyone…well, except my therapist." I looked at the fireplace and felt that familiar burn that came into my chest when I remembered what Gray had said to his brother when he didn’t know I was listening. "This was a few years ago. It was Holden's birthday. He and Gray were smoking cigars in Holden and Bonnie's new gazebo."
"The one that cost two hundred thousand dollars?" Malou asked sarcastically.
"Yeah." I'd told her how Bonnie couldn't shut up about that damn gazebo and how expensive it was. "I was walking around the garden, sick of the people inside."
Holden and Gray hadn't seen me. I was hoping to sneak by without talking to anyone. I just wanted to go home and be done with Gray's pretentious rich friends and family.
Mama Rutherford was inside, and I made it a point to steer clear of her when other people were around. Not because she was outright mean in front of an audience—quite the opposite. She became overly solicitous, putting on a show of kindness in a "look how nice I am to the trailer trash" kind of way. It made my skin crawl.
"I'm growin' old," Holden complained, letting out circles of smoke.
Gray took a drag of his cigar. He smoked but rarely—and I wasn't the wife to nag him about his eating, drinking, or smoking. He was a grown man, and he could do what he wanted. I wished I had that freedom—and I probably did when I was alone, but not with people who could tell Mama Rutherford about what I'd done as they seemed eager to do. That always led to her being cruel, which I could handle, but then sometimes Gray joined in, agreeing with her, and that crushed me. It was easier to stay off Mama Rutherford's radar than to be on it, which I did expertly after years of experience.
"I'm forty. I'm older than you, asshole," Gray protested in good humor.
"I wonder about my life. I'm just gonna get older, and I wonder if I'll ever have what you have."
"What does that mean?" Gray asked.
"Bonnie doesn't love me, Gray."
Gray made a sound in dissent.
" She likes being Mrs. Rutherford, but she doesn't love me,” he reiterated and then added, “Not like Rose loves you."
I stilled, my heart beating fast.
"Yeah, I'm a lucky man," Gray slurred. I knew he had been drinking. He wasn't full-on drunk but tipsy enough.
I smiled. Oh my God. Gray thought he was lucky to have me.
"I used to not like her, but I can see she takes good care of you and the kids," Holden continued.
"She does." Gray let out smoke rings. "She never has a headache and is ready to fuck any which way I want."
"Like I said, you're a lucky son of a bitch." Holden sighed.
"I couldn't move, Malou, not for a while; it was like my feet were stuck to the ground. Holden said I took care of him and the kids, and Gray's response was that I fucked him." I could still feel the humiliation I'd felt then.
"He was drunk, Rose."
"I know, but he thought it, didn't he?"
"Yeah, he did. Look, so he likes to tap your fine ass. Can't blame him. If I swung the other way, I'd do you." Malou coughed as she laughed. I patted her back and waited for it to pass. After, she all but collapsed, breathing hard. "I hate being sick, Rose."
"I know, hon."
She looked at me. "It's not going to be long."
Tears filled my eyes. I nodded. What could I say? Don't go, stay? I know you're in pain, but please don't leave me. You're my family, the only person who loves me unconditionally.
Oh, Malou, how will I go on without you?
I knew I couldn't say any of that. It wouldn't be fair, so I smiled wanly. "You rest up and then join us for dinner." Before she could protest, I continued, "Have a few bites of food and meet Jude."
"Okay, Flower Girl. I'll take a short nap."
"You want to get into bed?"
She shook her head, and I helped her stretch out with her feet on the ottoman. I put a blanket on her and watched as she slid into sleep.
I stepped out of her room and found Gray, who was in the lounge, looking at a painting.
"We have this artist's work at home," he murmured when he saw me.
I nodded. "He’s a local artist from Angel Island. I fell in love with his landscapes."
"How's Malou?" he asked.
He looked good in a pair of jeans and a dark blue cashmere sweater that made his eyes bluer. I bought that sweater for him a few Christmases ago.
"She's resting, but I think she'll make it for dinner."
"Rose, I—"
"Miss Rose," someone called out to me, and I turned to greet the young couple who were staying through Christmas Day at the B&B. They were from India, pursuing their master's degree at Georgia Tech. Since they had no family in the United States, they'd decided to come to Angel Island as I'd made it a point to advertise how we celebrated Christmas like a family at the B&B.
"Hi, Dev and Geeta. How was your walk on the beach?"
They were in their early twenties and adorably in love. Dev was a handsome young man and seemed to always want to hold his girlfriend's hand. Geeta was outspoken and full of life. They'd come the previous night and had regaled me with stories about life as immigrants during breakfast. I'd sent them to explore the island and find lunch at Mimi's, a diner that made the best shrimp and grits in the state of Georgia.
"It was so cold." Geeta rubbed her hands together. "But so much fun."
"We saw a whale, Miss Rose," Dev continued excitedly.
Between December and March, North Atlantic right whales (the most endangered whales in the world) could be seen passing through the St. Simons Sound on their way to warmer waters for calving. The Angel Island Fishing Pier was a good place to spot them, and I'd hoped Dev and Geeta would get lucky when I sent them there.
"Then we went to Rusty Nail and had some hot toddy," Geeta informed me. "Because my hands were frozen solid."
They both realized we weren't alone and looked at Gray. He came toward them and held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Gray Rutherford, Rose's husband."
It annoyed me that he introduced himself the way he did.
For God’s sake, Rose, he legally is still your husband.
But the truth was that even though it pissed me off, it also made me happy to hear that he thought of himself as my husband.
"Oh wow. We didn't know you were coming. Miss Rose said her daughter was going to be here," Geeta chirped.
They all shook hands and introduced themselves.
I wiped my hands on my jeans because, despite the cold, they felt clammy. Gray was here . What did that mean? And he'd said he was here for six months. This man who couldn't take a weekend off to go away on a short break was taking six whole months off.
"I'm going to check on the food." I was about to keep walking when I stopped, not knowing why, to say, "Gray, can you make Dev and Geeta a drink?"
He looked at me, first with surprise and then gratitude. "Yes, of course."
"There's a fully stocked bar in the living room." I waved a hand in the direction of the main living area.
"Yes, ma'am." He looked almost happy, and I felt bad. Was I leading him on, asking him to take care of the guests as we would if we were at home? Or was I leading myself on?
Hell, who had time to figure that shit out? I had Cornish hens to dress.