Chapter 4 Animals
four
Animals
"Do you need any help?”
I jump at the sound of Michael’s voice and drop the fork I was holding. I'd slipped into the dining room to set the table for dinner when Matthew and Kendra came in. Seeing them together highlights the fact that Jacob isn't here. I needed to be alone for a minute.
He bends and picks it up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.” I take the fork without looking at him. “I guess my mind was somewhere else. It's nice to have everyone home." I put my hand on the spot where Jacob sat the last time he was here. Then I finish putting the silverware around the table.
“But not everyone’s here, right? There’s one more, isn’t there?” Michael asked.
How does he know I was thinking about Jacob? “One more?”
“Don’t you have a little brother?” Michael replies.
“Oh yeah, Tyler.” I feel stupid. “He’s fifteen, so he’s never here anyway.”
“Does that mean I won’t get to meet him?” Michael follows me into the kitchen.
I pick up the salad bowl. “I imagine he’ll sulk in at the end of dinner and demand to be fed before disappearing into his room again.”
“I can understand that.” Michael grabs the butter dish and follows me back into the dining room. “I was a teenage boy once.”
“Strange animals, those teenage boys.” I set the bowl on the table and face Michael.
“Animals would be the appropriate term.” Michael says. “As I recall, there are only two things that can tame a teenage boy: food and, of course, a teenage girl.”
“What about cars, sports, and violent video games?”
Michael waves his hand dismissively. “Distractions. Things to keep them occupied until the next meal or the next pretty girl comes along.”
“Good thing you grow out of that stage,” I say sarcastically.
Michael shrugs. “Actually, I think we just require more food, and older girls. But maybe we learn to control it better.”
“Wow, thanks for that insightful look into the male psyche.”
Michael shrugs. “I don’t think any guy ever claimed to be hard to figure out, at least not any normal guy.”
I sigh. “And yet we spend way too much time obsessing about what you guys are thinking, or at least I did when I was a teenage girl.”
“I thought you were still a teenager. Don’t you turn nineteen next month?”
“Yes, thanks for pointing that out.” I’m not sure why he knows when my birthday is. How much did Matthew tell him about me? I turn around and struggle to get a basket from the top shelf.
Michael comes behind me, grabs the basket easily and hands it to me. “Does that mean you still obsess about what guys are thinking?”
I give him a strange look as the oven timer dings. “Actually, the only thing I obsess about now is whether I’m going to pass my next chemistry test."
“I get that. Chemistry is hard." He leans against the cabinet. "But guys are easy. Like right now. What am I thinking?"
I pull the biscuits out of the oven and pretend to think. "You're hungry and you're wondering if you could get away with stealing one of these biscuits?"
He smiles. "Close. I am hungry, and those biscuits smell fantastic, but like I said, I've learned to control that part better."
"So, no stealing?" I ask, piling biscuits into the basket. One falls out and rolls across the counter.
"Nope." He reaches over and picks it up. He takes a bite. "Unless it gets me the pretty girl."
When I walk into my room after everyone has gone to bed, Matt is sitting at my desk holding the picture I put on my nightstand of Jacob in his full dress uniform.
“Hey sis.” He sets the picture down without comment.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?” I ask.
He sighs. “Yeah. But we have to be up early tomorrow, and Kendra’s entire family is at her house, grandparents included. I doubt they'd be impressed if I followed her to her room." He laughs as my face flames. "Wow, Jess. You blush easily.”
“That’s not exactly a topic I want to discuss with my brother. Ever.”
“Okay, sorry,” he grins at me.
“So what do you want to talk about, Matt?” I glance at my computer. I was planning to email Jacob before I went to bed.
“Can’t I just come in to talk without having an ulterior motive?” he says innocently.
“You never have before.”
Matthew fidgets in the chair. “I was hoping I could convince you to come skiing with us tomorrow."
I sigh and sit on my bed. "I would love to go skiing with you, but as I said at dinner. I'm low on funds, and I promised Jasmine I'd go Christmas shopping with her tomorrow."
"Michael offered to pay for you," Matthew points out.
I sigh, remembering the discussion at dinner. Turns out Michael grew up in Colorado and was part of a junior racing team. He acted as if he were being modest about it, but I saw through his act. "And I said no."
"What if I paid for you?" Matthew asks.
It takes me a second to realize he's serious. "Why would you do that?"
"Call it an early Christmas gift. Call it wanting to spend more time with my little sis while I have the chance. Call it—"
Matthew is laying it on too thick for me to believe those are his only motives. "You need a favor, don't you?"
He breaks. "Yes. Actually, I'm kind of desperate. I have no idea how to propose to Kendra."
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Matthew this stressed before. “You don’t have a plan yet?”
“Not a clue.”
I rack my brain, trying to remember if Kendra mentioned anything about a perfect proposal scenario. I can’t think of anything. "It has to be something cool, something really romantic. Something she isn’t expecting.”
“I already know all of that. It’s the details I need help with.” Matt picks up a snow globe off my desk, shakes it, then looks at it as if might be a crystal ball that holds the answer.
“Hmmm.” I watch the snow swirling around the globe. “Maybe something tomorrow, on the ski hill. That could be romantic."
“Tomorrow would be good.” Matthew sets the globe down. “Waiting is killing me.”
I consider my options. Matt seems desperate.
I'd much rather ski than go shopping with Jasmine, and I'd really like to be there when Matt proposes.
“Okay. I'll tell Jasmine I'll go shopping with her in a couple of days. Bring the ring with you tomorrow and give me some time to think. I’ll let you know what the plan is in the morning.”
"You're the best!" Matthew says. He stands and gives me a spontaneous hug. “You might want to let Mike in on it. He’s good at romantic stuff.”
“Yeah, sure.” I glance at the computer again. I feel guilty for wanting Matt to leave, but I haven’t checked my email since this morning.
He doesn’t. “So...”
“I don’t have a plan yet. I said in the morning.”
“Not that. What do you think of Michael?”
My thought process is shattered. “Michael?”
“Yeah, you know, the guy I brought with me.” Matthew makes it sound like I actually don’t know who he’s talking about.
“Hot-shot, pre-med, diamond-shopping, ski boy? He's nice, I guess."
“Nice, good-looking, smart, funny...” Matthew starts.
“Wow. If you feel that way about Michael, maybe you should rethink your engagement to Kendra.”
Matthew makes a face at me. “You know what I mean. Mike is a great guy.” He hesitates. “You should give him a chance.”
“Give him a chance?” If I wasn’t so shocked I might laugh. “Are you trying to set me up?”
“Maybe.” He picks up the snow globe again. “How do you feel about that?”
“Honestly, Matt, there's a problem with that. Before Jacob left, things kind of changed between the two of us.” My face flames. Here’s another conversation I’m not comfortable having with Matthew.
“I know.” Matt still won’t look at me.
“You know?”
“Mom told me you’ve been writing to him. She said you drove all the way home to say goodbye to him when he left for Iraq.” He gestures toward the picture. “Nice picture, by the way.”
“Thanks.” I pause. “If you know about Jacob, why did you bring Michael here?”
“He needed a place to stay while he went to visit some old friends.” Matt keeps shaking the globe.
The motion is getting on my already fraying nerves. I take it away from him. “I know that. But you just admitted you were trying to set me up."
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Jacob, almost like a brother. He’s a great guy. But he’s not...”
“Not what?” My irritation level rises.
His voice softens. “Michael is also a great guy. He comes from a family with money, and he's going to be a doctor.”
"Please don’t tell me this is all about money.”
“Of course not.” Matthew lowers his voice. “Jacob is a soldier, a good soldier, but right now that’s all he is, and the road to advancement is a long one.”
“How can you say that, Matthew? How can you say, ‘Jacob’s just a soldier.’ When that’s exactly what you are? How can you tell me that Jacob isn’t right for me because he’s a soldier, when you are asking Kendra to accept you on the same credentials?”
“It’s a little different, Jess.” He says it patiently—like he’s explaining something to a child.
“I’m just in it for the training and money for college.
I’ll do my time in the Army and then I can get my degree and a good job.
It's a great place to get started. I’ve learned a lot.
But for me, that’s all it is, a jumping-off point.
For Jacob, it’s his whole life. Think about a life of long deployments and moving all over the country.
He's already got you waiting around for him.”
“Michael's in the Army too, right? Wouldn't I have the same life with him?"
“He'll owe the Army some time after medical school, but then he'll be done. For his family, the military is a rite of passage. Every great-grandfather for years has been a soldier. Michael has been in ROTC since high school. He’s only a year older than me, and he out-ranks both me and Jake.
He could walk away from the Army tomorrow and probably live on his trust fund for the rest of his life.
He has everything in life, but he's still a good person. He wants to be a doctor so he can help people.”
I glare at Matt. “How would you feel if while you were in Iraq I set Kendra up with some rich guy from college?”
“That’s different. I’ve been dating Kendra for almost three years. By the time deploy, Kendra will be my fiancé, and if I can swing it, maybe my wife. You and Jacob had one make-out session in the barn. I’m not sure that's a relationship.”
“It was a lot more than that. It was... I... he said...” I hate the way Matt put it, and I hate how flustered it makes me trying to defend my relationship with Jacob. “It had been building for a long time before that.”
“I know you’ve had a thing for him forever, and yeah, he deserves all the credit for saving you from Brad in the barn. I can see how that cemented the feelings you already had for him, but are you sure it goes both ways? “
The thread of insecurity I feel every time I think about my relationship with Jacob forms into a rope that twists in my stomach. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“Look, I know Jake in a different way than you do. He’s a good guy, but girls have always gone for him. He’s always had one or two back-ups.”
“So you’re saying what? That I was his back-up?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just...if you really mean that much to him, why did he wait until just before he left to let you know how he felt? And why did it take him so long to get rid of that other woman?”
I’m ready to throw Matt out. Apparently, Kendra told him a lot about what went on between me and Jacob. More than I wanted her to.
Matt seems to get that he pushed things too far.
He stands up. “I didn’t mean to insult you.
It's just...you’re only eighteen, Jess. Keep your options open.
If Jacob is the one, then you have my blessing.
Not that you need it,” he adds hastily. “But I know that Michael already likes you. It might be worth giving him a chance.”
“If you think so much of Michael. You should go out with him.”
"Not my type," Matthew says. Then he adds meekly, “You’ll still help me tomorrow, won’t you?”
I let out a frustrated breath. “I’ll help you. Because I love Kendra, and I’m actually that desperate to have a sister. But honestly, Matt, butt out. I don’t need your help when it comes to finding a guy.”
“You’ll still be nice to Michael though?” Matthew stands up to leave.
“Don’t push it, Matt.” I growl.
“I love you, Jessica,” he says sweetly.
“Yeah, whatever. Go to bed. You’re going to need your sleep. You have a big day coming up tomorrow, unless I decide to tell Kendra what you're really like.”
As soon as Matthew leaves, I flop on my bed. I’m too irritated to think. Why does everyone have an opinion about who I should be with? Up until a couple of months ago, “everyone” included Jacob.
No way am I doing anything tomorrow that might give Michael any encouragement, or anything that will give Matthew the satisfaction of seeing us together. And I definitely won’t be confiding in Kendra again for a long time.
I’m supposed to come up with Matt’s perfect proposal plan. I look at the clock—11:30. Great. We’re leaving early tomorrow, and I have to keep up with a guy who used to race on skis. Keep up with him and avoid him at the same time.