Chapter 15 Checking Up
fifteen
Checking Up
Ican't concentrate on what my professor is saying. My mind is on the two reminders of my birthday that showed up at my apartment this morning. The first was a dozen white roses. I immediately assumed they were from Jacob. They’re from Michael.
As beautiful as they are, they make me feel guilty just looking at them.
The second was the birthday card my roommate got from the mail and left on my dresser. The return address was missing, but the handwriting looked familiar. I didn't realize why until I opened the card. It was a generic card—a birthday cake on the outside, blank on the inside except for three words.
Thinking of you.
I tried to convince myself that it was a coincidence or someone's idea of a sick joke, but I know Brad's handwriting. He's not supposed to contact me. I thought about calling my lawyer, but there's probably no way to prove it was from him. I threw it away.
My cell phone vibrates. I jump and clap my hand over my leg to silence it. I keep my head down as I head to the back of the lecture hall, walking as fast as possible.
I manage to answer it before it goes to voicemail.
“Happy Birthday, Jess.”
“Jacob!” I scream, not caring that I'm still in earshot of the class.
“You didn’t think I would let today go by without at least a call, did you?” I can picture his lazy half-grin when he says that.
“Jacob, it’s so good to hear your voice. I cried for an hour when I realized I'd missed your call on New Year’s Eve. I should have told you about the stupid party.”
“No, I’m sorry. I should have known you'd be out. There’s no reason for you to be alone on New Year’s Eve, sitting around waiting for a phone call.” His voice sounds far away and lonely. My chest aches.
“The chance to hear your voice is a huge reason for me to sit around by myself. I don’t care what day it is.”
“How was the party?”
I suck in my breath. This is the last thing I want to talk to Jacob about. “It was okay.”
“It wasn’t a wild frat party, was it?” He's teasing, but I sense something beyond curiosity in that question.
“No way, I told you I got my fill of those the second week of school. This one was at one of the deans' houses. It was much more formal.”
“Did you get a kiss at midnight?” There's a jealous edge to his voice, something I've never heard before.
“Jacob, how can you even ask that?” I’m glad I can answer him honestly. “Yes, I kissed a little old man on the forehead. Is that okay?”
“It sounds perfect to me. Speaking of which, do you want to know how many you owe me now?”
“How many what do I owe you?”
“Kisses.”
I grin. “Sure, how many?”
“Let’s just say you’d better stock up on lip stuff now.”
“Good, I hope we get to spend the first three days after you get home just kissing.” Cheesy, mushy, I don’t care how it sounds. I love talking to him this way.
“You have no idea how good that sounds to me right now. Holding you. Kissing you. Whatever that leads to…"
My checks burn. I'm not ready for this conversation yet. “So how are things there?”
“Wet, muddy, basically a mess. What about there?”
“Cold, a little snow. I didn’t think I’d ever miss the rain, but some days, I’d be willing to trade the rain for the cold. At least we get to see the sun.”
“I'd love to come keep you warm.”
“I’d love to have you here keeping me warm.”
“How's school?”
“Okay, you just got me out of the king of all boring lectures.”
“I called in the middle of class? I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’d much rather be listening to you right now.”
“Are you going to get into trouble with your professor?”
“Not if I bring a signed note from my mother.” I laugh. “It's college; you don’t really get into trouble like that. He might not be happy with me for ducking out, but I can deal with that. I would deal with a lot more than that to hear your voice.”
“Hey, I was going to send you flowers or at least a card, but it didn’t work out. I’m sorry.”
Images of the dozen white roses sitting on my dresser and the card smashed into the bottom of the trash can flash through my mind.
I can't tell Jacob about either. “Don’t be. A call is the best thing you could ever give me. Besides, you’ve already given me more than enough.
Did I mention I love the earrings? I’m never taking them off. ”
“I’m glad to hear that. Thank you for the long letter and all the pictures. I definitely have the best-looking girlfriend of any guy here.”
I don't miss the word girlfriend. I'm sure it's the first time he's said it, but I try to keep it casual. "Yeah, right."
"Seriously, we lined everyone's pictures up and took a vote. You won."
For a second I wonder if he's telling the truth, but I catch the teasing in his voice. “You’re such a dork.”
“Yes, but I’m your dork.”
My heart swells. “I love to hear you say that.”
“That I’m a dork?”
“No, that you’re mine.”
“I am. Slave for life if you’ll take me.”
I try to sound coy. “You might regret saying that. I might just take you up on that.”
“You can absolutely take me up on that."
I press the phone closer to my ear, savoring the implied commitment behind his words, even if we're joking around. It's everything I've ever wanted. He's everything I've ever wanted. If only he weren't so far away.
His voice gets more serious. "Hey, Bryan wanted me to thank you for watching Connor for Becky. She really appreciated it. She loves you.”
“I really like her too. We email back and forth a lot. She’s kind of becoming a big sister to me.”
“I’m glad. Becky needs all the support she can get. I guess the baby will be here soon.”
“Three weeks, and she’s so ready for it to happen. Two boys, though, that will be a handful, especially if this one is anything like Connor.”
“Bryan is dying that he can’t be there.”
“I can’t imagine having a baby without a husband there. Actually, I guess I can’t imagine having a baby at all right now.” I stop myself. This is a really awkward conversation to be having with Jacob.
We’re both quiet for a minute. Finally, Jacob says. “I miss you all the time. I can’t believe it’s only been four months.”
“Please don’t mention that. Time is going by so slowly.”
“I know, but it will pass. I guess we’re guaranteed at least that.” He pauses for a minute. “Time. Damn. I hate this. I have to go. I’m sorry. I wish we could talk all day.”
“I do too.” I'm suddenly desperate to keep him on the phone. There’s so much I want to say.
He’s leaving. “I’m sorry. Have a great birthday, Jess. Don’t forget, I love you.”
I’ll never get tired of hearing him say that. “I love you too.” And Jacob...”
“What Jess?”
“Close your eyes.”
“Mmmm, thanks for that. You’d better block out that whole first week after I get home.”
“Already done. Hurry home. Take care of yourself. I’ll be waiting.”
I wait until class is over to sneak back into the lecture hall. I wouldn’t have gone back at all, but I left my backpack in my rush to leave. I’m hoping my professor is already gone.
No such luck.
“Miss Roberts,” he says. “I think I made it clear at the beginning of the term that I don’t appreciate cell phones in my class.”
“I’m sorry. I had to take that call. It’s my birthday, and that was my boyfriend calling from Iraq.”
His face softens. “I guess I can let it go. But I would appreciate it if you left the phone on silent for the duration of my class from now on. I find the vibrate feature just as annoying as a ring.”
“I won’t let it happen again.” I shoulder my backpack and turn to leave.
He stops me. “I thought Dean Stephen’s son wasn't going to Iraq.”
The question shocks me. It takes me a minute to understand what he’s implying. “You mean Michael? He’s still in Texas. That’s not who I was…”
He seems embarrassed. “Oh. I saw you together at the New Years Eve party. I just assumed…”
“We’re just friends.” I feel like I’m being checked up on. I wonder who else on campus knows anything about me and Michael, or what his dad or anyone else might have said about me.
Maybe I should have been more honest with Jacob about the party. I have this sudden fear that rumors about my friendship with Michael might get back to Jacob all the way in Iraq.