Chapter 68 Jacob Don’t Wait
sixty-eight
Jacob: Don't Wait
Iwalk around the mall three times before I can make myself go into the jewelry store.
I try to be casual, but I’m sweating. I know nothing about rings or any other jewelry.
Yeah, I may have hit it out of the park with a cheap silver locket ten years ago, but I've had no experience since then.
Mom bought Jess' earrings. This is a special kind of torture. Bring on the water-boarding. I think I’d prefer that to looking for an engagement ring.
Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s only been a couple of months since we’ve been together. Well, a couple of months, the year in Iraq, the three years I’ve been at Fort Lewis and all the time we spent together when we were kids. Is that long enough?
The lady standing behind the glass case is blonde and pretty. She has a huge smile, a row of sparkling white teeth. Nothing threatening about her, but I shy away from her friendly “May I help you?” and shake my head.
I keep my head down, looking, but not really looking. What am I doing here? Do I really want this? The whole thing: a lifelong commitment, a wife, a family. Am I ready for this?
I need another lap around the mall to sort things out.
I’m about to walk out of the store when a ring in the corner of one of the display cases stops me.
I step forward to look. It’s a simple ring, a twist of silver and a single diamond, but something about it says Jess.
Something about the curves on the side reminds me of the little locket I gave her a long time ago.
The clerk takes it out of the case. I hold it between my fingers and watch the light reflect off the diamond. I can imagine it on Jess’ finger. I wish I could imagine what her reaction will be.
I check the price tag and grimace. Between my new car payment and all the dumb stuff I did before I got Jess back, my savings is shot. I might be able to swing the ring if I get the promotion I’m in line for, or if I sell my car.
I shake my head. Is this what I really want? Sell my car, get a wife. Make that commitment. Jess’ face comes into my mind. What would it be like if she were really mine? What would it be like to have her waiting for me every night when I came home?
This is the rest of my life—the rest of our lives.
I know I’ve never loved anyone this much before.
A future with her is easy to imagine. I can picture her glowing with the roundness of pregnancy, carrying our baby.
I can see her pushing our daughter or son in the swing, being a mom to our kids.
I can see us getting old together, being one of those cute old couples celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary.
I look at the ring again.
The only thing I know for sure. I can’t leave Fort Lewis without Jess.
I buy the ring. Lucky for me, my credit is good. I qualify for convenient monthly payments. I’ll put the car up for sale when the details are all worked out. I guess that means if she says yes.
The sparkly-toothed clerk puts the ring in a little velvet box and smiles at me. “She’ll love it, but if it isn’t quite what she wants, you can bring it back and exchange it for something else.”
She didn’t tell me what to do if it’s me she doesn’t want.
I manage to get to my room without anyone seeing me.
I’m not sure what I would say if anyone tried to talk to me right now.
I pull the box out of my pocket and set it on my desk.
I open it and look at the ring from a distance.
My heart is pounding as if I ran ten miles.
Now what? I step forward and pick up the ring between my fingers.
My phone rings. I pull it out and check it. For the first time ever, I’m hoping it isn’t Jess. I’m not sure I can talk to her now.
It’s my mom. Almost as bad. Mom has a sixth sense about things like this. She always knows when to call. Like when I was assigned to Fort Lewis, she called almost immediately after I got my orders.
I consider not answering the phone, but I know I have to tell someone. Mom is probably the best choice.
“Hey hon,” she says. “How are things?”
“Pretty good,” I answer.
“How are things on base?”
“Good.” I study the diamond in the light of my room, and run my finger over the patterns on the sides.
“What have you been doing lately?” she asks.
“Lately? Like when lately?” My reaction sounds like I'm hiding something.
“I don’t know. How about today? What did you do today?”
I take a breath. “The usual.”
She sounds suspicious. “How are things with Jess?”
“Good, great actually,” I try to keep it casual, but I know she’s not buying it. I roll the ring between my fingers, wondering how to tell Mom. The ring flips out of my grasp, flies across the room, and bounces along the floor. I swear.
“What was that?”
“Just a minute, Mom.” I set the phone down on the floor and retrieve the ring. I put the ring back in the box, shut the lid and then go back to the phone.
“Okay, what’s going on? And don’t say nothing. I know you too well. You sound nervous, or stressed, or something. Did you hear from the promotion board?”
“No, it’s not that.”
“What then?”
I touch the box. “Mom, what do you think about me and Jess…what would you say if I told you…” I take a deep breath and just blurt it out. “What do you think about me marrying Jess?”
She laughs, “You want to know what I think about you marrying Jess? The beautiful, sweet daughter of one of my best friends, the girl who has been in love with you since she was a little girl, the girl who would make a great mom and a great wife? What do I say to that? How about this, Jake? What took you so long?”
I touch the velvet box. “I’m glad to hear you say that because I bought something today.”
“A ring?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Jake, congratulations!” She practically squeals. “When do you think you’ll get married?”
“I haven't asked her yet. If she says yes, it will have to be soon. I’m expecting new orders.” I’m waiting for Mom to give me some encouragement. I want her to say, Of course she’ll say yes.
She talks slowly. “She loves you a lot. I’m pretty sure that this is what she wants, but…”
I don’t want to hear buts at this point.
“But she’s still very young. And there’s her education to think about.” The practical side of Mom takes over. “Maybe she could join you wherever you end up after she graduates. And then there’s the whole Army thing.”
“The Army thing?” The phone slips and I have to rub my hands on my pants. My palms are sweating.
“Being an Army wife isn’t easy.” She sighs. “I know that better than anyone. And Jess has already seen the worst of it. It takes a strong woman to be a warrior’s wife. My gut feeling is that Jess is the kind of woman who can handle it, but it’s up to her.”
It feels like Mom is giving me the don’t be disappointed talk. The one she gave me when I was twelve and tried out for the all-star baseball team.
“It’s the right thing to do,” she finishes. “You have our blessing, you know that. You couldn’t have made a better choice.”