Octavia
After everyone leaves, it’s dark outside.
I can’t wait to leave this hospital, and Russia altogether.
I’ve had enough of this country to last me a lifetime.
Milo fell asleep.
I lie beside him on the bed, my head resting carefully on his chest, mindful of his injuries.
Wednesday plays on the television, but I’m not watching. I’m staring at the screen, but my thoughts loop endlessly.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he mutters.
I lift my head and offer him a small smile. “I can’t.”
“You almost died,” I whisper, and the word catches in my throat. “You almost—”
“I didn’t,” he interrupts me softly. “And I never will. I’m never leaving you.”
I swallow.
“We… we have a life ahead of us,” I say quietly. “And I’m finally ready, I can’t lose you now. Even if it sounds absurd coming from me… we have to get married. I have to take over the Bellanti Mafia… with you by my side.” I add it almost shyly.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe the hits to the head did more damage than the doctors realise.
Look at me, all soft.
He smiles. “A ton of kids too?”
I roll my eyes. “Maybe… In due course.”
He smirks. “I can work with that.”
He studies me for a moment before I ask, “You really want a future with me?”
“I want everything with you,” he says, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
He starts to speak again, but I shake my head.
“I need to tell you something first. It’s time we talk about it and leave it all behind us.”
He stills completely.
But I continue.
“When I was thirteen, I went with my father on a business visit,” I begin. “Even at that age, it was understood that I would take over. My parents never had sons, and my father has no siblings. He always said he wanted me to lead… that he saw something in me.”
I swallow. “So he began taking me on his business trips, pulling me further into the mafia world. I started firearms training, combat lessons, everything to make me stronger. Even torture training, to teach me endurance.”
His hand clenches, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“We arrived in Russia, at a vast estate. The leader was generous enough to host us in his home.”
He stiffens further.
“I didn’t like him. Something felt wrong from the start. The way he looked at me… The way he touched me, very subtle at first. I didn’t fully understand what it was.”
I stare at the wall as I continue.
“I never encouraged it. I swear,” I say, and he gently turns my face towards him.
“I know,” he grinds out, though the tension in his jaw betrays him.
“That night, I went to bed and fell asleep without meaning to. When I heard the lock turn, something in me tightened. I understood before the door even opened that it wasn’t right. No one should be entering my room at that hour.”
I stop.
“You know the rest… or you can infer it. I can’t say it aloud without being pulled back there. And now that I have you—now that I know what it feels like to feel something other than pain—I refuse to return to that nightmare.”
He presses a kiss into my hair.
“Then we went home. I never told anyone, especially after he showed me a video of my mother walking through a plaza in Italy, red dots trained on her chest. He said if I spoke a word…”
My voice cracks.
“After that, I didn’t share my body with anyone. I suppose… until you.”
I smile sadly. “I wish you’d been my first.”
He grips my wrist and turns me back to him, forcing me to meet his eyes.
“I fucking am,” he says. “And you were mine. The only first that counts.”
He attempts a smirk before adding, “Why do you think I even got myself caught up in that Tara nonsense, or whatever her name was? I never touched those girls, I never wanted to. But I had to maintain a front. I’d get a fake girlfriend, she’d sign a contract, and in public we’d play the part.”
I smile as tears slip down my cheeks, and he brushes them away with his thumb.
“I felt dirty all the time. As though something in me was ruined.”
He presses a kiss to the tip of my nose. “You are anything but dirty. You’re the purest soul I know.”
“That’s when Death began,” I say. “I hated what he was, the kind of man he was. So I promised myself I would kill as many of his kind as I could, so they would never hurt another girl.”
I swallow.
“And I was patient, waiting. My whole life narrowed to a single purpose, to kill Viktor.”
He kisses me gently and begins telling me of his childhood, of living with a monster, surviving in a house that should have protected him but never did.
It’s painful to listen to.
I don’t even attempt to stop the tears.
My chest aches for the boy he once was.
For the girl I used to be.
For everyone who suffered at that man’s hands.
I almost wish he were still alive, just so I could kill him again.
Milo presses a kiss to my forehead. “We’re free now.”
The past scarred us, but we’re still here. We’re broken, but broken together.
And stronger for it.
“What month is it?” I ask suddenly.
“Almost June,” he replies
“Oh, bloody hell. I missed my exams.”
“You can resit them in August,” he says easily. “Not as though you need them anyway.”
“Still,” I say, then continue, “And then I’ll be one step closer to taking over from my father.”
“I’ll be with you every step along the way,” he says. “The Bratva isn’t mine to rule, and I’m so fucking glad for it. Isaak will lead. I’ll stand beside you. Exactly where I’m meant to.”
“In what capacity?”
“As whatever you need,” he replies. “Your shield, your weapon, your husband.”
I smile.
“A lot of people won’t accept a woman ruling.”
He grins, something dangerous flickering in his eyes. “Point them out.”
I roll my eyes. “Not everything requires violence.”
“I disagree,” he says calmly.
For the first time in a long while, everything feels… possible.
I close my eyes, listening to his heartbeat beneath my ear, and allow myself to rest.