Four
CAPTION:
CONSIDER THIS MY OFFICIAL APPLICATION TO BE YOUR INTERNET GIRLFRIEND
VIDEO DESCRIPTION:
A slideshow of five of Angela’s best pictures with text overlaid at the top of the screen.
POV:
You’re the girl who’s trying to date the internet because you’ve been single for so long you have no idea where to start and dating apps are the place where romance goes to die so your solution is to plan an elaborate scavenger hunt to finally experience your first kiss.
DM EXCHANGE :
@LetiIsTrying: It’s painful how much I relate to your videos sometimes. Dating in the real world is AWFUL. Really hope your scavenger hunt idea works.
@LetiIsTrying: Really loved your last post btw. Respectfully, I nearly spat out my coffee when those photos hit my fyp. Girl, you are HOT!!!
@Angela: Thank you!!! You’re too sweet
@Angela: And when I get messages like these, I’m never sure if I should apologize or feel relieved I’m not alone. I’m here if you ever need to talk.
@LetiIsTrying: My one “relationship” barely counted as a relationship, and that was five years ago. I’m sick of being single, but I’m not like you. I struggle when it comes to putting myself out there.
@Angela: It’s the worst, especially when you feel like you’re falling behind everyone else. And you don’t seem to be struggling when it comes to gaming content. Your nose scrunches up in the cutest way when the green serpent thing kills you in your Stardew Valley playthroughs. Someone in the gaming community could be crushing on you already.
@LetiIsTrying: Couldn’t agree more, being the last single sibling is the worst. And gaming is different, especially the guys I’m interacting with on that side of things. You don’t want to know how many creepy gamer dudes I’ve had to block on here. How my biromantic ass is still attracted to men, I will never know.
@Angela: Oof, why must men ruin everything? If worse comes to worst, maybe we should just go out with each other
@LetiIsTrying: If it’ll get my parents to stop asking when I’m going to find someone, I’m in.
@Angela: Who knew dating was this easy?
It takes me a couple of days to work out the finer details. Once I finally do, I film an update post and save it to my drafts folder. If this idea is going to work, I’ll need to enlist help from people at each location. And who better to enlist in my schemes than my favorite bartender?
An afternoon glow sets Havana Bar on fire. The six o’clock sunset casts orange light through the windows. The bar is abandoned at this hour and will likely continue to be until night falls. When I walk in, Krystal sets down her rag and looks up at me from behind the counter.
“Look who’s come in to day drink.” Her mouth curls into a half-smile. She leans forward on the bar, crossing her arms in front of her to support her weight. “Miss me already?”
She raises a brow, intrigued. For a moment, I’m struck again by how pretty she is. I’ve been coming here for years, so you’d think I’d know this by now, but somehow it catches me by surprise every time.
Dark brown curls fall over one shoulder, the lighting setting her hair ablaze. I’ve had plenty of daydreams where I sink my fingers into the soft tendrils, tugging behind the nape of her neck until we’re eye to eye. Once I bend my head until our faces nearly touch, I inspect every line, from the black wings lining her wide brown eyes to the perfectly contoured brows I’d trace with my thumbs if I weren’t worried about ruining her makeup.
Kissing is purely a romantic endeavor, at least in my mind. Eyes flick to mouths, the room around us stills, and only when we can’t take it any longer do we lean in and touch lips. The daydream could go on for hours, but it never goes past that. Just kissing. Not that any of it matters, since I’ve never come close to kissing anyone I’ve crushed on. The probability of Krystal and me kissing for real is about 0.2%, and the probability of me kissing someone in general is about 0.0%.
“If I say yes, would you be willing to do me a favor?”
“For you?” Her eyes look me up and down in a way that warms me from the inside out. “Anything.”
Okay, maybe it’s more like 0.5%.
“Do you remember what we talked about last time I was here?”
She rests her cheek in a raised hand, elbows propped on the counter. “Of course.” She nods sagely. “I remember any time my customers tell me about their love lives.”
“Nonexistent, you mean.”
“But not for long, if your newest post has anything to say about it.” Shit. I forgot that there was a possibility my videos would come up on her For You page. Her grin is nothing short of shit-eating.
“How do you keep finding those?”
“I follow you.” She shrugs at whatever shock must be written on my face. “It’s the only way I can keep up with your shenanigans.”
When she turns to put away the cleaning supplies, I pull out my phone. I’ve gotten an influx of new followers this past week, so searching for her name isn’t pulling any results. And then, just as I’m about to give up, I come across a profile that makes me pause. At first glance, the picture is innocuous enough. Boring black paint on a boring white wall, until I click the circle for a closer look.
That’s what I thought. The bar’s name is cut off, but I can just make out the painted H at the edge of the circle. There are no posts on the account or bio information, nothing that would clue me in aside from a single name at the top of the screen. Bingo.
“HavanaGirl1015.”
She turns around, eyes sparkling at the use of her username. “Wow. You’re good at this scavenger hunt stuff already.”
Are her cheeks pink, or is the sunlight filtering through the window making her glow like that? Her smile spreads.
“It’s too bad you’re not competing… Which brings me to the favor,” I say, getting us back on track. “As you already know, I’ve decided to go through with the scavenger hunt.”
She nods. “Sounds cool. Come to thank me for the idea?”
“If I remember correctly, I’m the one who came up with the idea,” I remind her. “You just told me I should do it.”
“True, but I’m curious.” She leans over the bar. “Which part comes first, the scavenger hunt or dating the sapphic internet? Or is the scavenger hunt just a means for you to date the sapphic internet?”
“Oh, I’m already way ahead of you,” I say as another message from Leti lights up my lock screen.
@LetiIsTrying: Too soon to tell my family about you? Oops, just did, they’re dying to meet you
“I always knew you were a player, Angel,” Krystal teases after glancing down at the screen. Then she looks back up at me and puts a hand to her chest. “And here I thought I was the only woman you flirted with.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you’ll always be my first.” I smirk at her. “Besides, it’s all harmless. She’s not even the first person I’ve messaged like this today.”
“I hate to think how many virtual hearts you plan on breaking once this is all over,” she says, sighing wistfully. “Are you messaging any San Antonio locals?”
“I don’t think so, no.”
She lets out a breath and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was… relieved? “Not that we’ve really talked about where we live, but if I’m getting serious about the scavenger hunt, I probably should start searching for—”
“Potential suitors?” Krystal’s brows furrow. “Suitoresses? What’s the femme equivalent of a suitor?”
“Beats me.” I shrug. “Anyway, I thought it might be a good idea to start the scavenger hunt off here at the bar.”
“Okay.” She nods. “I can talk to my boss about hosting the event. She’ll probably be on board if it brings in more customers.”
“Thank you. Would you mind giving me your number so I can send you the details later?” I hand her my phone. She takes it, fingers tapping on the screen, and all I can think is, We’re exchanging phone numbers .
“You want to stay for a drink?” she asks as she hands my phone back. “It’s on me.”
This isn’t the first time she’s offered me free drinks, just as this isn’t the first time I refuse her (“Oh, no, I couldn’t possibly—”) and she refuses to be refused (“I’m already pouring, here, just take it”). The bar is still dead, giving us a rare moment of undisrupted time to talk.
“So, what made you decide to be an influencer?” Her brown eyes twinkle with amusement. “I want the longest version possible.” She walks around from behind the bar and pulls me toward one of the upholstered couches. “Tell me everything .”
“It’s not like I planned for any of this to happen,” I divulge. “All of this started with an accidental thirst trap. I just wanted to set the record straight and get some things off my chest. I never expected anyone to actually be listening.”
“Well, you can always come to me, you know,” she offers. “If you ever need to talk or vent to someone who understands. Don’t be a stranger.”
“Thanks, Krystal. I appreciate that.”
I can’t remember the last time I was this excited about the prospect of dating. Maybe I never have been. Just in the past couple weeks I’ve gained an influx of new followers, experimented with my style to the praise of online strangers, and casually flirted with people through DMs.
Putting the pictures up on my last post was no small feat, not when all my old pictures show a woman who no longer feels like me. Reinventing my style and raiding my father’s closet for the sole purpose of a TikTok post might seem rash, but even before I took those photos I knew I was on to something much bigger. It was a subtle change to slick my hair back in a low ponytail to show off my cheekbones, skip my usual makeup routine for a simple tinted sunscreen and lip balm, and finish off the look with a pair of bootcut jeans, sneakers, and a plain black T-shirt. It’s a similar look to what I’m wearing now, only with my hair down.
Sipping on my drink, I tell Krystal about the clues and locations I have planned out so far. When patrons begin to trickle in, Krystal returns behind the bar. I join her at a corner stool, staring covertly at her when she’s busy and not-so-covertly when she returns.
“I think what you’re doing is really cool,” Krystal says when the crowd dies down a little. “Is there anything else I can do? I can help you secure the second location if you want.”
“Really?” I glance over at her. “You’d do that?”
“Sure.” She shrugs easily. “This sounds fun. I want to be part of it any way I can.”
“Of course. Yeah, I’d love your help.”
“You think you’ll find your soulmate at the end of this?” she asks, her tone teasing.
“ Ugh. ” The sound bursts out of me with a force I can’t contain. “No, probably not. I couldn’t possibly be that lucky to get it right on the first try.”
“Then you’re going through an awful lot of trouble for… what, exactly?” Her brows crease as she leans over the bar, her crossed arms pushing her ample cleavage up. It’s like an extreme sport, pretending I don’t notice. “Someone you’ll date for a while?”
“I’m not stressing it,” I say as her eyes grow wider. “I’ll be satisfied just to lose my K-card.”
She drops her head onto my shoulder with a groan that sinks its way into my chest. I freeze, breathless from the way her curls whisper against the edge of my cheek. The contact only lasts a second, but I still can’t manage to catch my breath. “You can’t call it that. Take that back right now.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“Just awful.” And yet, she can’t stop smiling. “Why don’t you think you’ll find your soulmate?”
“Bold of you to assume I believe in the concept.”
She pins me with a knowing look. “Says the woman planning to lose her ‘K-card’ in the most elaborate way possible.”
“Fair point.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not opposed, exactly. That’d be the best-case scenario, right?”
“It’s a good story,” she says. “One you can tell your kids.”
My parents would love that. First a partner, then marriage, then kids. But I haven’t done anything relationship-wise… ever. How do I know I’m ready for that type of commitment?
“That kind of life…” I shake my head. “It feels worlds away from where I’m at right now.”
There’s an expression on her face I can’t make out. Then she says, so quiet I barely hear her, “I know the feeling.” Before I can ask what she means, she continues. “What do you want to get from it, then?”
“You mean besides losing my—” A warning look stops me in my tracks. I roll my lips inward until they’re no longer visible.
“Besides your first kiss,” she says. “Is that all you want? Nothing else?”
“What else is there?”
“Someone you connect with,” she says. “Someone you could love, if you’re interested in finding that kind of thing.”
“There are people who aren’t?” The question is light, but from the way Krystal’s shoulders tense and she averts her gaze, I get the feeling I’ve hit a nerve. “Are you not?”
“This isn’t about me,” she deflects.
But maybe it should be, because now it’s all I can think about.
When my parents, along with the rest of my extended family, found out I’d never been kissed, I got a lot of pitying looks. I was only sixteen, but that didn’t stop them from overwhelming me with heteronormative clichés every time they saw me.
Once you stop looking for it, love will sneak up on you.
The longer you wait, the greater it will be when you finally meet the right guy.
He’ll be worth the wait.
I never looked for love. Never even tried. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping everything they said was true. That I’d meet someone amazing in an organic way, and they’d enter my life when I least expected it. Maybe I’m still hoping for that, for this scavenger hunt to be a vehicle to lead the one directly to me without having to do any of the work.
But it is work. This entire week planning has been nothing but work, and I’m nowhere near done.
“Maybe it’s just me, but I sort of feel this pressure to find the right person off the bat,” I admit. “Because I’ve waited so long, you know? It’s like… what was the point of holding off all this time if the first person I date is awful?”
She bites her bottom lip, and for a moment I’m fascinated by the view until her teeth pull away from her lip. I glance up at her eyes, but I’m not sure what I find there. If it’s that same understanding, or something deeper.
“Right,” she finally replies.
“It feels a bit superstitious, searching for love myself. I keep being told love will come when I least expect it. All my life, people have actually said that.”
“It’s bullshit,” she says. “There’s not some greater power at work here. Just misogyny. Women aren’t allowed to have agency, remember?”
Her grin comes full force.
“That makes a lot of sense, actually.” I let out a laugh. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”
“Welcome.” She takes my empty glass and deposits it into the sink. “Besides, how can you expect to find love if you’re not searching for it? That’s a dumb thing to say to single people.”
“ Exactly. ” I throw up my arms. “And it’s not as if I’m expecting to find love right away. I want to dive headfirst into the dating pool. Have all the fun I’ve apparently missed out on all this time before settling down with someone.”
“Not a bad plan.”
She smirks as she places a glass of water in front of me.
“Thank you.” The air grows tense the longer we stare at each other. I want to say something more, but nothing comes to mind that holds the weight of the gratitude I feel for her in this moment. Not just her willingness to jump into this with me, but also understanding why I need to do it.
Her gaze pins me in place. “You’re welcome, Angel.”
I try to say something, even just her name, but my tongue feels like sandpaper. I clear my throat and take another sip of my water. Tip my head in a nod when I don’t trust myself to speak.
“You get more and more interesting every time we meet.” Her smile is so dazzling, I nearly topple over in my seat. “There’s no way I’m missing out on this. I can’t wait to see how your scavenger hunt turns out.”