Twenty-Two
D owntown is buzzing with activity. Krystal and I pass through a throng of people as we look around. Vendors are lined up on every corner selling street food and other goods, carnival rides are set up in the distance, and musicians perform Tejano music live from various stages where crowds have gathered.
Krystal and I walk down the street arm in arm, cups of elote in hand as we peruse the downtown scenery. It’s hard, pretending I’m not overthinking the friendliness of our linked arms while also acting like I’m not replaying the other night on a constant, never-ending loop in my brain. Every luscious curve out on display for my viewing pleasure, our shared sighs filling her tiny bedroom, the orgasm that no other orgasm has any hope of measuring up to.
“Are you still thinking about what Natalia said?” Krystal asks, concern shining in her brown eyes. Not at all. “I’m sure we can figure out an alternative. I mean, look around.” She throws out her free arm holding the cup of elote, gesturing to the festival around us. “You couldn’t find a better backdrop for a scavenger hunt than this. We don’t even have to start over, at least not completely.”
“I don’t know.” I smash my spoon into the smooth layer of cheese, mixing until the hot sauce and corn are visible and evenly incorporated. “I’m not sure if I can go through with it anymore, no matter how many willing participants I have.”
“What?”
Krystal stops in her tracks, forcing me to look up at her.
“Remember that harmless online flirting I’ve been doing?”
“Is that something you’re still doing?” she asks, expression unreadable.
“On and off, and really it’s only been with one woman for a while now,” I tell her. “Apparently, she not only lives in town but she’s also the school’s new library assistant. She wants to join the scavenger hunt, and she’s desperate to win.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders deflate, and a flash of something like hurt crosses her features. “Not so harmless anymore, huh?”
“I… like her.” I force the words out, no matter how hard it is to admit them to Krystal, someone else I like. A whole hell of a lot more than I should. “She’s looking for a relationship too. Mostly to get her family off her back, I think, but aside from that it’s something she genuinely wants for herself but hasn’t been able to find up to this point.”
“I see,” she says, taking in a deep breath. “Have you met her? In person?”
“Not yet. We have something planned for next weekend with Marcela. Her new project has been finding people to expand our friend group. Might be kind of awkward given that Leti and I have been flirting with this scavenger hunt idea as well as each other for a while now, but Marcela’s determined for us to see it through, anyway.”
“Why haven’t I received an invite to the friend group?” It’s hard to tell if her tone is teasing or hurt.
“That’s probably my fault.”
She’s about to ask me why, but instead of stumbling through what could barely be called a reasonable explanation, we’re interrupted by an older woman selling teresita crowns. Krystal asks me which color I prefer, insisting it’s her treat when I reach for my wallet. I wear a small smile as I point toward one with white and purple flowers. Krystal reaches for a traditional multicolored crown for herself.
Once she pays, she leads me to the grass where we’re out of the way of passersby. She smooths my hair down and sets the crown atop my head, arranging the thin trail of curled ribbons over my left shoulder.
“Now do mine,” she says, handing me her crown.
I place my arm through the wide circle and reach up to fix the strand of hair displaced by the wind. Her curls are soft and lush between my fingers. There’s just so much of it, wild tendrils falling past her shoulders. At first I thought our hair was the same color, but up close I notice hers is lighter than mine, especially at the ends. Notes of amber and copper mingled together, darkening at her roots.
The dizzying scent of her coconut shampoo wafts into my nostrils until I’m spellbound. I can’t stop myself from sinking my fingers through the thick strands, twining it around my fingers—
It isn’t until she clears her throat that I remember myself. Good lord, what the hell am I doing? She no doubt thinks I’m some sort of weirdo, playing with her hair needlessly like this and neglecting my crowning duties.
“Sorry,” I choke out before quickly placing the crown on top of her head, adjusting the ribbons to fall behind her hair. When she raises her head, she’s grinning.
“Not a problem.” She reaches out to tug an errant curl of mine between her fingers. I feel the jolt of her touch throughout my entire body. A blush heats my face, and I only hope she can’t see it beneath the dusky sky. “You’re not the only easily distracted one here.”
For a moment, I forget how to breathe. Our faces are so close, I’m eye to eye with the freckle dotting the edge of her mouth. All I can think about is the other night, her flushed skin glistening with sweat, telling me the one thing I’ve dreamt of hearing from her for years.
God, I wish I could kiss you right now.
I clear my throat to clear the tension I’m sure only I can feel, then hold out my arm for her again. She takes it, guiding us down the street.
“What do you want to do first?” she asks. “I’m guessing the Ferris wheel is out of the question, given your…” She trails off with a knowing smirk.
“Fear of heights,” I supply, smiling dryly. “You haven’t forgotten, I see.”
“If I promise to protect you, can we go?” She bats her eyes at me, biting down on her bottom lip.
“Fine.” I roll my eyes with a grumble, though I have to admit that the idea of Krystal “protecting” me is highly appealing, despite the fact that if I need saving from anything, it’s her . This crush can’t go anywhere, but try telling my heart that. She’s heartbreak waiting to happen. “On the off chance our carriage goes careening off its hinges, I’m using you to break my fall.”
“Ye of little faith.” She tugs my arm closer, until the right side of my body is pressed against her. “Come on.”
The lines aren’t long yet. We’ve arrived at the perfect time. Perfect if you’re not like me and terrified of heights, that is.
“Why do people do this?” I shut my eyes when our carriage lurches upward. Krystal reaches for my hand, squeezing in what’s probably meant to be reassurance and nothing else. Only with each new brush of her hand, I have to make a concerted effort to remind my brain she doesn’t feel that way. She wants to be practice . She’s not capable of anything else, or so she thinks. The wrong relationship suffocated her. Would a relationship with me do the same?
“What is it?” she asks, sensing my unspoken anguish.
“Nothing,” I say too quickly. She tilts her head at me, eyes squinted in a knowing look. “Okay, fine. I’m in my own head again.”
“What else is new?” She shoulder bumps me. “If this is about the other night—”
The carriage lurches to a sudden stop. I jump, bracing a hand over my chest and muttering to myself. Krystal laughs under her breath before placing a hand on my shoulder that does nothing to comfort me.
“I’m not sure if you know this already, but I’ve had a massive crush on you for years.” I look past her out at the skyline, brilliantly lit up beneath the sunset. She sucks in a breath, the only sound filling my ears. “Pretty sure I came close to admitting as much two years ago.”
“I… didn’t know,” she says. “You were drunk. I didn’t think you meant much by it, but I did take it as a great compliment.”
Mankind has never seen a more beautiful face , I’d said at the time, drunk from five too many vodka shots. I mean, god, would you look at yourself? Krystal, you’re not looking—you’re not looking at your face. Somebody give this woman a mirror.
“I meant it,” I mumble, unable to look away from her. “Every foolish word out of my mouth that night was nothing but the truth.”
Her cheeks turn a perfect shade of rose.
“Isaac broke up with me that night,” she says, and for one dumbfounded moment, all I can do is stare at her. “Before I went in for my shift. You made my day brighter.”
Her warm smile makes my chest ache. I hadn’t known at the time she was seeing someone, not that it mattered. I was never going to make a move on her.
“What do you think about using the top of the Ferris wheel as an alternate location?” She swiftly changes the subject while I’m still processing what she told me. “There’s nothing quite as romantic to me as a fantastic view.”
“Do you want to be part of the scavenger hunt?” I ask. “I’m not above cheating, you know. Especially if it gives you the means to win. If you win the whole thing, it means I get to kiss you.”
“You shouldn’t say things like that to me.” Those dark eyes sear into mine. “Not when I already can’t stop thinking about it.”
“About what?” I ask her. “Joining? Because that’s what I’m saying. You can—”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Kissing you. Sitting here, looking at you, the sunset making your skin glow like a fucking angel I don’t deserve, all I want to do is kiss you.”
The air has been sucked from my lungs, and we’re not even touching. I can’t look away from her. I’ve imagined this moment far too many times to count. Of our heads leaning forward until our noses graze, until we’re breathing the same air, until our lips finally touch.
I’m about to get what I want. All I have to do is move. I can get away with one kiss before the scavenger hunt, can’t I? If I don’t have a plan in place yet, it might not even go on at this point, so there’s no issue. Right?
“Angela.” Her breath is warm against my cheek. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I’m sure. My heart is pounding and my palms are slick with sweat, but I’ve never been surer of anything. Just as I’m about to nod, make the plunge, do something , our carriage pitches forward, breaking the spell and bringing us both back down to earth.
We’re silent for the rest of the ride. As much as I try to tell myself it’s better that we didn’t do it, regret fills every inch of me. This was my chance, and I blew it. Hesitated with the lurch of the carriage, too afraid to take the leap. I almost turn my head to look at her, conjure that moment back, but instead I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and breathe out a sigh.
It’s for the best. Maybe I won’t even like kissing, despite all the daydreams I’ve had romanticizing the act. Maybe it’ll be too much tongue and saliva for my liking, and hating it will disrupt our relationship so much that we never talk to each other again. Or maybe I’ll like it too much, the same way I like her too much. Maybe I’ll kiss her and be completely ruined for kissing anyone else.
To have my feelings returned is like someone starting a wildfire inside my chest. I’m burning with want. I could so easily fall in love with her, if she’d let me.
I want her to let me.
I want everything I shouldn’t.
“What are you thinking about?” she asks once we’re back on the sidewalk, concern brimming in her brown eyes. Does she regret admitting as much as she did? As much as we both did?
I shake my head, clearing away the regret over our second almost-kiss. It would’ve complicated everything. This is better. We have no business kissing when we want completely different things. It’s not even worth bringing up.
“I was thinking about your thing for views,” I say instead.
“O kay .” She chuckles slightly. “What about them?”
“That must mean you have a favorite.”
“Hmm.” She raises a perfectly arched brow. “You think you’re worthy enough for that?”
I scoff at her, more playful than accusing. “Did I not just risk my life for you by willingly stepping into that metal death trap?”
She throws her head back and laughs. “All right, Angel. You win. I’ll show you my favorite view in town.”