Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
FRANKIE
I wait in the darkness of the trees at the end of the path until I feel composed enough to go back in the house, and face Nate and my mom. Mom will pick up immediately if things are off with me, so I need to make sure I give nothing away. Luckily, I haven’t cried, so I won’t look red-eyed and tear-stained. And I’ve come up with a plausible cover story for why I’m back so quickly: Danny was indeed working on a deal, and so I decided to leave him to it.
As it happens, all my prep is unnecessary. Mom has already gone up to bed, and Nate is too preoccupied to pay me much attention. I sit down to watch TV but soon as I switch it on, up comes an ad for a cooking show featuring a handsome, young blond guy. I switch it right off again and head upstairs to lie on my bed, still in my stiff-skirted dress because I can’t be bothered taking it off.
I deserve to feel uncomfortable after how I behaved. I should never have run out on Danny like that. No matter how much his news threw me, I should have sucked it up and celebrated with him. Instead, I ruined it by being selfish. By focusing on how it made me feel.
Which was terrified. That one piece of news triggered all my fears and anxieties, and they came rushing over me in a giant horrific wave.
All I could think about was the publicity Danny and his new show would get. The media attention, the photos. All that scrutiny, of everything about him and his life. Because there I’d be for all to see. The fat girlfriend. The one who doesn’t deserve a handsome guy like that. The one from the wrong side of the tracks, who went to community college. A total outsider in the world of the wealthy. She’s nobody and nothing, and she’s overweight to boot. Why her when rich, handsome Danny Durant could have his pick? He should be embarrassed by her.
I could hear all the cruel comments, every single one. The kind I read too many times online about other women. Okay, so I’m no stranger to unkind comments on the dating apps, but in this situation, comments about me will also be about Danny. And no matter how much he seems to care about me, he’ll also now have a public image, and he might start to care about how his choice in girlfriend reflects on that.
Speculation, not facts, Frankie. Do you really believe Danny would care that much about his image? Or is this you employing your usual tactic of finding excuses to back away, so you don’t get hurt? He said the TV show wasn’t as important to him as you, so why can’t you trust that he means it? You can’t see into the future. No matter how convincing a picture you paint, you can’t know what it will really be like. The only way you’ll know what happens is to witness it – either from a distance or right there beside Danny. That’s your choice, isn’t it, Frankie, my girl? Back away or be there…
I could text him. Say sorry. Promise that we will talk tomorrow.
But then he’ll call me and we’ll have to talk right now, and I’m just not ready. My thoughts aren’t straight. My thoughts are, in fact, like cooked spaghetti that’s been left too long in the colander and become one giant congealed knot. Tangled up in there is more than fear of becoming a target for trolls. There’s the fear of leaving behind my old, safe, familiar life and starting a whole new one in a strange place. The fear of leaping too quickly into a commitment and finding I’ve made a mistake. The fear of losing my independence and identity. And all that’s fighting with the fact that I care about Danny. I care very much. I hate the idea of not having him in my life.
Back away or be there – that’s my choice. Better make it soon, because Danny and I don’t have much more time together. Shelby and Nate’s baby is coming on Friday, whether we’re ready or not.