Chapter 9 - Keane
NINE
KEANE
Shadows formed between the trees, making the dark impenetrable all the way around our small camp.
It provided a false sense of security as we sat in our bubble of light.
I’d positioned guards strategically around the perimeter, but this area was generally pretty safe, which was why I’d chosen it for our rest stop.
Lily’s face remained pinched with worry as she looked at the flickering flames of the fire, and I longed to be able to comfort her.
“We are safe, Your Majesty.” I leaned forward as I spoke.
She looked at me, her gaze tired, her dark hair a little messy with tendrils escaping her carefully done style, and lines of tension at the corners of her eyes. “Lily.”
I glanced around, but none of my guards were within earshot if we kept our voices quiet.
“All right. Lily.” Even saying her name sent a dart of illicit pleasure through me. “We’re safe here. No one knows where we are, our guards are watchful and alert, and I won’t let anything happen to you. Or Princess Iris, for that matter.”
That was the most important part of my plan to safeguard Lily and her sister. They’d remain safe because I would ensure it. It was more than my job, these days. More than a duty.
It was my life.
“The rest of the journey should be smoother. We should arrive at Gilbrook Castle in three days.” I said the sorts of things I hoped would bring her some measure of comfort, but nothing brought a genuine smile to her face, although her lips twitched like she might try to conjure some happiness.
“Thank you.” Her soft voice was filled with the sadness I still saw lingering in her gaze.
“What’s wrong? How can I help you?”
She threw her hands out to the sides. “I hate this.”
I glanced around the campfire. “It’s not quite what you’re used to, I’m sure, but we’ll be back inside the carriage tomorrow.”
“No.” She waved a delicate hand. “It’s not the forest or the campsite that I dislike. I can manage to spend one night under the stars, I’m sure.”
“Then what?” When she didn’t answer, I nudged her knee gently with mine, and a shower of sparks raced through my body at the briefest of contact.
She nibbled her lip for a moment then took a quick breath. “I… I feel so helpless, and that’s what I don’t like.”
“But you aren’t helpless. You have power. You have wealth. You have your magic.” The words came quickly, before I could really think them through, and I snapped my mouth closed before I could say anything else.
“That’s part of the problem. My fae magic still isn’t legal, yet I went to call on it when I was attacked.”
“That’s understandable. I use my sword like that. It’s always at my side.” As if to reassure myself those words were true, I reached for it.
“The difference is, your sword is legal. More than that, it’s respected, and you’re expected to use it. I’m not. Fae magic is forbidden, and that made me hesitate when I should have protected myself—and protected both of us out in the forest when the first attack happened.”
“It’s my job to protect you.” I felt the words as I said them, and pride surged through me. I understood her unhappiness, but the fact she still had need of me brought me comfort.
“I know, and that’s not really what I meant. I just—” She bit her words off and ran a hand across her hair, dislodging even more of it from the style her lady’s maid had fashioned before we left Winton.
I ached to tuck it back in, or better yet, release all of the dark tresses to tumble and coil down her back. Instead, I curled my fingers into a fist and bumped that fist against my knee. “You just what?”
“I hate being beholden to the law about magic.”
I lifted an eyebrow in silent question.
“The law is wrong,” she blurted. Then she looked away and twisted her fingers together. “The law is wrong, and I just can’t bring myself to break it.”
“Ah.” At her words, everything fell into place. Lily did everything to the best of her ability, laboring under the perfectionism thrust onto her by nature of being a first born.
“It’s wrong, but I just can’t disobey it.” She spoke the repetitive words through gritted teeth.
“But when it mattered, when it really mattered, you prevented Lord Malren’s attack,” I said. “You could have died then, but you let yourself use your fae magic, and you survived.”
“No.” Lily shook her head and looked out into the shadows of the forest. “I didn’t let myself use my magic.
I didn’t have a choice. I hesitated because I didn’t know what to do.
I didn’t want to use it, then instinct kicked in and I used it anyway.
” She chuckled, the sound dry. “I guess my subconscious values my life more than it values the law.”
“As well it should,” I muttered.
She fell silent, and her breathing evened out, although she hadn’t fallen asleep because her back remained straight, her shoulders stiff with the weight of her crown and status.
I leaned a little closer. Her hair smelled of peppermint and ice, and I breathed it in. “I think…”
I stopped. Why would the Queen of Talador want to know anything about what I thought?
She turned to me, her blue eyes gentle and kind, the eyes I’d loved for far too long. “I’d like to hear what you think.”
Affection for her chased away the pride at the fact she valued my opinion. “I think it would be a very wise decision for you to use all of the skills you have in order to defend your life and your role as Queen.”
I hoped she knew I saw her as far more than simply the Queen. Or maybe I hoped she would never know that. I could look after my Queen and take my feelings for her to my grave. That would be the best thing for my Queen and country.
“You do?” She seemed to sit a little bit easier.
Maybe my opinion had given her a sense of permission no one else had offered. There was no one else to let her know it was okay to use her magic. Her reaction made me brave enough to voice further thoughts. “If I may—”
“Of course. You can always speak freely with me, Keane.”
If only that were true. I cleared my throat. “I think you should learn to use your fae magic more. Perhaps the Queen of Ilidan might be willing to aid in your studies?”
She bit her lip thoughtfully, but didn’t reply
“The more you understand your fae heritage, the better position you’ll be in to help Princess Iris, too,” I added.
She tilted her head as she looked at me, and realization flared in her gaze. Not only would learning more about her powers benefit her, it could benefit her sisters.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s certainly something for me to think about.”
There was something else, and while I had her attention, I had to go on and say it, but I deliberately kept my voice casual and my gaze elsewhere as I scanned the camp, checking we were all still safe.
“The other thing is that if using fae magic still gives you a legal and moral dilemma, after your coronation you could simply change the law.”
She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “And if I did, would the people welcome such a change? Or would I be reviled for it?”
I didn’t have an answer to that.