Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
KEANE
Watching Lily with those seven men twisted my insides, torturing me, but I fought to keep my face calm and neutral.
Hopefully, Princess Dahlia had done her job right and not let anyone murderous or crazy into the summer palace to woo Lily.
Dahlia didn’t usually get her intelligence wrong, but I was glad I had all of them under surveillance—Lily was too important to leave anything to chance.
Suitor after suitor took her in their arms, each whirling her around the dance floor, some with more grace than others.
The men were peacocks in their finery, each carefully dressed to capture Lily’s eye and her heart, and for the first time I felt drab rather than honorable in my blue and white guard uniform.
None of the men were good enough. I didn’t care how wealthy or handsome they were. Lily deserved someone who truly knew her, who found her quirks lovable and unique. Not men who were simply marrying the next Queen of Talador. That idea turned my stomach.
I knew Lily. I’d been with her while she grieved her father, while the same crowds that chanted The King is dead also chanted long live The Queen.
I’d watched the knowledge weigh on her shoulders, and I’d been there the entire time, supporting her, having her back.
Even now I stood here, blending into the scenery as the music of string and wind instruments wound through the room, doing my job.
Those men weren’t good enough for Lily, but neither was I.
My job was to guard Lily, not to love her.
I wasn’t of noble blood, not like these men, who would always have the benefit of their title, regardless of whether they fell on hard times or behaved badly.
She was destined to marry a man like that, even if she didn’t choose one of these suitors.
I sighed and gripped the hilt of my sword tighter. My path in life would never lead me to be with Lily, nor with someone like her. All the wishes in the world wouldn’t change that.
I shifted my stance, watching as Lily smiled in the arms of her final suitor.
So far, she’d smiled at a man old enough to be her father and the same way at another who could barely hold her upright as they moved.
It was the same smile she’d used on a young embarrassed boy, barely old enough to try liquor let alone hold it, and the same she’d used on a man who looked like he was more interested in one of the other men.
One of the first men who’d danced with her was actually asleep in a chair on the other side of the room, his mouth wide open as he leaned against the wall, oblivious to whispers and stares directed his way.
Lily’s smile was slipping. It was becoming more of a grimace, although people who didn’t know her so well probably wouldn’t notice. Her feet were also becoming sore in those dainty slippers—she rubbed them more between dances and switched her weight from leg to leg.
I looked away from her. I needed to accept she would marry one of these men, the best contenders put forward by each of the kingdoms. I hadn’t made that list. It wasn’t any of my business.
At last, the music faded and the dance ended, giving everyone a short break.
As the final note faded, the last man hurriedly released Lily and backed away as he fumbled in his pocket.
Immediately I stepped forward, only stopping when he withdrew a white handkerchief, which he pressed to his nose to muffle a noisy sneeze.
He’d done that repeatedly over the night.
She smiled, accepting his odd foible with grace, before turning toward the doors to the balcony.
They stood open to allow cool air to enter the ballroom, but I had guards stationed just beneath the balcony to prevent unwanted guests joining us.
I hadn’t been sure this much fuss was warranted on the first night of Lily’s stay, but Grimelda insisted she’d received strict instructions from Dahlia, and who was I to argue with the Queen of Secrets?
Lily looked around the room like she was searching for something, and when she found me, she smiled. She continued toward the doors, and I hurried to reach her, quickening my step until I found my usual position behind her.
The cool air outside brushed against my cheeks, and the noise from inside was immediately muted, even though the doors remained open. Only faint strains of musical notes drifted outside, and Lily heaved a huge sigh.
She brought her hand to her head and massaged her temple. “Do you think I’ve danced enough to make the people happy?”
“Which people?” I moved a little closer to her. I could barely see her in the shadows where she’d chosen to stand, out of view of anyone in the ballroom. The light pouring through the doors cut a golden path through the palace gardens and the long grasses swished their percussion into the night.
“I don’t know. All of them?” She shook her head as she gave a low laugh. “I’m tired, Keane.”
I moved even closer at her soft voice, trying to hear what she said before the breeze tore her words away. “I’m sure you can retire now. No one will chastise the future Queen of Talador for taking to her bed.”
“Thank you, but I meant I’m tired of everything.
The attacks, the move to the summer palace when I should still be with my sisters, the carnival show that is my process for finding a husband…
” She sighed. “What woman wants to actively interview suitors? No, forget suitors. They’re more like human sacrifices offered up by their kingdoms in hopes we might forge a political allegiance. ”
I stood silently. If I knew Lily, she wasn’t finished talking, and she needed someone to listen. Though she was often quiet and serious around others—in fact, many around the castle called her cold—when we were alone, she often spoke freely.
“What if I choose the wrong one? I’ve spent my life studying for this role, and I still feel like I don’t know enough to make the right political decisions. Not with different relationships still so fraught.”
“You’ll always make the right decision, Lily,” I said, using her first name as she’d requested of me.
She reached out and clutched my arm. “I’m glad you’re here, Keane. I always feel safe with you by my side, and you’ve never been anything but supportive.”
My heart ached, and I smoothed my hand over my chest like it was a pain I could soothe.
It hurt to be so close to Lily, to have her reach out to me, and to know I could only ever be her guard.
Maybe I was crazy to keep doing it, to deliberately watch Lily every day and to know I could never be anything more.
But I didn’t think I could stop. Her life and her happiness meant too much to me.
I couldn’t walk away. Instead, I stood there and let her hold my arm, feeling her touch through my uniform jacket like a brand on my skin.
I rested my hand over hers, unable to stop myself. “I’ll always be here for you.”
Her face was pale as she turned it up toward me, and her blue eyes almost seemed to glow in the torchlight.
Her red lips parted, and I couldn’t help but lean closer to her.
She pressed upward just a little, until I could feel her soft breath against my mouth.
I inhaled sharply, as my heart knocked against my ribs.
Lily sighed a little, and I looked right into her eyes before she closed them almost in invitation.
My head lowered, my mouth only inches away from meeting hers.
“Lily!” At Iris’s excited screech, we jumped apart, and heat flared up my cheeks. “You have to come back inside. This is so much fun, and everyone wants to dance with you.”
Lily sighed again, heavier this time, but her perfume still lingered in my nose and I could still feel the soft pressure of her hand against my arm as she’d stretched up to meet my lips. My cock twitched at the memory, and I shook my head against the inappropriate response from my body.
Lily turned to Iris, and her lips formed her usual pleasant smile. “Yes, I suppose it is time for me to return inside. I’ve cooled off sufficiently now, but perhaps only one more dance?”
“Only one?” Iris asked, then took Lily’s hand and dragged her back into the ballroom.
I followed Lily as usual, trailing behind the two princesses. As much as I regretted Iris’s interruption, it was for the best. I’d nearly kissed the future queen, my queen. She wasn’t just Lily to me, and I couldn’t lose sight of that.