Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
Senara
Just as my anger was starting to boil, I sensed Thorn was there next to me, the reins of his horse in his hand.
“What? Did you really think I forgot about you?” he asked, giving me a cheeky grin.
“I mean, I didn't want to think that,” I mumbled. It was the truth; most of the time when I was with Thorn I always felt like I was on my back foot, or playing catch up.
As I watched him now, he seemed freer, lighter, now that we were alone, which I understood. It hurt in a way as well, though. I wanted his comrades to like me. I wanted to be part of his life. But the way he seemed to separate me off from the others today had told me that he might not want that. If that was true, then I didn’t know how to handle that or how to behave around him.
Everything with Thorn had made me feel like a leaf caught in a storm. I was being jerked this way and that, and it all started because of a silly one-night stand.
The worst part was that I wanted more.
I wanted to know what it was like to be truly loved by him. Not just in the physical sense. I wanted to exult in his successes and comfort him in his troubles.
If we followed fae tradition then none of that would ever happen.
Could that be right, though?
How could it be right for two people to bond so closely and yet be considered so wrong? According to the healers, we were bonded so closely that our very souls were tied to each other. It seemed like something that should be celebrated to me, but apparently that was the furthest thing from what the courts wanted.
Thorn stepped toward me and the jovial side of him was gone. There was something menacing about his movements, something that was all predator. I was sure that this was the Thorn that struck fear into his enemies, but I wasn't an enemy. I wasn't sure what he was trying to do, but I wouldn't be scared of this man. Not for anything. Even if that was what he was trying to do.
“Do you think I'm not aware of you every second of every day? Of where you are? How are you feeling? I can sense you like I can sense the sun shining. You're the wind against my skin, the rain pattering on my head on a spring day. You're the sun that warms my soul. Yet you're also the winter storm that I have to shut out.
“When I thought you were about to be taken, and then worse, when I thought you were about to kill yourself, the emotions I–” His mouth worked but no words came out, like, he was trying to explain, but didn't have the vocabulary for it. And to be honest I understood because neither did I. There is something very humbling about that, frustrating, too.
“It's okay. I get it.”
“Do you?” he asked, his brows creasing. The two dark slashes that adorned his face seemed to draw together into one singular unit.
“I think so. I know I'm not as aware of these things as you are, but I think that's just down to my inexperience with magic. Not anything to do with this .” I gestured between the two of us, still unsure about saying anything aloud.
“I told them we would do a final sweep and that I would meet them back at the castle.” Thorn’s tone was clipped, as though he was irritated, but I had no idea what was wrong.
I nodded, not really knowing what to say next and waiting for him to continue, to explain why he’d wanted me to wait for him at this tree.
We both just stared at each other for a long time, which got pretty awkward eventually, but neither of us knew how to break the barrier that had formed between us. We had built up this wall because we were so used to not being able to say what we were really thinking lest some prying ears overheard us.
“Thanks, I guess?” I mumbled eventually.
A bitter laugh erupted from Thorn. One that was about as far from mirth as it could get. It wasn't just that he seemed upset, it was that he seemed to find the idea of himself being upset ridiculous.
I had no idea how to respond to him, which only made him chuckle again.
He seemed to sense my unease though and sighed wearily. “I thought I was gonna lose you. Again. I'm not even sure how many times that would make this now.”
Now it was my turn to laugh, and just like his there was nothing merry about it. “Oh, you mean between trying to kill me when you push me into the veil, me being tortured by one of your court nobles, or–”
“What the hell?” he demanded.
I waved his concern away. “It doesn't matter.” I flopped down onto the rocky ground under the tree, sitting cross legged in front of a patch of grass.
“It does matter!” He began to pace back and forth. “You were tortured? How was I not aware? And who tortured you?”
Irritation flared white hot within me. “Have you just not been paying attention?” I asked as I roughly pulled at a couple strands of grass, rubbing them between my fingers until the grassy scent filled the air, dulling the remaining odor of battle a little.
“I've been paying attention to you!”
“But not what happens to me, apparently,” I sneered, my anger returning again.
“Maybe if I'd been paying more attention, I'd have realized that I needed to explain things to you before we came here today. I am sorry about that.” His voice had gone uncharacteristically soft, and if I was being honest, it made me kind of nervous. The Thorn that I knew was gruff and somewhat monosyllabic. It wasn’t that he was one of those guys that wasn't in touch with their emotions, but more like he didn't feel the need to tell me about them, which I suppose I could understand. Not everybody wanted to share everything like Wyn did. I mean, if I was being honest, then I was the same way.
I only shared what I felt like when I felt like it. Usually, that was only with Wyn and usually only when we were alone. So, I couldn't Judge Thorn too badly. Yet, somehow I still felt like I didn't know where we stood, and that was what bothered me the most.
“So, about this whole thing.” I gestured again, flinging the grass from my hand as I did so.
“The soul bonded thing?” he asked, saying the words carefully as he sat in front of me.
“Yeah. Um, should I be worried?” It wasn’t the question I wanted to ask. I wanted to ask what it meant to him, what I meant to him, but even though I was willing to charge into battle and my potential death, I didn’t have enough courage to ask a simple question.
He sighed deeply.
“The only thing you should be worried about right now is the fact that I am barely controlling myself and you're asking the most random questions. It's taking everything I have not to just rip those disgusting leathers off your body. Where did you even get them?”
“I'm the one asking random questions and you want to know where I got my leathers?” My anger had dissipated once again, and I felt like I was being jerked this way and that by my own emotions.
The one thing that was obvious was that Thorn and I were two peas in a pod. Sure, it was a weirdly-shaped pod and probably a little dysfunctional, but there we were.
He stared at me expectantly.
“I got the leathers from the lost and found because I didn't have anything in my room that fit me after Wyn did her thing.”
Thorn grunted.
“Yeah, it didn't occur to me until after you left. I figured you wouldn't want me showing up naked or in a court dress since that was the only thing I could find that would fit me. If you’d prefer that, though, I’m sure the quartermaster is probably still trying to figure out what to do with the dress I left there.”
“Yeah, both of those would have been a problem.” His mind seemed far away, so much so that he didn’t even question my remark about the quartermaster.
“Figured. They're the only thing I have that fits right now, so you can't rip them off me. However, if you ask nicely, I might take them off.” I watched him carefully, waiting for him to reject me again.
His grin turned animalistic. “And where would be the fun in that?”
“To be honest, I thought you weren't interested in this anymore.” I didn't need to say that I was referring to us having sex or anything like that; he clearly got the point.
“I was just fighting the inevitable.” He paused and took a deep breath as he played with his own bits of grass. When he continued, I was surprised by the uncertainty in his tone. “I wasn't sure if we would have what it took to make it. If we would have the resolve to fight everyone to be together.”
“I see,” I replied with a slight huff, trying not to let his words bother me. He had really doubted me that much? I supposed that made sense in a way. I mean, he didn't know everything about my past. It's not like we'd ever sat down and gone through things chronologically. He probably didn't even know a third of it, just like I didn't know much about his past either.
There was no denying that there was something right between us, something that made me want to turn to him and him alone. For physical touch. And for emotional reassurance. For pretty much everything.
Finally I couldn’t take the awkwardness anymore and said, “I mean to be honest I was probably just gonna throw these away once we got back to the castle. I had thought about trying to wash them, but I don't think the stench from whatever it was that we were fighting through is ever going to get out of these things.”
“Well, we may as well get them off you now then. Just to be on the safe side. Please allow me.” He leaned forward, crowding me as one of his hands came to my side and gripped the leather fabric there, tugging at the laces that held it closed over my chest.
Which was, of course, when his hand hit a wound that I had forgotten I’d received while I was fighting. I winced and must have made some kind of noise.
“What?” he snapped, jerking his hand away as though I'd bitten him. “What's wrong?”
“I just got a little hurt in the fight, that's all. Nothing I can't handle.”
He leaned back, putting distance between us even though the intensity in his gaze had grown. “Hurt? How?” The urgency in his tone made me nervous.
I tried to remember when it had happened. “I think one of the corrupted fae stabbed me with some weird dagger.”
“Can you tell me what the dagger looked like?”
“No, it was a battle, Thorn. I didn't exactly track everything.” I rolled my eyes at him. He should know better than to ask something like that, I mean I had completely forgotten about the injury until now, so how would I remember what the dagger looked like?
He grunted in understanding, but I knew that there was some irritation in there as well.
“What does it matter anyway?”
“According to the reports I've read since we got back there has been an uptick in the number of people that carry cursed weapons in an effort to stave off the corrupted fae when they attack.”
“Cursed weapons? What does that mean?” I furrowed my brows, wishing, not for the first time, that I had a better understanding of fae culture.
“They're like your standard magical weapons, but the energy that is used to make them is… darker.” He was choosing his words carefully and I knew he was trying to hide something from me, which irritated me, but I also accepted that this was part of his personality. He was protective, and I had never really had to deal with that before. So, It was new for me. That didn't mean I didn't appreciate it, though. It was just taking a little bit to get used to. That's all.
“Let me see the wound.”
I sighed with exasperation, but I knew if our positions were reversed, I would be demanding the same thing. Which was why I complied. Without too much of a fight, at least.
I quickly unlaced my leathers and beared my side to him. The stab wound wasn't so much a stab wound as it was a slice that cut across my skin. The shape and location actually made me feel a lot better about it until I realized that there were angry red veins coming from it.
And that they were spreading even as I watched
I had no idea what to make of something like that. It was obvious that the weapon used in the attack wasn't normal, that there was something about it that was wrong on a level I didn’t have the words to describe, though Wyn probably would.
I had no idea how to consider whether the wound was actually dangerous or not. It looked like it was, but maybe it was just a flesh wound, nothing too serious that a small dose of healing magic couldn’t fix.
Thorn’s touch was gentle. His fingers were as hot as coals, though. I knew he ran hot because of the whole Sun Kissed thing, but this seemed a little more intense than I'd ever experienced before.
My mind replayed the scene where he had turned into a human fire tornado. Although, I suppose fae fire tornado was more accurate. I couldn't help but marvel at his control of magic and wonder if it was ever something that I would be able to manifest as well. Somehow I didn't think so. It seemed surreal to me to imagine myself with that kind of power.
“That's a nasty one.” Thorn’s voice echoed in my ears.
“So, it was cursed?” I clarified.
“Yeah. Hang on a second. I think I've got something in my pack.” He popped to his feet and moved around to the side of his horse before rummaging through the pack.
I watched him moving, trying to see if he was injured as well. There was nothing I could see, though he could just be hiding it well. I’d met plenty of soldiers throughout my time that did the same thing.
Thorn sighed as he handed me a flask with a sludgy yellow substance inside. “And this is?”
“Think of it as like an anti-poison potion. Rub some of it into the wound.”
I snorted a laugh. “We're doing potions now? Okay...” These kinds of things were completely outlawed in the human lands so to me they were items from stories and legends. The hero drank a potion and magically got strong enough to defeat the monster. It seemed so silly in some ways, but when magic was involved silly things often became reality.
“Or an ointment. Whatever works for you. And yes, I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep you alive. Even if that means staying away from you.”
I wanted to ask him what he meant. I was pretty sure we both knew. Without him spelling it out. If the King and Queen of the moon court found out about our bond then there was a good likelihood they would have us killed or something, or maybe just Thorn, since they valued my mark so highly. Either way, it was a terrifying thought.
“I am sorry about earlier. It's the first raid that I've been on since we returned to the fae lands. I was too focused on remembering everything we had to do. In my mind, you're already a warrior, you've already proven yourself, so to me it made sense that you would just follow along. But that was unfair of me.” He didn't look at me as he said this, but I was still flattered by the words, even if he felt a little embarrassed by them.
Apparently, I'd stopped rubbing the potion in and that was not acceptable to Thorn, so he decided to take over for himself. Sitting down next to me this time, he delicately emptied a dollop of the sludge onto his hand before smearing across my abdomen, not just the wound itself but anywhere the veins had extended to as well.
“What are we going to do?” I whispered the question, not really wanting an answer, but feeling that I needed to put it out there anyway.
“First, I'm going to make sure that this is working. Then I'm going to strip the rest of your clothes off and see if you have any other injuries. I'll have to be very thorough. We can't have you turning corrupted as soon as we get back to the city. Then we’ll figure it out from there.” His words started as playful but ended more subdued than I liked.
As much as I wanted Thorn, whatever was happening between us at that moment felt forced, like we were just doing what was expected of us, which was the last thing I wanted. The playful banter held an edge to it, a darkness that I didn’t like.
“Maybe we should just get back to the city?” I asked, hating myself for it as the words left my mouth.
Thorn’s gaze met mine as his hand stilled on my abdomen. The question I saw there was paired with resignation, which was exactly why, as much as I wanted to be with Thorn physically, I knew now wasn’t the right time.
He was still fighting the soul bond. He didn’t want it. That much was as plain as day, but what did that mean for me? What did I want?