Chapter 7 Ethan
Ethan
Likes:
-the guitar riff in “Today” (Smashing Pumpkins)
-Alpha Centauri
-Mr. Svitzer’s science class
-green grass
-Dad’s pasta salad
-blank notebooks
-the way Shane’s clothes smell
-when Shane’s hair is wet from a shower
-Shane when he’s sleep drunk and saying weird shit
-Shane sitting on my bed
-Shane putting notes in my locker
Dislikes:
-flat tire on my bike
-Ev taking over the bathroom every morning
-my parents' dumb singing to oldies
-tardies
-the plain brick wall at the end of the science lab hall
-brown sugar Pop Tarts
-when Shane seems to like me for a little while—-and then he seems to not
September 25th, 1993
When I went to my locker after 4th period, I saw a note stuck in one of the slats. I thought it might be Jeremy because I missed 1st and 2nd period b/c I had a doc appointment.
But it was from Shane!
I’m going to copy it here word-for-word:
Hey Ethan,
Wassup? NMH just sittin in Carver’s class learning about imaginary numbers, but I’m imagining I’m somewhere else :0)~ Can you make sure Ev brings my chem book tomorrow? I need it back for a quiz. Carver is looking at me…okay now he’s not!
Also, can you meet me after school today? Ms. Reynolds has a photography project she wants me to do. She said that maybe I could enter them into a contest at BCC! Ev doesn’t want to, he says he’s too busy, so I thought maybe you could? WB and LMK or just tell me at lunch.
C-ya! Shane
I didn’t write him back, b/c I was just going to tell him at lunch. But Shane wasn’t at lunch. I found out in 7th period it was b/c he had to go home b/c of his grandparents. I asked Ev about it when he drove us home from school, but he wouldn’t tell me anything. He’s such a dick sometimes.
Anywayz, I wrote back Shane to tell him that I can meet him after school. I hope I don’t sound too stupid or eager. I haven’t asked my parents yet, but I don’t think it will interfere with anything and Shane can drive me home :)
Man, now I’m nervous!!
More later!
Okay, it’s like 11:30 p.m. right now.
Shane came over for dinner. Well, at first, he was just going to get his chem book from Everett.
He seemed kind of upset, but then my mom said he could have dinner with us if he wanted to.
It seemed like he was just going to go, but then he stayed.
He and Ev kept exchanging looks and he didn’t really talk to me.
He went up to Ev’s room and they shut the door.
I thought maybe he forgot about the note and asking me, so I just tried to do my homework.
Then! There was a knock on my door and it was Shane!
He asked me if I got his note, and I said that I did.
I told him that I wrote him back, but I can just tell him now, but he stopped me and asked for my note. He said if I went through all the trouble of writing it, then he should read it. So, he read it in my room and smiled and said, “Cool!”
I said cool too!
But then he had to go. He kept my note, though. He put it in his pocket! Man, this night was awesome!
That’s all 4 now!
October 11, 1993
I’ve been too busy to write much.
Shane has been taking pictures of me for his photography project.
At first, he just had me do stuff like hold a pinecone or an apple and he’d take a picture of it.
Then he drove us to the park. It’s not a great-looking park.
Some of the equipment isn’t kept up very well, and it’s all rusted and stuff.
Shane told me where to stand and where to look.
I felt weird doing it. And kinda shy. Because Shane is looking at me.
Like all his attention is on me. And even though I like it, it feels weird b/c I’m just not used to it I guess.
And besides, the only time I’ve had my picture taken is for school and when my parents do it.
This wasn’t like that. I told Shane I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do.
It looked like he felt bad, so he told me to just walk around the park and do whatever. He would follow me and take pictures.
So, I did what he said. At first, it was weird b/c I was just aware of Shane behind me the whole time.
But after a while I just started walking around, picking up sticks from the ground and tossing them in the air.
Then I stood on one of the swings and tried to swing back and forth.
I would look around and see Shane behind a tree or a few feet away.
After a while, I just sort of kept forgetting he was even there. It got to be kind of fun.
Shane would laugh at some of the stuff I did and tell me to just keep doing it or turn a little bit or do it one more time. It’s really fun! I liked laughing with Shane.
And I also felt strange because it was just Shane and me without Everett around, which is weird.
The camera Shane had looked old. He said it belongs to his grandpa and that his grandpa used to be a photographer. It made me want to ask stuff about his grandparents, but also his parents too. I’ve heard stuff about them. But I don’t want to make him mad.
When we left the park, Shane was telling me he thought we got a lot of good pics. He said he was excited to develop them and see. I asked him if I could see too and he said, “Of course, Ethan! The camera really loves you!”
Like I know he wasn’t saying that he specifically loves me, but it still made me smile like crazy. I can’t wait until next time!
October 14, 1993
Shane came over to our house when Everett was out on a date with Rachel Petersen.
Shane probably forgot. Shane doesn’t seem to date much, which confuses me.
I can’t possibly see how anyone wouldn’t want to date him.
When my parents ask him about having a “special lady” in his life, he always looks all bashful, then says he’s busy with track, his part-time job, and helping his grandparents.
And now he’s got this photography project.
But Shane came over, and I was on my computer, wearing my headphones and didn’t hear him. There was a tap on my shoulder, and I turned around and there he was! I pulled my headphones off and paused the CD I was listening to.
He said what’s up and so I did I. I told him Ev was out on a date.
“Your parents told me downstairs.” He looked around my room for a second, and I realized that was the first time he was actually in my room.
He stood in the doorway before to wave at me, to say hi, but he’d never actually been inside my room.
I started to feel giddy, like this was some kind of progress.
Then he said, “I’m actually here to see you, though.”
I kinda just said something lame, like oh really? and I saw he had a folder, and he said he had the pictures from the park. And then…he sat down on my bed. I’d DREAMED about this while getting off before—except that Shane was always naked on my bed. But still…Shane Carraway was sitting on my bed.
I could hardly talk. I said something stupid, like “cool” but really, I was watching where he was sitting so I could lay there later.
He took out the pictures and spread them all over my bed. I sat down across from him. He showed them to me, and they honestly weren’t that bad. Well, they would have been better had I not been in them.
I said something like that, just kinda joking, and Shane looked at me all serious and said, “Don’t say that. These pictures are perfect because of you.”
I can’t explain the feeling that went through me when he said that.
I felt all warm inside and my stomach got all fluttery.
And then I kinda got a little horny too because SHANE CARRAWAY WAS ON MY BED!
I don’t really remember what he said after that even though I nodded and stuff.
I think he talked about which ones he was going to maybe enter in that contest. I couldn’t really believe it and I still can’t.
After a while we got to talking about other stuff. It was weird but good that he was just hanging out in my room—ON MY BED—like it was normal. Like we were friends.
Like maybe we could be more than friends?
And then he asked me what I’d been doing, and I told him I was doing some homework.
“Homework?” He looked at me, incredulous. “It’s Friday night, man. Not the time for homework.”
I felt my face get all red. I told him that I didn’t really have anything else to do…
He told me to shut off my computer and do what I wanted. I had all weekend.
What I wanted?! If only he knew…
I shut the monitor off to appease him. There was some awkward silence for a handful of minutes.
I was happy he was there, in my room, and on my bed.
But we were still so used to having Everett around.
Even when we were alone in his car as he drove me to and from the park, it was still kinda awkward.
But I didn’t want Everett or anyone else around right then.
I wanted Shane to talk to just me. To spend time with just me.
I want to know him better than my brother, understand him, be close to him.
I guess I can say this is more than a crush now.
I didn’t know what to say and time kept ticking by, so I blurted, “How’s your grandparents?”
There was a slight wince on his face, but then he said in an upbeat tone that they were good.
He said his grandpa fell the other day, but Shane took him to the doctor and his grandpa was fine.
He studied the geometric patterns on my comforter while he told me his grandma sleeps a lot, so he had to clear a spot in the kitchen to cook for her.
He told me it wasn’t every meal. Just what he could microwave or boil in a pot.
I said he should make her some Easy Mac, and felt stupid for saying it, but Shane smiled and said he should.
There was another period of silence, Shane tracing the patterns on my bed, me trying to subtly watch where he was touching as I fiddled with the wires of my headphones so I could touch those spots when he was gone.