17
Noah
“Are you sure you don’t mind me dropping in tonight? I swear I don’t mind crashing on Jenny’s couch.” Exhaustion coats my sister’s voice as it drifts through my phone. Oakley just landed in Atlanta and has seventeen hours to burn before her next flight out.
I roll my eyes at her, even though she can’t see me, while slipping a tray of pizza rolls out of the oven. “You know you never need to ask, Oaks.”
She sighs into the line, and I can imagine her rubbing her eyes in exhaustion.
“Be careful driving down, alright? I’ll see you in an hour.”
“Love you, bubs.”
“Love you, Oaks.” With that, I hang up, neither of us saying goodbye. I snatch a pizza roll off the tray and pop it into my mouth, immediately regretting the action. “Shit!” I exclaim before spitting it back out.
“Guess it’s true what they say about elevator men, then, huh?”
I jump, nearly knocking the tray off the counter at Jett’s unexpected appearance. “Tryin’ to kill me, chaos?” I ask with a hand to my chest, the hand that is also cradling my too-hot pizza snack. The gentle smile on her lips is almost enough to bring me to my knees.
I haven’t seen her smile around town this week. Since the pillow search a few weeks back, we’d started crashing in each other’s lofts a couple nights a week. The last time I’d seen her was Monday, and I had to leave for work before she woke up. And for some reason, she became a pro at avoiding me this week.
Even as I prepared our snacks, a small voice in my head kept whispering that maybe she wouldn’t show up tonight. Hell, sneaking out of her bed to go to work was one of the toughest things I’ve done.If I’d known she’d ghost me, I’d have stayed in that bed all day with her instead.
“Told you leaving your door open was a bad idea. You never know what riffraff might sneak in unannounced.”
Chuckling at the lightness cloaking her this afternoon, I resume placing the piping-hot pepperoni goodness into a bowl and grab two sodas from the fridge.
“So, what’s this about elevator men?” I ask as I watch her cheeks redden, her hands wringing together in front of her and her eyes looking away from me.
“Oh, you know.”
“No, I’m not sure I do.” I set everything on the counter and slip around to stand in front of her, leaning my hip on one of the bar stools.
I love when Jett gets this bashful look on her face. I have no business chasing this theoretical possibility of a relationship with a girl who’s made it clear she doesn’t want to label whatever this is between us. And yet, when she looks at me like that—so unabashedly open with what she’s thinking—I can’t help but want to wrap her in my arms and hold tight.
Making sure to keep some distance between us, I motion toward the couch. “Kind of surprised you showed up.”
“Is it okay that I did? I know I kinda sorta panicked and hid from you for the last few days. Just had some major thoughts to work through, and I took on another new project for one of the clients that followed me.” She motions over her shoulder at the door. “I can go back to my place, no problem. Especially since it sounds like you have company coming.”
Forget keeping my distance. I move closer to Jett and slip my fingers into her hair, cradling her jaw. A shaky breath leaks from her as her eyes close. When she leans ever so slightly into my hand, it’s almost too much for my sanity. A weight lifts off my shoulders as my thumb glides back and forth over her porcelain skin, some of the grief I carry lessening slightly.
“There she is,” I whisper as her eyes reopen. “I want you here. Oakley is my sister and doesn’t count as company. But even if she did, you’d still be welcome.”
She gives a near imperceptible nod before taking a breath and stepping back from me. “How’s your week been? You look tired.”
My head rocks side to side. I’m not sure how to address the feelings beating down on me. Even though I’ve battled the same feelings for years, this handful of days never gets easier. As emotions try to slip forward, I clear my throat.
“Better now that you’re here.”
She tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, glancing around the loft to avoid looking at me. “Gotta quit with the lines, buddy.”
“You love it.”
She lets out a soft laugh at that, nodding. “True.” As she settles into the living area, she turns on the television and queues up the hockey game from earlier before looking over the back of the couch to me. The smirk on her face is new, like she knows exactly what I’m thinking about. “As much as I’m trying to get used to those kinds of looks from you, I feel like I need to thank you.”
Confusion settles in as I try to figure out what she means. “Not that I’m aware of,” I say, but it’s phrased more as a question.
“You stood up to my brother for me. No one has ever done that before. So, thank you.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I can feel the color creeping into my face. I’m not used to anyone voicing their gratitude. Usually, it’s just expected for me to do the thing, whatever that thing is. I don’t like to see my loved ones taken advantage of.
“Someone needed to. Did you guys talk things out?”
She nods. “Well, sort of. I’m planning to go over there on Thursday so we can talk more about my plans to open a bookstore.”
I pick up the tray of now-cooled pizza rolls and join her on the couch, reaching up to snag the blanket she favorites and tossing it over her. The soft giggle as she uncovers her head melts away another dark cloud in my mind.
As she starts the game at the anthems, I slip my arm around her shoulders and settle the blanket over the both of us.
“What’s on your mind, babe?”
Startling, I glance down at her. Those emerald eyes are rimmed with worry. My fingers trail over her arm trying to put both of us at ease. “What do you mean, chaos?”
“You’ve been staring a hole through the TV for the last ten minutes. Seems like something’s got your insides all twisted up.”
Pushing away thoughts of my dad and Maya as best I can, I do a round of box breathing. “Thinking too hard about tough thoughts is all.”
She sits forward, turning her torso to face me and effectively removing herself from my hold. “You know, someone I look up to has been teaching me that we can either talk things through or pretend they don’t exist. Which would you like to do?”
I huff out a chuckle. “You’re really gonna use my own words against me?”
She shrugs, not looking the least bit contrite. “If the shoe fits…”
Slipping my hand into hers, because the lack of touch has my chest hammering again, I stare at the screen. “February is a rough month for me, the last week especially.”
The tightening of her grip on my fingers in silent support urges me to continue.
“My dad died when I was just a kid. He was hit by a car while changing his tire.”
Jett sinks back into me, her arms winding around my waist.
“I was in the car,” I choke out, burying my nose in her hair and breathing in the lavender and eucalyptus that is purely Jett. “I was in the car and witnessed his death, and then five days after the twelve-year anniversary of his passing, the girl I was seeing was walking home from here when she was hit by a drunk driver.”
Jett stays quiet. Whether it’s in silent support or simply that she’s speechless, I don’t know. She just holds tight to me as I get a handle on my emotions.
I’ve tried to justify it over the years. Why he died. Why the car didn’t get so much as a dent, leaving me physically untouched. Why I let Maya convince me that I didn’t need to walk her home that night.
Jett tucks her head below my chin, snuggling into a possessive hold. “Makes that first night at Riley’s make so much more sense, why you didn’t want me walking back to Reece’s alone.”
I expel a shaky breath while running my fingers over Jett’s scalp. “I wasn’t in love with Maya—we’d only just started dating—but I let her walk out of here without me. I was exhausted from work, and she swore she’d be fine. If I’d been with her, I might have been able to push her out of the way.”
“There’s nothing to justify, Noah.”
Silence ensues, but it is a comforting silence. A weight is lifted, having her know the darkest parts of my past.
The game is well into the second period when Jett whispers so softly that I would have missed it if she wasn’t lying on me.
“I recognize your pain, but I’m thankful it wasn’t you.”
“I’ve never discussed it with anyone,” I say just as quietly.
“I’m not saying you have to, I’ll support whatever you want to do, but I will say from experience that seeing a therapist has made a difference for me.”
Jett sits up to reach for another bite of food, and Sadie takes that as her cue to jump onto the couch. She peppers both of us in wet kisses until Jett is a bundle of giggles and scratching Sadie’s ears.
“I’m sorry for avoiding you this week, especially when you were fighting such a heavy battle on your own.”
I open my mouth to dispute her apology, but she stops me with a squeeze of her hand.
“Things were moving faster than I had anticipated, and I panicked. But, Noah, I want to do this—whatever this is—with you. I’m in.”
“Yeah?”
Before she can respond, the door opens and my little sister waltzes in. “Honey, I’m home!”
I cut my eyes back to Jett. “Continue this conversation later?”
She nods, but her eyes are on the purple-haired goober.
“Oops,” Oaks whispers. “Looks like I’m interrupting something.” As she glances between the two of us, I can literally see when the pieces click. She stares open mouthed at me. “Is this her? Elevator girl?”
Jett almost spews out the Dr. Pepper she’d just taken a sip of.
Palming my face, I groan. “Would you quit with the embarrassment, sis?”
The Cheshire Cat would be jealous of the grin on my sister’s face as she turns her attention back to my girl. “Hi! I’m Oakley. Noah hasn’t shut up about you.” Reaching her hand over the couch with unmatched enthusiasm, she shakes Jett’s much more tentative hand. Dropping her bag behind the couch, she sighs. “Whew, I think that’s the extent of my energy drink’s powers.”
Chuckling at Jett’s bemused expression, I officially introduce the two. “Oaks, Jett. Jett, Oakley Kate. This is my blabbermouth little sister.”
“Nice to meet you, Oakley.”
“Same, girl. It’s always a pleasure to meet anyone who can bring the sweet side out of this one.” Her gaze shifts up to the screen, and she hollers. “Go, baby, go!”
Realizing Silas just scored his second goal of the night, Jett looks to me in confusion.
“I thought you said they broke up?” Jett whispers to me.
“Yep. Still support each other, though. Like I told you, I don’t know what happened,” I whisper back. “While she’s distracted, though. Your pace, chaos. What you say, goes. I’m all in.”
“As long as you’re willing to practice patience with me.”
“Always.”
Oaks turns back to us. “Okay, love birds. Who wants ice cream?”