Chapter Twenty-Four
Kit tightened his grip on Nick when he tried to fetch a washcloth, the little objecting noise he made criminally persuasive. Nick yielded, settling for taking off his already dirty shirt and using that to clean them both.
Nick stretched out on his back, the injuries barely bothering him anymore, and Kit followed, burrowing his face against his neck, throwing a leg over his thighs, an arm finding his waist.
“Did you like it?” Kit asked, an undercurrent of nerves and insecurity threaded through the middle of the question. It was in the way he held on to Nick, the unevenness of the breaths against his neck.
“There’s no part of that I didn’t like,” Nick answered honestly.
“I feel really close to you. I was able to get into it—which, sometimes, I can’t do—and it was just so, so good.
” Nick caught the inside of his cheek, hesitating, shying away from the vulnerability, but then Kit’s gloveless fingers cradled his ribs, and he found his courage.
“You made me feel wanted. Like, as a person. And that’s not something I’ve felt in a long time, and you just gave it to me.
” An embarrassed laugh got caught in his chest, even though nothing he was saying was funny. “I sound stupid.”
Kit purred so hard he shook the bed, his touch and warmth saying, you don’t sound stupid.
“And you smell amazing, by the way,” Nick added. He nosed his hair, breathing in. It wasn’t as strong as from Kit’s skin, but the ochre hung pleasantly in the air.
“I know my tail has been bothering you since… I have seen you flinching.”
“I have,” Nick admitted. “But that’s not going to be a thing.
I like your tail.” His hand was resting on his stomach, and he turned it up, opening his fingers.
Kit’s face was buried in his neck, but he must have sensed the ask regardless; his tail swished into his palm, and Nick closed his grip on him.
“It’s soft and tactile, and I think the fact that you can wrap this around my cock and my piercings and be so gentle that it doesn’t hurt at all is kind of nuts.
I like that it’s warm too. I like how it’s black but still catches the moonlight.
I like how the tufts are the same colour as your hair. ”
Kit vibrated with the most soothing, wonderful purr.
Feelings welled up, and Nick didn’t know how to handle them. He was used to a crash after sex. He was used to an overwhelming amount of disinterest in his partner the second after he climaxed. He wasn’t used to feeling fulfilled; he wasn’t used to being compelled to talk.
“I’m going to move a bit,” Nick warned. “I’m twisting onto my side, and I’m not going to reach for you with my hands, but I would like to scent-mark your mouth.”
Kit hummed, stayed relaxed, so Nick adjusted and got his lips over Kit’s, chasing after the feeling of closeness.
He already had Kit’s tail in his hand, so he tugged him by it, pulling Kit on top of him.
Nick pulled back after a few seconds, and Kit buried his face once more into the crook of his neck, this time draped over him.
“Some don’t like tails,” Kit murmured after a few moments. “That’s why I asked.”
Nick recalled the first time he’d laid eyes on Kit.
Desre breaking her fan against Kit’s hand, telling him to put his tail away.
Nick took a long breath, then released it slowly.
He didn’t want to let the stirring anger grasp hold of him.
He didn’t want Kit to associate that with him, with what they’d just done.
“I do,” Nick said, only after he was sure his voice was under control.
“And I’m sure everyone here does too. I’m certain my brother will love your tail.
” And then the idea of Laurence and Kit meeting flitted through Nick’s mind.
Possibilities. But the edge of reality cut in too, and Nick’s inner sense of right and wrong battled with it all. “I miss them,” he admitted.
Kit slid off of Nick. He draped his arm across Nick’s body, fingers digging into obliques. “You wish to return to your family.”
“Yeah, of course I do.”
Kit tensed.
“But that doesn’t mean I can just…” Nick sighed, trying to figure out how to voice what he was feeling.
He stared at the ceiling above him, the bed too still now that the wine had worn off.
“I care about you. That means there is no circumstance in any world where I can leave you if I think there’s a chance you’ll end up with Desre again.
So, that’s my priority. I’ll get the symbols onto Seche and his men—I’ll get them onto every single person in the world if I need to—but I don’t want you here when they confront her. I want you with me, in my world, safe.”
Kit tensed. His tail lashed out of Nick’s grip. He already knew that Kit’s answer would be no. Nick had only even asked indirectly, and he’d got his answer.
“I know you won’t do that,” Nick continued. “I know you want to keep those kits out there and those on the ship safe the way I want to keep you safe, so I’ll work with that. You asked if I want to return? I do. I will. But not yet.”
“They are children,” Kit whispered. “I will not let her harm them.”
No, of course he wouldn’t. Instead he’d stand on the hot coals in their place and burn. His gentle nature would be warped into violence. She would leave him petrified of anyone even reaching for his hand. Leave him self-loathing and small. Isolated.
“Kit,” Nick murmured. He thought of Mini, Anna, and even Ios. “They want to keep you safe too. Please let them.”
Kit’s tail settled again. He didn’t answer Nick. This wouldn’t be solved tonight in bed. Nick let it drop, shelving the issue for a more appropriate time.
“When Desre’s gone, what will you do?” Nick asked.
Kit was quiet for so long that Nick thought he wouldn’t answer. The waning candlelight flickered orange on the wooden beams above. The courtyard was silent, the sounds from the party distant and muted.
“I will make you coffee,” Kit whispered.
Nick’s breath stopped. A flurry of warmth swarmed his gut, and when he blinked, tears dampened his lashes.
“I will take three scoops from the well of blessings and water the coffee plants so they grow strong, and I will take the beans from the harvest and prepare them how you told me. The first cup will be yours to taste,” Kit continued in a sure voice, like he was sharing a well-thought-out daydream.
“And after you taste, you can give me guidance on how to prepare the next cup better.” Kit’s exhale trembled. “I have been looking forward to it.”
Nick swallowed hard. He blinked several times, salt stinging his eyes, and he eventually just shut them. “I look forward to it too.” His voice came out too thick. Nick couldn’t help it. Kit had caught him off guard. He hadn’t expected the answer to involve him.
“I will remove these,” Kit said. “They are uncomfortable.”
Kit rolled away. Nick rested the back of his hand over his eyes, focusing on getting his breathing under control as he listened to Kit remove his clothes.
The dirty shirt that had been a lump in Nick’s hand was tugged away.
Kit wiped Nick’s hand clean, blew out the candle in the room, and then the mattress dipped down as Kit rejoined him.
He curled against Nick’s side once more and pulled a sheet over them.
Kit tensed, hand on Nick’s bare chest, feeling his uneven breaths. “You are upset? Why? The window –”
“I’m not upset,” Nick said quickly, his voice unconvincing. He pressed the back of his hand tighter against his forehead. “You just caught me off guard. My vision of the future got thrown into a shredder last year, and I’ve not really…not…ugh. I don’t know. It’s not re-materialised for me since.”
Kit soothed a sympathetic hand over Nick’s chest, encouraging him to continue.
“I always knew I wanted a degree in something steady—business, accounting—something I can apply anywhere. That way I could help out Dad on the weekends, and when Laurence eventually went off and did his art course, I’d be able to send him money so he wouldn’t have to worry about working part-time and just focus on doing what he wanted.
” Nick breathed out hard. “But I’m not really needed for that anymore.
Connor’s loaded, and Laurence will never need to ask; Connor will just give him whatever money he needs—which is great, I’m glad that Laurence won’t have to worry about things like that.
But…just…like, last year, Laurence wanted to learn to drive, and I was nervous about him being behind the wheel, so I put off giving him lessons.
And before I could get over those nerves, Connor came along and taught him instead.
And he doesn’t come to me for anything like that anymore.
He wants to borrow a car? Connor. He needs help with homework?
Connor. He wants advice? Connor. He wants to do something fun? Connor.
“He was a shy kid when he was younger, and any outing, any event, he’d cling to my side and make me take the first step everywhere.
I’d order at restaurants for us. I’d speak to shop assistants for him.
I modelled my entire future so that I would always be in a position where I could be there for him…
and now when he goes to college, it’s going to be Connor he’ll ask to drive him to his new dorm.
” A few shaky exhales accompanied a feeling of upset so potent that Nick wanted to tear himself away from Kit to check the latch that he knew was firmly shut.
“I can’t even sleep through the night, Kit.
They’re all so settled, so harmonious with each other, and I sit on the floor in the middle of the night with my head between my knees because the thought of them sleeping with a window cracked open drives me nuts. ”
“Nick…” Kit’s voice was heartbreakingly soft.
“I went so off topic there, but ah”—Nick huffed, the sound wet—“the point I’m trying to make is that hearing a plan for the future that includes me feels really nice. I’d love to try the coffee you brew.”
Kit clutched Nick tightly. “I have a list.”
“A list?”
“Yes.”
“Of what?”
“Plans that include you.”
“A list,” Nick repeated, arm falling away from his forehead.
“Yes,” Kit confirmed again.