Chapter Thirty-Four
Despair opened its gaping mouth and swallowed Nick whole. He still can’t see me. The now-familiar burn rippled through his arms.
He slid to the ground. Kit was there in a moment, supporting Nick so even though he went to his knees, he didn’t fall as far as he should.
“I forgave him,” Nick mumbled. He was aware that the others were talking, but he couldn’t think beyond his own internal landscape. He forgave Adonis.
“You did,” Kit said.
Kit supported his shoulders, holding him through the burn. Their previous conversation came back to him. Nick had made declarations, promises, that the spell now proved false. But it wasn’t false.
“I didn’t lie,” Nick gritted out through the pain.
He couldn’t stand Kit thinking that Nick hadn’t meant it when he said all of this was worth it to meet him.
He lifted his head to meet Kit’s eyes. The burning smell of his own blood bubbling turned it into a glare. “I didn’t. You’re worth it. You are.”
Kit petted his hair back from his face, his touch gentle. In his eyes was understanding. Forgiveness. “I believe you,” Kit said, steady. “You are an honest man. Yet…you have lied about something.”
Nick trembled.
“It isn’t Adonis whom you blame.”
The words, spoken so kindly, hit Nick like a blow to his heart. His brain roared an objection even as shame washed through him. He bent forward, burying his face in Kit’s chest. For comfort. To hide. A sob crawled its way out of his throat. “I can’t help it.”
“I know.”
“I don’t mean it. I don’t even believe it.” Nick dug his forehead tighter into Kit’s chest, tears streaming down his face. It was so hard to breathe.
“I know.”
“Nothing that happened was his fault. He was a victim. He’s kind. He loves Laurence to death. He loves Dad. It wasn’t his fault.” Pain seared Nick’s heart, a far brighter pain than the burn in his arms.
“Irrational fears don’t like listening to rational arguments.” Kit cradled Nick’s head, holding him tight and secure to his body. “You told me that.”
Nick’s jaw clenched tight. His eyes burned with tears as his mind rebelled.
Shied away. Not even Desre could have dragged this truth from his lips.
But Kit’s chest hummed with the most soothing of purrs, encouraging him towards damnation with the promise that it wouldn’t end him.
And Nick realised then that he was clasping Kit’s hand.
That Kit was letting him. Despite everything, Kit trusted Nick not to hurt him.
“It’s Connor’s fault.” Nick choked on the bitter words. “It’s his fault Laurence is going to come here the moment he finishes school. It’s his fault that Dad’s going to follow. It’s his fault they won’t be safe. If he’d never become part of the family, everything would be fine.”
Kit’s chin rested on the top of Nick’s head, hand cradling his nape. He drew Nick close to him, tail curling around his body and holding. Acceptance from every angle.
The burning in his arms abruptly lessened.
“Connor’s safety keeps you awake at night too.”
Nick’s next breath came easier, but his voice was hoarse. “Yeah.”
“You love him too.”
Nick was too strung out for anything but the truth. “Yeah.”
“Can you forgive him?”
“He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“You have passed many sleepless nights because of him. You have known fear and anxiety because of him. You have ended up here, hurt and alone, because of him.”
Kit held him tightly, let Nick hold him in return.
Nick had been struggling, going crazy because he felt like he was the only one affected by Connor being kidnapped.
The only one afraid. And everyone else had been doing so well that Nick couldn’t bring himself to voice the fact that he wasn’t.
Kit was right. Nick was hurt, had been hurting, but… “I’m not alone.”
Kit hummed, but let it sit with him. Let Nick process his blame. The true cause of his anxieties.
Nick didn’t know why, but the guilt and shame didn’t amplify, they released. Breathing became easier. “Connor’s the reason I got to meet you,” Nick said.
A chirp drew Nick’s attention. He twisted in Kit’s arms and startled. Adonis sat perched on the edge of the well, tail disappearing into the dark. He was looking at Nick, not through him.
Nick’s breath caught. He waited for the fire to burn through his tattoos; he waited for Adonis’s gaze to shift, as if Nick wasn’t there at all. Adonis chirped again, his expression slowly transforming; his chin rose, and pleased arrogance washed over every inch of him.
“So annoying,” Nick said, but he grinned.
Adonis’s attitude could be infuriating, irritating, and downright disruptive, but right now Nick was glad of it.
The situation couldn’t be bad. Not while Adonis was brandishing his usual brand of smug arrogance.
“Connor’s gonna be happy with you, I suppose?
Since you found me.” Nick guessed the reason for Adonis’s prideful look.
“I am very good at making Connor happy,” Adonis boasted.
Valor, Ios and Mini all stood at the base of the steps.
Mini and Ios stared with wide eyes, and Valor watched Adonis, assessing.
Kneeling on the steps, Nick and Kit were closest to the merman.
Nick shifted his weight onto his heels, pulling free of Kit’s embrace.
He released the stranglehold he had of Kit’s hand.
“I’m sorry for grabbing you.”
Kit’s head tilted to the side. “I am the one who reached out to you. The pain is gone?”
‘Pain gone’ was not exactly an accurate description of Nick’s physical state. His forearm was slashed deep in the muscle and still bled, his ribs ached, and his eyes stung with shed tears. Nick wiped his cheek to erase the tracks that tears left and ended up wetting his cheek with congealing blood.
The low groan of creaking wood filled the hall as the doors swung open. Footsteps preceded the soft patter of water droplets hitting the stone floor. Adonis chirped out a greeting.
Connor stood next to the slumped-over forms of Rin and Greya, feet planted between their pooling blood.
His black curls were plastered to his head, the strands wet and dripping.
His clothes—a plain T-shirt and pants—were saturated, water running off them in little rivers. Stormy grey eyes fixed on Nick.
Nick stared back. He should have felt guilty. Conflicted, maybe, if he had a conscience.
It was only relief that washed through him.
Nick rose shakily to his feet, Kit supporting him with a hand on his side, and then Nick found new strength in his body as he marched down the middle aisle. Connor watched every step, eyes raking over Nick from head to toe, before finally focusing exclusively on his cut arm.
“You’re looking a little –” Connor cut off as Nick engulfed him in a hard hug. The first he’d ever given Connor. Even if neither of them was particularly inclined towards physical affection, Nick should at least know what hugging his brother felt like.
Arms wrapped around Connor, he could feel the rigid tension of his body.
Could feel his joints moving like rusted machinery as his hands rose up to touch Nick’s sides, only very lightly.
Nick sensed that the hesitation wasn’t rejection, but wariness.
Concern that there were hidden injuries that he didn’t want to worsen.
“You can feel me now, can’t you?” Now that Nick had accepted the resentment and blame he’d been desperately trying to extinguish, Connor would be able to find him. Now that Nick wasn’t rejecting him.
“Yes, and it’s steady,” Connor confirmed.
“Great,” Nick murmured. He pulled back, swaying on his feet, and Connor gave Nick’s face one more hard look before his focus shifted to the kits further in the church. Adonis was waiting patiently on the well.
Nick sucked in a sharp breath. “Crap. Adonis—Desre, the nymph, is she in there?”
Adonis twitched. His eyes cut to Connor, reading his face, before sliding back to Nick. He shook his head widely from side to side. “Escaped!” A big shrug. “River.” He mimed a fish swimming away with his hand.
Nick’s stomach dropped. Kit’s shoulders tensed, his tail lashing to one side. Nick cursed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Crap. Mini, can you redraw those? And Adonis…” Nick’s brow furrowed. “She can’t influence you, right? Can you catch her? Please.” Nick turned to Connor. “It’s important.”
“Why do you want her caught?” Connor asked.
Nick hesitated a second. But then he thought about the glimmers of sharp edges he’d seen in Connor. Connor was soft and gentle, but that wasn’t all.
“She can control how you feel through touch. She’s a serial rapist and a killer.
And she’s got it out for Kit, so there’s no way I can leave her loose to come back and try to get him.
Connor, please.” Nick’s voice came out nothing short of desperate.
He’d learned, viscerally, that he was useless against her.
His protection stripped away. He hated asking for help, but how could he do anything other than put that aside?
“You don’t need to say please like that.
It feels weird.” Connor shook out his shoulders.
“And…don’t tell Dad, but she’s…” He waved a hand.
Broadly. Casually. Then he repeated the gesture as a sharper motion across his own throat.
“Things have been a bit tense. I might have given Adonis permission to use lethal force.”
Nick blinked. He looked towards the well, where Adonis was looking smug as sin. The other kits looked that way too. Mini rose onto his toes and tried to see into the well.
“Is she actually?” Nick walked to Adonis and peered down. There was a large hole right at the bottom, the well cracked open and connected to the river. The gap was big enough for Desre to have escaped through, but Adonis hadn’t let her.
She lay crumpled, half submerged in a foot of water. Lifeless. Her skin had taken on a green hue, like in the few minutes she’d been down there, algae had begun to grow over her.
She was slumped against another body. A man with shiny golden hair.
The ‘god’ who had blessed the well centuries ago, and whose blood mixed with the water had kept the council living for centuries.
Nick wondered fleetingly what the man was, how such a thing was possible?
The council had held power over the well for centuries, yet the body at the bottom looked perfectly preserved, as if he might raise his head and climb right out any moment.
There were no injuries that Nick could see, though he’d put money on his death being a violent drowning at Desre’s hands.
The bedrock of bones they lay upon indicated he was far from the only one to have met such a fate.
Nick turned away from the corpses and faced Connor, who had reached Adonis and was running a hand over his tail.
“Adonis doesn’t have permission to kill anyone else,” Nick stated.
Connor’s gaze slid sideways. And so did Adonis’s, though his gaze was accompanied by a sneer.
Both looked at Kit.
It felt an age ago, but Nick realised that Connor probably recognised Kit from Vi’s party. Probably realised who had kidnapped him from the house. Kit’s tail lashed as they turned their gaze on him. He stood rooted to the spot where Nick had left him. Waiting. Watching. Trusting.
“He’s innocent.” Nick’s hand snaked out to grab Connor’s arm; he caught him just above the elbow. “Everything he did, he had no choice in; Desre made him do it with her power.”
“Is that so?”
“You’re not allowed to hurt him.”
“Alright.”
Nick scowled, his grip tightening. “And none of that shit you just tried to pull, hiding it. He did everything he could to help me.”
“I see.”
“And –”
Connor covered Nick’s hand with his own; if Nick was hurting him, it didn’t show on his face. “Nick.” Connor made pointed eye contact. “I understand. I’m not going to hurt anyone. Else,” he added belatedly.
Nick stared hard into Connor’s face, but he found no hint of a lie in him and dropped his hand. “Good.”
Nick’s gaze happened to meet Valor’s. Valor, whose manipulations had resulted in the exact outcome he’d hoped for; Nick’s family here, Desre dead.
And Nick, very easily, could point out that his final betrayal was the reason Nick had got hurt.
The reason he’d had his arm slashed open and, far worse than that, been subjected to Desre’s power.
Valor knew it. Nick saw in his eyes that he knew it, but like when they’d spoken on the riverside, Nick saw his resolution. Valor didn’t regret his actions. Not when he’d achieved his ultimate goal: Kit’s freedom.
Nick turned away from Valor, saying nothing.
He limped to Kit’s side. “Let’s go,” Nick muttered. “I’m sick of this place.”