Chapter Four #3
Xander switched directions and grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured himself a few inches of wine from the bottle on the counter.
It was Nate’s wine, which meant it was really good wine.
Also, his stomach was still jittery from butterflies and water wasn’t going to settle them enough for him to sleep.
“I can’t believe you missed the hot gossip. I quit last night.” Xander took a sip of wine, glancing over at the bottle. “This is good.”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Nate grumbled.
Xander shouldn’t have been surprised. Nate was a certified sommelier, and worked at one of the more prestigious wine tasting rooms in the county.
He also moonlighted at a smaller, very exclusive late night wine bar.
He was also his friend Wyatt’s ex-boyfriend, and certifiably obnoxious.
His access to very good wine was one of the only reasons Xander had agreed to let him move in as his and Kian’s other roommate.
Also, it was a little flattering and more than a little entertaining when Nate would hit on him. Xander had never been tempted to give in to more, but quitting had him feeling freer than he had in a long time.
And it was undeniable that Damon, with his soft, hesitant, but fiery looks under his lashes as he’d eaten Xander’s food had set him on fire. He was worked up with no place to go, except to his own bedroom with his own hand, and nothing about that sounded particularly appealing.
Frankly Nate, despite his model features and slim build, had never appealed to him either, but maybe . . . maybe.
“So you finally left Terroir. I guess it was only a matter of time,” Nate said, taking another long drink of wine. “I bet Kian’s freaking out.”
“Kian is mad as fuck,” Xander said.
Nate laughed. “Where is he, anyway? He’s not home yet either.”
“Feeling lonely?” Xander said, and he knew he was baiting Nate. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t good. But somehow it felt satisfying.
“Are we going to do this again?” Nate questioned.
“Do what?”
“You taunt me into flirting with you, then shut me down. What are you, frigid? A virgin?”
“Neither,” Xander said. He finished his wine and sauntered back close to where Nate was standing, and picked the bottle up off the counter. “Do you mind if I finish this?”
“Nothing I say would probably stop you,” Nate grumbled.
“True,” Xander said. He finished filling his glass and tilted it toward Nate. “Cheers. What should we toast to?”
Nate rolled his eyes. “I want to believe this sudden friendliness is you turning over a new leaf, but you never do anything without about ten ulterior motives.”
“I do not,” Xander retorted. “You’re . . . my roommate. We can share a glass of wine and toast to something pleasant. It wouldn’t kill you.”
“It wouldn’t kill you,” Nate said, voice very steady as he gazed right into Xander’s eyes.
His eyes were a nice innocuous brown. Perfectly nice, if you liked brown eyes.
Xander usually didn’t have an opinion, but maybe he should.
Maybe instead of throwing his heart away to someone who—per usual—did not appreciate it, he should give someone a try who could actually be interested in him.
He never would have picked Nate for that option, but Nate was also convenient.
Setting his wine on the counter, Xander gave a nod. “You’re right; it won’t kill me.”
He leaned in, telegraphing his intentions a mile away, and brushed his lips against Nate’s.
Xander wanted to believe that he had every intention of giving this .
. . experiment . . . a real shot at success.
But the instant his lips touched Nate’s, he instantly knew it was a failure.
Nate wasn’t who he wanted. He already knew who he wanted; he’d been desperately trying to get him out of his mind for a year now, and Damon was still as firmly as entrenched as ever.
All tonight’s “business meeting” had done was make Xander want Damon even more. And this experiment? It was a hot fucking mess.
“Well,” Nate said, after Xander had pulled away. The truth must have been written all over his face because it was clear Nate knew. “That could’ve gone better.”
“It could have,” Xander admitted with a sigh. He leaned back against the counter and picked up his wine again. “That was a terrible idea.”
“Kissing me when you’re actually thinking about someone else? Yeah, I could have told you that.”
Xander digested this. “How did you know I was thinking about someone else?”
“You had that gung-ho, I’m going to do this despite everything I really want sort of thing written all over you. Also, you’ve never been even the slightest bit interested in kissing me before tonight. You let me flirt with you because you’re bored.”
It was not a particularly flattering list of reasons. Even Xander could admit that. “I’m sorry,” he said. “And I’m sorry I keep drinking your wine.”
“It’s okay,” Nate said, and he actually sounded like he meant it. “It’s better than drinking alone. After all, your ex-boyfriend didn’t end up hooking up with a rich baseball player and then falling in love with him.”
“I don’t have an ex-boyfriend,” Xander said, and the wine must have loosened his tongue because he normally never would have admitted that. Especially to Nate.
“Really?” Nate didn’t sound all that surprised. “I guess that makes sense. You keep falling for the wrong guys. So is this new one going to end up like Miles?”
“I wasn’t in love with Miles,” Xander said stiffly. “He was my friend.”
“Right, okay, you just keep telling yourself that,” Nate said. “So, this new guy?”
Xander sighed. Swirled his wine in his glass. “Almost definitely straight.”
“Almost definitely? Sounds like there’s some room for movement there.”
“He looks like he’s interested, sometimes. There’s something between us, for sure. But he was married to a woman.”
Nate smacked him hard across the arm. “So he could be bisexual or pansexual or maybe he didn’t even know he liked men. Lots of gay men marry women at some point in their lives.”
Xander raised an eyebrow. “All I’m saying,” Nate continued, “is that you keep falling for these guys and then never doing anything about it. Almost like you’re scared they’re going to like you back.”
“I am not scared.”
But Nate’s gaze was gallingly truthful. Like he could see right into all of Xander’s soft, mushy bits inside and knew what was really going on: that he was scared shitless a good portion of the time. Especially when it came to relationships.
“Then give this guy a chance to open up his horizons. You deserve that, at least.” Nate drained his wine, and tipped his empty glass jauntily toward Xander. “Cheers. To new beginnings.”