26. Nate
TWENTY-SIX
nate
No beer on board.
Which wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t need alcohol to have a good time. I’d gone a year without anything more than a few sips of the stuff smuggled into camp for us. More importantly, I was on a boat with Zoe and the sun was shining, even if a fall chill was in the air.
Problem was, the lack of beer on board seemed to bother Zoe.
“I am so sorry.”
“Zoe.” I pulled her into my side. We stood at a bar in the center of the boat, wine tasting selections in front of us, a low murmur of voices from a surprising number of people all around on a Friday afternoon. “I don’t absolutely hate wine. It’s fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. Let’s give this a shot.”
As we made our way down the wines, tasting each one, I tried not to make a face. Some were better than others, but wine really wasn’t my thing.
“Maybe if I end up in the Finger Lakes I’ll develop a taste for it,” I said offhandedly. It only took me a few seconds to realize there was nothing offhanded about that comment.
“About that,” she said.
“About that,” I repeated.
“I’ll have the pinot noir,” Zoe said as the attendant made his way to us. Now that we’d tasted the wines and it was time for a full glass, I went with the least bad option.
“That first white for me,” I said.
Wines in hand, we made our way from the middle of the large, bar-outfitted pontoon boat to a seat near the back of the boat. With one hand holding the wine and the other draped behind Zoe’s back, I clinked her glass with mine. “To one week.”
“Almost,” she said, a twinkle in her eye.
“Don’t remind me.” Last Friday had been a disaster. But that was the thing about expectations. They often led to disappointment. “About that,” I said again after a sip.
“Talk to me, Nate.”
“Like I said, college just isn’t in me. Never has been.”
“It’s not for everyone.”
“True enough. Like I was telling Lucas, I’d gotten used to the idea of the restaurant, but I’m just not feeling one of my own. Though the idea of business ownership appeals.”
“Being your own boss.”
“Among other things, yes.”
“What else about it appeals to you?”
I thought of Lucas’s tattoo parlor. “Building something, I guess. Its success is dependent on you and no one else.”
“I could see how that would be a bright spot for a competitive guy like you.”
I didn’t deny it.
“So you’re thinking of business ownership. But not a restaurant? So, what instead?”
“Great question. I wish I had a talent, like Lucas. But I’m just a guy who enjoys drinking a beer every once in a while. Catching a game. Talking dirty to his girl. Not anything to hang my hat on, you know?”
“It’ll come to you. I’m sure of it. Just keep putting it out there into the universe.”
I wasn’t sure that would do the trick but Zoe seemed to think so, so I kept my mouth shut on that particular point.
“But the other question is, where?”
“Undetermined.”
“Well, I’m biased, but. . .” Zoe looked around the lake. “This is a pretty sweet spot. Lakeside living. Lots of wineries.” She giggled.
“I love your laugh.”
Zoe opened her mouth. Closed it.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“No.”
It was the kind of conversation we had on text all the time. At this point I’d typically send a GIF that Zoe would laugh at.
But we weren’t texting. This was real life, and in some ways, it was hard to get accustomed to the fact.
I leaned in toward her. Kissed her. Gently. My tongue glided across the crease of her lips until she opened for me. Not giving a shit who was watching, I turned my head for better access and devoured her or would have if such a thing were possible.
Zoe must have forgotten where we were as well as she let herself be consumed. Eventually pulling away, I looked into her wide eyes.
“What was that for?” she asked.
“Just because I could.”
Zoe seemed to understand. Maybe she was thinking of our texts too.
“So you were extolling the qualities of this particular lake.”
“And the region as a whole, yes. I think it’s a fine place to settle.”
“Do you now?”
“I do.”
Some real adult-talk now. “We discussed a week, Zoe. Maybe it’s best I move back into Lucas’s place, especially if we’re really going to have this talk. About me moving to the area.”
She didn’t seem overly offended. “I don’t get it.”
“If I were to decide to move here and was already in your place, the next logical step would be to stay there. Which would mean we essentially decided to live together before we even decided on ‘us’ in the first place.”
“Does that scare you?”
“Not as much as it should.” Honest answer. “But I’m not coming off a serious six-month relationship. And before you toss me overboard, I’m just stating that as a fact.”
Zoe definitely looked as if she wanted to toss me overboard. “Meaning?”
“Meaning, it’s a big step. And I have no idea if that’s something you want.”
“All you have to do is ask.”
I took a sip of wine as Zoe did the same.
Bad idea.
It really wasn’t my thing, and she could tell.
“Nate, you don’t have to force it. The wine. Me.”
“I’m not forcing things with you, Zoe. That’s the point. I want to do it right. Because it’s what we both want, living together. Not by default because I just ended up at your place.”
Zoe sighed. “I just don’t get it. If I want you there, I guess it’s a matter of you just not being ready?”
“Not me, Zoe. Us. I want it to be a deliberate decision, moving in together, and not just something that. . . happens.”
I hated that Zoe was frowning, though I’d expected the reaction. Try again. Take a different angle. “Clearly I’ve been giving staying here some thought. And how that might work. And I agree with you. There’s a lot to recommend Kitchi Falls.”
“Such as?” she teased.
“The wine.” I lifted my glass.
Zoe sighed. “I don’t love the whole moving-back-with-Lucas thing, but as to the rest of it. . .” She wiggled closer to me in her seat. “It’s perfect.”
“Glad you think so.” I leaned down to whisper in her ear, “It just so happens, I think you’re perfect too.”
What wasn’t perfect?
Anything else about this reintegration into civilian life except Zoe. Maybe it would have been easier if I’d moved back home to the familiar. Or maybe that would have made it worse. From talking to Lucas, he hadn’t seemed to have such a difficult time.
But for me, nothing felt quite right. Except being in this woman’s arms. Though I needed my own life outside of her. Zoe had created a life before me, and we should both have one outside of each other too.
Trouble was, I was more Zoe’s boyfriend in this town than I was anything else. A vague idea for a future wasn’t a future.
“Enough serious talk,” Zoe said, likely sensing my mood. “Let’s just enjoy the afternoon. After the boat ride, I’ll take you next door to Grado Valley Vineyards. They have a newish brewery there.”
Enjoy the afternoon. Sounded like a solid plan. In the meantime, I’d try to forget about the alarm bells in my head that were becoming harder by the day to ignore.