30. Nate
THIRTY
nate
“A restaurant? In a small town on the Finger Lakes?”
My brother didn’t just seem skeptical. He looked at me like I was nuts. But that wasn’t anything new for him.
“Yeah, Ben, a restaurant on the Finger Lakes. Is there a problem with that?”
We sat at the kitchen table, one that seemed so much smaller now than it had when we were growing up. It was just the two of us, my parents playing in a Tuesday night couples’ golf league. Apparently, that was their new thing, golfing together.
Although none of us lived at home anymore, Ben had come over to see me since he had been out of town when I came back a few weeks ago. I should have known the two of us getting along was basically delegated to when we weren’t in the same room.
Ben could be a condescending prick. He accused me of being an emotional void. The two of us had always been like oil and vinegar. I loved my older brother. Respected the hell out of him. But I didn’t always like him.
“I just don’t see it.”
“See what?” I shot back, grabbing the last celery stick. Not that I particularly liked celery, but Mom had cut them up and put them out with some carrots and hummus, both of which I liked even less than celery.
“You owning a restaurant.”
“That was always the plan,” I reminded him.
“Sure, by default. But you don’t cook. Usually people open restaurants because they like to cook.”
“You sure about that?”
“Positive.”
“Maybe I like the idea of owning my own business. I have money saved—”
“Okay, but why a restaurant? Why not a bar? That would seem to suit you more.”
“There’s a new bar already in Kitchi Falls, not far from one already established. And a popular new brewery not far away. That wouldn’t fly.”
“Which brings us back to, why the hell are you planning to open a place in some godforsaken town that you admit is too small to sustain more than three bars?”
“First of all, there are more than three bars in the area, but two are on Main Street and one is new. I like the idea of foot traffic and want to stay in that area. Second of all, because of a woman.”
Ben didn’t know anything about Zoe. No time like the present. A confirmed bachelor himself, this was going to be a new concept for him, the idea of moving to a place because of a woman.
“You’ve been home for like a month. How do things get serious enough with a woman that quickly to move to her town?”
And people called me a born skeptic. “We met a few months ago. Lucas sent a package to me when I was injured, and a friend of his girlfriend included a note. We exchanged numbers and have been talking since then.”
“Talking. Like texting?”
“Mostly.”
“So you’re moving to a town because of a woman you’ve been texting?”
“I’ve been with her for these last three weeks. She lives in the same town as Lucas.”
“Kitchi Falls.”
“Yes.”
“Seems fishy to me.”
“Of course it does. Everything seems fishy to you.”
“I dunno. Upending your life for a woman you’ve known for three weeks?”
“I’ve known her longer than that, Ben. Maybe you weren’t listening. . .”
“You’ve been texting. Yeah, yeah. I heard you.”
“As for upending my life,” I reminded him, “that pretty much happened before I decided to move to Kitchi Falls, if you’ll remember.”
“Listen, Nate, I’m not trying to bust your chops—”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“I just don’t see it, that’s all. I think you’re looking at the restaurant business by default and not because it’s something you really want. And you’re making a huge decision to move to a town where it’ll be hard to get a new business up and running for a woman you haven’t known that long. What if things don’t work out? Is that really where you want to live? Starting a business is a big deal. Once the ball is rolling, you’ll basically be stuck there. Maybe work for someone else first.”
The thing I hated most about Ben’s speech was that some of it was on point. Except one major detail. “I’m in love with her.”
Ben couldn’t possibly have looked more surprised.
“Shut the fuck up. You’re not the lovely-dovey type, Nate.”
“Yeah, well, things change.”
“Shit. Are you serious, Brother?”
“I am.” I hadn’t said it to her yet. Actually, that was the first time I’d said it out loud. But there was no doubt in my mind I loved Zoe and had for a long time. Well before we met in person.
“So what’s the problem? Why do you look like your cat just died?” he asked me.
“I don’t have a cat.”
“I’m aware of that.”
I sighed. “Maybe you’re not completely wrong,” I admitted, though it killed me to do so. “I can’t say this restaurant feels like a calling. I just don’t know what else I want to do.”
“What’s her name?”
“Zoe. She’s a manager at one of the resorts on the lake.”
“Zoe. Well, before you go moving to Kitchi Falls for Zoe, just be sure you’re one hundred percent positive about it. The restaurant. The girl. It’s a big deal.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
In response, Ben walked by me, ruffled my hair like he did when I was ten, and walked out of the kitchen. It was his way of showing affection or maybe even his version of support.
I was positive about Zoe. The rest of it? Not as much.
My pocket buzzed. Speak of the devil.
Zoe girl.
How’s it going?
As expected.
At the house with Ben.
Uh oh. Did you kill each other yet?
LOL. Not yet. Close tho.
Are you with him right now?
Not at the moment.
Hmm, so is this a good time to say I miss you?
What exactly do you miss, Zoe girl?
After all this time, I could read her mood. Zoe wanted to play.
Lots of things.
Cat got your tongue all of a sudden?
Maybe
In that case, let me tell you what I miss. I miss flipping you onto your stomach, spreading your ass cheeks, and going to town on that sweet ass of yours. While I finger you at the same time, of course.
OMG
I hope you’re alone. And that you’ve got your fingers inside you.
I am and do now.
Good. Now imagine they are my fingers. Imagine I’m behind you, licking and fingering you, whispering in your ear. Come for me, Zoe.
Nate. . .
Come on. Do it. For me.
“Who you texting like a madman? Ben asked.
I ignored him and waited to see if Zoe would text back. She must be close.
Zoe. I need you to come for me. Can you do that?
Jesus. Yes. I just did. Holy hell.
Good. I love when you do that for me.
That makes two of us.
“Hello?” Ben clearly wanted my attention.
Sighing, I texted her.
My brother’s here.
You go ahead. And thanks for that.
My pleasure.
I put down the phone. Odd, when Zoe and I texted, every doubt melted away. But as I looked at my brother and thought of the questions he’d asked, the doubts came rushing back.
Zoe deserved so much. Not just a guy who could get her off with a few text messages. But one who knew what the hell he wanted. Tomorrow I was supposed to be heading to the bank to secure a loan, but wasn’t there truth to Ben’s words? Did I really want a restaurant?
“What’s wrong, Nate?”
I could have said a lot of things. At the end of the day, Ben would have listened if I talked about how I had more nightmare-filled nights than dreamless ones, always about the incident. I could have told him he was right, and that I didn’t think a restaurant was a good fit for me. Or shared my concerns that, for the first time in my life, I questioned if I was good enough for something. Or more specifically, someone.
Instead, as my brother waited for me to answer, I said the one thing that wasn’t really true.
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
But really, I wasn’t fine at all. And I had no idea what the hell to do about it.