33. Zoe
THIRTY-THREE
zoe
“Look at this.” I showed Charlee the text. “Weird, right?”
Charlee took my phone. “I dunno. Is it?”
“For him? Yes. Very.”
“What are you thinking?”
I’d just clinched the win for us and tried to enjoy the free drinks I’d earned with my superior knowledge of all things TVD , but my preoccupation with Nate had me in a chokehold.
“I’m thinking he’s shutting me out. That’s what it feels like anyway.”
“He’s going through a lot,” Charlee said, swirling the straw around in her drink.
“I know. I keep telling myself that. And to be patient. But little by little, I can see him pulling away, and it sucks.”
“You know what they say about chasing things.”
“Sure. Give them space, and they’ll pick up the pace. Yada yada. But Nate is different. He might end up with so much space there’ll be no Nate and Zoe at all.”
“So the alternative is?”
I tried to catch what Charlee was throwing but wasn’t sure I got it. “Is what?”
“Telling him how you feel.”
“Oh, sure. Great idea. Hey, Nate, I can see you aren’t really wanting to talk to me, and even though we spent weeks wishing we were together and now you can be here with me, you’re not. . . can we talk about how I’m madly in love with you?”
Charlee shrugged. “Seems like a good plan to me.”
Smiling, I took a sip of my drink. “I can’t tell if you’re serious or not.”
“I’m only half serious.”
“Hey, ladies.” Owen came up to us. “Congrats on another win,” he said to me. “I really am going to have to insist on a new topic for next week.”
“Look at this place,” Charlee said, waving her arm around to the bar. “It’s packed.”
“Probably despite the trivia topic and not because of it.”
“Sure, sure.” Charlee gave him a conspiratorial wink. “Whatever you say.”
“No boys tonight? Or your third musketeer?”
“Natalie is with her boyfriend,” Charlee said, “and our boys are home.”
“Gotcha. So hey, Zoe, the last time your boyfriend was in, he mentioned having experience in the restaurant business but didn’t get a chance to elaborate.”
“He used to work for his uncle,” I said, ignoring the pang in my chest at the mention of my boyfriend. “Was going to take over his restaurant in his hometown, but that fell through.”
“I see. He mentioned a bartending gig or two as well. Know much about that?”
The hairs on my arms immediately rose. “Not much. Why?”
“Did you ladies hear Lusanne and I are expecting our first baby?”
“No,” I said.
“Are you serious?” Charlee’s eyes widened. “Get out. We need all the details.”
“Congratulations,” I added.
Owen laughed. “Not surprised the guys didn’t mention it.”
“Lucas knows?” Charlee’s nose scrunched together in annoyance.
“He does.”
“Typical man,” she muttered.
“Anyway.” He gave his attention to me. “The reason I’m asking is that I’m thinking to take a step back here. With all of the other businesses, and this one having so many late nights. . .”
“A step back?” Charlee asked.
I wondered the same thing. What did that mean exactly? Between Owen and his father, they owned half of Kitchi Falls, but Owen was the most active with KC’s and the general store down the block.
“I don’t know exactly. But between here and the store. . . just mention it to him. No idea if he’s interested in managing a place like this or something like that.”
Managing a bar. Was that something Nate would want to do?
“I will for sure.”
Owen chatted with Charlee a bit more, and I debated on texting him now or waiting until the morning. Normally, I wouldn’t hesitate and would have already sent the text.
Ahh, screw it.
I took out my phone.
Something really interesting to tell you about KC’s tonight. . .
And waited.
Usually when I started that way, or made Nate guess what I was going to say or where I was, he would text back something like, “Send it.”
But I waited some more. It was still fairly early. Surely he wasn’t in bed already. I thought “off to bed” was metaphorical.
Nothing.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Refused to let tears well in my eyes, but it was nearly impossible. This sealed the deal. Nate was one hundred percent ignoring me, something he never did except when he was overseas and unavailable, of course.
It was like Erik all over again.
But worse.
Much. Much. Worse.
I woke up to a buzz on my nightstand.
Send it
Those two words nearly made me cry. How could something so innocuous make me feel just like the blanket I was still snuggled under? The words were pure Nate. Though it was impossible to ignore how much later they came than I would have expected.
But something Charlee had said last night still stuck with me.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you probably have a touch of anxious attachment.
I’d never heard of it before, but she filled me in.
I’m no psychologist, but probably from moving around so much. Losing and gaining friends constantly. And Erik certainly didn’t help. It just means you expect people to leave. Try not doing that with Nate. Expect he will stay. Have faith in your bond and just trust his words, but don’t look beyond that for signs something is wrong. Can you try that?
I lay in bed thinking about her words. Only problem was, the signs were there. Nate never stopped texting me like that. And yet, what were my options? Run around worried all the time, pretending to have it together while falling apart inside like I’d done with Erik? Or be like water, and go with the flow. Have faith.
Trust the people I love.
I sat up. Grabbed my phone again. I didn’t ask questions about where he was or why he didn’t text back. When he was coming back to Kitchi Falls.
Just simply. . .
Owen Smith is looking to take a step back from KC’s. He mentioned talking to you about the service industry business. Wanted to know if you might be interested.
He texted me back immediately.
In what exactly?
Not sure. I don’t think he knows. Maybe having a manager? Seems like with a baby coming, he wants to concentrate on the store more than the bar. Makes sense with the hours and all.
Interesting
Right?
Thanks for letting me know.
Don’t ask, don’t ask.
Of course.
What’s on your docket today?
Meetings, meetings, and more meetings. You?
Hiking with my sister. Meeting an old friend for a drink tonight.
So, still staying home. Okay, let him do his thing.
Sounds like fun.
Text later?
Sure
I waited. Looked like that was it. I would not read signs that may or may not be there.
And then more text bubbled appeared.
Later, Zoe girl.
I smiled.
Later, gator.
Was I feeling one hundred percent? No. As confident as could be about Nate? Not even close. But was I going to put negative energy into the universe and hold my breath until he texted me again? Also no. I’d put on my big girl pants, go to work, go to the gym, and take care of me today.
That, at least, I could control.