Chapter 3 #3
It didn’t matter how many victims this place healed. More would just keep coming. In the end, nothing would really change.
Two years ago, I would have accepted this as a fact. Everyone was either a victim, or an abuser. That’s just how the world worked.
However, while the world may not have changed, I had. I’d met good people, who wanted to help simply for the sake of helping and took no joy in hurting others. I’d realized that the world wasn’t as black and white as I thought. That there was more than just the cycle of abuse that I’d always known.
So, if I could change, then why couldn’t the world change, too?
The simple answer was, it could change, but not on its own. If we wanted the world to change, then we would have to do something about it.
I had to do something about it.
Looking around at the room I’d called home for the last two years, I imagined the person who would move in after me.
What would it be like if one day the room stood empty because no one needed it anymore?
With a sigh, I leaned my head against the window and let the cool glass soothe away the last remaining dregs of my anger.
I shouldn’t have snapped at Clay like that.
It had been unnecessarily cruel. Of course, I knew he hadn’t had it easy.
We’d been through the same horrors. I was just jealous that he seemed to be doing better than me, and that he had the courage to stand up to our abusers when all I wanted to do was hide.
In the end, it all came down to the fact that I was scared.
The moment Clay and Logan showed up on the roof, a part of me knew why they were there, and what my answer would be.
Of course, I was going to agree. I’d never be able to live with myself if I just walked away and left other victims to suffer the same way that I had.
That was why I’d gotten so angry. It all felt so inevitable, like I had no choice in the matter.
Clay and Logan were always going to ask me to help with the case against the bell ringers, and I was going to say yes.
There was no other way this could play out.
I lost track of time staring out the window, picking apart the tangle of my own thoughts.
It wasn’t until dawn started to lighten the sky above the city that I realized how long I’d been standing there.
My feet and back hurt from not moving for so long, and my joints creaked when I sat down on my bed.
The cardboard boxes scattered over the floor mocked me.
All my stuff was packed and ready to go.
There weren’t even that many. I could probably fit them all into the trunk of a decent-sized car.
It would be so easy to call an Uber, move my stuff to my new apartment that was waiting for me, and never look back.
Except, that wouldn’t work. Someone had tried to kill me last night. No matter how I tried to fool myself, running away had never been an option.
The clock on my phone had just ticked over to seven o’clock when I pulled out the business card that Logan had given me.
It was too early in the morning to call anyone.
I’d almost definitely be disturbing their sleep, but damn it all, after everything I’d been through, they could put up with a rude awakening.
To my surprise, the phone only rang once before someone answered.
“Jordy,” Logan’s voice greeted me before I could say anything.
“How—” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat before starting again, thankful that no one could see the embarrassed blush on my cheeks. “How’d you know it was me?”
“I just... had a feeling,” he said.
What was that hesitation I heard in his voice?
His words sounded confident, but there was a slight hitch in his tone that I couldn’t overlook.
Was he relieved?
Yes, that was it. Logan had given me his card in the hope that I would use it, but he hadn’t been a hundred percent certain I’d call.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Part of me felt a bit of satisfaction that I’d made them worry, but mostly, I just felt insulted that they actually believed I was the type of person who could walk away from other people’s suffering.
Well, I hadn’t given them much reason to believe in me after the way I’d yelled and walked away from them.
“Hey. So, um, is there somewhere we can meet up to talk? The recovery center probably isn’t the best place for privacy.”
This was going to be an awkward conversation no matter what, so I may as well forge ahead and get it over with.
We ended up meeting a few hours later. That gave me enough time to catch a quick nap, so I was in a better mood when I saw Clay and Logan waiting for me at the local park.
We weren’t truly alone. There was a jungle gym not too far away filled with kids and their parents, but no one was close enough to overhear us.
Clay noticed me first, jumping up from the picnic table where he’d been sitting to wave at me.
His enthusiasm made me feel even more embarrassed when I remembered how I’d yelled at him the night before.
Zipping up my jacket as high as it would go, I buried my face within the fleece collar. Thankfully, it was a cool day, so I had an excuse to hide my embarrassment.
“Hey, Clay,” I said as I awkwardly sat down across from him at the table. “Thanks for meeting me here.”
Clay reached out like he meant to touch me but then stopped himself and clasped his hands in his lap.
I expected him to say something, but to my surprise, it was Logan who responded instead.
“No, we should be thanking you. I know this is a lot to spring on you all of a sudden. Trust me, we wouldn’t ask this of you if we weren’t so desperate.”
Clay sat beside him, silently watching me. The two of them must have come to some agreement before I arrived to let Logan do all the talking. There were so many words behind his eyes, I feared he was about to burst with them, but he said nothing.
It wasn’t surprising, after the way I’d yelled at him yesterday. In his place, I’d have avoided talking to me as well.
I tapped my fingers nervously on the table, picking at a splinter in the old wood.
“You said that you needed me to be a witness for your case. What, um, what would I have to do, specifically?”
Logan and Clay shared a silent look, once again communicating only with their eyes. I couldn’t tell for sure, but based on the way they were positioned, I had a feeling they were holding hands under the table.
That little green-eyed monster in my heart tried to rear its ugly head again, but I pushed it back. I would have drowned the thing if I could, but there was no getting rid of it. All I could do was ignore it and never let my jealousy show on my face.
“For now, what we need from you is information,” Logan said.
“If you can tell us everything you remember about the bell ringers, we can use it to hunt down more information about their operation. Then we’ll need you to testify.
Juries are swayed more by human experiences than by facts.
Hearing about your experiences will help people to believe us. ”
Off in the distance, a child screamed.
I flinched and turned toward the panicked sound. My pulse spiked in my veins and my heart stuttered.
Almost as soon as the screaming started, it stopped. One of the children on the playground had fallen, but their mother quickly picked them up and dusted them off. Just like that, everything was fine. The child’s fear was immediately forgotten, and they went back to playing with their friends.
There was no one to pick me up if I fell. No one to soothe my hurts or make sure I was all right. The closest thing I’d ever known to a parent were the therapists that worked with me at the recovery center.
What would they tell me now?
I’d spent so many hours sitting in the therapist’s office that it was easy to pretend I was there now. In my mind, the old picnic table turned into a set of familiar armchairs, and fresh air turned into the scent of bergamot and orange.
It instantly put me at ease and helped soothe my fear.
“I... I think I can do that. But, why me?” I nodded toward Clay, unable to bring myself to address him directly. “I wasn’t following the case very closely, but didn’t Clay testify. Why would my story persuade people when his didn’t?”
With a sigh, Logan moved closer to Clay, making it very obvious that they were holding hands under the table.
“It’s not that people don’t believe Clay, but one person’s claims are easy to dispute. Multiple people making the same accusations are harder to ignore. Your story would add weight to our argument.”
There was only laughter on the wind now. All the children in the distance were happy.
I prayed they would always stay that way.
“And what about last night? Someone tried to kill me before I was even officially working with you. They’ll try again. Especially, if I agree to be a witness.”
“Of course, we won’t just leave you on your own,” Logan quickly assured me. “We’ll protect you. There are a few other witnesses we’re reaching out to as well as you, so we’re arranging a safe house. It should be—”
He was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. Upon checking the number on the screen, a frown pulled at his brow. Raising his finger to ask both Clay and I for a moment of silence, he answered.
“Sebastian? What’s up? More issues with the lawyer?”
The person on the other end of the line didn’t speak loud enough for me to hear, but whatever they said made Logan upset enough that he stood from the table.
“I’m glad the new lawyer is fine, but what... hold on. What do you mean they aren’t going to... They can’t do that. Wait. Just wait. I’ll... I’ll see what I can do.”
When he hung up the phone, he looked at Clay and I with an unreadable expression. There was no telling what was going through his head, but stress lines creased the skin around his eyes and instantly made him look ten years older.
“I need to make some calls. You two wait here until I get back.”