Chapter 28
28
Adrian
I was sprawled out on top of Ivan’s body when I woke up. My head was resting on his chest, and I’d twined my limbs around him like a spider monkey. And the worst part, I’d apparently drooled, and there was a small puddle on his shoulder. But he didn’t seem to mind. He just began playing with my hair when he noticed I was a wake, a small smile quirking at the corners of his mouth. “Hey, kotik ,” he murmured.
“Hey,” I rasped, rolling away from him and wiping my face. Groaning, I stretched, wincing when my knee popped. Fuck, I was getting old. Every muscle in my body hurt, and my knees hurt something fierce after kneeling on that damn concrete floor for Ivan. I was going to need knee pads if I was expecting to be able to continue that shit.
“James called, but I told him you were out of it and needed some time. He understood and asked that you call him back when you’re feeling better.”
I sighed and scrubbed my hands down my face. Of course, he would understand. James was a Dom, just as I’d been. Only, come to find out, I was a switch. At least, I was for Ivan. We all understood sub drops and how exhausting they could be. And after experiencing it twice, I had a lot more respect for submissives than I used to. That shit was something else, for sure. I’d never experienced something that made me so damn tired.
Sitting up, I rubbed at my gritty eyes, then looked down at Ivan, who was still lying down. The fingers of his left hand were running across my lower back, and his other hand was behind his head as he watched me.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“A little after two in the afternoon,” he told me. “You crashed super fucking hard after we fucked in the basement.” He began to trace the knobs in my spine, making me shiver. “You need to get dressed, eat, and then, we need to talk—preferably all before you call James back.”
I frowned. “Talk about what?” I demanded. I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I did or said something last night that would require some kind of talk, but I couldn’t think of anything. Then again, everything after Ivan had damn near sucked my soul from my body was mostly a blur. Hell, I didn’t even remember showering and getting the blood off of me, but I couldn’t deny that I had, at some point, showered. The blood was gone, and I smelled faintly of my body wash still.
“Get dressed first?—”
“No,” I snapped, grabbing Ivan’s arm as he moved to get out of bed. He turned his head, arching a brow at me.
“No?” he questioned, his voice taking on that calm and collected tone I fucking hated.
“No. Neither of us are moving from this bed until you tell me what the talk is about, Ivan. What’s so damn serious that I need to talk to you before talking to James? What’s going on?”
“First, breathe,” he instructed. When I only glared at him, unable to think past all the worst-case scenarios swarming around in my brain, he wrapped his hand around my throat, pressing in just enough to make my head silence. “There you go. Breathe, kotik . Our talk is nothing bad,” he promised.
I blew out a soft breath. “Then why does it feel bad?” I demanded before I could stop myself. I felt oddly vulnerable for some reason. We’d cleaned up the mess that had forced us together in the first place. Was he done now? It was the only thing that made sense. He’d made me feel like I could finally belong somewhere and just be , instead of watching every move I made in fear of becoming an uncontrollable monster. Was he now about to rip that from me?
Ivan sighed. “I have to go home, kotik . I have an empire to run. I cannot stay here.”
I fucking knew it .
“So… you’re leaving,” I said, suddenly feeling empty inside. He was leaving me . We couldn’t work long-term, and I was sure I’d always known it. He was the Pakhan of the Russian Bratva, and I was James’s consigliere. We lived in two entirely different countries. Hell, we lived on different continents . I had a duty to my family here, just as he had a duty back in Russia.
Neither of us could abandon those things.
“I’m giving you an… option,” Ivan said. “I am leaving, yes. But I am not leaving you . What happens between us from here is up to you. I was patient for years so I could finally have you. And while I want to demand you come with me, to take away that choice from you, I can’t. It would cause a rift in the alliance I have with James, and while I want to be selfish, I fucking can’t for the sake of my family. And quite frankly, your family can’t handle that instability either.”
“So… what?” I demanded, my throat feeling too fucking thick.
“You have more options than I do. Stepping down from Pakhan this early in the game would be… detrimental to all involved. But you are merely James’s consigliere, and he has two others. He’s not hurting in that aspect. You need to decide which you want more: your family or me, kotik . And I cannot make that decision for you, no matter how much I want to. This needs to be on your terms, and if you choose me, then you need to work something out with your Don.”
He released me and stood from the bed. I watched as he grabbed a pair of slacks off the dresser that Igor or Mark must have dropped off for him. “I’m taking my leave, kotik .” I opened my mouth to ask him to stay at least long enough to eat one more fucking meal with me, but he spoke before I could. “I need to get back home. I’ve been away long enough as it is without someone in place to take care of things in my absence.” He fastened his slacks, then shrugged on his shirt. I sat on the bed, speechless. I couldn’t believe he was fucking leaving . Why couldn’t he just make this decision for me like he’d done so many other times?
Once he was dressed with a brand-new pair of shoes on his feet, he leaned over the bed, cupped my jaw, and slanted his mouth across mine in a kiss that ripped my soul apart. I ached everywhere and not because of the past few days. I ached because he was fucking leaving me.
“If you choose me, kotik , I will be waiting on you with a collar to put around your pretty neck, and I will immediately tie you to me through marriage. I hope this is not the end of us.”
“You’re an asshole,” I breathed when he released me and stood back up to his full height. “Fuck you for putting me in this position.”
He sighed. “If I could make the decision for you, I would, kotik .” Reaching out, he combed his fingers through my messy hair. “Remember, if I was capable of loving anyone, I would love you, kotik .”
And then, he was gone, slipping out my bedroom door and quietly shutting it behind him. My eyes slid shut, and a shuddered, pained breath escaped me.
“Fuck you, Ivan,” I whispered. This didn’t have to be the end of us, but why did it fucking feel like it was?