Chapter 14
Fourteen
Ella
Pen held tight in my fist, I pause.
I haven’t read this contract. I don’t know what I’m signing.
Unbidden, a memory flits into my head. A year and a half ago, I helped Dad sell his car. He wasn’t driving anymore because his treatments were making him too tired, and we needed some money to pay off a few bills.
That early, we’d been scrambling for cash.
We took the car to a dealership and they accepted it. Within minutes, they wrote up the paperwork for us.
I was crying while trying to read the documents.
Not because of the stupid car, but because I’d been so strong for such a long time, and I’d forced myself to believe Dad would get better.
On that day, I’d finally admitted to myself that we were just prolonging the inevitable, and trying to get as much time together as we could.
My dad did that for me and Tommy—he went through treatments that made him feel horrible all the time, just so he could spend more time with us. No judgment to people who make different decisions, but I will forever be grateful to my dad for that.
The guy in the dealership looked totally disgusted with my tears, so Dad sent him out of the room for a minute.
Dad took my hands in his and said, “You’re emotional. Either you calm down before signing these papers with me, or we don’t sell the car today. We can come back tomorrow.”
“They might not take it tomorrow,” I said.
“Then they don’t.” His blue eyes were clear as he stared into mine. “It’s better to leave the deal and walk away than sign anything when you’re emotional.”
It hadn’t seemed like an Important Life Lesson at the time, but as the words on Trina’s contract swirl before my eyes, the weight of it hits me.
I can’t sign this. I’m too emotional. A metaphorical bomb about my boyfriend has just been dropped in my lap.
“I’m really sorry,” I tell Trina, smiling through my tears. “I need some time to think on this.”
“I don’t have time,” she says, her deep purple lipstick frowning at me. “I’m leaving now…I should’ve hopped in a car to the airport half an hour ago. Please just sign it, and we can hash out the details later.”
Everything about this situation would be easier if I signed. Trina would go away and I could process the revelation about Sebastian without her hovering. I would cross a threshold bringing me closer to musical wishes I never even dared to have.
But I don’t like the pressure. I don’t like the tears that I’m desperately trying to keep from falling. I don’t like that one of my dad’s last pieces of advice was to not fall for this sort of thing, yet here I am, tempted to do it anyway.
With a weak smile, I hand the contract back to Trina. “I’m sorry. I’m just not in the right frame of mind to do this.”
“Seriously?” Her mouth falls open in shock. “You’re not in the right frame of mind to sign with an agent who can help you realize your music dreams?”
“I can’t right now,” I say.
She shakes her head in disbelief. “Sometimes we have to take advantage of the opportunities offered, because they might not come around again.”
A small voice in my head whispers, If she really thinks you’re worth it, she’ll wait .
“I have to get back to work,” I say. “Thank you for coming by.”
Her mouth opens and closes, but she finally nods. “I apologize for springing the stuff about Bastian and Alyssa on you. It could be that he’s not good news—at least, not for dating. No doubt he’s a star, of course. Anyway, give it some thought. You have my number. I’m just a phone call away.”
“I appreciate it,” I say, but the words ring hollow in the tiny office.
“Don’t wait too long,” she advises. “Your moment in the viral limelight won’t last forever.”
With that, she leaves. I take a moment to catch my breath, then stumble out of the office.
“Ella?” Natasha is at my side in an instant. “What happened? Did she hurt you?”
“No, it’s fine,” I say, straightening and forcing a smile. “I’m fine.”
Natasha gives me a skeptical look, and I remember that she’s my friend, an ally. I don’t want to tell her everything, but I also shouldn’t hide things from her.
Not like Sebastian has done to me.
“I mean,” I say, “I got some bad news, but it’s going to be okay.”
“Are you sure? You look like you’re going to fall over. Go home, I can handle your tables.”
“No, I’m not going to leave you with extra work—”
“Go. I can handle it, and Kevin can, too.”
I want to argue with her, but she’s right—there’s no way I’m going to be able to concentrate and do a good job right now. Fuck. I want to scream and cry, hit something.
Sebastian assaulted a woman?
It can’t be true.
Almost as bad, though, is the fact that he never talked to me about this. We’re dating each other exclusively. It seems like this is something he should tell me. Right? Maybe not. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe things aren’t as serious between us as I’d thought.
With thoughts whirling like crazed bats in the caverns of my mind, I gather my things and leave the pub, accepting a to-go container of french fries from Kevin, whose expression is full of concern.
The bus will be here in a minute, and I’ll get on it, go home, barricade myself in my apartment, and think through all of the shit I’ve just heard.
I need time to process. My impulse is to lash out at Sebastian.
Partly for what he might have done, but mostly for making me hear this from a woman who is practically a stranger.
He assaulted a woman. I don’t want to believe it.
I’m starting to feel sick. My mouth fills with saliva and sweat breaks out on my forehead. I lean forward slightly, hoping the feeling will soon pass.
The bus pulls up to the curb and I start toward it, eyes on the sidewalk.
“Ella!” someone shouts.
Looking up, I see Sebastian’s car. He’s standing right in front of it, hands jammed in his pockets, his mouth a grim line within his beard. He’s not even wearing a coat even though the night is cold, and his tattooed arms are bare to the chill.
“Ella,” he calls again.
The bus groans to a stop, a few yards away.
“Ella, come here,” Sebastian says.
Shaking my head, I hurry onto the bus.
“Ella, come here right now,” he shouts.
His shouts fade as I pay the fare, and the bus door closes behind me. I find a seat next to a woman who wears a hollowed-out, hungry expression. She looks like I felt, two months ago.
“My boss gave me these fries,” I tell her, “but I’m not hungry. Do you want them?”
She nods and accepts the take-out container, then devours the fries as the bus rumbles down the street.
Two minutes later, my phone buzzes with a text. I expect Sebastian, but it’s Kingston instead.
Come to my place. We’ll all talk .
Sebastian must have called him.
Something is jammed in my throat—my heart? Trina’s fist? A tangled weight of Sebastian’s secrets?
Hands shaking, I text Kingston back: Did you know?
Come to my place and we’ll talk about everything .
He knew. He didn’t tell me, either.
Sebastian
I climb back into the car and text Kingston immediately.
As soon as I spotted Trina leaving Bartleby’s, I knew I was screwed. She saw my car waiting across the street, and even though she couldn’t see me through the tinted windows, she guessed I was sitting here, and she flipped me off.
She also smiled.
She got to Ella before I could.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
Kellan, sitting in the front seat, didn’t react, but I immediately apologized.
“No problem,” he murmured.
“Do you see her yet?” I asked.
“Not yet.”
I wanted to throw myself back against the seat, close my eyes, obliterate everything.
But I had to watch for Ella. I didn’t want to go into her place of work and make a scene, but I was fucking worried about her.
Depending on what Trina said, or how…I didn’t even want to imagine how bad Ella’s feeling at the moment.
I climbed out of the car to wait for her. The cold night air was harsh, exactly what I needed.
Ella left the pub. Her face was pale, her mouth pinched in unhappiness.
She ignored my attempts to get her to come with me. Now I’m waiting for Kingston to text me back. He needs to intervene, because I’m likely the very last person Ella wants to hear from right now.
A few minutes later, Kingston texts that Ella’s on her way to his place.
We’re going to figure this out, once and for all. I’m telling her everything, and…fuck. She’s going to leave. I would leave, if I were her. Isn’t that what everyone says about abusers? They don’t change? Why should she hang around and expect me to be any different?
This relationship is doomed.
“Take me to King’s,” I say to Kellan, and the car pulls into traffic. The ride there goes by in a blur, my thoughts circling, my gut in knots.
When I step into King’s penthouse, Ella isn’t here yet.
“She doesn’t want to see me,” I say.
Kingston frowns and pours himself a drink. “She’s going to listen. We’re going to figure this out.”
I shake my head and march toward the counter. Kingston doesn’t say a word as I pick up the bottle of whiskey. I hesitate, holding it in my hand, tempted to lift it to my lips and drink straight from the bottle.
“Are you waiting for me to tell you that’s a shitty idea?” Kingston asks.
“No,” I say, setting it down.
“When’s the last time you had a drink?”
“That night, almost seven years ago.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Not really.”
He nods, opens his mouth to say something, but then the elevator doors open and Ella steps into the penthouse.
“Ella.” Kingston takes long strides toward her and pulls her into his arms.
From this angle, I can see her hands fist the fabric of his t-shirt before she lets go and pushes him away.
“Is it true?” she asks, stepping around him to face me.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, princess.”
“Don’t fucking call me that right now,” she says. “You know what I mean. Is it true? Trina said—”
She breaks off. She can’t even say it, the poor girl.
“Trina said…?” I prompt, because I’m an asshole.
Ella’s gaze flits from me, to Kingston.
“You should look at me when you tell me what my former agent is saying about me,” I say, unable to keep the bite from my words.
“Bash,” King says sharply.
Ignoring him, I stalk forward until I’m standing toe to toe with Ella. “So?” I say, peering into those beautiful brown eyes. “What did she say?”
Her voice is barely above a whisper. “She said you hurt someone. A girl.”
“And you believe her.” I can’t look away from Ella. I’ve never been able to. She is magnetic.
“I don’t know what to believe. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“Oh,” I say with a laugh. “Is that why you ran away from me when I came to pick you up from work? Because you wanted to talk to me first ?”
She shakes her head slightly. I reach forward, snagging a tendril of curls that have escaped from her ponytail.
She doesn’t flinch, even though I expected her to.
She should goddamn flinch at me, a monster, touching her. My rage awakens—rage that one stupid night that I don’t even remember should ruin everything today. One stupid night where I ruined another person’s life.
Maybe it’s time that night ruined my life, too.
Maybe, all this time, I’ve been escaping my consequences, and here they are finally, here to break me.
“Is it true?” Ella whispers.
“Yes,” I say. “It’s true. Whatever she said, it’s true. She showed up that night. I was drunk. I’d hurt a young woman. I don’t know the details. Sexual assault? Maybe. Rape? It’s entirely possible. I was so drunk, I blacked out.”
“How do you know it happened then?” she asks.
“Because when a woman says it happened, I believe her.”
“But you were drunk—you blacked out—”
I scoff. “Does me blacking out excuse any of it? Definitely fucking not.”
Now Ella flinches.
I step back from her. I don’t want to scare her, even though I’m so angry, my entire body feels as if it’s vibrating.
A sneer pulls my mouth to the side as I say, “I’m an abusive piece of shit, okay?”
“No,” she says. “It’s not okay.”
And there it is. Her decision. It’s not okay .
I don’t know what else to do. There’s nothing left to say.
Kingston shakes his head at me, because he knows what I’m about to do, but I ignore the warning.
And I do what’s maybe the easiest. Or maybe the hardest.
I leave.
Sebastian
“Shattered”
They tell you it gets easier
To heal a shattered heart
That after time, experience
Will make you stronger
That your dreams won’t cut
Through your mind
Scalpels picking out pieces of happiness
Excising it like tumors
Leaving you raw and open.
They are fucking liars
All of them.