6. Butch
CHAPTER SIX
BUTCH
S tunned, all I can do is stare at her. For years, I’ve longed to be the one she’d choose. I can barely believe she’s picked me.
Candy must take my lack of response as a rejection. Her eyes drop, like the bedding has suddenly become way more interesting than my face. She lifts a dainty shoulder, saying, “I mean, I get we’ve only started talking to each other. It’s fine if you don’t feel comfortable being that close?—”
“I want it,” I blurt, panicked she’ll retract her offer.
Smooth, Penn. Can I appear any more desperate than I already am?
Her head pops back up, eyes wide with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”
There’s no hope of holding back my smile. “Of course, Goddess. I’m happy you trust me enough to seek my comfort.”
“Okay,” Candy says in a slightly higher voice. Is she nervous like me? “Cool.”
Before she can change her mind, I quickly stand to climb onto the bed. Candy diverts her attention to the ceiling, holding her palms up in front of her.
“Um, would you mind putting something on? ”
Huh? I glance down, noticing I’m still naked. My junk is right at her eye level.
Emboldened, I give Candy a wicked grin. “Are you sure?”
Laughing, Candy snags one of my pillows and smacks my torso with it. “Yes, I’m sure.”
Such a damn shame, though I won’t let it sour my mood. Tonight isn’t about my needs anyway. Only hers. And right now, she needs a cuddle partner who’ll make her feel safe and cherished.
With my happy-as-fuck grin still plastered on my face, I snag my shorts off the hardwood floor and yank them up my legs.
Candy scoots up the bed, making room for me to join her in the center. Seeing her sitting there, patiently waiting for me, feels surreal. When you’ve wanted this—dreamed of this—for as long as I have, you don’t want to rush. You want to savor the moment, let it fill you up. I drink in her image like a man quenching his thirst after walking days in the desert, unable to get enough of the sight of my woman inviting me in.
Part of me wants to take a picture of this moment on my cell, something to look back on. As much as I’d love a reminder of this night, whipping out a camera seems invasive when we haven’t agreed to any kind of relationship yet.
Patience , I remind myself.
My body practically vibrates with happiness, crawling into my bed with the woman of my dreams waiting for me to snuggle against her. My dick twitches, ready to spring into action. I bite the inside of my cheek, forcing my greedy cock to settle down. There’ll be no getting wet tonight.
Like an old habit, my arms open to her, letting her sink against me before I wrap her in an ironclad embrace. She sighs, laying her weary head against my chest. Her body naturally molds around mine, like it was always meant for her to be there.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence in the dark of my room, I ask her, “You’ve given me your now. Will you give me your future? ”
It’s a bold appeal. She’s only just let me enter her orbit, and I can’t help requesting more. I’d ask for her forever if I felt it wouldn’t scare her off.
Candy’s eyes go a little glassy, focusing on something I can’t see. She plays with the coarse, short curls on my chest, looking contemplative. “I’m ashamed to admit I don’t know what to do with myself.”
I’m a little bummed she misinterpreted my question. Although, her contemplating other factors of her future is something I want to be part of, too.
“The possibilities are endless. What do you wish to do with your time? Do you want to go back to school? Get a job? Volunteer for a cause? This club will support you in whatever you choose.”
“But that’s the problem. I don’t know where my interests lie. I don’t want to go back to school when I don’t know what I’ll do with my education. I could get a job, but I don’t have any work skills, other than what I’ve done to help in the club. And volunteering is nice, but I don’t know which cause I’d like to help. I just don’t know.”
The dejection in her tone has me wanting to help settle her worries.
“Then we investigate your interest,” I say, reassuring her before adding, “we’ll do it together.”
“You want to help me?” she asks, her voice startled yet hopeful.
“In any way you wish,” I vow. “You don’t need to have all the answers at this moment. Take your time to think about it.”
Several minutes pass with Candy lost in her thoughts. I lazily run my hands along her spine over her shirt, enjoying the feel of her underneath my fingers as I comfort her.
Candy tilts her head back, looking deep into my eyes. “All I know for certain is, I want to get better. I want to work on myself in therapy.”
With her opening up, I can’t help smiling, happy to be the person she’s sharing her thoughts with.
“Sounds like a perfect goal. ”
“I want to rebuild the trust I broke in the club,” she continues, her voice lightening as her goals flow.
“You’re off to a great start, already working on it.”
A frown forms between her brows. “I’m not sure what else I want to do with my time. But I want to do something meaningful.”
“Baby steps,” I reassure her in as comforting a tone as I can muster through my ragged vocal cords, holding her snugly against me. “You’ll figure it out in time, and I’ll help where you want.”
Candy bites her bottom lip, deep in concentration. I patiently watch her, waiting for her thoughts to resurface.
“And…” Candy sucks in a shaky breath, hesitating before continuing, “I may not deserve it, but I want to be loved.”
Her confession has my heart galloping wildly. However, my emotions quickly jump from elation to concern. “Why would you say you don’t deserve it?”
“Shitty people don’t deserve happiness.”
I scoff at her absurdity. “You’re not a shitty person. I would argue those who’ve been hurt and act out against others need more love than most. And besides, what makes you think you aren’t loved already?”
Candy rolls her eyes. “Nobody loves me, Butch.”
“Not true.”
“It is true,” she grumbles back. “I’m unlovable.”
“You’re wrong—” I quickly bite my tongue, stopping myself short from admitting how hard I’ve fallen for this woman. If I admit my feelings before she’s ready to hear them, I could blow my shot with her before it starts.
Candy pulls away from my chest, scrutinizing my face. It’s a damn good thing my poker face game is solid. Still, I worry she may see what I feel for her lying below the shallow surface of my mask.
Admitting my feelings before Candy is ready to accept them could backfire. I can’t expect this skittish woman to suddenly develop feelings for me before I prove myself worthy of her love. I may have killed one fucker who hurt her and plan on killing the rest, but it doesn’t mean she’ll want me for doing it.
The road to her heart will be like scaling a mountain—an uphill battle all the way. I expect nothing less from a woman who’s been tested time and again at the ugly hands of men. Her standards are bound to be high—as they should—and I intend to rise above those standards to be the best version of myself for her.
It’s only been a week since I felt Candy was in a place where she was done being used by others and ready to grow into the person I know her to be—a strong woman with a heart of fire and spine of steel, unable to bend to anyone against her will again.
We stare at each other for a few more tense seconds before I lick my dry lips and whisper, “You are loved.”
Candy shakes her head, clearly thinking I’m bullshitting her.
My eyes drop to her round, cupid lips and back to her eyes. The urge to kiss her is strong when she inadvertently challenges me.
The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop myself. “If you want proof, I’d be happy to provide it, however you want me to.”
Candy does a double-take, her mouth falling open.
Yeah, I’m being excessively forward. Oh, well. It’s out now, and I won’t recant it.
My hold on her tightens a fraction. I eye her mouth hungrily again, salivating.
Her brown eyes soften. “Butch…”
My world slows. This is it, the start of our beginning. I urge her to continue with a head nod.
“…this is sudden.”
The hesitation in her voice tells me all I need to know. She’s not ready.
Goddamnit. I shouldn’t have come on so strong. Me and my big mouth jumped the gun.
I run my free hand over my cropped hair, willing myself to calm down before I say something else stupid.
It’s fine. Not all is lost. She didn’t outright reject me, meaning there’s hope for something down the road. Not every relationship happens as fast as Prez and his old lady, and I’d be wise to remember it.
Slow and steady win the long race. And I’m ready to run the marathon a million times over if Candy’s at the finish line.
Does it suck Candy’s not jumping my bones this second?
Yeah, it hurts. But it’s understandable.
This woman has been abused, man after man. She won’t rush into anything now that she’s free to make her own choices. This time is for her to discover herself, and what she wants. If I want to be the one she ends up with, then there can’t be an expiration date on how long she needs.
Time to ease up on my pursuit.
“You don’t need to say anything, sweetness.” I give her a little smile, something I’ve learned eases her nerves. “I threw you a curveball, shooting my shot. You got a lot on your plate, with big goals to work on. A relationship isn’t on your radar—yet. But it will be one day, and I’ll be waiting for you.”
Her eyebrow lifts. “Pretty confident, aren’t you?”
You have no idea. “We’re good for each other. You’ll see.”
Candy chuckles, shaking her head. My words seem to have settled her anxiety. She sinks back against my chest, her hand placed back over my heart. “Thanks for being candid. Promise me you’ll always be honest with me.”
Like I’d ever deny her anything.
“Always,” I whisper into her soft hair, breathing in her bubble gum scent.
We fall into comfortable silence, her warm palm cupping my chest, and my hand moving in soothing circles on her back.
Within minutes, Candy’s soft snores fill the room. I continue to watch over her as she slumbers peacefully in my arms, unable to look away from the goddess of my heart.
We aren’t the diehard couple I want us to be. Not yet. But we’re on the right track .
The best things happen organically on their own time, with a lot of tender loving care. If Candy is the flower, then I’ll nurture the hell out of her until she’s ready to bloom for me.
And if it requires the blood of her enemies, I’ll provide it.
Content for the first time in my twenty-eight years, I relax, cradling the woman I love. All will work out as long as I don’t screw it up.