51. Butch
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
BUTCH
“ Y ou know no one cares, right?” Punk looks around at our crew before looking back at me. “Like none of us.”
Unsure of what Punk is talking about, I raise an eyebrow in question. Confused, I look at Candy and find her with feathered brows, too, as clueless as me.
Chase stops typing on his tablet, looking over the top of his black frame glasses at us. Atlas and Gauge move in closer, looking between me, Candy, and Punk. My eyes land on Ziggy beside Chase. He looks equally perplexed as he meets my gaze, shrugging. The rest of the crew stays where they are, but they stop what they were doing to watch the interaction with curiosity.
All the attention is suddenly on me and Candy, and I don’t know why. It’s unnerving. My gut flips, certain whatever Punk is about to reveal will be unpleasant for me and my woman. I instinctively draw Candy closer to me. My eyes dart between all my brothers as I remain silent, waiting for Punk to continue.
“This.” Punk waves a hand between me and Candy. “Candy leading behind closed doors.”
Catching on to what he’s referring to, dread has me freezing. When Candy went full domme in the private suite, I assumed the guys may tease us or wonder if it was a show or not. I didn’t expect anyone to be ballsy enough to call us out on it.
Hell, Punk isn’t even questioning. He automatically assumes it’s true, meaning me or Candy had to have said or done something prior to tonight’s event to give substance to the theory.
Looking back over our short time together, there were a handful of moments where we weren’t as secretive as we could’ve been. But overall, we were careful.
Candy’s performance in front of O’Conall was enough to make anyone previously speculating on the dynamic of our relationship to be certain of it.
Punk must see something in my face to alert him to my unease. His face softens as he addresses me. “Seriously, bro. We don’t care. The crew is happy you’re getting your dick wet.”
Ziggy chokes on a chuckle, trying to disguise it as a cough. I glare at my best friend for finding humor in my discomfort.
Sensing I’m close to losing it, Candy runs her hand along my back to soothe me. Her tender touch is enough to ease some of my duress, though not enough to calm me completely. The two of us are being outed, and I’m not sure how to feel about my secret being revealed.
On the one hand, it’ll be nice not to hide who I am with my brothers. Yet on the other, I worry it may change how some of my brothers feel about me. As far as I’m aware, I’m the only male sub in our club. Being the only one is an isolating position. Ziggy understands this as being the only gay biker in our crew. Although they accept him entirely, would they grant me the same grace?
“Was it a shock?” Punk continues. “Meh. Not really. I mean, Candy has always had the ‘I don’t get on my knees for no man’ mentality.”
“Facts,” Gauge confirms, with a nod.
Beside me, Candy releases a dainty snort of amusement, agreeing with them without words. No doubt she let none of my brothers call the shots in the bedroom. After escaping Lorenzo Bianchi’s brothel, it would be her way or no way. With me, she’s safe to take it to a higher level of control.
Curious to see how my other brothers are reacting, I scan their faces. None of them looks upset or disgusted. They actually give me small smiles of encouragement, almost like they’re trying to reassure me all is good.
Although I hear the words coming out of Punk’s mouth, I simply can’t comprehend. Do the guys truly not care I’m a submissive? Have I made this into a bigger deal than it actually is?
Another look at my brothers is all the proof I need. It’s not an issue for them.
Fuck. I’m schmuck for thinking the worst of them when they only see the best in me.
Punk drones on, channeling his normal punk-ass demeanor and specialty with pissing people off. “Who cares if you like getting tied up or ordered around on all fours?”
There are a few snickers, but they stop when they see me glaring. Sub or not, I will beat the shit out of them if they test me.
“Sounds kind of hot, to be honest,” Stage admits nonchalantly to himself. His eyes go wide, realizing he admitted it out loud. He waves his hands out in front of him, doing damage control. “Not for me. But happy for you, bro.”
“See?” Punk waves a hand at our group. “No one cares. Not me. Not the crew. Pretty sure Ziggy already knew, with the way his mouth is hanging open in shock.”
Ziggy’s mouth slams shut with an audible chomp . His eyes are as wide as I assume mine are. “You knew?”
Punk shrugs with a sly grin before chuckling hard at Ziggy. “Sort of pieced it together prior, but you confirmed it. Dude! Way to out your bestie like that. As a member of the LGBTQIA+, you should know better.”
“It wasn’t intentional.” Ziggy flicks off Punk. “Bite me, asshole.”
“Not my thing, Zig. And I’m pretty sure Jared would have your and my nads if I tried biting anything of yours. ”
Having enough of Punk’s shit, Ziggy drops his gear and charges Punk, tackling him in the snow. The two wrestle around, laughing at each other as they fight to be top dog. The crew is egging them on. Typical behavior for our family. Punk’s laughing too hard to win, letting Ziggy finish him with a proper face wash in the snow.
“Wait.” Tank scratches his head, his face contorted in confusion. “Butch is a sub? Like for real? Candy wasn’t acting earlier?”
All my brothers roll their eyes, some chuckle. Tank can be obtuse at times. The guy is pure alpha and probably can’t wrap his head around letting another person take control of him in bed. Ebony is going to have her hands full if she agrees to more than a situationship with him.
Reaper pats him on the back, smiling through his scraggly beard. “Try to keep up, buddy.”
Out of all my brothers, Tank is the newest in the club. We haven’t had a ton of one-on-one interaction, making his reaction to learning about me uncertain.
To my shock, he asks, “What’s it like submitting? I’m not knocking it. I’m trying to understand if it’s something me and Eb would like.”
Ziggy scoffs, brushing the snow off himself. “Tank, you asshat. You can’t go asking intimate questions like that in public. At least pull the man aside to ask in private.”
“Yeah,” Punk mocks, trying to fight his smile. “Buy him a beer first to butter him up.”
“What’s to hide? It’s only family,” Tank counters back, waving his hand around our team. “I’m curious. It’s why I’m asking, Butch. No one else here is admitting to doing it. How else am I going to learn about it?”
“Google is free, dude,” Chase chides Tank.
At this point I could still retreat, deny what they all automatically assume. I can continue to hide in my bubble and be miserable for not being myself with my family. We’d all know the truth and live with the illusion I’m not a submissive to mollify my fragile ego. Or I can man up, come clean, and be free.
This matter involves not only me. I look down at my bride in my embrace, bruised and roughed up, yet still looking more gorgeous than any other woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Candy looks back at me, a small smile on her round face. She gives me a tiny nod, consenting.
Swallowing my fears, I turn my attention back to my brothers and take the leap.
“For me, it’s ecstasy. We—as in all of us in this crew—have to be in control twenty-four-seven for this job. At the end of the day, I want someone else to decide. Candy likes to call the shots, and I’m more than willing to let her.”
My brothers remain silent, letting my words sink in.
Tank rubs at the back of his neck, looking uncertain—not with me, but with himself.
“I’ve let Jo take control of me in the bedroom before,” Atlas admits nonchalantly, taking all of us by surprise.
Gauge groans, running a hand down his face. “Atlas, how many times have I told you to stop oversharing what you and Jo do in the bedroom?”
Atlas waves off our VP. “Jo won’t care about me squealing about how I sometimes let her restrain me to the headboard, bro. Tank and Jo are all buddy-buddy anyway. If he doesn’t hear it from me, he’ll hear it from her eventually.”
Punk clamps his hands over his ears. “ La, la, la, la. I can’t hear you. Quick, say whatever you need to, and spare me the details.”
My brothers push in, eager to learn more. Prez is a micromanaging control freak in all areas. Admitting he occasionally submits to his wife is jaw-dropping news.
Baffled, I lean back against the stone fence Candy and I stand next to, keen to hear whatever Atlas will say on the matter.
“It’s not like I let Jo tie me up all the time, only when she’s had a shit day. When she’s overwhelmed, letting her take the wheel in bed gives her some of that control she lost throughout the day.” Atlas shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “Jo loves driving me crazy, especially when I’m unable to take her the way I want.”
Atlas gets a faraway look in his dark eyes, possibly recalling a specific moment with Jo. A wicked smile overtakes his face. “It spices things up.”
Having said his peace to the rest of us, Atlas heads toward our vehicles, stopping when he reaches Tank. He eyes the monster of a man who makes even his hulk-size look small. “And when she cuts me loose…you can imagine how pleasurable the moment is.”
Impressed, Tank rocks back on his heels. “ Damn . Say, when are we heading home?”
“Soon.” Atlas chuckles. “Is Eb in for a surprise?”
Tank smirks, following Atlas. “Fuck yeah, she is.”
Chase shakes his head at our brothers before looking back at me and Candy. “You happy?”
My arms constrict around Candy’s waist as I nod. “Very.”
“That’s all that matters. No need to hide anything from the fam. We don’t have fuck all to judge anyone, least of all brothers.”
The last of the federal agents exit the estate before a cleanup crew screws plywood over the doors and windows. An agent approaches Atlas. They exchange a few words before he and Atlas shake hands.
Gauge whistles to get the group’s attention. “Let’s roll.”
“Come on, biker boy,” Candy says, taking my hand in hers. “Time to go home.”
A shaky sigh exits my lungs. Once we’re back home, I’m coming clean and hope she understands why I did what I did. Things will be different between us—for better or worse. Part of me feels the need to give her a heads up.
I tug lightly on Candy’s hand, bringing her to a stop. “Goddess?”
She cocks her head at me. “Yeah, baby?”
Pulling her close, I rest my forehead against hers, absorbing as much of her as I can. It may be the last time she wants me anywhere near her after learning I hid our marriage .
“When we get home, I’d like to talk to you. There’s so much I’m feeling, and a lot I want to share. I’d rather do it where we have some privacy.”
Candy looks up into my eyes with a softness she gives only me. “Okay. After we’ve settled and rested some, we can talk.”
She’s being way too kind to me, kinder than I deserve. I hide my shame with a grimace. The longer we draw this out, the harder it’ll be to come clean.
“I’d rather talk before we do anything else.”
Candy tugs on my hand to get me walking again toward the vehicles. “Rest, then talk,” she says in a firm tone, leaving no room to argue with her.