Chapter 23
“ I n what universe could someone not want you?”
His words warmed me down to my toes. I’d gotten so weak for affection, and while I’d invited him into my bed to help steady his instincts, now that he was wrapped around me, I couldn’t help but wonder what more would be like. I’d been with my other matches, but Beau had kept himself at a distance from the start.
“In fairness, I was pretty used to no one wanting me in this universe. It’s only recently that’s changed.”
“I’m sorry that I contributed to you feeling that way.”
“It’s okay. You’ve got a lot more trauma about this than the others do. I don’t expect anything from you. We can keep going like we have been.”
Beau swallowed hard. “That’s just me needing you , not the other way around. You don’t need me when you have them.”
“This conversation wasn’t about need,” I reminded him.
I snuggled closer, his arms tightening around me. He smelled unfairly good with that perfect blend of vanilla musk, cinnamon, and lavender, like an expensive cologne I wanted to douse my sheets in. He was trying so hard to stay at arm’s length, which was considerably more difficult when he relied on my presence to ease his suffering. Since I’d given in and gone to bed again with my other matches, the discomfort of being apart wasn’t so sharp. It was almost like my body had been reassured it would continue because it had happened twice and I didn’t have to be bullied into it anymore.
“When was the last time you were with someone?”
He hesitated. “Too long.”
“Since you lost your mate?”
“She was my first and last for everything.”
Oh dear. His pain had held him in an iron grip for so long. I probably wasn’t enough to crack that shackle.
I could comfort him like this, though.
“I’m sorry, Beau.”
“For what?”
“I don’t like that you’ve been hurting so much, and for so many years.”
“It hurts less now that I’m here.” His sigh was deep, every bit of him shifting as he drew in a breath and let it go. “I don’t know how to move forward.”
“Have you talked to a therapist about your grief?”
“ Constantly. It was all I could do not to follow Emily into the grave. I tried so hard to stay for my son and I couldn’t even do it right.”
“Bryce is a happy and well-adjusted man with a pack who loves him. None of us can do more than our best, but I fully understand the disappointment when it feels like your best isn’t enough.”
“I know my best wasn’t enough. It’s another burden I carry. Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t collapsed under the weight of them already.”
“You’re stronger than you believe. I don’t think any of us understand the depth of our strength until we look back and realize what we survived. I’m proud of you for staying even when it was hard.”
He tilted his head, pressing his trembling lips to my hair. My poor alpha. He had been through so much and he was still here, trying. I slid my hand up his chest to cup the back of his head, offering a small comfort. I still maintained that fate was on a power trip, but maybe I was looking at things from the wrong angle. Maybe I was the only way Beau could heal. What could possibly soothe the wound of losing a scent-matched omega if not another one? Even if Beau and I had no future, I could offer him this.
“You could have me without it meaning anything, if you wanted to. If that would be easier. I don’t want to replace Emily. I just want to help.” My other matches had stepped up hard for me, and I was the only one who could do that for Beau. “Stay here if you want. Settle yourself whenever you need to. Take what you want to without having to feel guilty.”
His low growl thrummed through me. “You’re already so much of a temptation. I’m not strong enough to resist if you put yourself on a platter like that.”
I planted a soft kiss at the hollow of his throat, his scent erupting around me, making me dizzy with growing desire. “Then don’t resist.”
His fingers slid over to my face, knuckles brushing my cheek softly before tucking beneath my chin to lift me far enough to catch his eye. The first touch of his lips against mine was so light I could barely feel it, save for the electricity that crackled in the air between us.
“Dangerous,” he whispered.
The next brush was firmer and he inhaled deeply. My lemon meringue scent was a cloud around us, weaving with his, the lingering but muted scents of my other matches still clinging to the sheets to form a cacophony that turned my brain to mush.
Beau was careful. So careful. Every touch as his lips explored mine felt like he thought either of us might shatter at any moment. I couldn’t imagine losing a bonded mate. A divorce to someone I had been growing apart from for years was bad enough.
He inched me over until I was on my back, hair sprawled beneath me. His blue eyes were filled with longing, a layer of anguish and desire giving them all the depth of the ocean. I stayed still as he traced my lips with his thumb and then slowly skimmed down my body like he was seeing me for the first time.
“Are you afraid?” I asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to stop?”
“No.”
His fingers curled behind my neck and his mouth descended against mine. Moment by moment his hesitation melted away. He didn’t have the finesse I expected from the start, but then maybe kissing was like riding a bike. The core memory of how to do it was stored away and simply needed to be activated.
Soon enough he was kissing me breathless. Goosebumps tightened my skin and my pussy ached for attention. He didn’t seem to have any intention of moving beyond my mouth, but he did shift over, planting his knee between my thighs and sending a bolt of electricity up my body when I rocked my hips to grind my clit against him.
“So fucking dangerous,” he whispered against my lips.
I wasn’t prepared for his teeth when he moved from my mouth to my throat, his bite holding me firmly in place while my omega instincts rocketed into the stratosphere. He didn’t break the skin, but he held fast no matter how much I squirmed.
“Beau,” I gasped out.
He rose up, staring down at me. “I never thought I’d hear my name said like that ever again.”
No longer were his memories of kissing someone only including her, nor the memories of having a heated body beneath his. My own mind had tumbled through so many of the same things when I’d gone to bed with Francisco.
Beau dipped down. “Do it again,” he whispered against my ear before snaring the lobe in his teeth.
A whine slipped free, forming around his name.
He groaned and worked his way down my body, tugging off the straps on my tank top and dragging my bra cup out of the way so he could sweep his tongue over my nipple. I arched against him when he sucked hard, letting his teeth scrape over it as he pulled away.
“Hands above your head.”
I raised both arms up and shoved my hands beneath my pillow.
“You can touch me in the future, but there’s only so many layers to this I can unwrap at once.”
That made sense. Some people were more comfortable providing pleasure, some more comfortable taking it. If Beau wanted to move in phases, I had no problem with that.
Satisfied with my compliance, he dragged the rest of my shirt and bra down to my waist, leaving me fully exposed. His pupils were so wide as he stared at me before he gave in again, cupping one breast and feasting on the other. His scent grew stronger the more I bucked and squirmed, like he took specific joy in trying to overwhelm me. He had that in common with the others.
Beau paused when his fingers curled into the waistband of my jean shorts, looking up to me for confirmation. I was pretty certain if he didn’t get his hands on me soon I was going to implode. I lifted my hips, waiting impatiently as he undid the buttons and zipper before pulling them down to discard them off the end of the bed.
He curled a hand around my ankle but otherwise simply observed me, exposed and rumpled, waiting for him to continue. Maybe he would call it quits right here and I’d have to disappear to finish myself off. That worry was quickly alleviated when he stroked his knuckles over my panties, his jaw ticking.
“Are you already starting to soak through these?”
“What else did you think playing with me was going to do?”
With a half-feral growl he tipped forward, nipping down my stomach and over my inner thighs.
I whined, my best omega call to action, hoping it would prompt him to touch me exactly where I ached for him. His thumb tucked in the side of my panties, finding my entrance and circling it while I shivered head to toe. When I tried to buck, he planted his other palm below my belly button to still me and kept up his teasing. My hips jerked with every touch, needing him to plunge inside and fill me, but either Beau was oblivious, or he was taking his time on purpose.
“Beau, please.”
He shushed me quietly, an amused upturn to the corner of his mouth giving him away. He switched from thumbs to knuckles, slowly grinding without ever breaching. I didn’t even know what I was feeling anymore, every nerve honed to that delicious pressure. His thumb tapped my clit and I nearly leapt out of my skin.
“You are so beautiful like this,” he said softly.
I whimpered, trying to press my hips closer to his hand.
“And you sound even better than I imagined.”
That sent a wave of pleasure through me. “You imagined me?”
“Easily a hundred times since I first scented you.”
My purr roared to life only to stutter out when he pinched his thumb and fingertips together, pushing the cone of his fingers into me. He didn’t go far, maybe to the first knuckles, but the pressure had my eyes rolling back, my breath catching in my throat.
Each movement pushed incrementally deeper, stretching me open. I was so primed, every muscle taut and shaking as my body strained to accommodate him, but all it took was his other hand to shift and grind against my clit to kick me over the edge. I came all over his hand in a rush of slick, my throat raw from the rough scream he drew out of me.
Beau hummed, a soft smile on his lips. “The fantasy never came close to the reality.”
I whined, still twitching, barely able to cope as he flexed his fingers and stretched them out to test the limits of my body.
“So beautiful,” he murmured again, almost to himself rather than to me.
“Beau,” I begged. “ Please .”
I whined again when he withdrew, but relief swept over me when I saw it was only to divest himself of his remaining clothing. I quickly wrestled myself out of my own and spread my thighs in a blatant invitation. He sank between them, his cock gliding in easily after his preparation, and I shook head to toe as the tip of him struck that spot deep inside me that made me see stars.
I didn’t have a moment to breathe before he adjusted himself and fucked into me with a ravenousness I would never have guessed was lurking beneath the surface. Every thrust jostled me and I had to brace my hands on the headboard, doing everything I could to take his ferocity.
My brain melted as another wave overtook me, his cock pummeling the spot that unraveled me like a ball of yarn knocked from a table. I lost track of how high I climbed, eyes closed and thighs trembling, as Beau took his pleasure.
My alpha , my brain whispered. Mine .
His breathing shifted, his pace stuttering, and the moan his own peak pulled out of him sent me spiraling a half second before he slammed in deep, his knot swelling and his cum painting my insides.
I wasn’t sure how long we lay like that, his weight braced on his forearms and his forehead against mine, our panting breaths mingled.
I shivered, angling my chin up to brush my lips against his. “Stay.”
He kissed me back, not soft and tender like he had been at the beginning, but with teeth that scraped my lip and a tongue that plunged to meet mine, his weight sinking against me. “Couldn’t leave even if I wanted to.”
He rolled us over and I wedged my head beneath his chin.
“Stay,” I whispered again. Maybe I was weak to ask, but my curiosity was piqued too high, my desire for him sated for the moment, but certainly not forever.
He threaded his fingers into my hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”