Chapter 31
“ W e have to tell him.” Charlotte paced back and forth, her nervous energy washing over me.
“I can’t tell him,” I insisted. My own anxiety was probably strong enough to knock her over, and we were caught in a vicious cycle of panicking each other. The moment I’d returned to coherency, I knew . Charlotte had poured into me, filling up all the broken cracks in my foundation, healing bits of my soul that had been shattered for decades. I hadn’t expected the peace would go that deep, but I had certainly been prepared for the terror I knew would follow.
Fuck.
Now that I had her, I had the potential to lose her.
“I didn’t even want to tell him I was living with you, and now I have to go and tell him we bonded?”
Bryce was going to be so disappointed. God, why did this feel like the equivalent of going to my parents and telling them I’d bonded Emily at eighteen and she was pregnant on top of that?
“We can’t just not tell him. Bryce deserves to know. Everyone is going to find out the second they see us. What am I supposed to tell my kids?”
I growled, burying my face in my hands. Reality had punched us both in the face this morning when Ollie had cannonballed into the nest to wake us up. Thankfully we were buried deep and Charlotte told him he could watch cartoons so he had scampered away quickly without realizing our state of undress. I had multiple missed calls from Autumn asking where I was and why I’d missed a meeting with Alve Sato.
We were so fucked.
After ignoring it all as best we could for a couple of hours while Charlotte got the boys off to their day program, we were finally forced to deal with the fallout.
“I still don’t even understand how we bonded.” Charlotte curled up on the couch, one of her pillows clutched to her chest. She looked so small, vulnerable. I ached to gather her up and tell her everything was going to be fine. So I did, drawing her onto my lap and cocooning her in my arms. Whenever we touched, our collective anxiety diminished significantly. Momentarily, at least, until I thought about how it would rip me apart at the seams if anything ever happened to her.
I couldn’t survive that loss twice.
“I understand with Ava where she had a heat flush because she was pregnant and unbonded, but why did it happen with me ?”
I hadn’t a clue why something would have triggered. We’d slept together before and nothing had happened.
At some point we would have to explain to her children that I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Luckily, they seemed to like me well enough so far. I stared at the wall, letting my eyes go out of focus. There was no undoing a bond, even if I didn’t understand how it happened or why.
“Are you mad at me?” she asked quietly.
How could I ever be mad at her? “Not at you. The situation is not ideal.”
“I didn’t mean to bite. I’m so?—”
“ Charlotte . I promise I’m not mad at you. I bit right back. Instincts don’t care about what plans we had, and it’s not the fault of either of us.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I am. Let’s focus on one problem at a time,” I said. “Who do we need to tell first?”
Her buzzer doorbell went off, jolting both of us.
“Shit.” Charlotte nudged me, getting me to sit up so she could go answer it. “They’re picking me up to go to the arena today so I can design some lesson stuff.”
Oh joy. Her other scent matches were not who I wanted to face right now, but in fairness, they were probably the ones who most needed to know about this development.
“Good morning, princess!” Dylan’s voice came over the speaker.
“Come on up.” She let them in and we both waited, dread cycling through the bond.
They flooded into her apartment, Dylan with a box of donuts, Eduardo with smoothies, and Francisco with a bouquet of mixed flowers. All three of them stopped short, gazes darting between the two of us.
“Uh, yeah,” Charlotte began. “Something happened last night.”
“I’m not trying to step on your claim,” I told them. “The bond was unintentional, and frankly we don’t even know how it was possible.”
Eduardo was the first to recover. “So, what does this mean now?”
“The plan is still the same,” I explained. “Whatever you three have going on with Charlotte, continue as you would have before. I still have to return to New York at some point and she doesn’t want to accompany me. Las Vegas is her home and it will remain that way unless she changes her mind.”
I curled my fingers into her hand, needing the anchor of her touch. The bond would calm down in time, but for now, even the brief thought of returning to New York turned my stomach.
Charlotte reached out for the flowers Francisco had clutched in his grip. “These are beautiful, thank you.”
She bustled into the kitchen to put them in water, though lacking a proper vase, she cut them down, separated them into a few glasses and set them across the windowsill above the sink.
“We brought treats, in case you were hungry,” said Dylan, joining her in the kitchen with the donuts. I had missed preparing breakfast for everyone in our panic, the boys eating cereal before being rushed out the door. Charlotte and I hadn’t had anything.
“Get something into your stomach,” I told her. “Everything will look better after a meal.”
The five of us hovered awkwardly in her apartment, eating donuts and drinking smoothies, one of which they had thoughtfully brought for me.
“Are you coming to the arena with us?” Francisco asked. “I don’t imagine you’ll want to be separated from Charlotte for a while. You can use my office to work if you’d like.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised by their accommodation. They were good men so far as I could tell in our limited acquaintance, and I had no qualms about leaving Charlotte in their capable hands when I had to leave, but it was still kind of them to consider me.
“Yes. I’ll have to work from there. I need to rearrange some things with my assistant and get them delayed until the bond settles a bit.” I dipped closer to Charlotte, scent marking her cheek on impulse.
I needed to talk to Bryce too, but god help me, I wasn’t in any fit mindset to have the conversation that needed to happen. I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye. Not yet, anyway. Everything was far too raw. Once Charlotte and I had a proper discussion about the future, I could speak to my son and give him more information than I had now.
Very shortly after our arrival at the arena, they had her up on horseback, tidy low jumps set up at intervals.
Her matches welcomed me over to watch once they’d finished the setup, the four of us transfixed by her grace.
“Talk to us,” said Francisco. “I know you said the plan doesn’t change, but is that really the case? You’re still leaving her?”
“Fate made a mistake.”
“Bold to say.” Francisco stared me down, his dark eyes searching my face. “Anyone can see you like her.”
“That doesn’t mean we’re suited for a lifetime together. I had a scent-matched omega once and I lost her. I simply refuse to do that again.”
The three of them watched me in silence for a few moments.
“I don’t think that’s a choice you really get to make,” said Eduardo. “Whether you want to go through it or not, you’re bonded. She’s part of your life now.”
“The bond will settle if we give it time and distance.”
Dylan scrunched his nose. “But why would you want to?”
“I wonder if you’d still be asking that if she lived in New York and didn’t want to move here? Your lives are here, your families, your friends. I’m an outlier in her world, and New York is my home.”
It was simple for them. Charlotte was where they lived and worked. She loved what they loved. They were younger and excited for a future with her, and they had more energy for her children. Not to mention they probably came with considerably less emotional baggage. Charlotte wouldn’t be competing with a ghost for her place with them, and I wanted her to have those easy connections. We didn’t have that. So much was in our way, and as much as I didn’t want to think about leaving, I knew it had to be inevitable.
“What happened to your first omega?” Dylan asked.
Eduardo kicked him in the shins. “Don’t be rude.”
“It’s all right. She passed about twenty years ago, far too young and vibrant to deserve such a fate. I can’t even begin to explain to you how agonizing her loss was. If you could understand it at all, you’d know why I need to distance myself from Charlotte.”
“Would you not feel it if something happened to her?” asked Francisco. “How does that work?”
“The bond is strengthened by proximity and intimacy. That’s why the urge to be close afterward is so all-consuming. It punishes distance because enough of it can weaken the connection.” I stared at the dust plumes kicked up by Charlotte’s horse, choosing my words carefully. “I don’t know for certain, but I think given enough time and space, it would get weak enough that it wouldn’t destroy me if something did happen one day. I also recognize that I’m older than all of you, and likely to be the first to go by that alone. I don’t want it to hurt her either. I’d never want her to feel even a fraction of what I experienced when Emily died.”
I could protect her heart in a way I couldn’t with my own.
Francisco nodded, stepping closer until our arms were pressed together, a silent comfort. “Would you go back in time and avoid bonding Emily if you knew then what you know now?”
“I—” Would I? For Bryce’s sake, maybe. Would I have been a better father if I’d lost my wife rather than my omega? “I don’t know. It’s hard to look at the situation with perspective. My bonding with Emily was an accident just like with Charlotte, so there wasn’t a choice to do it or not.”
“Maybe fate thought you’d chicken out on something amazing,” suggested Dylan.
I snorted. “I’d rather fate mind its own business.”
“It’s never been good at that.” Eduardo offered me a sympathetic smile. “We’ve been talking, and it’s obvious that Charlotte likes you, too. Are you open to a pack?”
“I don’t know how to be in one,” I confessed.
“Does anyone know until they’re part of it?” he asked.
“I suppose not.” I considered each of them. Being part of a pack wasn’t in my plan, but even if I wasn’t an active participant with my impending departure, I should still get to know them. And, from a legal standpoint, Sammy and Ollie were my sons, whether or not I was around to parent them. I needed a good relationship with Charlotte’s future pack so it wasn’t an awkward hell for everyone if I visited. “What did you have in mind?”
Francisco sighed. “You can give her the world a lot easier than we can. We want to get to know her, get to know her kids. We’d like her to look at our neighbors’ place so she can be close by but still have her own space. We know asking her to move in with us isn’t realistic this early, but it’s a step closer. Do you think you’d be okay with that? Not roommates, but neighbors?”
“That sounds much more reasonable. I could certainly manage that.”
“Okay, good. It wouldn’t work if you hated the idea.”
“I think it’s a smart first step. She’s independent, and unlikely to give up that freedom until she feels secure.”
“I hope we can make her feel that sooner rather than later. Maybe we could even get a proper pack house when we get this place financially stable again.”
“You don’t have to worry about money when it comes to the care of Charlotte and the boys,” I promised. “Anything you need for that, consider it covered: a home, a family vehicle, university funding when the boys are older. They’ll want for nothing if I can help it.”
That was one thing I was good at. I could throw dollars at a problem and fix it. Where my emotional intelligence ended, my bank account began, and I just hoped that was enough.
“That’s… way more generous than we were expecting,” said Francisco. “You’re sure?”
“She’ll have everything she needs, and I’m never going to spend my fortune on myself. Plus, Bryce has a trust fund. It would only be fair the rest of my family get their share as well.” I focused on my mate and the shiny golden horse she rode that sailed over the jumps. “Not to derail this heartfelt conversation, but what exactly is she meant to be doing out there?”
“Most of the horses have no jumping experience,” said Dylan. “She’s checking which ones might do best with it for beginners.”
Her lemon meringue sweetness swept by me, easing my nerves. She was so peaceful on horseback. I felt it down to my bones, how those animals gave her steadiness and security. I hated that they made me nervous when they brought her such joy. She was far better suited for the other men fate had chosen. They could all share that joy together.
“Think we’ll ever get you up on one?” Francisco asked.
“Maybe when hell freezes over.”
Dylan laughed. “You could be her guinea pig for lessons. If you rode Sugar Snap, your feet would still touch the ground.”
“I think I’ve suffered quite enough humiliation lately. Let’s not add to the pile.”
Dylan nudged me playfully. “You’re way too much fun to tease.”
“Be nice,” Eduardo admonished.
“I’m always nice.” Dylan grinned.
“So, what’s our family tree going to look like if we bond Charlotte one day?” Francisco asked.
“Oh god. It’s a fucking web at this point. You’ll earn an additional son besides her two, three sons-in-law, a daughter-in-law, and a granddaughter.”
“I’m too young to be a grandpa,” Dylan squawked. “I was just warming up to the idea of being a dad.”
“Warm faster,” I ordered. “She deserves the world, and I need all of you to help me give it to her.”