Chapter 20
20
Christa
“ Y es,” I tell Cassius. “I slept better knowing I was karma to a whole lot of bad people with a whole lot of dark money. I told myself that the means justified the ends. For me, it was a double whammy, too, because I was able to prove to my employers that I was worth the higher salary and could twist and turn mathematics with the kind of skill that would’ve made the guys at Mensa green with envy.
“It gave me a sense of power and control over my fate. I felt stronger than ever, capable of doing whatever I wanted. I wasn’t the slim, pretty girl everybody liked and desired, but I was the smart one who would one day rule the whole world. It all seems laughable now, yet a few years ago, it was my truth.”
“So, what happened?” River decides to take the middle road, while Cassius averts his gaze altogether.
“I couldn’t sleep well anymore,” I reply with a shrug. “The lies I told myself no longer went down the way they used to. I started reading in the papers about entrepreneurs who trusted my investment products and put in all their money in hope of doubling or even tripling it. They ended up losing everything. It led to ruin and misery. Death. Just tragedy after tragedy while I kept designing new schemes for Perry-Sage.
“The big sharks didn’t take the worst hits. They could brush it off and try again. Until I learned about mass firings. Thousands of people are out of a job because of my design,” I add.
Nausea tests me again. The prenatal vitamins and supplements the hospital prescribed before releasing me are already working their way through my system, taking the edge off most of my symptoms, but the additional stress isn’t helping my current state at all.
I have to power through the rest of this conversation, though. I owe them the truth, and I owe myself one less secret to carry every day.
“The more I learned about the damage my investment products were causing, the harder it became for me to come into work every morning,” I explain to Cassius, River, and Nathan. “I started proposing different strategies and products, including a few with a lower loss threshold. Lower risk options, too. Every single one of them got turned down because the Mancinis wanted more; they always wanted more.
“At the same time, they were pushing their dark money through the company, and I had to design schemes to help hide it. It got to be too much. Then Brett came to work for the company.” I pause as sadness flits through me.
“Brett?”
I always have trouble saying his name out loud. “Yes. He was supposed to help me with the money laundering part. We needed bigger and more complex schemes because the Feds and the SEC began circling tighter and tighter every month. It was obvious that both the Mancinis and the leadership of Perry-Sage had bitten off way more than they could chew.”
“I’m guessing Brett was important to you?” Nathan asks.
“He was my boyfriend. We were friends first. Then one night, late at the office, he found the courage to ask me out. We dated for a few months,” I reply. “We got along well, both personally and professionally. He didn’t like the job either. In fact, he stopped liking it only a couple of months in. It took me about a year. I guess it makes him the better person.”
Nathan comes closer and shakes his head. “Not better, just different.”
“Did you love him?” Cassius inquires.
He’s angry. Maybe a tad jealous. Conflicted. There’s a lot going through his mind right now. I can read it in his eyes, and it pains me deeply. But if I lose him tonight, at least I’ll know where I stand. I’ll know if there’s even a point in telling them about my pregnancy.
“No, I don’t think I did,” I admit. “I mean, I had feelings, and so did he, but it wasn’t love. And it never had the chance to grow into love.”
“What do you mean?” River asks.
“Our boss called us into his office one night,” I say. “Two of the Mancinis were present. The conversation was brief but clear. They knew we were unhappy, but we couldn’t leave. Not without paying with our lives. Brett called their bluff, and they killed him right there in front of me.”
The air in the hospital room turns cold as the Hawthornes have trouble digesting what I’ve just said. Every word seems to go down with a burn while I try not to remember that specific image, even though it’s forever etched into my retinas.
“Christa…” River whispers. “Are you serious?”
I nod once. “I watched them shoot him. I watched the light go out of his eyes. Of course, nobody in that room knew Brett and I were a thing. The Mancinis had no idea what they had done to me. They wanted me scared and compliant. A woman with a brain like mine had to be subdued somehow. Fear made sense to them.”
“Fucking hell, Christa, I’m sorry,” Nathan says.
“They dumped his body and made it look like gang war collateral. They told me the same would happen to me if I didn’t keep my mouth shut and my fingers on the computer keyboard.” I exhale sharply. “So I did.
“Week after week, I kept my mouth shut. I worked hard. I did what I was told. And at home, late at night, on a secure laptop, I started putting together the most intricate bug I have ever designed. Bit by bit, I built an invisible monster while planting seeds at the office. A not-so-private search in a browser here, a vulnerable router there, I had layers to what was about to unfold. I knew I was the only one who could take them down.” I shrug. “So, I did.”
Cassius shakes his head slowly. “You tipped off the FBI.”
“Oh, I did way more than that. I cloned every single piece of dirt in that company, and I started leaking it to anonymous Reddit boards, with links to back channels. I didn’t call the FBI or the SEC. But I made sure their analysts would pick up on some keywords. I bounced from server to server and even sabotaged the company’s firewall for an impending breach.
“By the time the big kahunas at Perry-Sage became aware of how vulnerable they really were, the Feds and the SEC were already locking in a grand jury with subpoenas and everything. They didn’t have a single second left on the clock. And when the big boys came down with weapons and warrants, it was too late. There were so many people arrested that day, I think they had to take them to three different precincts.”
“And where were you?” Nathan replies.
“Out of Los Angeles. By then, some of my colleagues and managers had died. Faked suicides, overdoses, hit-and-runs… the Mancinis had their methods,” I say, shuddering. “But it was their hubris, their complex of superiority that ultimately cost them a few of their own. You see, when they shot Brett in front of me, they didn’t even know who we were. They didn’t care about our names or our positions within the company. They just wanted to get their point across. Well, I got mine across well enough, too, because I scrubbed myself out of their system completely. No photo, no work log, I even wiped the keycard logs. They had no way to prove I had ever set foot in their offices to begin with.”
“Security logs?” River asks, growing fascinated with each passing minute.
I shake my head, a smile testing the corner of my mouth. As far as revenge goes, it was one of my finer moments, I’ll admit. “Nothing. I ran facial recognition algorithms and excised myself from every single piece of footage. I used AI software to replace myself with other employees wherever I was unable to permanently delete the video files, and I was careful to keep my face off their cameras in the last three months of my employment.
“I knew where it might lead, where it could end if I gave anyone reason to suspect me. To my relief, a lot of Perry-Sage employees abruptly quit after the raids. Some were caught; some were only interviewed. But nobody ever thought to look for me.”
Nathan chuckles dryly. “That is insanely brilliant. Given how much you knew about the company, given what you had already witnessed, the last thing anybody at Perry-Sage or from the Mancinis’ circle wanted was to point the Feds in your direction.”
“I banked on that. I also made sure investigators wouldn’t be able to pick me out of whatever information they seized from the Perry-Sage offices. It took me about three, almost four months to set the whole thing in motion, but it worked. Technically speaking, I am not a whistleblower. Not a CI. I never went to the police.”
“No, you just planted the breadcrumbs and made sure they found the trail,” River concludes. “Fucking brilliant.”
I stare at my feet for a while. “It didn’t bring Brett back. His mother is still looking for the truth. I couldn’t tell her. Not without implicating myself as a witness.”
“Wait,” Cassius replies with a deep frown. “You didn’t tell anyone about his murder?”
“I had to protect myself. I call her from time to time. I send her money to make sure she’s got everything she needs. I even helped her pay for a decent private investigator to pick up the slack from the cops because they had it as a cold case already. Brett’s body was dumped, and the police could never tie him back to Perry-Sage. The waters are murky around his file, mainly because of the Mancinis. They burned every page of his employment file.”
“So, with no one able to connect Brett to Perry-Sage, his murder is still unsolved,” Cassius says. “That’s not right, Christa. You know it.”
I think his ethics are getting in the way of the bigger picture, and while I would definitely consider it attractive where Cassius is concerned, it puts me in a terrible light. It’s bad enough that I’ve been beating myself over it for so long; I don’t need the extra kick in the conscience.
“If I go to the police, the Mancinis will kill me,” I remind him.
“What happened tonight? Out on the road.” Nathan cuts in.
Again, I have no choice but to stare at my feet. “The Mancinis found me. I don’t know how. I was so careful.”
“And there we have it. The full circle clusterfuck of Perry-Sage,” Cassius says, running a hand through his thick, dark hair speckled with silver. “All the more reason for you to come forward about Brett now. The FBI can protect you.”
I can’t help but chuckle nervously, quick to reject the premise. “No way. You don’t understand, Cass. The Mancinis are a huge family. They’ve got ties everywhere, including within the government. The handful of Mancinis that were incarcerated because of what I did to Perry-Sage were basically disposable. In the bigger picture, they were losses the family could manage.”
“Were the two who killed Brett arrested?” Nathan asks.
“No, Brett’s killers were lower-level goons.”
River is on his phone, searching through news outlets for information. “It says here that Jacob Mancini was one of the highest-ranking family members who was arrested and convicted in relation to Perry-Sage. His brother Jonas took over his side of the family business in the meantime, along with Jacob’s children.”
“Brett’s killers were cousins of the big guy, I think, by some degree.” I shrug the memory away, not even willing to entertain the idea of remembering their faces. “Point is, most of the damage I did affected Perry-Sage. That corporation was just one of many the Mancinis employs to do their dirty work. If I come forward, nobody will be able to protect me.”
“It’s like we’re not even here,” River sighs as he looks at his brother.
My face burns as I try to find the right words to explain. “I know you’re here. I see you, River. I see you, Cass. I see you, Nathan. I see the three of you, and Lord knows I want you in my life. I trust you and I feel safe with you. But the Mancinis… They’re bigger and worse than anyone you’ve ever met, I promise.”
“You should visit Kandahar one day if you really think that,” Nathan mutters.
“You have your lives here, your business, your reputation. If anything, I’m a liability. These people are ruthless killers. It’s not you I fear for, dammit. I know you can handle yourselves. It’s everybody else, Teagan included,” I insist.
“The Mancinis already know you’re here,” Nathan bluntly reminds me.
My shoulders drop in defeat. “Twice now, they’ve made their presence known. I don’t know what they’re planning.”
“You said they left you notes,” River cuts in.
I nod once. “One, a while back. A second one, tonight.”
“Can I see them?”
There’s no reason why not, so I take them both out of my jacket pocket and hand them over, watching the Hawthorne brothers look over each piece of paper and analyze every single detail in sight.
The silence overwhelms me while the rest of the world continues to flow beyond these white walls.
“It’s the same handwriting,” Nathan concludes.
River seems conflicted. Quieter than usual. I’m not sure where I stand with Cassius, either, and it pains me. Deeply. I’ve fallen for them in more ways than one, and the prospect of losing what little peace and love I’ve found here hurts.
“You didn’t see the driver at all?” River asks, looking at me.
“No, it was dark. His headlights were too bright.”
“That was on purpose,” Cassius says. “You weren’t supposed to see him. He’s taunting you. What does the V.M. stand for?”
“I’m guessing the M is for Mancini, but the V…”
Nathan frowns, scrolling through his phone again. “We’ll figure it out.”
“We?” I ask. “How do you think this is going to end if the three of you get involved?”
“Honestly, I’m also wondering,” Cassius snaps. “You’ve been keeping quite the secret from us, Christa. How on earth did you imagine you’d survive after what happened, especially when you know the kind of people you’re dealing with?”
“I didn’t think—”
He cuts me off. “That’s right, you didn’t think.”
River tries to intervene. “Come on, bro, this isn’t the time—”
Cassius won’t have it. “No, it’s definitely the time.”
I guess I deserve the reprimand, maybe worse, after everything I’ve done, everything I’ve allowed to happen. Everything I’ve kept secret out of fear and self-preservation. “Christa, we’ve been tossing and turning, bending over backward to make you a part of our lives, to be with you. You didn’t want to tell Teagan. She found out, anyway. And that blew up in your face.
“You didn’t want to tell us about Perry-Sage either, and you were driven off the fucking road. How much longer do you intend to keep up this one-woman act of yours? Until someone actually gets hurt? Or killed again?”
He realizes it as soon as he said it. I can see it in his wide eyes.
And he can see it on my face.
The hurt.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Brett’s death wasn’t your fault.” Cassius tries to mend what he just broke, but I’m too restless, too ashamed.
I get to my feet and walk out of the hospital room, shaking and holding back tears, determined to get away from all of this, one way or another. Deep down, Cassius is right.
Nathan comes after me. “Christa, wait.”
“No, no. He’s right. Had I been braver, had I done more, maybe Brett would still be alive.”
“It’s not like that, and Cass knows it, too. He’s just… He’s mad, Christa. This whole time, we’ve been nothing but honest and open and willing to take risks to be with you,” Nathan says. “While I can understand many, if not all of your decisions, Cassius and River are different. But they always come around. You need to give them time, just like they gave you time when you asked for it.”
I stop in the middle of the hallway, tears stinging my eyes as I look up at him. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want that either. Cass is right, though. You can’t do this alone. Not anymore.”
“It’ll put you all in danger. No matter how I look at it, someone is going to get hurt. Or killed again, like Cassius said.”
“Let us decide the extent of our involvement, Christa. You know this is more than just a fling for us. You can feel it,” he moves closer, hands settling on my hips.
I’m too weak and tired to push him away. I don’t want to push him away. His comfort is one of the few things I’ve got left to hold onto in an increasingly darker world. “I feel it.”
“I know where I want this to end. It doesn’t end with you walking away or worse. None of us will get hurt or worse. Sure, people might not understand what we’ve got. It’ll be challenging to make it work. But we can make it work as long as we stick together. As long as we trust each other.”
“Nate, I do trust you. It’s the Mancinis I don’t trust.”
“Whatever game they’re playing here, they’re doing this to hurt you, to make you fear your own shadow. It’s a mind fuck. And it’s probably because they don’t know if you have some kind of automated mechanism in place.”
“Mechanism?”
Nathan gives me a wry smile. “Have you asked yourself yet why they’re still coming after you?”
“I’m a loose end.”
“You’ve been a quiet loose end.”
“Yeah, but they still tracked me down here. There’s no guarantee my exit was as clean as I’d hoped. I was always aware that the past might come knocking, sooner or later.”
Nathan puts an arm around my shoulders and gently guides me down the hallway. Hospital staff whiz past us, going on with their jobs and their emergencies while I try to think of how I’m going to survive what’s coming.
“They’re poking and prodding because they want to see what you’ll do once you become aware that they’re coming for you,” Nathan says. “Which is why we need to think long and hard about how we’re going to react.”
“We are?”
“Yes. In the meantime, however, I’m going to take you back to your Aunt Mary’s place. I’ll talk to Cass and River. We’ll have a proper sit-down and process everything.”
I give him a curious look. “Okay. Thank you.”
“We’ll work things out. One way or another, we’re going to get you your life back.”
That sounds nice.
So nice, in facts, that it floods my heart with hope. But hope is a fickle and dangerous thing to feel when one of America’s most notorious crime families is gunning for me. Nathan does make a compelling argument, and whether I’m willing to admit it or not, I do feel safer when they’re around, when they’re aware of the dangers around me.
At least, if push comes to shove, I know whom to call if I need help.
I just don’t know if there will be enough of our relationship left to salvage once this entire ordeal is over.