29. Beth
29
BETH
R achel sat on the couch next to me playing a game on her phone, and I stared out the window watching the light snow falling between our building and the one next to it. It was something I hated about living here, but Rachel loved the place, the people, the business of it. All I could think about was how trapped I felt.
"So you turned down London too?" she asked, absentmindedly tapping her screen. I watched as a few animations flashed on her screen, cars driving around with little colorful people in them. I didn't see how she could numb her mind with things like that, but then I was facing really huge issues. Maybe if my life was boring, I wouldn't mind dumping hours into a dumb game too.
"Yeah," I sighed, shifting my gaze to the plant in the corner of the room, dying just as I predicted it would. I did well with it when it was in my office, but after being shuffled into a small cubicle I knew it wouldn't fit. I brought it home and it started hating me immediately.
"That's good," she mumbled and then let out a frustrated breath and locked her phone. "My God…"
"What?" I said as I rested my head on the backrest of the couch. Her biggest frustrations in life were where to buy cheap groceries and losing a video game. I had a baby growing in my womb and I was at risk of losing my job. Still, I pushed away my own emotions to think of her.
"Dumb game." Rachel tossed her phone onto the coffee table next to my empty bowl. I'd just stuffed myself with minute noodles and broth, but it didn't fill the aching void.
After what happened at the gala I wasn't sure what to think. Will rushed off, and when he came back he was in a nasty mood. He ordered his driver to take me home, threw my coat and purse into the back seat, and told me he'd call me. Then he walked off with Allen and I hadn't seen him since.
When I got a message from Allen saying it might be a good idea for me to take a few personal days, I did a bit of snooping around. Kevin—who originally hated me and wanted me out of his department—filled me in on what happened. Everyone knew I was pregnant, and everyone thought I'd given Nevil Banks information about a client's account I never even looked at before.
"Want to go to a movie?" she asked and I frowned. I didn't want to go anywhere. I wanted my troubles to go.
"Not really," I muttered and I shut my eyes.
"Beth, you're moping. You sit there on that couch and stare at the wall all day long. This is exactly why I told you not to get involved in the first place. All drama." Rachel stood up and sighed hard and I felt angry with her.
"Can you just put yourself in my shoes for a second? Because you're being mean." My lip quivered and I knew I could start crying any second. Rachel turned to look at me and then rolled her eyes and looked away, but she sat back down. "Rach, this isn't my fault. I mean, yes, I could've been more careful and not gotten pregnant, but the whole scandal with this guy trying to tell people I was selling him information is all a lie. My career is on the line, and it has nothing to do with what's going on between me and Will."
Rachel relaxed back on the couch and pulled a leg up. She hugged it and rested her chin on her knee. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. I saw the discouragement in her eyes and knew I hadn't been the same, and it was affecting her. She just wanted me to be her sister, and I'd been so stuck in my own world I hadn't really even given a single thought to her at all. She was selfish, but I understood why.
"He proposed…" I told her and her eyebrows ticked up slightly.
"He did?"
"Yes, he did." I let my eyes wander over to the window again. "And I told him no."
"What?" she asked as her leg dropped. She sat up and shook her head at me, giving me a look of confusion. "He's like a gazillionaire. Why would you do that?"
My shoulders drooped a little as I said, "Because I don't want it to be an obligation, Rach. I want him to marry me for love, but he just proposed because I'm pregnant. Men from his generation are like that. Knock a girl up and it's the end of bachelorhood."
My stomach turned at the idea that he'd put a ring on my finger just because I was having his baby. While being married to him was something I desperately wanted, I wanted it because we were madly in love. I wanted that deep friendship and intimacy, and I wanted it with him.
"Yeah, I get that…" she said softly, and I felt my eyes filling with tears.
Will hadn't called me all week except before bed one night when I was already half asleep. He explained that the board was scrambling to secure things and they were on a warpath now to find out how information got leaked. I made it clear to him that it wasn't me, but I could tell he was dealing with things and they were stressing him.
When things got personal, I told him I was tired, and he let me go. I didn't have the emotional energy to explain to him that my heart wasn't peripheral. I needed him to show me that I was what he wanted.
My phone started to ring and Rachel picked it up off the table and handed it to me. I didn't recognize the number, but I swiped to answer anyway. There were two firms, smaller ones, here in New York who were considering me for a position now, and I couldn't afford to miss a call like that. But I was shocked when I heard the caller's voice.
"Hello?"
"Hey Beth … It's Abby …"
The sweet sound of Will's daughter's voice made me sit a bit straighter. A soberness filled me and I locked eyes with Rachel.
"Hey Abby, what's up?" Rachel's face blanched, and she stood up and gestured with her hand and then walked away, giving me privacy.
"I hope you don't mind. Dad gave me your number."
I pictured how that conversation went. Had Will told her to call me and butter me up? Was he that shy around me now?
"No, that's okay…How are you doing?" I turned and stretched my legs out, propping my feet on the coffee table. Things must've been weird or really bad for Abby to call me. Maybe she missed Will too; I knew he was working really long hours to keep the company together and manage board members' expectations.
"I'm okay…I just…Well, I wanted to ask you if you and Dad broke up." Abby's question made me feel really sad. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and swallowed hard.
"No, honey. We didn't really, but things are complicated." She sounded sad too, like she didn't understand what was going on. I felt like she was just trying to get answers.
"Well, it's just that Dad is really depressed. He's been working so much and he's so sad when you're not around. He told me you wanted space, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I never meant to come between you guys. I just…I wasn't sure about him dating someone."
Hearing how Will was hurting without me was a knife to my chest. I wasn't trying to hurt him. I was only trying to have healthy boundaries in my life. I wanted things to happen for the right reason and not be forced.
"I just don't want someone to come along and replace my mom."
"Oh, Abby," I said, feeling her grief in my chest. "I'd never want to replace your mom. I just thought meeting you would be nice. I really care about your dad and…" I didn't know what else to say. I did really care about him, but caring about him and marrying him for the right reason were two very different things. We hadn't been on the same page for more than a month. This work scandal was destroying us.
"Well, can you tell him that?" she asked, and I remained silent for a second and then she changed the subject. "I want your advice too. Dad tells me things, but he has to be all proper and stuff. He says he's not doing his job as a father if he doesn't. I just want someone smart to help me pick the right college. Do you think you can meet up with me sometime? I want to talk…"
I smiled at the sweet request. Will had been hesitant to let me interact with her for a while because she was so upset by us. I saw the way she treated him when she caught me leaving his bedroom that morning, and even at dinner while we ate and talked, I knew she wasn't pleased with me being there. It was like things had come full circle, and while Will was too busy to be attentive, his daughter was craving my presence.
"Of course…I'll send you my calendar link, and you tell me what day and time and we'll have coffee and talk about college." My call waiting beeped and I glanced at it. It was Allen's number, so I knew I had to take it. "I have another call, hon. But I'll send the link, okay?"
"Thanks, Beth." Abby hung up and I switched to the other line.
My heart was hammering as I said, "Hey Allen."
"Ms. Reid…" His tone was hard and curt. Whatever it was, I knew it wasn't good. I felt my shoulders tightening up.
"What is it?" I asked him and I closed my eyes, waiting for the blow to my ego.
"The board would like you to come in for a meeting. Would you be able to free up some time in your schedule tomorrow?" Pity dripped from his words and I winced at that request. He wasn't my direct supervisor, but I did have to do what he said. And if it was the board demanding this meeting, there was a much bigger problem.
"Of course. I can come by anytime." My heart ached for this entire thing to be over. Allen was only doing his job; I couldn't be angry with him. And Will swore to me this kind of thing wouldn't happen, but now it was. And I still couldn't be angry with him either. I'd done things wrong too. I had to accept my part of the blame.
"Good, I'll see you tomorrow. Just send me a text when you're on the way and we'll be ready for you."
Allen hung up and I slumped over on the couch, curling into a ball. My phone screen flashed and then went black, still clutched in my palm, and I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer that things would go smoothly. My heart couldn't take much more of this.