Chapter 14 Bree
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Ronan’s hand brushed mine when he passed me in the hall on his way back from yet another part of the men’s room renovation.
I jerked away, a sizzling sensation zinging straight to my heart.
Gray eyes flicked to mine for half a second before he held up his paintbrush. “Nice choice on the color. It’s looking great.” He twitched his head toward the door. “But I wouldn’t recommend going in there yet. The fumes will knock you on your ass.”
Was it terribly wrong that I loved how he said ass? I couldn’t help the way my eyes twitched downward toward his own ass.
I swallowed hard. “I’ll take your word for it. I’d rather wait until it’s finished.” I trusted him to do the work we’d talked about, and the last thing I needed was to be trapped in a narrow space with him. It was hard enough running into Declan behind the bar every few minutes.
Ronan had started renovations three days ago. Almost a full week had passed since our night in bed together. A night I couldn’t get out of my mind and one that kept me awake late into every single night as I chased any kind of release that might save me from my fantasies.
I wasn’t that drunk on St. Paddy’s Day. I lied to them, thinking it would help me cut ties with them. It killed me to lie. Every touch. Every kiss. Every single deliciously deviant thing they’d done for me.
But I’d panicked when I woke up alone and they were all downstairs, busting their asses to get out of the pub. To get away from me.
My chest squeezed.
Ronan’s hand lifted, moving toward me. He took a step back and drew his hand away. “I might need to order another door. This one isn’t as sturdy as I’d like.”
I nodded, my head moving automatically. “Whatever you need.”
That’s what I thought I was giving them when I lied and tried to protect myself before they had a chance to reject me. I’d hoped to avoid the whole “Well, that was fun but it’s over” from them.
Ronan returned to that perfect stillness I’d experienced the day we met. I envied him that ability because I sure as shit couldn’t stand still.
It had been like this all week. Ronan went about his business, and I pretended my heart didn’t race every single time he walked through the door.
I danced around the elephant, or a trio of tall, broad-shouldered Irishmen, taking up the room.
Declan made everything worse and better all at the same time. I retreated to the bar and poured a cup of coffee for myself, and another for Mrs. Whittaker when she drilled me with a look. I added a generous splash of Bailey’s when when she arched her brow.
Declan stood at the far end of the bar, sleeves rolled up to his elbows as he filled a pint and handed it to a man I didn’t recognize. He’d kept his distance, keeping things polite and professional behind the bar. But I caught him watching me several times a night.
Those blue eyes I’d fallen into last week tracked me across the room when he thought I wasn’t looking. The second I turned toward him, he yanked his head around and talked to the nearest person.
My heart fluttered every damned time.
Tonight wasn’t any different. I took a sip of coffee then started a new pot when my taste buds protested the bitterness of a pot sitting too long. I turned to dump the old coffee grounds into the trash can and smacked Declan’s arm in the process.
“Sorry.” I stepped back.
“No harm done.” He patted my shoulder like we were old friends.
My skin heated at the touch, the burn going deeper as shame burrowed in and set up house. Of course it didn’t matter to him. I turned and finished making the coffee, then turned and reached for a glass over my head.
My foot slid backward, pitching me forward.
Declan’s hands landed on my waist and kept me from bashing my nose on the counter.
I really, really had to get my act together.
“Careful.” His hands lingered a heartbeat longer than necessary before he stepped back.
Five minutes later, I pivoted with a tray of drinks and nearly collided with his chest. “Are you fucking kidding me.”
Declan caught my elbow before it slammed into his gut. A quick laugh rolled out. “If you need me to move, all you have to do is ask.”
“I’m sorry.” My chin quivered, and I locked my jaw to stop the trembling. “I think I need a break.” I set the tray on the bar and walked away without looking back. We’d been doing this all week. I’d almost run into him. He’d make a joke. We’d laugh then go about her business.
My throat burned with the tears I’d been holding back all day. Tension coiled tighter and tighter as I turned away from the bar and retreated through the back door to the alley. Cold air blasted my face, cooling the heat in an instant. I took several deep breaths to calm down before I screamed.
Finn would be in soon. A bubble of happiness popped in my belly. Could I just hide out here all night? No one would care, and I could skip a night of Finn’s ridiculous flirting.
Except his flirting was the only thing keeping me sane even though I worried every time he winked at me. Enough. No more hiding.
I smoothed the apron over my jeans and patted my cheeks.
Laughter and the smell of beer and roasted peanuts washed over me when I crossed from the back hallway to the bar.
Finn strolled in, still wearing his uniform, and claimed his usual spot at the bar. Grinning, he laced his fingers together on top of the counter and leaned toward me. “Looking good today, Bree. New shirt?”
“I’ve had this shirt for three years.” I didn’t look down at the ratty, oversized black t-shirt with a giant green shamrock in the center.
Finn raised both eyebrows. “Well, it looks better on you than it did three years ago.” He dropped his gaze to my chest. “Much better.”
“Oh shut up. You don’t know that. You didn’t see me three years ago.” I flipped a towel in his direction as heat crawled up my neck. So much for my frigid break outside.
“Guess I’ll need to make up for that.” He winked. “What time you get off tonight?” The sultry way he enunciated the words “get off” went straight to my pussy.
“Late.” I poured his Guinness and slid it down the bar into his waiting hand. “Very late.”
“Shame. I had some ideas for how we could spend the evening.” He traced his finger through a bead of condensation running down the side of the mug and onto the bar.
My stomach clenched. “Finn.”
“I was going to suggest scrabble. I’m very good at coming up with new words.”
He was good at other things too, but I didn’t dare bring that up. I couldn’t call him on his shit with half the town watching our every interaction. Which he knew.
Even now, I felt their gazes. Mrs. O’Malley sat in the back corner with her friends, all four of them nursing the same drinks they’d had all night. They pretended to read and discuss their book, but they watched with eagle-eyed gazes.
Tom and his buddies sat across from the women, a card game spread out on the table. They glanced up every time I laughed with Declan. Finn made it so much harder to keep my composure.
They were looking for signs, evidence, some kind of proof that something was going on between us. Hell if I’d give them anything on purpose.
“I’ll be back.” I’d just taken a break, but I needed another one.
Declan didn’t question me. He never did.
I took off my apron and threw it on the counter behind me, grabbing a glass of water on my way past the ice pitcher. I didn’t stop until I reached the bathroom.
Ronan worked on the men’s room on the other side of the bar, far, far away from me.
I entered the bathroom, pushed the door shut, and propped myself up against it with my eyes closed. Get it together. How?
I washed and dried my face with icy water. Someone could walk in any minute, so I couldn’t fall apart. I had to get back out there and prove nothing was wrong.
The door creaked when I opened it. Finn stood across from me, his back against the wall and arms crossed.
My heart jumped into my throat. “What are you doing?”
He shot toward me, wrapped a hand around my wrist, and pulled me into the shadows near the storage closet. A heartbeat later, he caged me in. One hand braced beside my head, the other tight around my wrist. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Finn.” We agreed.
“You said you were drunk.” His jaw worked, the muscle popping twice before he spoke again. “But you said you didn’t regret it.”
“I don’t.” Oh god.
“I can’t stop thinking about it. About you.” His thumb traced circles on the inside of my wrist. “It’s driving me crazy, Bree. Seeing you every day and not being able to touch you.” He leaned in closer. “Not being able to kiss you.”
“We can’t.”
“Why?” His exhale brushed my cheek. Broad shoulders blocked me from view, but a thrill shot through me. “Tell me why we can’t.”
“Because the whole town would turn on me. They’d call me a slut. I’m not good enough for the golden boy.” I bit out each word. “I wasn’t that drunk, Finn.”
“What?”
I licked my lips and tried to explain. “I wasn’t that drunk. I was in complete control the whole time. I lied so I wouldn’t have to admit the truth.” I couldn’t look at him and talk, couldn’t stand the possible rejection. “I want all of you, but we can’t be together.”
“Again, why?” His brows crimped together.
“No one would understand!” My voice rose, and I took a second to calm myself. “You’re too old for me, and I’m a nobody. I’m the daughter who ran away and came back because she had no other choice.”
Finn cupped my face, the gentle touch easing my chin up. “Stop.”
“It’s true. You know it is. They’d never accept us. To them, I’d be nothing more than the woman who spread my legs for you because I’m not the kind of person who stays.”
“Bree, stop.” His grip on my chin tightened. “I don’t give a fuck what people say.”
“But I do.” My eyes burned, but I refused to let the tears fall. “I have to live here and deal with their judgment.”
“Then we’ll keep it a secret. I don’t care. I’ll lie to the whole damn town if that’s what you want. I’ll walk out there right now and tell them to fuck off if that makes it easier. Whatever it takes, Bree. That’s what I’ll do if it means I get to be with you.”
My heart cracked.
He brushed his nose alongside mine. “You’re perfect, and I will do anything, anything for the chance to be with you again.”
Well fuck. He made a compelling argument, and any chance of arguing fled when his whispered “please” brushed my lips.
“I want to kiss you again.” His thumb skimmed my bottom lip. “Just one more kiss.”
How was I supposed to say no to him? I closed my eyes and tried to remember all the reasons I should say no. I nodded. “Okay.”
His lips slammed into mine. This was Finn. Pure hunger and fire. He locked his arms around my waist and pulled me flush against him.
My ears rang with the sudden jump in my pulse, and I gripped his shoulders to keep my balance. Finn took advantage of the shift and pushed my back into the wall, pinning our bodies together. He nipped my bottom lip, then sucked it gently.
Good god. My body erupted with heat and a deep need only he could fill.