CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – Nicolette
I loved how Ezekiel could go from a sweet and cuddly lover to a savage, lustful beast. Once my heat eased its hold, we slept in my bed curled together like two foxes in a den. The dogs warmed our feet, and I didn’t wake until late morning.
A night with Ezekiel was different from a night with Kodiak, but both left me unable to stop smiling and a blooming warmth in my chest. The more time I spent with each of them, the more I wanted both of them. While Kodiak and I hadn’t done much talking, Ezekiel gave me hope that it could work with both Alphas when he mentioned doing things together as a pack. I hadn’t told him that I didn’t want to choose, so that meant him wanting to keep the pack together was how he honestly felt and it was not influenced by wanting to please me.
Silas… Well, he was another thing altogether. That kiss tore my world apart and put me back together. Even though I now knew we were compatible, he very clearly didn’t want anything. The washing machine incident had left my head spinning and my loins burning. Yet I had to respect his feelings, no matter how much it hurt.
Damn, why did it hurt so much?
I tried to bandage it with the hope that I might be able to make it work with both Kodiak and Ezekiel. Maybe once things were settled there, they could patch things up with Silas. Even if Silas and I never got along, I still wanted the Alphas to be friends.
As Ezekiel took the huskies out, I showered and dressed warmly. I gathered all the blankets in my room and from the linen closet to put them in layers on the bed. With winter coming, I didn’t want to be cold. To make sure it stayed cozy, I picked up my phone and ordered five more blankets, a propane space heater, five packs of thirty bottled waters, several jars of peanut butter, and eighteen boxes of various dried fruits.
It was bright as I walked out of my room with the sun on the freshly fallen snow outside. I basked in the rays thinking of the white sands of Antigua as I headed to the kitchen.
I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me. Silas was hunched over a steaming cup of coffee at the island counter. He had a bigger and blacker bruise on his face. One he didn’t have yesterday. Kodiak leaned back on the couch with a cold pack over one of his eyes. His right hand mirrored Silas’ with red, raw knuckles.
My stomach twisted, and I wound my arms around myself. I was almost afraid to ask, “What happened?” Suddenly I was flying over to the couch and lifting the cold pack from Kodiak’s eye. It was black and swollen. “Oh no!” Hurrying over to Silas, I took a closer look at his battered face. “Oh my God!”
“I’m good. I’ve had worse,” Kodiak mumbled.
“Worse?” I squeaked. Their wounds looked terrible. Even in action movies, the heroes don’t get this beat up. “There’s no way that either of you are doing good. Did you go see a doctor?”
Silas scoffed at the suggestion and added, “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter.” My pounding heart stuttered when I realized what this meant. What I had feared most was coming true. “Did you two fight? Did you do this to each other?”
“He threw the first punch,” Silas snapped. He hadn’t looked my way. Not once.
“You were being an asshole.” Kodiak shot back.
“And you need to mind your own fucking business.” Silas snarled, hammering the side of his fist down on the counter.
“What you do is my business.” Kodiak rose from the couch and turned to glare at Silas. His teeth were bared as he threw his cold pack down on the cushions.
No. A bad taste climbed up my throat as my stomach roiled again. They couldn’t be fighting. They were brothers. Not by blood, but because they were a pack.
Fuck. Did Kodiak start the fight because he knew Silas kissed me? Why else would they have beaten each other this bad? If I could yell out that the kiss had meant nothing, that Silas was not compatible with me, I would have, but I wasn’t going to lie to a mate. Kodiak was possessive. If I had to guess, I would say that Silas would be the same way. I didn’t want them fighting over me.
“Stop!” My shout echoed off the high ceiling, startling even me. “I hate this. There’s no reason for anyone to be fighting. When Silas kissed me yesterday, he made it absolutely clear he wanted nothing else with his abrupt exit. This isn’t a battle to win—”
“What?” Kodiak exploded and stormed toward Silas. “You kissed her?”
Shit. He didn’t know?
“Yeah, and I could have fucked her right there on the kitchen floor.” Silas lifted his chin. His eyes flashed dangerously dark. “But I didn’t. And do you know why? Because I fucking respect my pack and I’d never do anything to tear it apart. Unlike you.”
Kodiak rounded the island with a vicious purpose. “Don’t you ever touch her—”
“Or what?” Silas didn’t move an inch.
I couldn’t find the words for how sick this was making me, how panicked and saddened. So I wailed. I clenched my fists and filled my lungs, screaming it out so people could hear me on the other side of the globe.
Kodiak and Silas both turned to me with what looked like scared confusion in their eyes.
“Please don’t fight.” My words came out with a torrent of tears. “You’re best friends. I hate seeing you guys at each other’s throats. I never meant to create this mess by coming to Alaska. I never thought I’d be compatible with all of you.” I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. “We can sit down and talk. Make everything right.”
“Wait. You think you’re the cause of all this?” Silas barked out a cruel laugh. He shook his head and stomped past me toward the door. “Wow, fuck. Everything has to be about you, doesn’t it? I bet you got anything you’ve ever wanted in your spoiled little rich girl life.” He yanked on his boots and snatched his coat. “Well, Kodiak and Ezekiel are ready to throw themselves at your feet, and I’m leaving for good. So I guess you’re still getting everything you want.”
“Silas!” I shrieked his name as he opened the front door and went out, slamming it behind him. A new flood of tears poured down my face.
Kodiak picked up Silas’ mug and smashed it on the floor. I yelped and turned toward him.
“Are you really compatible with Silas too?” His question was low, nearly a growl.
I stepped toward him. He was hurting. I needed to hug him, to soothe his pain. “Kodiak,” I whispered his name and opened my arms for him.
He didn’t move. “Are you?”
My chin trembled. “Yes. But it doesn’t matter. Silas doesn’t want me. I don’t want you fighting with him over me.”
“Fuck.” Kodiak ran his hands over his face and scrubbed them through his hair. “We fought last night because he was drinking. Silas had a really bad drinking problem when Sarah screwed him over, but we helped him get better. It isn’t about you. It’s him dealing with the pain in the aftermath of a fucked up situation. Me and Ezekiel not being there for him only added to it. That’s on us, not you.”
My arms fell and I clenched my hands in front of me. He wasn’t blaming me for anything, but guilt dug its sharp claws into my heart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. No one told me—”
“Yeah, I know. No one wants to talk about it.” He let out a long breath that turned into a snarling roar. “Fuck! This is all a mess. I need to get out of here. I need some air.”
I followed him to the door and grabbed his hand. “Kodiak, please. Let me help you. Even if you just want to sit on the couch and not talk, let’s do that. I hate seeing you in so much pain, especially knowing that I caused—”
He was suddenly in front of me and cupping my face between his big hands. I clung to his forearms with trembling fingers. “No. I’m going to repeat it again, baby. You did nothing wrong. You aren’t responsible for our pasts or who you’re compatible with.” He leaned his head down and pressed a long kiss to my forehead. “You’re sweet and kind and beautiful, and I feel like I’ve already fallen for you.”
Despite my misery, a burst of joy erupted inside me. Kodiak had fallen for me. He could be the one. Not only a compatible mate, but real love too. Happy tears mingled with the sad ones.
“Right now, I just need some time. I need you, but Silas needs me and Ezekiel.” Kodiak sighed and brushed his lips over mine. “I’ll be back, baby.”
With that, he donned his boots and coat and disappeared out the door.
A piece of me went with him. I couldn’t deny that I’d fallen for him too. And Ezekiel, especially after last night. Which just brought me back to the sickening feeling of having made everything a mess again.
Kodiak was right in that I wasn’t responsible for what happened in their pasts or who I was compatible with, but I was responsible for how I handled the present situation. I was the Omega. It was my decision who I chose to claim me. Except I wanted them all to do it.
Shit. I included Silas. I wanted the whole pack.
This could not be happening to me. I couldn’t make the choice. Racing into the kitchen, I grabbed the whole container of yogurt and a jar of pickles before heading back to my room. On the way, I picked up Kodiak’s flannel shirt from the couch and a pullover that Silas had tossed on the floor. The scent of them was strong and soothing.
My bed already smelt very much like Ezekiel, and so when I snuggled under the blankets with my breakfast, I closed my eyes and imagined the three of them here with me. I could see us lounging around, coffee and tea steaming in mugs on the bedside table. They’d tell me some funny stories from when they were young, and we’d all laugh.
Happy together as a pack. Me and my three hunky lumberjack Alphas.
It was never going to happen.