Chapter 39
Chapter
Thirty-Nine
CASSIDY
Tipping my head back in the shower, I let the water run over my hair. I wrapped plastic wrap around my stomach to protect the stitches, and I had to make sure the water wasn’t too hot so I wouldn't pass out.
The important part is that I’m getting to take a real shower by myself. I don’t even mind if someone comes in later to help me wash my hair, I’d honestly appreciate it because my ribs complain whenever I raise my arms over my head.
I simply need a second to think.
Pressing my hand against my stomach, I take a breath to sort out my thoughts. I thought this was taken from me. I took a pregnancy test and the line was very light, but it was there.
I may take more to ensure that the line keeps getting darker, simply for my peace of mind. It’s just really hard to adjust to this reality.
God forgive me, but my first thought was that the baby could somehow belong to one of my rapists. However, with the time frame, I can admit that’s not possible. My thoughts are scattered, and it’s hard to believe any of this.
Look, I know how birth control works, okay? However, why would I take it if I’ve been told I would never be able to get pregnant? That hope died when Shiloh sat next to me at the doctor’s office, his hand tightly holding mine, while we were told that I’d never be able to have children.
A part of me hoped I’d get to be a mom to Winter’s kids if she wanted any. I’m not the type to pressure people about what to do with their own body, so I would have been fine if Winter didn’t want children too.
My lips tip up slightly as I let myself simply enjoy the fact that Winter and I are pregnant together. It’ll be nice to enjoy all the little things together. Her nausea isn’t fun, and I feel terrible that it hasn’t eased at all.
Abbott has been researching what she should eat to help with the nausea. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a one size fits all solution to this. Winter keeps crackers nearby at all times, and that seems to be helping.
“Cass?” Shi asks, coming into the bathroom.
We bought a bigger bed yesterday so we can comfortably sleep all of us while still ensuring I won’t be jostled at night. It won’t be an issue once I’m healed. My ribs will take longer to heal than my stitches. Apparently the knife was tiny but still did a good job of fucking up my insides.
God, Clara is such a bitch.
“Yes?” I ask.
It hasn’t escaped my notice that there aren’t any razors in the shower. No one leaves me for very long either.
Am I suicidal? Not right now. I think my mental health would be worse if I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have my pack. I have so much support, things to look forward to, and a cunt to kill.
I’m doing better than anyone could possibly expect.
“I’m coming in to wash your hair,” he says, pulling off his shirt.
Sex has been off the table for all of us because of Winter, Bellamy, and my internal injuries. However, we had a very adult discussion about it, so no one would accidentally feel rejected.
With how long the sex ban went, and how much it hurt me, no one wants that to happen again. It became weaponized, even if it wasn’t originally meant to be.
“I was hoping someone would come help,” I admit.
“One of my favorite things is playing with your hair,” Shi says, walking into the shower naked. “Hi.”
Biting my lip, I struggle not to cover up. It’s so odd. I’m not shy about my body, but I haven’t been naked in front of my pack since I’ve been home. I was also too sore to shower for the last two days once I got home.
“Hi,” I say, feeling like I’m about to cry all of a sudden.
“What’s with the lip wobble, Precious?” he asks, hugging me.
I can’t help but sniffle as the tears begin to flow and I shrug. Dammit, why am I crying?
“I don’t know,” I whisper, my hands moving over his skin. “I just got really overwhelmed looking at you. So much has happened, and I just feel gross. It’s like the kind of thing you can’t scrub away.”
Shiloh kisses my temple, shaking his head.
“You could never be gross. Those men who touched you without permission? They’re dead. They’ll never do anything to you again. Want to know a secret?”
“What?” I ask, chuckling through my tears. Knowing Shi, it’ll be unhinged.
“Those guys who hurt you before? They’re dead too.
Over the years, they’ve had all kinds of accidents.
Carbon monoxide poisoning, house fires when they’re the only one home, there was even a hunting accident.
Who the fuck goes hunting alone, in the middle of nowhere?
Rookie move,” Shi snorts. “They’re all dead, and there’s nothing to tie it back to either of us. ”
“Fuck around and find out, huh?” I ask.
“More like if you hurt my girl, I’ll burn the world down to avenge her,” Shi says humbly.
“It has a nice ring to it,” I admit. “Thank you for doing that.”
“Anything for you. I really wanted to make sure no one would be able to connect it back to us,” he insists again.
“Now, you are beautiful. Your body is beautiful, and you used it to save our omegas the only way you knew how. It could have easily been them. They wanted to break our omegas. Do I hate it? Yes. However, I adore you. There’s a difference between those two things, and both are right. ”
“Okay,” I sigh. He makes so much sense, it’s just very noisy in my head. His fingers push my chin up until I’m making eye contact with him. “Avery wanted them to see me get raped, and that’s why I alpha barked them to shut their eyes. I didn’t expect to be gagged for as long as I was.”
“You’re not a fortune teller,” he reminds me. “Clara couldn’t reverse it?”
“Nope. Avery made fun of her for it. I would have been amused by it if it hadn’t been for everything else.”
Shi stares into my eyes until he sees whatever it is he’s looking for before lowering his head to brush his lips across mine.
“Our omegas want to go for a walk. Then, we’re getting picked up after lunch and heading toward the warehouse for a little murder,” he says. “We could wait longer…”
“Fuck that,” I snarl. “I am okay delegating anything I can’t do. It’s not like any of you have issues doing my dirty work for me when necessary.”
“This is true,” Shi grins. “Maybe your hair will actually stay clean after I wash it then.”
“We can dream,” I laugh.
Shiloh washes my hair as we chat, and I begin to feel a little better. Sometimes, I need to get out of my head. My anxiety is a lying cunt.
He also helps me wash my body since bending is iffy for me, and he turns off the water as Abbott walks into the bathroom.
“Did you hear the plan?” he asks, opening the shower door and picking up a towel. It’s been on the towel warmer, so it’s nice and toasty when he opens it wide for me to walk into it.
“The exercise and murder one?” I ask, smirking as he begins to dry my body.
This is Princess treatment, friends.
“Well, we have to feed you all too,” Abbott says. Turning my body, he removes the plastic wrap on my skin and grabs another towel to dry my hair.
“Scrunch the water out or you’ll frizz her hair,” Shi tells him. “Also, use this, not the towel.”
Shiloh hands him the t-shirt he was wearing while Abbott begins to grumble.
“There are too many girl rules,” Abbott mutters. “Hair, skin, UTIs. How the fuck am I supposed to keep it straight? What will we do if we have two girls?!”
“You’ll figure it out,” Shi snorts.
He walks into the room to change, while Abbott continues to scrunch the water out of my hair.
“Girls aren’t hard,” I tease him. “It’s not as if you won’t have help figuring it all out.”
“I’m drying your hair,” Shiloh says, reentering the room.
“Oh my god, are you really?” I groan happily.
“Umm. I want to make her make that noise in a non sexual way,” Abbott says, pouting.
“Then watch and learn,” Shiloh says, plugging in my hair dryer. It’s a fancy blow out attachment one that makes it easier and less time consuming. “I’ll pin it up to help keep the blood out of it.”
Abbott watches for a while as Shiloh does my hair, disappearing into the bedroom at one point to get clothes for me.
“Front clip bra?” he asks, holding up two different bras.
“I think you’re pretty good at this girl thing,” I say, hiding a smile as I nod at the purple bra.
“No, I just know you,” he counters.
Getting on the floor, he helps me into my panties and pulls them up. Dropping the towel, I shrug as he stands and helps me into my bra as well.
The bruises aren’t as severe as I expect them to be on my face, but I suppose a lot of healing happened at the hospital. Now, I can cover any leftover yellow bruises with color correcting makeup.
The dress he bought me has buttons all the way up, so he has me thread my arms and then he buttons the linen dress. It buttons down to my knee, so it shows off a little leg.
“This hair dryer is a curler too?” Abbott asks, glancing at Shiloh’s hand.
“He switched the attachment out when you went to the closet,” I explain.
“I never noticed this. Damn,” Abbott murmurs.
“You notice plenty of other things,” I remind him.
Shiloh finishes my hair and runs his fingers through my hair to distribute out the curls before pulling it up in a claw clip. This way, my curls stay while keeping it out of the way.
“I packed changes of clothing and gave it to Henri already. He’s keeping it at the warehouse so we can change after our fun. There’s also plastic suits for our clothing. Technically, we may not need the packed items if we’re careful,” Shi explains.
“However, what’s the fun in that?” Abbott asks, making me laugh.
“This is true. Where are we going for lunch, and is that a good idea?” I ask.
“We’re going to the taco stand we like. Winter started taking an anti-nausea pill, and managed to keep her breakfast down so far,” Abbott says proudly. “If she can keep ahead of low blood sugar, that helps.”
“Guess I need to get moving then,” I tease him, grabbing my makeup.
“Well, why are you putting that on?” Abbott asks.