Chapter 1
Six years later
CAELIA
“Ican’t believe this is it,” I whisper, looking around the apartment. I’ve lived in several places with Addie, but we really went in for this one.
It’s where we moved to after college, got our first real jobs, and shared our big secrets. Just because you grow up with someone, doesn’t mean you’re easy to trust. Addie is my best friend in the world, the keeper of my secrets, and now I’m leaving.
“Hush, you’re acting as if this is the end of our friendship,” Addie says, laughing even as tears well in her eyes.
“Don’t cry,” I groan. “I’ll start if you do, and then we’ll need ice cream to get over it.”
“It would be a great diversion tactic,” she admits. “You won’t be able to leave then because you’ll inevitably need a nap. Ugh, I’m going to miss you. Please make sure to call me when you can?”
“I promise,” I sniff. Addie knows I have a penchant for falling asleep when I eat too much, and would be willing to use it against me if it means that I have to stay longer.
Don’t let the bubbly personality and smiles fool you. My best friend can be ruthless too. Especially when it comes to me.
“Why did I think it would be a good idea to move so far away from you?” I whine, my walls crumbling in my safe space. I don’t have to pretend to not have feelings here, or that my past doesn’t still wake me up in nightmares.
Covering my face as I drop to the side so my head falls in her lap, I allow myself to wallow in self pity.
Addie sighs, her fingers running through the strands of my dark hair.
“Fine, I’ll play,” she murmurs. “You’re going to New Orleans because that’s where your dad is coaching, and you miss him.
There’s also a small business that begged you to become their marketing rep for social media content and they’re paying you to do what you love, remember?
You know the reasons, Cae. You and I both have big girl shit to accomplish.
It won’t change how much we love each other, okay? ”
“You’re forgetting how codependent we are,” I mumble, pushing my fingers against my eyes to dispel the tears that are starting to leak out. “I feel like a faucet!”
“No leaking unless it’s because there are hot alphas around,” Addie teases. “And the tears will be leaking down your legs then.”
Snorting out a giggle, I shake my head. I don’t need to tell her that’s unlikely. She knows my story, but it doesn’t make it any less amusing. Addie doesn’t have a filter, and her dirty mind has no bounds, despite her inexperience.
Here I can be a normal girl hanging out with her best friend. There’s no pretending to be strong when I don’t feel it.
“You’re awful,” I smirk. She’s accomplishing what she set out to do, and I no longer feel like crying. “To being badass omegas, huh?”
Dropping my hand, I gaze up at Addie from my very comfortable spot in her lap. Her bubble gum pink hair is newly colored, her eyes sparkling with barely held back tears.
“The baddest,” she whispers, nodding furiously.
Sitting up, I hug her tightly. I’m leaving all the furniture behind for her, because I won’t need it. I’m moving back in with my father while I figure out if I want to live alone or not.
A shiver runs down my spine, and Addie squeezes me harder as if she can scare it away. She’s tiny, but if anyone can dispel my demons, it would be her.
“I should get on the road,” I finally murmur. “It’s a seven hour drive to New Orleans.”
“I know,” she mumbles. “I’ve been telling myself to let go for the last five minutes.”
Both of us chuckle ruefully as we pull apart, and I sigh as I pick up my shoulder bag and stand up. All my personal items are packed in the back of my old Buick. I saved up to buy it, and that thing may turn like a damn boat, but it’s mine.
Dad struggled to find another job after what happened to me, and I drowned in guilt the entire time.
A contact of his agreed to give him a shot, making him the coach of the New Orleans Dragons for the past three years.
Before my father landed this job, he did a lot of consulting, because hockey has been a major part of his life.
I know he’s missed it. He’s been begging me to move closer to him, so when this job opened up, I interviewed for it. I know he feels as much guilt as I do, and I’ve been trying to work on that.
I am not responsible for other people’s actions, but I can protect myself.
Addie stands, hooking her arm in mine as we begin to walk toward the front door. My feet get heavier as I think about everything waiting for me and I dig inside of my bag for my scent blocking spray.
“Cae,” she says, stopping when I shake my head and pull out the expensive bottle.
“You know that I can’t go out there without this,” I remind her, stepping away to spray it all over me. Her eyes are sad as she watches me drop the bottle into my bag and grab a perfume oil that’s herb scented.
Anything that will hide my scent, I’ll do it. I take heat blockers, sacrificing my hard earned money for the best on the market to ensure that I’ll never be vulnerable again. I hate my designation, how weak it makes me, and how alphas view me.
I’m not property, a cock tease, or anything else that I’ve been called. I’m a person. I ended up refusing the heat program at school, much to the chagrin of my advisors. If I can ignore that I’m an omega for as long as possible, then that’s what I plan to do.
There has to be a very special reason for me to open myself to anyone else. Even my friendships are closed off outside of Addie. I can’t bring myself to trust either. I just want to live my life, reconnect with my dad, and go from there.
“I hate that oil, babe,” Addie complains.
“If I have to stop for gas, so will everyone else around me,” I say, shrugging. It’s not that it smells bad, but it is a good repellent. I only use it when I’m worried about where I’m going. There’s another oil that I use that’s fainter and smells like patchouli.
My scent blockers block all scent, and I’m obviously an omega due to my size and features. Smelling like nothing can bring more questions than not. This is how I manage to get around it.
Taking a deep breath, I discreetly shake out my hands.
“Okay. I really have to go now,” I say. “I know you hate this scent so I won’t hug you again. You know I love you, right?”
“Yes, you’re my ride or die, babe,” she says with a grin. “Now go show New Orleans how much of a badass you can be.”
Walking out the door, I walk in my chunky boots down the stairs, waving one last time at Addie.
A glance at the mirror hanging from the wall is a reminder of how much I’ve changed.
My black cargo pants are thick, and my lace, long sleeved shirt underneath my band t-shirt is another layer of protection from the world.
I know my curves can still be seen, but I’m also giving major fuck off vibes as well with my dark lipstick and smoky eyes. It’s all armor to push people away, and was a slow transition after the night I hate to think about. McCreuger broke my nose and cheek bone, and both took forever to heal from.
I was wearing baggy clothes to hide my body by the time I moved in with Addie, something I had never done before the incident. I used to enjoy dressing up and feeling pretty before I presented as an omega, but now all I wanted to do was hide.
Addie pulled the truth out of me one night with ‘special’ brownies and the promise to keep my secrets when she’d finally had enough, and cried with me once I told her everything. She helped me realize that hiding doesn’t help, it just makes people stare harder.
Now, I make it as uncomfortable as possible when they do.
Opening the door to the apartments, I walk out to my vehicle in the parking lot. This place is one of many that helped me grow into who I am today, but it wouldn’t have been the same without Addie. Refusing to turn around because I can feel her gaze on me from the window, I get into the Buick.
We’ve always watched out for each other, making sure we make it to our destinations. I’ll text her when I get to Dad’s house, but as I drive away, I know it won’t be the same. Things are changing, though I’m unsure if it's for good reasons yet.
Turning up the radio, I attempt to drown out my thoughts, and ignore each tear as they trail down my face. It’s not forever, just for now.
MILES
The players gaze at me, wincing as they read my glare. I’m trying to play by the owner and Marilyn’s rules, but most of these guys are still playing like shit.
There’s too much competition, and they refuse to work together.
“Levon,” I growl, watching as the blonde assistant captain snaps to attention. “Would you like to tell everyone how we are fucking up at practice today?”
“There’s no unity,” he says immediately, standing tall and glaring at the wall.
His hands fist at his sides, but not because he’s angry at me.
No, he’s pissed at himself and his team.
“On the ice at a game, we need to be laser focused. The chirping is meant to fuck with the other team’s playing, not piss each other off. ”
“Correct. So why are you fighting with each other?” I ask, my voice reminding me of crushed gravel. I’m trying to keep my temper, but it’s not working very well for me.
“We’re fucking up,” Kane speaks up, backing up Levon. That’s not something that I’d expect until recently, because they’re usually at each other’s throats.
“We’re willing to work on it,” Julius rasps, standing as well.
The locker room smells like sweat and gross gear that needs to be cleaned, a mixture of scents that I’m well used to. Using it to anchor myself, I give a curt nod.
“No one wants a repeat of doing sprints until you all puke,” I remind them. “Marilyn is giving the team an opportunity to bring balance to us. She believes there’s too much testosterone and competition among y’all. Are you all doing what’s asked of you?”
“I have a date soon,” Levon grumbles. “I don’t like this. I think I would rather do sprints on the ice until I puke.”
I am pretty sure he’s fucking the new team doctor. They’ve been getting closer than is appropriate. I press my lips together because it’s none of my business. Despite the disjointed playing of the team, I know he takes hockey seriously. Who he fucks is up to him.
“Playing along won’t kill you,” I remind him. “Look, we have some big games coming up. Do you all want to play or forfeit before we even get on the ice.”
“Are you calling us losers?” someone yells out. I can’t tell who it is because it’s muffled, so I shrug instead.
“Are you going to play like you are?” I ask.
“You determine how the world sees you. I can coach you, run plays until I’m blue in the goddamned face, but if you’re not willing to pull together as a team, it’s all for nothing.
Hockey is not a one person sport and it never will be. Wash up. It’s rank as fuck in here.”
Knocking on a locker for emphasis, I leave them to their thoughts.
The truth is that I’m not sure what else to do.
Some days they have their shit together and they play like a dream, while others they all seem to have their heads in the clouds.
They say the right partner can turn it all around for a man, but I’m a little too pessimistic to believe that.
“Coach Miles! Do you have a moment for me?”
My eyes threaten to roll all the way back in my head, but I force a polite smile on my lips as I turn to wait for Marilyn to catch up to my long legs. Apparently, if you talk about the dragon lady, she appears. I need to keep that in mind.
“Levon is still giving me some push back when it comes to working with me,” she begins, following me as I continue to walk.
My long legs easily take two of her steps, and her heels click clack as she hurries after me.
“Mmhmm,” I grunt. “How do you think I’ll be able to help you with this?”
“Go with him on the date, of course,” she says, making my feet tangle with her words. “You can be his moral support, and also ensure he shows up before we throw him into a charity event where he could embarrass us all.”
“Excuse me? I don’t believe that I heard that correctly,” I grumble. “I’m just the coach. No one wants to see me anywhere near a woman on a date. Your plan is to get the other players to work together through the balance of an omega. Please keep me out of your plans.”
“He respects you,” she hisses, trying again. “If Levon stands this girl up, I swear on everything—”
Fuck. If Levon stands this girl up, it will definitely look bad for the team. The press has been eating up these little dates that Marilyn has been setting up, and has even had some success in making love connections. Is it a crime that I don’t want to be involved with them?
Taking a deep breath that does nothing for my stress levels, I blow it out. I’m the one that my team leans on. Of course I have to be a good example. Fuck, I’m too damn old for this.
“If and only if Levon stands this girl up, then I’ll get involved, Marilyn,” I growl. “Is that understood? Let’s not borrow trouble where there’s none to be had.”
I leave her behind as I continue to my office, hoping against hope that Levon does as he’s supposed to.
He’s a good guy, but stubborn as fuck. There have been a lot of altercations that I’ve gotten him out of over the years.
Thankfully, the bar fights are less frequent now, and I don’t have to breathe down his throat to keep him in line.
Be a coach for the love of the game. It’ll be fun, they said.
An easy life even. I don’t mind Nashville, the tourists, or the traffic.
It’s the team drama that gets me. Fuck me.
I feel like I’m the one who needs a date with a pretty girl to bat their eyes at me and flirt, but I’m too surly of an asshole to be able to deal with small talk.
It actually makes me break into hives. Scratching at an imaginary itch, I hole up in my office to avoid the world.