Chapter 17
SKYLAR
I’m notsurprised I can’t sleep.
My body is weak, but I can’t stay in a state of rest for more than twenty minutes without jerking awake.
I left the light on my nightstand on, afraid to wake up in the dark without remembering where I was.
Devyn’s asleep in my living room, making sure I’m not alone.
But there’s a scent that comes from outside, interrupting my panic when I wake for the fifth time.
River.
Sitting up in bed, I peek out my curtains.
I recognize his car down the street and know he’s keeping watch from inside.
He’s there, my silent protector.He’s been out there for a few hours now, while I was trying to rest.
But he could be here, a tiny voice inside me whispers. In the nest he made us.
But what if he is doing this all out of obligation?
What if he can’t forgive me for the awful things I yelled at him?
What if?—
My stomach cramps and I groan.
I’m finally coming down from suppressant withdrawal, and my body is a ticking time bomb for a Heat.
I have days before it turns unbearable.
And before that happens, I need to know where I stand with River.
I kick off the covers and nesting blankets.
I don’t second guess myself as I dress in the fluffy robe that I find hanging in my closet.
Then, I peek through the curtains again.
He’s outside his car, leaning against the driver’s door, arms crossed, his head turned toward my house.
Is my scent affecting him, too?
Go to him.
Dressed in my robe, silk pajamas, and plush slippers, I tiptoe out of my bedroom and down the hall to the front room where Devyn is sleeping on an air mattress.
A pang of guilt stabs at my chest.
People want to take care of you, honey.
Tammy’s words replay in my mind. Devyn should be with Ben, not here watching over her fragile friend.
And River shouldn’t be spending his evening outside my house in the cold.
Silently, I slip out my front door, lock it behind me, and head down my driveway. The night air is chilly, and the wind blows through my hair as I make my way to River.
I’m freezing by the time I reach him, but he doesn’t move as he regards me, leaning against the car door. His arms remain crossed and at first, I think it’s because he doesn’t want to see me.
But his scent and expression tell an entirely different story.
His eyes are haunted, and he lets out a shaky breath when he sees me.
But he’s just as handsome as ever.
“You shouldn’t be out here,” he says, his voice low. “It’s too cold out here for you, baby.”
Baby.
The pet name sends a chill down my spine.
I take a step closer, but his posture is still rigid, as if he’s frozen.
As if he doesn’t want to touch me.
“It’s too cold out here for you, too,” I say softly. “You should come inside.”
He swallows, and his scent intensifies. I see the emotions flicker across his face—concern, shock, and hope. Pepper and leather swirl together to create an irresistible aroma that makes me want to do awful things to his jacket again.
That feels like ages ago.
He still doesn’t budge. “You need rest and to stay out of the cold, Skylar. I mean it. Go back.”
But his voice cracks, and despite how much of an asshole he wants to come off as, I can tell something’s off.
“River,” I whisper, taking another step toward him. “What is?—”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says finally. “I don’t know if you want me to touch you, or if it will make it worse.”
It finally clicks.
“I’m fighting every instinct,” he growls, “every fucking instinct to take you in my arms, to smell you, to taste you. But you have to let me know what’s acceptable. I don’t want to hurt you any more than what’s already happened.”
He uncrosses his arms and rests his hands on his thighs, and I catch them shaking.
“I thought you were dead,” he whispers, his green eyes pained. “When we found you, I thought…” He clears his throat. “I thought I’d lost you,” he breathes. “But now you’re here, and I don’t want to do anything to fuck this up.”
I’m the one that fucked things up, I think.
If I had just listened to him and Landon, this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t kicked them out that night, I wouldn’t have gone through those weeks of hell.
But I doubt telling him that would bode well.
“Then come inside,” I say softly. “Please. Don’t stay out here. Stay with me.”
I swallow nervously, afraid he’ll say no.
My clothes do nothing against the night air, and the next gust of wind that hits us has me wrapping my arms around myself and shivering.
That breaks the last of River’s resolve, and he pulls me into the warmth of his chest before I can blink.
“I’ve got you,” he breathes, and I sag against him, exhausted.
His embrace is all-encompassing. He’s warm, and he smells like Alpha.
Not the fake, artificial notes of that monster John.
This is real. This is River.
Complicated and wild.
His chest rumbles as I lean my head against it, his purr soothing me. He kisses the top of my head as his arms grip me tightly.
“I missed you,” he whispers. “Fuck, baby, I missed you so much.”
I whimper in response, scrunching my eyes shut as tears form.
“All I could think about was you,” he admits. “I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. Everything revolved around you.”
I weep in his hold, gripping his shirt in my fists. “Don’t say that. You should have taken care of yourself.”
“I know,” he admits. “But it was hard to when I knew I wasn’t able to take care of you. That I wasn’t there to protect you.”
My tears dampen his shirt. “It was my fault,” I choke out. “I got myself into this. I shouldn’t have told you to leave. I shouldn’t have said?—”
“No. Hey. No.” He lifts my chin with his finger, and I meet his tired eyes as I sniffle. “No. I fucked up. Landon fucked up,” he rasps. “None of this was your fault.”
I blink back tears as he searches my face. He wipes a tear away with his finger, and I close my eyes at the touch.
“You’re cold, baby,” he murmurs. “Let’s get you inside.”
I nod in agreement.
He keepshis arm wrapped around my shoulders as he guides me back into the house. My hands are trembling so hard from the cold that he takes my key and unlocks the door himself, letting us inside.
“That was smart of you,” he whispers. “To lock the door for Devyn.”
Of course, River was right outside, but his attention was elsewhere.
And I’m not going to risk losing another friend.
As we enter, I take his hand and he interlaces our fingers without hesitation.
Devyn sleeps soundly on the mattress, and I watch her fondly for a moment. “She doesn’t need to stay here,” I murmur. “She should be back with Ben.”
River nods. “But only if you have someone else to stay here with you.”
I can think of three different Alphas that would most likely welcome that invitation.
I lead River down the hallway, and my stomach flutters as we enter my bedroom. I flick on the light switch and we stop at the foot of the bed.
We stare at the nest he made for me.
“Do you like it?” he asks after a moment, his voice low.
I turn to him. His pupils are wide and his scent fills the air, but there’s a hint of insecurity behind his expression.
“River,” I murmur. “It’s perfect. Do you understand what you’ve done? What this means?”
He takes a step forward until I have to crane my neck up to look at him. “I know exactly what it means,” he says. “I’ve never built a nest for anyone before. And I don’t plan to for anyone else, ever.”
I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him.
It’s chaste and gentle, the exact opposite of what I would have done with him a month ago. I’m hesitant; unsure if he will even respond.
My body jolts awake the moment our lips touch.
I’m desperate, my womb aching and my cunt wet for him, but I’m also scared.
I’m not sure how far I can go.
He senses it immediately, even as he returns the kiss. We both break away, breathing deeply, and he rests his forehead against mine.
“You taste exquisite,” he breathes. “Fuck, I missed that taste. That sweetness.” His hands grip my waist, hard enough to bruise.
I startle, and he releases me immediately, taking a step back.
“Fuck,” he hisses, running a hand through his hair, his face twisted in agony. “Are you okay? What do you need, baby? Tell me. I’ll give you fucking anything you want right now. I can step away, if you need me to, and I’ll stay outside.”
He’s so scared of messing this up, of ruining me more than that month in Slatten already has.
But slick slowly drips down my thighs, the reminder that my Heat is imminent.
I look at the man in front of me, the strong, capable, brilliant Alpha that’s terrified of hurting me.
I trust him.
“Will you stay in bed with me?” I ask softly, my voice smaller than I expected it to be. “Could you hold me?”
I wonder if that will be enough.
Or am I being too needy already?
But his eager nod and the way he shucks off his jacket make me laugh. He tosses it on my dresser haphazardly, then watches as I take off my robe and pull the covers back. I rearrange the nesting blankets to my liking, then sink down onto the mattress.
I let out a contented sigh.
But River still stands next to my dresser, his pupils blown with lust.
“River,” I say gently, pulling down the other corner of the covers, “come join me.”
I officially invite him into my nest.
He gives me a crooked grin, and I return it with one of my own.
“You don’t have to ask me twice, baby,” he purrs, and I giggle.
He joins me immediately, the bed dipping with his weight as he pulls the blankets over himself.
He groans in contentment. “Oh, fuck, that’s nice,” he sighs. I roll on my side to face him, and he turns to me, his smile falling. He reaches out to push a lock of hair away from my eyes.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says intensely. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” His hand caresses my cheek, then his fingers trail down my lips. “I’m scared I’ll wake up and you won’t be here,” he admits quietly. “Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I’ve fucking lost it, and you’re not real.”
I huff out a laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous,” I chastise him. “I’m here. I’m real.”
I reach out my hand to trace his stubble, and he nips at my finger. “You need to sleep,” I say softly. “Real sleep.”
“So do you,” he says. “When’s the last time you’ve been able to rest peacefully?”
I cock an eyebrow. “When’s the last time you have?”
I know I should sleep. But his scent calls to my inner Omega, and my stomach does another little flip.
“There’s something I have to let you know,” I blurt out before he can reply to my retort. “My Heat is coming soon. And it won’t be normal. It will be intense.”
His eyes darken. “Yeah?” he asks, his voice raspy.
I nod, overwhelmed by tears filling my eyes. “And I don’t know if…I’m not sure if I can…”
I pray that he understands what I’m saying.
I don’t know if I’m ready to be taken that way after everything.
“That’s fine, baby,” he says hoarsely. “Whatever you need, let me know.” He wipes away another tear, and I’m grateful for his gentleness.
I lean closer to him, and he turns onto his back so I can lay my head on his shoulder. A hand wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and I nuzzle into his warmth.
“I’ll take you any way I can have you,” he murmurs after a moment of silence. “And I know that makes me sound crazy. But if the only way I can be near you is to sit outside your fucking door, breathing you in, then that’s what I’ll do.”
I let his words wash over me as another tear falls.
“Okay,” I breathe, unsure of what to say.
River has changed since the last time I was with him.
He’s more vulnerable than he’s ever been—he’s still the same wild mess, but he’s letting me see the part that was terrified of losing me.
I trace the stubble on his face, rough under my fingers. He’s in need of a haircut as well, but it’s just more of him to run my hands through.
“Mine,” I whisper.
He groans, and I’m unable to contain myself anymore. Drops of slick drip out of me, another reminder of what’s to come. I situate myself so I’m leaning over him and initiate the kiss.
He growls into my mouth, his tongue frantically moving against mine, thoroughly tasting me. I whimper against his lips, and he sits up, taking me with him. He breaks away from my mouth to breathe, then kisses a trail down my neck to my mating gland.
I turn feral.
It feels incredible—after being neglected and sore for so long, the slightest touch makes my cunt clench. Pleasure blurs out everything else and quiets the storm in my mind.
River’s mouth works my gland like it’s a second clit, flicking it with his tongue and sucking on it gently.
“Is this okay?” he groans against my skin. “Is it too much?”
His hand wraps around my waist, keeping me in place, while his other hand lies still on the mattress.
There’s so much more he could be doing with that hand.
We’re both sitting up on my bed, the crotch of my silk pajama pants dangerously close to the front of his jeans.
A wet spot has already formed there, the fabric damp with the evidence of my arousal.
“River,” I choke out.
He groans against my skin as I reach out to palm him through his jeans.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “Fuck, baby, if you—you don’t have to?—”
I grab his hand and press it against the wet spot of my sleep pants. “I need more. Please, give me more.”
He doesn’t need to be told twice. His palm flattens against my core, his hand a live wire connecting to my cunt.
“You’re soaked,” he breathes, pressing the heel of his palm against my mound. “All that slick…you’re a mess, Skylar.”
I whimper and kiss him again, biting on his lower lip. He places more pressure against my cunt until I’m grinding against his hand, desperate for friction. I hook a leg over his hip and situate myself so I’m directly on top of him, thrusting myself against his erection.
The bed creaks as I move against him, desperate to chase something I haven’t felt in weeks.
And it’s going to happen simply from rubbing up against him.
His tongue fucks my mouth, moving against mine in time with the thrusts of my hips. His hands move down to grip my ass.
“I can smell how close you are,” he groans in between kisses. “Like warm sugar. I missed that scent so much.”
Our scents swirl until all I can breathe in is River’s arousal. My womb flutters, my cunt clenches on nothing, and I feel the first round of an orgasm hit me.
I’m silent as I come. I only break away from River’s mouth to tilt my head back to let the pleasure wash over me as a pool of slick floods us both.
“That’s it,” he whispers. “Come on, baby, my perfect Omega, come on?—”
My Omega.
His words send me into another release and I stifle a cry as I shake on top of him. Slick pours out of me, the scent of my nectar filling the room.
It’s never been this potent, and I’m not even in Heat yet.
I’m left gasping into River’s neck as he rubs my back through the tiny aftershocks.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he promises in my ear. “And I’m never going to let you forget it.”
I hum contentedly against his neck.
I feel at peace for the first time in weeks.
“And the messiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he adds, chuckling. “I’ll never forget what you did to my jacket.”
My face flames, and I nuzzle into his neck.
“I’m not complaining,” he says, and I hear the smile in his voice. “It was flattering.”
I groan. “Shut up,” I mutter, then roll off of him.
Speaking of messiest…
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, as I motion to his pants. We’re both covered in my juices, and I’m sure having damp jeans feels just as unpleasant as my wet pajama bottoms do.
“Nothing to be sorry for, baby,” he rasps. “I like it. If I could wear your slick on me every day, I would.”
I snort. “Gross and dramatic as ever.” But my lips curl into a small smile. I used to always feel disgusting if I made too much of a mess—I was reminded that doing that much laundry would increase Jason’s water bill.
So being with someone more than happy to be covered in my fluids is liberating.
“I would lick it off the fucking floor,” he adds as an afterthought.
“Okay. Stop.”
He chuckles.
But my bottoms are ruined for the night. I’ll need to change into something else.
“Here,” River says as I start to shimmy out of them, “let me take care of it for you.”
I lie back in bed, exhausted and still coming down from my orgasmic bliss. “You don’t have to,” I argue weakly, but he’s pushing the covers back before I can stop him.
“Lift your hips,” he says, his voice raspy. “I’ve got it, baby.”
I close my eyes and sigh contentedly as his powerful hands undress me from the waist down. Any insecurity I had about him seeing me like this fades away as I’m exposed to him.
The cold night air hits my overheated cunt, and I hum as his thick fingers trace circles over my hipbones.
“Are you just staring at me?” I mumble.
“Just like a flower,” he mutters to himself. “A perfect, delicious flower.”
His gentle touch stops, and there’s movement as he leaves the bed.
I drift in and out of consciousness, barely awake as he wipes the slick from my inner thighs and core with a cloth.
“You didn’t finish,” I blurt out with a start. My eyes snap open, and I watch as he stares at my cunt almost dazedly.
“I don’t need to,” he murmurs.
“But you want to,” I add, unable to hide my yawn.
He smirks and meets my eyes. “Not if you’re this tired. It wasn’t about me, anyway. All I need is to be here with you.”
But his scent gives him away. It’s too strong for him to be content; he wants more.
It’s the scent of his lust, and my nipples pebble through my shirt as I drown in the aroma.
“Liar,” I sigh as his touch sends tingles up my spine.
“Could never lie to you,” he murmurs, his fingers tracing circles on my hipbones. “But there is something I want, even though I know I’m in no position to ask you for fucking anything.”
I’m in a lust filled haze. I’d give him anything right now. I spread my legs and whimper as his fingers lazily dip lower, the rough pads brushing against the inside of my thighs. “Tell me,” I breathe.
“Let me stay here tonight,” he says.
I frown and open my eyes to meet his burning stare. “Of course,” I say.
“No, baby,” he groans. “You don’t understand.” Two fingers caress just outside my labia, teasing in the worst possible way. “I want to stay right here.” Moving the blankets lower, he situates himself so he’s on his front, my cunt directly in front of his face. “Let me keep you clean all night.”
His cool breath ghosts against my core, and I look at him with wide eyes. “What?” I breathe.
“I’ll stay here,” he rasps. “Right fucking here, looking at this pretty cunt and licking it for hours.”
Oh.
My brain short circuits. I reach down to run my fingers through his hair, gripping the strands.
“I might fall asleep,” I murmur.
“As you should,” he says, the tip of his tongue licking my inner thigh. “You need rest, baby. I’ll be here, taking care of you.”
He hasn’t even licked my clit yet, but I’m already gasping for breath.
“Okay,” I breathe, pulling his hair. “Take care of me then, Alpha.”
With a groan, he kisses my cunt, licking up every trickle of slick that leaks out of me.
It’s filthy. With every touch of my clit, more slick flows out of me, and River drinks down every drop.
But I can’t stay awake. I drift in and out of slumber, only waking up once he brings me over the edge. I stuff my fist into my mouth to keep from screaming, whimpering out my orgasm while he continues to assault me with his tongue.
It’s heavenly.
And in those moments, with his head buried between my legs and pleasure coursing through me, I start to feel whole again.
He kisses me goodbye in the morning, murmuring something sweet in my ear.
His scent lingers in the house until another familiar one wafts in.
Landon.