Chapter 10
TEN
I imagine holding your sibling’s kid is a lot different than having your own, but no less impactful. I don’t know if I ever want kids – honestly, I’m leaning towards no – but this little girl is my whole world.
“Crissy, are you going to be at my party?”
“Of course, peanut, I wouldn’t dream of missing it.” Hannah is about to turn four. Her birthday is always bittersweet for me. My tiny, sweet, unicorn-obsessed niece is why I am Kieran’s employee.
Something my sister still doesn’t know.
The threat of him getting to Hannah is enough to make me agree to the most terrible things.
As long as she’s safe, I’ll put up with just about anything.
“It’s going to be a princess party!” She jumps out of my lap and spins around before clumsily curtseying. “I’ve been practicing every day. Like the princesses at the Omega Academy.”
Of course, every year, the graduation from the Academy is televised, so little girls everywhere dream of being one of the pretty little Omegas strutting across the stage like livestock.
It’s an uncharitable view for me to have, but I’m still bitter about my time there.
They were furious when I walked away from the Academy without a pack to go to secondary school. I went from being the top student to being persona non grata.
Their most disappointing failure.
“I wanted to have a unicorn come,” Hannah continues, “but Mommy said we don’t have the money. Mila had one at her party!”
Immediately, I pull my phone from my pocket and log in to my banking app. “Eve!” I shout over my shoulder.
My sister comes into the living room from the kitchen, holding a stirring spoon and a dish rag. “What’s up?”
“How much is the unicorn?”
“Hannah!” she admonishes. “I told you not to ask Crissy.”
“She didn’t.” I adjust my position on the couch to look at her directly. “I want to do this. It’s my present to her. How much?”
I’m still going to get her more presents.
Eve chews on her lip. “Three hundred.”
My eyes threaten to bulge out of my head, but I quickly flatten my expression. “Done.” A few taps of my finger and I’ve transferred my cell phone and car insurance payments to her.
I’ll just have to hustle a little harder for tips at Prism.
“How can you just transfer money that easily?” She shakes her head in wonder. “I had no idea the Design Clinic paid that well.”
I suck on my teeth, unable to look her in the eye as I shove my phone back in my pocket. “Oh yeah, they’re very generous.”
They aren’t. Despite my qualifications, I get barely above minimum wage. I think my low wage is payback from Walter for me working for Kieran. But I can’t complain about it, or Kieran could retaliate against the old doctor.
But I do whatever I can for my sister and Hannah. What is the point of my suffering if I can’t give them everything they want? My sacrifice would be pointless if they didn’t get to live a full, happy life.
“Crissy!” Hannah shouts, throwing herself across my lap. “Did you really get me the unicorn?”
“Of course I did. Only the best for my princess.” I nuzzle my nose into her hair, remembering what it was like to clutch her tiny body in my hands right after she was born. She was so small and beautiful that it brought me to tears.
Sometimes, if I think about it too much, I’ll tear up even now.
“Come on, you two, lunch is ready.” We get up and follow Eve into the kitchen to sit at the small table in the corner. Once she’s plated bowls of stew for both of us, and we dig in, she looks at me with a sad smile.
Oh no.
I know what that smile means.
“So, still no sign of your scent matches?”
My chest tightens at the memory of Maverick, heartbroken as I rejected him. I can’t stop thinking about him. After work that day, I looked him up and discovered he was on a cheesy reality show.
I’ve watched every episode.
Twice.
He’s funny. Really funny. But I can see so much sadness in his eyes. He’s not the shallow playboy they present him as. There’s depth to him that he doesn’t show anyone. I can tell.
I feel like I know him now, which makes the ache in my chest even worse because this is all I’ll ever have. I’ll never get to hold him and love him.
I should be grateful for what time I did get, but I doubt it’ll ever be enough.
I’ll feel his absence like a hole in my chest.
“No sign, but you know I’m not looking.”
“I don’t understand why not. You deserve to have a nice pack to take care of you.”
I wonder if Maverick has a pack. They didn’t mention it on the show. Do I have more Alphas out there?
Nope. No. I can’t think like that. That’s a dangerous path for me to take.
“You’re starting to sound like the Academy,” I say dismissively. The Academy sends me a formal, mailed invite every time they have a social. I bet they think I’ll cave one day, and they will no longer have me as a blot on their match record.
“Well, as your Omega guardian…”
“Ew, shut up. It’s so fu- fudging stupid that I have to have a guardian. I’m a whole adult.”
“Crissy almost said a bad word!” Hannah tattles.
I stick my tongue out at the little brat. “But I didn’t!”
Eve rolls her eyes at the two of us, but it’s half-hearted.
I love Sundays.
I don’t work at either of my jobs, and I have lunch with Eve and Hannah. The routine has been in place for years, and it gives me something to look forward to get through my long, shitty weeks.
“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” my sister asks as we clear the table.
“Probably just cleaning and resting. Maybe read a book or something.” I anxiously smooth my hair down in the back, afraid my sister will catch sight of the forced bond. I covered it in makeup, but I still worry.
Logically, I should grow my hair longer to cover it, but I can’t stand it when my hair goes past my shoulders. I don’t want Kieran to unintentionally have control over my hairstyle, too.
“Ooh, I have one you can borrow. A shark alien guy buys a sweet man from Earth who’s enslaved and takes care of him. I think you’ll love it.” She crosses the tiny house to her bedroom and returns with the book. “It’s a beautiful love story.”
I try to smile, but I’m worried it comes across as a grimace.
Reading a love story is always hard because I know it isn’t in the cards for me.
No one is going to come and buy me out of the debt that isn’t even my debt. No, I am trapped at Kieran’s side for eternity.
Well, that’s dramatic.
I suppose the next seventy years of my life aren’t eternity.
It doesn’t change the fact that a happily ever after isn’t in the cards for me.
But I take the book and promise my sister I’ll read it before kissing Hannah on the forehead and heading home.
I’m only three blocks from the two of them, which is so convenient. It’s one of the reasons I love living here. When I get home and let myself into my haven, I immediately feel the tension leave my shoulders.
Being out on the street, in the open, makes me feel like there are eyes on me. Here, in my home, I can truly feel safe.
I toe off my sneakers and strip out of my pants, crawling into my nest. It’s a pathetic little thing, built in a glorified walk-in closet, but I love it all the same. Once settled in the plush, black surface, I pull my favorite pillow, patterned with sequin cherries, to my chest and curl into myself.
I can cry here, in my nest, where I allow myself to embrace my Omega side.
I can mourn the Alpha I lost.
I can miss his face and smell, while praying that I never see him again.