21. Icarus
Chapter twenty-one
"I'm proud of you, sunshine," I tell my Omega, reaching across the table and grabbing her hands. "That was very brave of you, telling him your truth like that."
"It didn't feel brave," she mutters. "It felt shitty." The confrontation with Cyrus Stargazer today has unsettled my Omega. I didn't know what was happening, but I could feel her unease and fury through the bond while I worked.
My mind is still reeling from my research. I had found the same unknown gene Jordan has in other Beta women. What was curious is that it wasn't showing up in any of the Omega genomes we mapped. Now that she's settled into her designation, I want to map Jordan's again and see how it compares.
And then her feelings hit me like a ton of bricks, to the point where I had to set the research aside and breathe through it. It's strange, getting used to feeling her emotions alongside my own.
"Did you reach out to Dr. K?" I feel weird asking her about her therapist, but part of my responsibility as her Alpha is to keep her safe and healthy. And her therapist is a necessary tool in that arsenal.
She takes a sip of tea after blowing over the top. It takes her a minute to answer me, and I can tell she's reluctant. "I did. I've got an appointment tomorrow."
"How can I best support you?"
She looks so fragile, curled up in that chair, wearing the massive navy sweater I got her and hugging her knees. But she's strong. I can see it in how she grips the mug between her hands and the rigid set of her jaw before she speaks. "Just being you, Vick. I just need you."
"You've got me," I say as I push to my feet and scoop her up. I gently carry her to the couch, flopping down and settling us together into a cuddle pile. "You've always got me."
We watch an episode of television, some fantasy epic with dragons and people making dumb decisions that lead to the deaths of the people they love in each others' arms. It's easy, our relationship. We sync together so well that it's hard to imagine a time when Jordan wasn't in my life.
I do worry about her, though. I know this situation with Pack Stargazer is weighing on her. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for her to finally get what she always knew was hers and no longer want it.
Or, rather, feel like you're not supposed to want it.
All I can do is love her through this and support her however I can. Right now, that's through cuddles, attention, and affection.
"Do you think I'm making the right choice?" She asks, apropos of nothing.
It takes my brain a minute to place what she could be referencing. "With the Stargazers?"
"Yeah, should I at least hear them out? I mean," she sighs deeply, crawling into my lap and snagging my gaze with her own, "they're not just my scent matches. They're your pack."
"I'm fine without a pack," I tell her, even though I can taste the half-truth on my tongue.
I would be lying if I said I hadn't always wondered if I would one day find a pack. I figured, at forty, I was well past the age that I would find that bond and was destined to be a solo Alpha. I've always been called strange, never entirely fitting in with other Alphas. I learned not to let it bother me.
I was pretty okay with my lot in life until Jordan's heat.
While it was a wonderful, beautiful, incredibly fucking sexy time, it was also exhausting, physically and mentally. Being the sole source of her attention meant I could not even take a moment to shower unless she was passed out.
And then I met Simon, and despite thinking he's a creepy, skeezy asshole for essentially stalking Jordan, I felt a kinship with him. I don't have anything to compare it to, but I immediately felt like I needed him in my life.
But I can't be selfish. Despite wanting a pack and feeling like I will need heat assistance in the future, I'm not the one who was wronged by these men. Neither of us knows the whole story, their side of things, but I know how it affected my Omega. Nothing will ever change the pain she went through at their hands, which was only compounded by every person and every medical professional in her life until she met me.
If I had realized then, when I was interpreting her genome and going through the results with her, where I'd be now, I would've never let her walk out of my office. I would've locked the door and kept her with me until she presented, never risking her being scented by one of those Alphas.
Her warm hand caresses my cheek. "Do you mean that?"
And as much as I want to remove myself from the situation altogether, I cannot outright lie to her about this. I have to tell her the truth.
"I always imagined I'd have a pack. I accepted it wasn't going to happen. And while I can see the benefit to having one, the fact that the pack available to us is the Stargazer pack means it is not in the cards for me." I press my forehead against hers and breathe in the soothing scent of chamomile that surrounds her. "I never want you to have someone in your life that caused you so much pain. There is no excuse for it."
"You're pretty wonderful, you know that?" She nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck over her bonding scar. "I'll have to tell your mom she did a good job."
"Speaking of my momma," I say with a groan. "She wants to throw a bonding celebration now that the paperwork is filed."
"Oooh, getting to wear fancy clothes while everyone celebrates our love, and it's shoved in their faces that I actually am an Omega? Sounds like my idea of a party."
"Well, then, I'll tell her to start planning." Jordan gently presses her lips to mine, and I feel the tension drain from my body.
With her in my arms, it's easy to ignore the connections we both have to a certain stupidly named pack.
"Icky!" my little sister, Athena, squeals as she runs across the cafe's parking lot. "Look at you, looking all profesh!"
I gather my sister in my arms and hug her tight to my chest. "That's because I'm working, sis." She chuckles and squeezes me tightly around the hips before pushing me away and skipping off into the shop.
Athena is fifteen years younger than me, but whenever we're together, it's like she's suddenly a preteen again, down to the awful nickname she's saddled me with. As the "pleasant surprise baby," she's always gotten away with murder, and it's widely accepted she's the favorite. When she called and begged me to meet for coffee, I couldn't say no to her.
By the time I get into the cafe, she's already flirting with the barista as she orders us drinks. The barista, a cute Beta woman with bright purple hair and lots of ear piercings, barely looks away from Athena as she writes on the paper cup in her hands.
Eventually, our drinks are made, Athena is one phone number richer, and we settle into a corner table. Athena's dirty blonde hair, an exact shade match to my own, falls down her back in frizzy waves, and her round nose is the spitting image of our mom's. She fiddles with the hem of her black T-shirt as she looks at me carefully.
"What is it?" I ask with a sigh. I can tell she needs something. This is the face she always makes before she says, 'Don't tell mom, but…'
"Don't tell mom, but I wrecked the car."
Athena constantly flits from one career to the next, and her income is not what anyone would call steady. Her car is technically our parents', considering it's in their name, and they pay the monthly payment for it.
"What happened?" I sigh, taking a sip of the chai latte she got me. "When did it happen?"
"It's not entirely my fault!" she insists. "The cat just ran out in the middle of the road, and I must've overcorrected because the next thing I knew, I was staring at a tree trunk." The paper holder around her cup lies shredded on the tabletop as she talks, a pile of trash showcasing just how anxious this situation has made her. "It happened two days ago, and I had it towed to a shop immediately. But the estimate is… well above what I have in my savings account."
My sister does not habitually ask me for money, but this isn't the first time. If I felt like she was taking advantage of me I'd put a stop to it, but she always pays me back eventually. I have more favorable interest terms than the bank or the credit card company.
"How much is it?"
"A couple grand. But I don't know if all the work needs to be done. I don't need the car to be as good as new again," she promises, reaching out to touch the top of my hand. "I will own up to this once it's all sorted. But I do need it to be driveable. Would you be willing to go to the shop with me to review the estimate and make sure I'm not getting ripped off? A friend recommended this place, but it seems a little… well. It's a little rough around the edges."
I check my watch. A reminder scrolls across the screen alerting me to an appointment I have in twenty minutes. "Not right now, but my last appointment finishes up at three. Do you want me to pick you up from your place?"
"Yes! Thank you so much, Icky!"
I shudder at the nickname but kiss her forehead as I stand. "Alright, sis, try to stay out of trouble until then, yeah?"
Athena's eyes flick towards the barista, and a sly smile spreads across her face. "No promises, big bro."
Hey, I may be late. I need to take Athena to the autobody shop.
Sunshine
No biggie, I have an appointment with Dr. K anyway. I'll keep dinner warm for you! 3
Athena points out the shop on the right-hand side of the road. The sign reads "Hawk's Autobody," and between the two words is a painting of a massive bird of prey.
"You took it here?" I ask incredulously. "Aren't the Hawks a motorcycle club?"
"Maybe? I don't know. My friend Gary said this was the place to go, so..."
I pull into an open spot, sandwiched between two tricked-out bikes and realize just how out of place I am here. I have never felt as self-conscious as I do now, watching leather and denim wandering in and out of the shop as I stand here awkwardly in my chinos and button-down shirt.
Athena walks into the lobby like she owns the place, her canvas sneakers squeaking on the concrete as she approaches the counter. A large man looks through the shop window and sees us, throwing a greasy rag over his shoulder before coming to greet us.
He's older, with what was once dark hair that is now speckled with white and a massive beard that is more gray than anything. His broad shoulders fill the room, and he's as tall as I am, even though it's clear he's a Beta. A weathered patch reading "Nitro" is haphazardly sewn onto his stained blue shirt. He looks me up and down before turning to Athena.
"Alright, sweetheart?"
"Yeah, hi, uh, I dropped my car off a few days ago for an estimate, and I wanted to bring my brother by to go over all of it with me if that's alright?" Usually, Athena doesn't get this flustered, but the man is intimidating, and we've both heard the rumors about the Hawks and their questionably legal practices.
"Who was working on it?"
"I believe his name was Slime?"
What the hell kind of a name is Slime? I mean, Nitro here isn't much better, I guess. But the name obviously means something to the man because he grunts and nods. "Alright. I'll let him know you're here. May be a minute, he's on his break right now. Hold tight."
"We'll wait here," I tell the man, pulling Athena by the arm to sit in the lobby.
She looks around and leans close to me, whispering, "Do you think they have coffee?"