14. Nora
14
Nora
My body is heavy, and I am so comfortable I'm not sure I ever want to move. I cannot remember the last time I felt so at home.
The smell of gingerbread surrounds me, a comforting scent of holidays and baking that makes my mouth water. I don't think I've baked gingerbread since I was a little girl. It was well before I showed any Omega traits.
My eyes feel swollen, and there is a pressure in my head that makes it clear that I have shed a lot of tears.
Oh.
Oh no.
Everything comes back to me in one brutal wave.
My Alphas saw me crying. They are already ashamed of me, and I have made it so much worse.
How are they ever going to want to keep me around if I cannot hold myself together well enough to save my tears for bedtime?
I snuggle deeper into my nest, trying to breathe through the panic, when I realize the nest is normally softer than this. The smell of gingerbread still lingers.
Alpha Blaine.
I bolt upright and fly to the other side of the nest. My movement startles him awake, and he rubs his eyes sleepily.
"Nora?" he asks, his voice thick with sleep. "Come back and lay with me."
"I'm sorry, Alpha Blaine," I whisper, ducking my head.
"What could you possibly have to be sorry about?" He says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. His dark hair is messy and halfway in his eyes. I reach out to push some of it out of his eyes, but I pull my hand back at the last second.
"I am so embarrassed about my earlier outburst."
He sighs deeply, clearly so disappointed in me. "Honey, Nora, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Please, come here."
It would be more of a struggle to ignore his command than I have energy for, so I crawl across the nest to sit beside him. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his lap, a soft purr rolling in his chest.
"Chase was wrong, little Omega," he says quietly. "He never should have said those things."
"It's his prerogative, Alpha. If that is how he feels, I should not make him feel bad for expressing that."
"Nora, I've known Chase almost my entire life," he says, stroking my hair. "My parents were Betas, and my father was an asshole. My mother," he inhales deeply, "suffered from a lot of mental health issues. It made it difficult for her to parent me." His body is tense beneath me, and I hate that my Alpha is distressed.
I start to purr, as best as I can, while he speaks. He squeezes the tender spot of flesh above my hip bone, and my face warms. "My mother loved me, she truly did. But that didn't mean she could always be present for me. So Chase's mom took me in. I was at his house almost every day for something or other." He laughs at whatever memory popped into his head, the motion shaking me against his chest. "Hell, one time, I got in trouble at school, and she grounded me. Not my parents, nope. Chase's mom."
Thinking of Blaine and Chase as children is amusing. I cannot imagine Chase without his tattoos at all, so in my mind's eye, Chase is a child covered in them.
"I tell you all this to express to you just how well I know Chase," he continues, shifting me deeper into his lap. "So please believe me when I say he should never have said those things, and he was wrong to say them."
"I don't understand what I did wrong, Alpha," I whisper. Something about Blaine makes me feel like I can voice my fears to him. I don't think he'll judge me for them.
He stretches his legs out straighter, shifting us both so we are lying completely flat. He pulls me so my head rests on his chest. "Nora, I'm not sure how to tell you this, honey, so I need you to keep an open mind with what I'm about to say, okay?"
"Okay, Alpha. Whatever you need from me, you just have to ask."
He twirls his fingers in my hair, a soothing motion that makes me snuggle deep into his chest. "That's the thing, Nora," he says with a sigh. I look up at him from my position on his chest, and he's gazing at me like I am a promise that was made for him. "A lot of the Omega training you've had isn't what our pack needs."
I wrinkle my nose. "But everything I've learned has been specifically designed to serve my Alphas." Why wouldn't an Alpha want this? Dr. Greene told me this was how Alphas expected their Omegas to behave.
"I know, but if you haven't noticed, we're not typical Alphas, are we?"
He has a point. I have to admit, Pack Sloane is not what I was expecting when I imagined my pack. Nolan is what is expected of an Alpha according to the Omega training classes, but the pack has Joey, and Betas were never mentioned as being a part of a pack. But I cannot imagine being here without Joey, so I am glad they were wrong about that.
Levi is soft, kind, and gentle, and he reminds me of some of the male Omegas I've seen on television. But he is definitely an Alpha, so that is a bit of an anomaly as well. Blaine is not as athletic as I'd expect an Alpha to be, and Chase is thin, a smoker, and a chef, which is a typical Omega activity.
"You aren't the expected pack, are you?" I ask softly, feeling ashamed of my oversight. "I… I didn't adjust my behavior for who you all are."
"It's okay, honey. You've been taught for your entire life to be one way. It's going to take a long time for us to figure out what will work and what doesn't." He hooks his fingers under my chin and tilts my face up to his. "Chase doesn't need the Perfect Omega. Fuck, none of us do. We just need you, Nora."
"This is me, Alpha."
"I know it is. But I also know that there is more to you than Nora the Omega. I want to know who you would be if you weren't an Omega."
Who would I be if I wasn't an Omega? Would I be a teacher, like the Betas on television? Or a reporter like Rebecca? I love playing the violin, but maybe I would like another instrument more. Or perhaps I'd like to design clothing for people, or plan events. There are so many things that I think I would like if I wasn't an Omega.
But I am an Omega. This is what Omegas are supposed to be, right? My mother and Dr. Greene have always said that being an Omega is more important than anything else and that this is the way an Omega finds happiness and fulfillment.
Why does Blaine make it seem like I could be more?
Slowly, timidly, Blaine presses his lips to mine. His molasses and spice scent swirls around me, the softness of his lips against mine loosening my muscles. I sink into the kiss, and Blaine feeds one hand through my hair to rest on the back of my neck. His other wraps around my hips and presses me tightly against him.
His tongue traces the seam of my lips, tentatively asking for me to welcome him in. I do, timidly tangling my tongue with his. I sink into his affection, his kiss, and imagine, for just a moment, that I didn't have my Omega rules to follow.
Blaine's hand drifts down my hips and rests softly on my behind. He gives it a light squeeze. I break my lips off of his as a needy whine slips past my defenses. "Omega," he hums, "you have the sweetest little whine."
For the first time, I don't feel so bad that he heard it.
Blaine assured me that I wasn't asleep too long and would still be able to make dinner, so he helped me pick out an outfit and then walked with me downstairs so I could get started cooking.
Jeans feel odd. This is the first time I've worn denim, and it's a bit out of my comfort zone, but Blaine says that the pack will like them. He wanted me to wear a black shirt, but that felt like too much, so we went with a white one.
Compromise with an Alpha is unheard of. Typically, whatever they ask an Omega is expected to do, but Blaine wanted to know my thoughts. He wanted me to tell him the choice I would make. I still added a pink ribbon to my ponytail because I do need to be well put together, and hair accessories are a part of that.
Plus, I really do like the color pink.
We reach the kitchen and notice the rest of the pack is in the living room, deep in conversation. "Hey, everyone," Blaine says, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Nora is going to cook us dinner. Any requests?"
He leads me to the refrigerator and I peer inside, absolutely thrilled at the selection of fresh meats and produce. This is clearly Chase's doing, and I am very grateful to have someone else in the home who values a well-prepared meal. I spin around to look at the rest of my pack, unable to hide the smile on my face.
I enjoy cooking. It's not only something I'm good at, but it's a creative outlet that nourishes others. Standing in the kitchen with my pack watching me for the first time, I feel like I'm doing the right thing. Me, Nora, not me, the Perfect Omega. I'm not sure just how separate we are, but right now, I'm going to go with it.
"Oh, hi Nora," Levi says, shifting in the chair he's sitting in to look at me. "I really like your outfit."
"Thank you!" I exclaim, beaming. "Alpha Blaine picked it out. He said he thought you all would like it."
All of the men look at Blaine, and he shrugs, his cheeks tinging pink. Joey stands up and moves into the kitchen, putting a hand on my lower back. "Hey, little bird," he says with a grin. "Do you think you could make some pasta?"
I squeal and bounce on my feet. "Absolutely! I would love to do that for you." He dips his head and kisses my cheek, and wow, what a feeling. How can such a small gesture make me feel so safe and appreciated?
"I'll leave you to it," Blaine says, grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting down on a stool on the opposite side of the island.
Chase is silent from the living room but staring me down, like he's upset I'm in his domain. "Alpha Chase," I say tentatively. "I know you typically prepare the meals. Would you like to prepare dinner together?" I would never want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home, and if he would feel more comfortable cooking with me, I would be happy to share the kitchen with him.
Shock crosses his face momentarily, however it's fleeting. "No, thank you, Nora. I'm fine."
Nodding, I dig through the contents of the fridge and spot some pancetta. I grab it, a dozen eggs, and a large chunk of pecorino cheese. I go into the butler's pantry and fetch a bag of flour.
"Are you making the noodles from scratch?" Chase asks, suddenly very interested in what I'm doing.
"Oh, absolutely! I find making pasta quite soothing. Do you have a pasta machine, or would you prefer I hand roll?" I say, piling the flour on the counter, cracking the eggs, and filtering the whites out with my hands.
Chase sits up and points towards a cabinet at the edge of the kitchen. "It's in there."
Joey, noticing my hands are now covered with egg, goes into the cabinet, grabs the hand crank roller out, and sets it beside me. "Do you need help, little bird?"
"No, thank you, Just Joey. I've got it! I'd offer to make you a cocktail, but my hands are dirty. I can wash them and make you one, though, if you'd like?" Joey is a bartender, and I would really like to impress him with my skills, but he laughs and shakes his head.
"I'll just grab a beer, little bird. Can I get you a drink?"
I shake my head and turn my focus back to the dough, combining the ingredients and kneading it thoroughly. At some point, someone turns on the home speaker, and upbeat music plays. I've never heard it before, but I can't help but bounce along with the beat as I work. The pack watches me quietly, and it's actually a little unnerving if I think too hard about it. I feel like I have to work extra hard to impress them after my unfortunate meltdown earlier today, and I'm so glad they don't seem to want to bring it up and seem content to just let me dance and cook.
As I roll out the pasta and cut it into thin spaghetti, Nolan breaks the silence. "We'd like to talk to you about earlier, sweetie."
"Absolutely, I've got an apology prepared. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it won't have the impact that I need to have if I'm cooking. Is it possible we can have the conversation during dinner?" The spaghetti is cut, and I hang it on a small rack. My next step is to chop the pancetta into small pieces. I toss them into a heated skillet, salting the boiling water for the pasta. They won't need but a minute to cook, and timing is everything for carbonara. I turn off the burner and remove the skillet with the pancetta from the heat.
"Sure thing, sweetheart, we can talk during dinner," Nolan says, sinking back down onto the hearth.
"Just so I know for next time, do you have any aprons? I'm afraid I got flour on my jeans."
Blaine laughs, "Can you imagine Chase in an apron?"
"Hey, he wears white ones at the restaurant sometimes," Joey retorts. "But no, Omega, we don't have any here. I'll get you one next time I'm out."
"Thank you, Just Joey!"
The men start laughing as I beat the eggs and shred the cheese into the bowl. "What's with the Just?" Chase says as he takes a sip from a can of beer.
Joey's face is pink, but he's beaming. "It's my very own nickname and honorific, thank you very much."
My smile makes my face hurt. I like having something special just for me and Joey. When I met him, I was breaking the rules because I was so upset, and he was there to make me smile. He made me feel so comfortable, and I remember feeling almost a little jealous of whatever Omega matched with his pack.
How lucky am I that that Omega is me?
I toss the spaghetti in the water, babysitting it until it's cooked perfectly. I drain the pasta water and move the skillet back to the heat, tossing the egg mixture and spaghetti in with the pancetta. I grind in fresh pepper as I toss all the ingredients together. It doesn't take much time at all for the sauce to come together.
Despite being incredibly simple, carbonara is always a beautiful and delicious meal. I turn to the island and see Joey has lined up six plates for me. "Oh, thank you! I am so appreciative of the help."
Each plate gets a generous portion of the pasta, but I do serve myself about half as much. Mother says that Alphas do not like their Omegas to be too pudgy, so I have to regulate my calorie intake. The men stand to grab plates, and I stop them. "I would very much like to serve each of you," I say softly. "If you'd like to sit in the dining room, I'll bring you your plate."
Chase grabs a plate and heads to the dining room, but the rest of the pack is willing to let me serve them, and I consider that a win. I place a plate in front of each man and straighten my back. "Would anyone like a glass of wine?"
They all hold up half-drank beers as a way of letting me know they had refreshments, so I go to the kitchen to grab my own plate. They've left a seat at the head of the table free for me, which is strange, but I still slide into it. Levi is on my left, and Nolan is on my right, with Chase directly across from me on the farthest end of the table.
"Enjoy, Alphas and Just Joey."