22. Nora
22
Nora
I wake with my face on fire.
Embarrassment crawls up my spine, and I groan into my pillow. What did I do?
I can't even blame the alcohol because, by the time the night was winding down, that fuzzy, floaty feeling it gave me was all but gone. And yet, still, I put myself in an overtly sexual situation in front of the entire pack.
This isn't what perfect Omegas do.
The Perfect Omega reserves sexuality for her heat when her body requires Alphas to take care of it.
I'm mortified.
They're going to see me this morning and be embarrassed that I am their Omega. That I let my base instincts override me so thoroughly.
Something about my evening with Joey made me feel so normal. It was like I wasn't an Omega anymore. I was just Nora, talking with people at the bar. I've never felt that way before. Sometimes, I would hide in my nest, under my blankets, and imagine what life would have been like if I wasn't an Omega. Joey gave me the gift of being just Nora for an evening.
And then I had to go home and ruin it. I've let myself forget who I was trained to be.
It's time to get back to basics.
I shower, dress in a conservative pale yellow dress, tie a white ribbon in my hair, and put on my white heels. My makeup is done naturally, my cheeks pinked, and my lips glossy. I make a healthy breakfast for the pack, plate five meals, and then wait, hands clasped in front of me, head bowed, for my Alphas and Joey to arrive.
As they have every morning, they all file in over the course of the morning. They try to make conversation with me, but I just smile and give them the responses the Perfect Omega is known for. When they attempt to show affection to me, I stiffen, give them my cheek to kiss, and keep my eyes back on the floor.
I feel unsettled.
My body is warm with embarrassment, my stomach cramping with guilt from the position I put my pack in last night.
"Nora, sweetie," Nolan says, lingering in the doorway on his way to work. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Alpha. Have a great day at work. Please call if you have any requests for me to complete while at home or any specific desires for dinner." I respond, never making eye contact.
I can't. If I make eye contact, they'll see how shameful I am.
How much I messed up.
All of them, except for Alpha Chase, try to talk to me. They pepper me with questions that I cannot answer because of the lump that has taken up residence in my throat. I smile and nod my way through cleaning up after breakfast.
Eventually, they all leave, and I go back to my room. Outside my door is another box.
I don't deserve a gift.
I still don't know who it's from, but after last night I don't feel right accepting it. I set the box on my bed, not opening it, and head to my nest. Once I'm curled up in the soft blankets, my kitten and bird clutched in my hands, I allow my body a moment to do what it really wants to do.
Cry.
Here, in the comfort of my nest, I can cry. I let my fears and worries out without fear of anyone seeing me. The only person home is Chase, and he never comes in here. I'm safe to just get all of it out of me.
My whole life, Mother told me I was going to be the Perfect Omega. That I would be what other Omegas aspired to be, all the packs would want me, and I would live a comfortable, safe, and happy life.
Is this what happy feels like?
Because I feel like my limbs are on fire, my body aching with shame from what I did last night.
I don't know what came over me. After a few dates with my pack and stepping out of the carefully crafted list of things I am supposed to be, I got bold. Too bold.
Will my Alphas ever forgive me for that display? All of them were there, all of them saw me…
I fold in two, my stomach cramping up with unease.
Tears are flowing freely down my face, making tracks in the makeup I so carefully applied this morning.
All of the things the men told me they're interested in when it comes to sexual encounters were eye-opening. I didn't realize there was so much to sex. It's not just an Alpha taking care of his needs by way of my body.
There are flavors and layers to the act.
And Chase. What Chase is into scares me most of all.
He wants to hurt me? To break me?
How can he break what is already broken?
It's suddenly incredibly hot in this room, so I strip off my dress and lay there in the nest, my safe space, in just my plain cotton bra and panties. How am I supposed to continue on as their Omega?
Who would want such an imperfect Omega? Will they send me away?
I have always had these ideas, these thoughts, that push through my Omega training. I have spent my life shoving them down, ignoring them, and being told by those around me that those thoughts are only trying to sabotage my happiness.
Something about the men in this house made those thoughts loud. They became irresistible. The alcohol seemed to help them snake their way past my defenses and scream in the forefront of my mind.
A sharp pain, like a punch in the gut, doubles me over, and I can't help but cry out.
My body is punishing me for my actions. An imperfect Omega deserves this.
I deserve to feel this pain.
Another sharp pain has me crying out again, and this time, my door slams open. Chase is standing in my doorway, breathing heavily. "Are you okay?"
"I'm reaping what I sowed," I say sadly, curling up in a ball. A sob wracks my body as more heat and pain flare through my body.
He takes timid steps into my nest, sitting on the edge. "Nora, talk to me here." His voice is quiet, surprisingly gentle.
I don't deserve his care. If he was displaced with me from the beginning, there is no way he would be happy to have me around now.
But another flare of pain hits me, and I am suddenly overwhelmed with need. My body is needy, and Chase is right there, and everything within me screams he can fix this.
I throw myself towards him, crying, and he scrambles backward and away from me. I know I am repulsive, but my body needs him. "What the-"
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Alpha. This isn't who I'm supposed to be. I'm the Perfect Omega. It's expected of me to be happy. I'm told I am supposed to be happy. Is this what happy feels like?" Tears run down my face, my hands reaching for him, longing for him to hold me. "Why wouldn't they tell me about this? My body is on fire. It hurts. I'm needy, I'm so needy."
For the first time, I catch Chase's scent.
Lemon bars.
My favorite food. The one thing I was allowed to have as a treat, even after starting my rigid Omega diet.
His nostrils flare, and his pupils dilate. I pull myself closer to him. "Please, Alpha. Make it stop. I don't want to be this way. I'm not supposed to be this way." I bury my face in his shirt, another flare of pain shaking my body violently. "This isn't who I'm supposed to be."
"Nora," he says, his voice tight and tormented, "you're burning up. I think you're having a heat flare."
"No, I'm on suppressants," I whine. Actually, I'm whining a lot. Is that sound really coming from me?
He groans. "I know, and you said yourself they're less effective now that you've been on them a decade."
"This is punishment for last night," I whine, climbing into his lap and rubbing my face in the crook of his neck, soaking in his scent.
"Fucking hell," he mutters, gently removing me and putting me in the nest. He stands and climbs out, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialing. "Levi, man, you gotta get home," he barks into the phone. "Take a fucking sick day, dude, Nora's having a heat spike." I whine, writhing in pain and tears at the bottom of my nest, barely registering what Chase is saying. "I… I can't, Levi. I'm going to snap. I can't do this."
He hangs up and shoves the phone in his pocket. "Levi is on his way to help, Nora. I'm not what you need in this situation." He looks tense, flexing his fingers as he talks, looking everywhere in the room but me.
"Alpha, please," I whine, crawling towards him.
"Nora, stay," he barks.
My body freezes, his bark anchoring me to the spot. "Alpha…" I cry, tears running down my face like rain.
"Trust me, Nora. This is for your own good."
He walks out the door, leaving me sweating, crying, and cramping alone.