Evans
The art class was…intense. It wasn’t even posing naked, it was the focus they all had.
There was this weird sofa thing in the middle of the room, and once I took all my clothes off, careful not to bend over in case they could tell my asshole had recently suffered from a toy-related incident, all I had to do was pose.
And hold it. For what felt like forever, but actually it was only forty-five minutes.
Everything went silent.
Emma, the woman running the session, had put on some background music and I tried to focus on that but it was strange.
All the eyes in the room were on me, but it wasn’t sexual.
They weren’t drooling over me, admiring or appreciating.
They were cataloguing. Memorizing where the lines were, how my muscles moved when I shifted, or the way the light hit me.
Hunter was sitting in front of me and I tried not to stare at him, but every time I looked anywhere else, my gaze always landed back on his face. He was avoiding eye contact, his focus shifting between the page and my body. He barely looked at my face.
For some reason that twisted like a knot in my gut. It wasn’t like I needed his reassurance, I just needed to know I hadn’t ruined everything. Again. Had I disgusted him with the whole toy thing? No, that wouldn’t be it. Hunter wasn’t the type to abandon his friends over something like this.
The fact that he wouldn’t look at me, and that everyone was working in silence meant that I had a lot of time alone with my thoughts. ‘Only’ forty-five minutes can feel a lot like forty-five hours when you’re worried you’ve fucked up.
When the class had come to an end, they each walked around, examining one another’s art, but before I could pull my clothes on and take a look at Hunters, he’d already packed his station away and left.
He said we were good but I think he was lying. No, I know he was lying.
I don’t know what possessed me to try out the toy this morning. The bag from the Velvet Knot had been tucked under my bed for days, but I could feel its presence haunting me. Calling to me late at night, like Frodo and that ring.
Sadie had come over during the week, and we’d attempted to have sex but when it was clear that wasn’t happening, I just ended up making her come.
I thought about showing her what I’d bought, but then she started talking about flowers and dresses with like seven layered skirts, my brain wandered off.
Last night I’d text Bell asking if they knew where a ‘friend’ could possibly find some decent alpha x alpha porn, not for me obviously.
I’d been curious but searching for it on my phone had thrown up a load of weird websites.
Alpha x alpha pairings weren’t talked about, it wasn’t normal, which meant it felt like I was doing something wrong even typing it into my search.
A few seconds later, they’d sent me two links, and a smiley face.
I knew they would know where to find the good stuff.
Texting with Bell had become fun, there was no pressure or expectation and I didn’t feel stupid asking questions.
I didn’t always ask about sex. Sometimes I asked about things that I just didn’t want to ask my housemates in case they thought I was stupid.
I’d even try asking if they knew anything about this housemate survey or if they could find out something from Shiloh, but Bell was just as clueless as I was.
It was the porn’s fault.
The first link Bell sent me was some sort of gym bro and tattooed flat mate pairing and I couldn’t help thinking how much the slimmer, guy with the dark hair looked like Hunter.
I mean, if I really thought about it objectively, they didn’t really. But there was something in the way they held themselves. Maybe it was their tattoos and sassy attitude that softened when they looked at the jock. There was a strange intimacy there, was it because they were flat mates?
Anyway, I hadn’t expected the scene to be so hot as they wrestled for dominance.
There were a lot of grunting noises, coupled with soft moans and nails and teeth biting into skin.
And holy fuck when the smaller dude had the jock pinned to the sofa, well that’s why I started thinking about the toys under my bed.
My dirty little secret.
Pausing the video, I’d grabbed my lube and the box of three butt plugs.
When I tipped them out onto the bed, I decided to go for the middle size.
This wasn’t Goldilocks—I didn’t have time to try all the sizes until I found the right one.
I was hard-core enough not to go for the smallest one but too scaredy cat to go for the biggest. It made sense in my head, okay?
I’d finished watching the video and got myself off with embarrassing speed, fighting back the knot threatening to bulge in my hand, with the plug stretching out my hole, lube smeared everywhere.
Only, when I was done, laying there with the cum cooling on my stomach, I hadn’t wanted to remove it.
Instead, I showered, got dressed and decided to go for a walk around campus.
I don’t know what possessed me. I don’t know why I did it.
There was something about the thrill of walking around with something inside my ass that nobody else knew about.
I was an alpha being stretched out and treated like an omega.
There was something filthy about that. It scratched an itch in the back of my brain.
Only when I ran into Hunter‘s art friends in the coffee shop and I tried to go into the bathroom to remove it, I couldn’t.
I think I pushed it further inside. Panicking, I went back out and tried to act normal, distracting myself by listening to Soren talk about aperture and shutter speeds.
I have no fucking clue. All I knew was that I needed to wait for Hunter.
He’d be able to help me. I’d planned on waiting until after the class, but then they told me I had to strip.
In all honesty, I’m surprised the plug didn’t just pop out on its own at that point.
What happened after that…that is still a blur. We’d drawn a line between us, promising to just be friends. Bros helped out bros.
But did they work out stuck sex toys with orgasms?
Did they whisper filthy things in their ear?
Did they leave marks like he did on my shoulder?
I was clueless sometimes, Zale called me a ‘himbo’ but there wasn’t any denying it. The line was smudged in the sand, washed away by the tide.
Hunter‘s friends convince me to go to a bar after the class, and since I’m too afraid to face Hunter yet, I do. It’s a student bar on the edge of campus not too far from the coffee shop, nothing special.
Soren tries to fawn over me, making it clear he’d be down for a little bit of fun, but I’m not interested. Still, I smile at the sweet omega and let his soothing pheromones relax me. The beer helps too, as my thoughts get a little less sharp and panicked around the edges.
Eventually, I call it a night and wander home, my hands shoved in the pockets of my shorts. My phone buzzes and I pull it out thinking that it’s Hunter. Hoping that maybe he was texting me. Or calling me.
Glancing down disappointed, I realise it’s just my mother, leaving a voice note.
Stopping in my tracks, my shoulders drop.
I don’t want to listen to it. I know that whatever she says in it is going to make me feel like shit.
But I also can’t leave the notification, the curiosity will tear me up all night until I spiral again.
With a short sharp shy sigh, I press play.
Her sweet voice comes down the line clearly. “Benedict, darling. It’s your mother. I wanted to talk to you but this week is very busy—no darling, put the crib over there—I’m just letting you know to expect my call on Sunday at 10am.”
Balling my fist, I bite the inside of my cheek. Fuck. Pulling up my messages, I fire off a text to Bell.
Evans: Does ur mom ever call just to chat?
Bell: No.
Evans: ??
Bell: But Shilly’s dad calls him to talk sometimes. Some parents aren’t awful.
I snort, glancing around to see if anyone else heard me. Some parents weren’t awful? But some were.
Some were too busy moving on with their new lives to care about their old ones.
I want to run. I want to run until my lungs burst. Until my body aches so much, I can’t think anymore. Until my muscles are begging me to stop.
But I know I’ve drunk too much, and that it’s dark and late. The logical part of my brain reminds me that I also have practice early in the morning.
So I trudge home, turning my phone off, closing out the rest of the world. Sometimes I wish I was someone else.
When I get home, Hunter is still awake, sitting in the lounge with Blake playing a video game. He doesn’t look up when I enter. A sense of relief settles in my chest. This is home for me. And these people are my family.
“Alright?” Blake asks, a curious look on his face as he glances between me and Hunter. “Where’ve you been?”
“I just went out for a few drinks with Callie, Soren, Tiggy and…Arlo.” The last name almost escaped me, but how could I forget the shy alpha?
“Aren’t those Hunter‘s friends?” The line between his brows deepens.
“Yes,” Hunter says, still not looking at me before he gets to his feet. “I’m tired. I’m gonna head to bed. Night.”
As he leaves, I follow. Grabbing his wrist, I try to turn him to face me. “Dude, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. It’s been a long day and I’m going to bed.”
“Okay, I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
Turning around, Blake watched me, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. “Bro, I don’t know what you did, but aren’t you tired of these games yet?”
I say nothing as he walks away mumbling, but I think I hear him say ‘Just fuck already’.